Dating Chronicles: Answered Prayers

Last week, I told you about Mr. K in Dating Chronicles: Take Two. He was right after my love Mr. J that I spoke about in Dating Chronicles: The Filler. Nice guy, but I was 0 for 2 in the dating area.

Mr. K and I parted ways shortly thereafter. We had fizzled within seven months of dating. Casual communication through email was all that was left. My communication with my filler was slowly fading to black. I had served my purpose and truthfully he had served his. I was once again alone.

Dating casually. Not allowing anyone to go beyond the first date because they weren’t what I was looking for. Frustrated was how I was feeling. Would I ever meet someone that I could really have a connection with? Love. That’s what I yearned for.

I kept my dating profiles up because I was paying for it. I went about my life. I asked God to help me. To send me a man that would love my son and I as though we were his own. A good man who made good money and was kind. He had to be taller than me and he had to have a sense of humor.

I also asked God to temper my lust. Since lust was probably the reason that I hadn’t found someone. I focused on other things instead of men. I focused on my Munch, work and civic obligations. I was in a good place. I was 40 and God had given me clarity so I was ready to step into my destiny.

I then opened my profile one day and saw a simple “Hi” in my message box from Mr. C. Trying to make more of an effort, I clicked his profile and saw only the basics. No long statements of what he was looking for or what he wanted. I did notice that he wanted children. Umm, what?

I wasn’t having any. I was 40. What did I look like? I already had one and I know I put in my profile that I didn’t want anymore children. I went back and checked my profile just to be sure. Yep, it was there. Plain as day. Does not want children.

I responded with a simple “Hi, how are you?” A couple of days later he responded and thus we exchanged a few quick messages. He gave me his work number and asked me to call him. I did.

He sounded sane. He sounded normal. He sounded kind. I sighed. We just talked. Talked about everything and nothing at the same time. Goals, dreams and our families. We talked and I begin to learn that he had a sense of humor. He was genuinely a nice guy. So, I told him. I told him that I didn’t want any more children and I know that his profile said he wanted some but it wasn’t something I was willing to do.

He said okay. Okay? He said he was fine. He had one and I had one so he didn’t want anymore. Then why did you write that? He said that he would have been willing had he met someone who didn’t have children. I sighed. Okay. But, I had to tell him something else. I would rather it happen now than later, but I needed to be honest.

I told him that I wasn’t giving him my cookies. That I was practicing celibacy. I told him that I had been fooled and fallen in love with men that weren’t always honest after making them wait months for sex only to realize that it wasn’t working. I asked him was he okay with it. I wasn’t going to change if he wasn’t, but I wanted to know where his head was.

I had spent so many years allowing my boundaries to be sacrificed that I just wasn’t going to do it anymore. Clarity and peace came about when I took back my power. At 40. He responded “So, you want us to live like God intends and not have sex until marriage?” Yes. Yes, that is what I want. He said “Okay, I’m cool with that.”

And he was. My boundaries remained intact. My mind was wondering where this beautiful soul had been all my life.

He began to court me. To woo me. We spent hours talking each day. Working out together and just getting to know each other without sex. He became my rock. See, I was in a season of unrest. Everything in my life was falling apart and I felt like I was drowning. Another month brought another tragedy. It continued like that for 8 months.

He was my lifeline. My prayer partner. My friend. I had to go home to Tennessee to visit my dad. Before I left he gave me a gift. A devotional. He said, “Sometimes I struggle to find the words to encourage you and I’m hoping this devotional will encourage you.” Wow!

He cared about my soul. He was making me love him. I didn’t yet. I was in strong like, but I was falling. I told you about it in Missing Him. He was restoring my faith in men. He showed me the respect that I so needed. He understood where I was coming from in regards to my need to honor my commitment to God.

I liked that. I never had that. He was different.

However, it wasn’t all flowers and romance. He wasn’t the type of man that opened doors for me. He didn’t do that, but what he gave me was so much more. He gave me honesty, transparency, respect and laughter. That meant more to me than anything.

It’s been a slow courtship. We went on our first date in October of 2015 and began a relationship in September of last year. Slow and steady. We’re still celibate. We’re still celebrating our love for each other and you know what? I couldn’t be happier.

He was proof of my answered prayer. I had to go through the trials of finding my king because I would have never appreciated who he was. I was doing like my girlfriend said an entertaining jokers.

Not anymore. He’s not perfect and neither am I. We just fit in this space that we’re creating. It’s love, loyalty and respect. I couldn’t ask for more.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Thank You For The Lesson

A couple of months ago I read a great blog post by Taryn entitled A Letter to The Boys Who Refused To Be My Man. Well, I loved it so much that I decided to post my own letter to all the men that couldn’t, wouldn’t or didn’t step up.

