The Quest for Humor

A couple of weeks ago I had dinner with a friend and he asked me, “What’s missing from your life?”  I thought for a second and replied, “Humor”.  As a soon to be divorcee I realized that I don’t spend a lot of time laughing.  I’m kinda high strung folks.  I live by a schedule and have been known to overbook.  I am really into time management or I’m a control freak. Not sure which yet.  Maybe a little bit of both.  How does one get more humor into her life when you’re already overbooked? You guessed it. Technology.  On-line dating specifically.  

So, in an effort to figure out how to meet people, I decided to try on-line dating.  Now, let’s be clear…I’m not looking for a relationship.  Just friends with casual dating.  Bowling, movies or wine tastings.  No romance.  Now, as a newbie to the on-line dating world, I tried hard to figure out what I would say on my profile.  Um, I am a Jesus loving control freak?  Too scary.  I’m a woman who lives by her calendar and doesn’t like change?  Too crazy.  So, here’s what I said:

Profile of a Newbie

I’m a God-fearing, intellectual soon to be divorced single mother of one.  I like reading everything, blogging, kids, church, family and friends.  I enjoy travelling, trying new restaurants and hanging out with my friends.  I love my job and what I do.  I love to laugh. Charm and chivalry are great qualities.  In my spare time, I volunteer my time and talents with various organizations. I love all types of music:  rock, r&b, hip-hop, gospel, jazz and country.  I am happy.

Can someone please tell me what about that profile screams “Hey crazy dude stalking me! Let’s get it on and popping?” Nothing!  But, I digress.  I have met some of the weirdest men in the last 8 days that my profile has been active and I am at the verge of removing it.  See, I don’t think a high strung control freak is cut out for the cut throat world of on-line dating or the creeps that troll that site.  So, in an effort to humor you, let’s laugh at some of the responses I’ve received:

  • Hey sexy! You’re sexy as hell 
    • (Really dude?)
  • Hey you’re sexy for a 39 year old woman! 
    • (WTH? What does that mean? Haven’t you heard that black don’t crack?)
  • Hey I want to get to know you both internally and spiritually so we can bear fruit together? 
    • (WTH? You sound like you’re trying to either penetrate or impregnate me and both are a negative)
  • I want a drama free chick that loves to be romanced 
    • (Why call her a chick then call yourself a romantic?  Doesn’t work)
  • I’m 50 and I’m looking to marry and have children 
    • (Dude, I said casual dating and no more children will ever come from my womb.  What are you missing?)
  • I’m sexually uninhibited.  I will do whatever it takes to put a smile on my woman’s face except swing from the ceilings. 
    • (Yep, I just fell out laughing too)
  • Want to go to Myrtle Beach with me this weekend?  
    • (Um no, I decided to take a roofie and see how date rape will work out)
  • Why are you so uptight? 
    • (It’s my panties.  They get tighter every time I hear BS)

Now you see what I am dealing with right?  I think I should just try to meet people the old-fashioned way…run over them with my car.  No for real, in this age of dating I think it is important for both men and women to have standards, but I can pay my own way.  I am not interested in a friends with benefits relationship and I put my relationship with my son before anyone except God.  That being said…If you’re somewhat attractive, easy going with a sense of humor, please call me and invite me to the gun range for an afternoon of lead bliss! LOL!
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2 thoughts on “The Quest for Humor

  1. This is what i have noticed about online chat/ dating applications. It is just so sad and frustrating! Sometimes, you just want a let-down-your-hair moment, and meet some new folks without totally messing up your schedule or going too much out of your way (if you are a naturally busy person, or just a socially awkward fellow like me), and them some silly retards that don’t have enough patience to read and assimilate your profile, talk more walk through a relationship, come on your page to drop very egregious and profane lines. It is only on very few occasions that we get to meet someone who has enough good humor and seemingly good intentions to kick the ball with.

    It is a lonely desperate world out here, these days. Some days are only better than the others.

    Welldone ma’am! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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