My Dear Friend,

I am writing this letter to thank you for the lessons I learned after dating you. You may not know this but I try to take the negative and turn it into a positive and look for the lessons in all things. It’s a new year and I have a new attitude. I realized that I need to just let you know what I learned and resolved to not repeat these experiences in 2016.

  • Lesson #1:  You will only do what I allow you to do. I allowed myself to be an option in your life. I gave you chance after chance and justified my foolish behavior with a bunch of excuses.  I allowed you to schedule last minute dates because you said you were busy and couldn’t plan a week in advance. I allowed you to not call me or text me, but then give you my time because you offered up a line about how busy you were. I settled for your excuses. It’s not all your fault. It was mine. I allowed you to do this and I should have known better.
  • Lesson #2:  Sex is overrated. It’s true. I put more stock in your bedroom skills than your ability to be the man that would want to wait. I allowed myself to be viewed as a sexual object than just as a beautiful woman who wanted someone who would wait. I thought that I had to give you a piece of my soul in order for you to see I was worthy of being chosen. I was a mess. I’ve learned that I needed to change my mindset and shift my focus because my true love is not looking for a cheap thrill. He already has given me my crown and he’s choosing a king for me.  A king that will wait for me. That will honor me. That will respect me. That will thank Him for sending me his way because our minds will be aligned with a shared vision and a shared purpose to honor and serve Him as a unit.
  • Lesson #3: You’re never to old to play games. I thought by dating men so much older than I that I would only deal with distinguished men who were looking for a partner. But, I learned that no matter what your age, you can still play games. It’s not that you want to play games that bothered me. It’s that you lied and deceived me into believing that you weren’t. You worked overtime to try to prove your case and I fell for it.

So much has changed in my life since I met you. I thank you for making me realize and accept that the dating realm has changed since I was last in it. It’s been two years since I entered the dating world again and I knew some things had changed but thank you for making me realize that I deserved better than what you were offering. I know that some women gave you so much of themselves without requiring you to give anything and you got complacent, but you must know that complacency brings about laziness and that is something that I don’t want.

I want a man that wants to work. Work as partners. Choosing to serve one God and not our flesh. I want a man who sees me, truly sees me and wants to sit inside my soul. Why? Because God told him that is where he’s supposed to be. I’m older, wiser and stronger. I’ve been broken and healed but what I’ve learned is that survival is key. Forgiveness is always offered and if I truly believe then it shall be.

Thank you for the lesson and I wish you all the love, happiness and success that you can imagine. I’m not bitter. I’m better. I’m not mad I’m motivated. I’m not a failure, I’m a fighter. Thanks for reminding me to fight.

The Lost Art of Courting

Check out this great post that I wrote in 2014. I still feel the same and I think we should all realize what we want when dating.

A Thomas Point of View

A couple of days ago I posted a piece about Dating vs. Hooking Up and what that was like. Now, I want to focus on the art of courtship. I’m from the south. Yeah, Tennessee! A small town in fact. I was raised with all kind of rules and regulations about the things that southern ladies don’t do. But, somewhere along the line, we have seemingly lost our ways in continuing this tradition. Why and how did this happen?

Some may blame it on reality TV, social media or the news, but is that really accurate? Can’t we still teach our young lady and men etiquette by utilizing the technology we have today? Can’t we educate them on the importance of courting before doing the “hook-up”? How about creating hashtags called #courting, #wooyou, #nohookups or is that a pipe dream? Everytime someone did one of these things, you would hashtag…

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The Wait

Today’s love theme is about waiting. I posted last month in a two part series about waiting until marriage to have sex again and the importance of honoring my temple and honoring God. Since it’s February and ya’ll are all in love, looking for love, hope to be in love and everything in between, I want to talk about the love called…waiting.

Last September after over a year of dating, I got tired of all the foolishness that I was encountering with the men that I met. I started thinking about what I was putting out in the world to attract the kind of manipulative and immature men that I was meeting. What is wrong with me? I decided that self-reflection was something that I needed to do, but more importantly I needed to pray. I needed guidance.

So, I went to the man above. I went to God and in earnest asked him to help me. I wanted to find love and be in love with a man that honored him first. I told him I was tired of doing it on my own and that I wanted to live in His will.  I told him that I know I needed to change and I needed him to send me the man that he wanted me to be with. (It’s A LOT RIGHT?)

Nope, not for my God. So, what did He do? He tempered the lust in my spirit. He allowed me to see clearly the things that I was doing. Now, before you get all up in your feelings know that what God did for me was put me in a place to receive his word, follow his will and be open to the man that he wanted me to have. He was positioning me in a place of power.

I was still doing the on-line dating thing with little interest (I wasn’t interested) in the candidates that I was meeting. I could almost smell the BS in their profile. In my random polite responses of “How are you?” “Thank you for the compliments” and “I had a great weekend” Mr. C. slipped in. Who would’ve thunk it?

Since I delete all the emails in my box I accidentally deleted what he said to me. I asked him, “What did you write in your profile?” He responded “Nothing”. I asked again because apparently he didn’t hear me. “No, for real. What did you write in your profile? I accidentally deleted it.” He responded, “Nothing.” I told him that I’m so shocked that I even responded to him because two rules that I have…don’t respond to a man that doesn’t have a profile picture and don’t respond to a man that doesn’t write anything about himself or what he’s looking for.

Hmm? I was floored. Still can’t figure out what made me respond to his empty profile, but the point of this is that when we started to talk about what we were looking for, likes/dislikes, family, etc. I made it perfectly clear that I was taking my cookies off the table and keeping them firmly locked away in the cupboard until marriage. I told him that I’m not rushing marriage or anything, but that sex was out of the question and how did he feel about that.

He paused. He said, “Okay, so you want to live as God instructs us to and not commit the sin of fornication?” Hot diggity-dog. He knew God was in my heart before I had to tell him. I said, “Yes.” He said, “Okay” and asked “Can we revisit the subject every 6 months?” I said, “Okay, that’s fair, but God isn’t going to give the okay to commit a sin.” We laughed.

Just like that we knew that we were waiting. Waiting for sex and in the interim learning each other. Growing closer to God and to each other without being confused by sex. Sex confuses people to believe that they are in love. Sex isn’t love. Love is love. But, too many times we sell ourselves short for an interim need and feel depressed and disgusted when things don’t work out.

And trust me…many times they don’t! Can all my single friends raise their hands to this one? But, waiting gives you clarity and allows you to see a person without the emotional bond of sex clouding your judgement. That’s why we were happy to see that others waited and are waiting in our age group.

A new book is being released today called The Wait by DeVon Franklin and his wife Megan Good Franklin. Mr. C. and I will be reading this book and I will write my review on it, have him interview me about the book and I will interview him about his thoughts on the book. Stay tuned and pick up the book The Wait.

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A Bit Of Everything
Domesticated Momster

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

Yes, Lordy!

It’s so freaking cold here and I have had a headache for the last two days. Cold weather triggers my migraines. Ugh! I feel miserable. But, I’m pushing through it. I would rather be in my bed snuggled under my covers with a big hot cup of coffee and a good book. But, alas I must venture into the frozen world to make my living at my day job and dream of warmer climates.

My Weekend Recap:

So, my weekend was good (minus the headache of course). I took off Friday to go to Munch’s school to speak with his teachers about my son’s social development. LOL! Apparently, she’s having a hard time with my son’s lack of focus and not knowing how to interact socially with other children. He doesn’t like group work either. After speaking and providing suggestions for how they can work with my child and explaining how his mind works she felt comforted that we could partner together for my son’s success.

Later that evening my best friend and I attended a concert at Constitution Hall in Washington, DC. It was a cold and rainy night and we had to park 4 blocks away. I was wet all the way to my bones, but nothing was better than seeing Gladys Knight and the O’Jays perform. It was a great concert and a perfect ending to an otherwise busy day.

On Saturday, I had a hair appointment and a date with Mr. C. We went to Paint Nite at a local restaurant and had a ball. He actually liked it. LOL! We decided to eat dinner at the restaurant because they served pizza and I love pizza. Neither of us had ever eaten at the restaurant so it was good. We were supposed to go for a walk around the monuments after dinner, but it was so cold. The windy weather left us longing for the warmth of heated seats inside of a heated car. So, we canned the walk.

Here are our pictures:
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Sunday left me bedridden with the headache from hell (i.e. migraine). I was awoken early in the morning with an excruciating headache. I took meds. I slept off and on most of the day and met my girlfriend for dinner Sunday evening. It was a great time of conversation and enlightenment. I love girl time and speaking with people who can provide a different perspective on my life and situations. One of the things she told me had a profound impact on me and will be in a future post.

Drinks and cigars with a friend on Sunday evening and another headache yesterday. I was going through it with these frigid and cold temperatures and my dang head. It’s now Tuesday and I’m ready for relief. But, I’m also looking forward to working out later with Mr. C. because I had a heavy carb weekend and need to burn these calories off. This was a definite cheat weekend. Back to the gym!

Oh, and we’re supposed to get snow this weekend (Friday evening through Saturday) so it will be colder. I’m sitting here sipping my iced coffee sighing “I need warmer weather”. However, there is a bright spot…The temperatures are supposed to reach the upper 30’s tomorrow. Yay!

Fire, Sex and Dating – Part 2

Continued from yesterday’s post…

I read Juanita Bynum’s “No More Sheets” and was transformed.  I knew what I needed to do. I needed to live in the will of God. I was now in transition. Transitioning from talk to action. The transition of me trying to be a better Christian.

I thank Mr. C for coming into my life at this time of transition. For his understanding and accepting of that desire to please God and for wanting to do the same. It’s funny though because a lot of people can’t understand this change in me. They don’t understand the will of God and where He is taking me so this concept of waiting is mind-blowing to them.

Mind-blowing, really? Not to me. However, I tried it the other way. I know how that scenario plays out…

Girl meets boy. Boy pursues girl. Girl dates boy. Girl falls for boy. Girl sleeps with boy. Boy stops pursuing girl.  Boy makes girl a booty call.

If our stories are similiar then know that we are the only ones that can change it. I was explaining to a friend how God had been working with me this season and that I’m tired of being lazy with God. I needed to be better and do better. I told her that I’m tired of men stringing me along to get the cookies. I’m tired of all the games that were being played. I wanted to be a priority and not an option. She said, “You want to see how he prioritizes you outside of the bedroom”. There it was.

I wanted to see how he prioritizes me outside of the bedroom. I don’t want the bedroom to be your focus when you think of me and spending time getting to know me. Your goal shouldn’t be to date me to hopefully get me to bed. So, I took my cookies off the table and wanted to date and focus on other things. Is it easy? Not all the time, but you have to change your mindset.

Ask God to help you live in His will. Don’t fall victim to shaming or any other tactics people will use to distract you from living accordingly. Heck, I’ve had people telling me that I need to view the merchandise before marriage, test drive the car and anything that sounds like it might move me off this path of celibacy and doing what I know is right. I even had a friend say to me that if Mr. C doesn’t try anything with me that he’s gay.

I was shocked to say the least. Really? He’s gay because we had a conversation where I took my cookies off the table and he’s not trying to seduce me. Was she trying to imply that what’s between my thighs will make a man choose to lose his salvation?

I don’t know. But, I’m thankful that I have a grown man that loves God more than people who are being fans of Christ. He wants to honor him. I value and respect that about him. No,  I don’t think he’s perfect. He’s just a good guy and I’m thankful that God is giving him space in my life. That we are trying to abide.

I’m not faultless. I’m a sinner. I’m a work in progress.  I’m staying true to me and trying to live in His will. Dating has changed for me and I am not interested in hook-ups, pretend interests or back-sliding Christians (I’m trying to do better). I will keep you informed of all that is happening as I walk this new path.

 

On-line Dating in 2016 is Still the Same

It’s 2016 and I happened to go and visit my dating profile that is still active (I paid for it through March) and see what the New Year brought. You know what it brought? The same foolishness that happened in 2015. Here is a recap of the latest:

The lesbian who says she’s a male to get women. Look, I don’t judge anyone’s lifestyle. Everyone needs love and I’m all for love. However, I’m not interested in women. I clearly indicate that I’m interested in men. Thank you for the compliment boo, but I’ll pass. Good luck on your search and stop lying about your gender to search for women who are looking for men. Better yet, I’m sure that there are dating websites designed for those looking for same-sex relationships.

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The old dude who says he’s 48. Please stop lying! Your profile picture leads me to believe that you’re about 66. You should find more flattering pictures to make folks believe that you’re 48 or date within your age group. There is nothing wrong with 66, but I have no desire to engage in geriatric love at this stage in my life. If my 7-year-old can out run you then “Houston, we have a problem”. Good luck on your search old man!

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The man who shows his hand too quickly. Yeah, you man! You are pressed. Really? You would work hard to keep my beautiful smile on my face? How do you know that I’m not a boring psychopath with an engaging smile? You don’t. In the beginning of getting to know me, never show me your full hand. It’s a game of poker and you think I’m going to let you win with compliments? Nope. But, I will give you points for the ball head. I am a sucker for a man with a ball head. Good luck boo!

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Yep, so not much has changed in on-line dating in 2016. For those of you who want to venture into on-line dating I will tell you that it gets exhausting and you have to be able to have a sense of humor. Why? Because some of the foolishness you will encounter will make you think that you’re being punked.

Good luck dating!