Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it. – Lou Holtz
It’s the day after Christmas and the holiday glow is still going on. I enjoyed the day spent with my son and friends. Very low-key. Nope, I didn’t get an abundance of gifts, but an abundance of prayer and for that I’m thankful. So, nothing to return today, but in thinking about my life over the last year, there are a few items that I would like to return before 2014 is done.
Here they are:
- The need to worry about what others do and don’t do in regards to developing our relationship throughout the year. I give too much thought over people and things that don’t need my time or attention. I want to return that worry.
- Less control over situations. I know I can’t control everything, but I need to give up some of the reigns. So I’m giving up SOME CONTROL. LOL.
- My lack of patience. I know that things come in due time, but I’m like a kid screaming, “When is it my turn?” I need to get a grip and be patient. I’m returning my impatience.
- My fear of not trusting my instinct. I spend so much time asking my friends for advice instead of following my heart and trusting my own instinct. I want to return that fear.
- My pessimistic attitude. Believe it or not, sometimes I can get really dreary with saying things like, “I knew it would turn out this way. That’s the way life goes.” More optimism please and I’m returning that pessimistic attitude because it doesn’t fit.
- My fear of wearing clothing that accentuates my shape. I’m turning 40 and I’m embracing all the things that come with being 40 including loving the skin that I’m in. Bright clothes, different shapes, heels, make-up and more smiles is what I’m carrying into 2015. I’m returning the fear that curvy means dreary clothes.
So, that’s it loves! Some of the things that I want to return today and not carry into 2015. What about you? Anything you want to return?
Earlier last year, I went through a major change in my life. I had so many friends tell me that I needed to take time out for myself and find the “true me”. So, I told them…I know who I am. But, then I stopped to think that they may not know who I am. But did it really matter as long as I was happy?
My friends are seeing major changes both inside and outside of me. They don’t understand that most of my life I’ve spent running from the “true me”. The “true me” was scared of her femininity. I hated the changing shapes of my hips and I didn’t want to accept the curves in my body because I’m a woman who was taught brains before beauty. So, what did I do? I tried to hide. Hide my curves behind baggy clothes and box structured pant suits because I didn’t want to draw attention to my body. I liked being under the radar.
I know that I’m a woman with hips that are in the double digits, but no one taught me how to embrace my shape and ever changing body. To truly love my coffee colored skin. To love my oddly shaped nose that no one in my family has. To love the fullness of my lips or the smallness of my breasts. No one taught me that I can be sexy without dressing like I worked the corner of a busy intersection in a seedy part of town. Because sexy wasn’t something that I identified with. I wasn’t sexy. I was too big to be sexy. I was just big. So, I just hid myself behind a proverbial wall never to draw attention to myself.
When I was younger, education was stressed. Not beauty, but brains. I was taught that it is more important to be smart. Focus on education, learn my history and be self-sufficient because as a woman it would be hard for me. You know the glass ceilings and such. I am both simple and complex at the same time. I am greater than the sum of my parts and both my femininity and color make up the whole of me, but there is more. A lot more.
So, I took the path laid out before me. I focused on being smart and structured in the business world. I wanted to be seen as keen, analytical and dependable. I wanted to be taken seriously and not to be the “angry black female” or the “emotional woman” at the table when discussing business. I wanted to have a voice that was valued. But how did I do that? By dressing the part. I dressed the part of the sharp, no-nonsense, business woman who wanted to be rewarded for her brains not her beauty. I wanted to climb the corporate ladder on my own merits and not my backside, but I was naïve.
I discovered that hiding my femininity behind boxy glasses and sharp pant suits didn’t make me appear smarter. Nor did wearing tight clothes with six-inch heels. I needed to find a balance. I could still climb the ladder on my merits without thinking I had to enter into a sexual harassment type situation. I needed to find me. But, not just find me, to like me and accept who I am. To realize that my voice is not based on how I dressed. I am not a size 6 or a size 10. I’m in the double digits when it comes to pant sizes, but this year I realized that it is okay to be a beauty with booty and still wear clothes that show my femininity. I wear more dresses and bright colors that compliment my skin tone. I get beautiful earrings that draw attention to my beautiful face wearing my Chanel glasses and I swing my hips proudly as I embrace my curves. I have sass and smarts and I deserve to be seen and not hide behind my clothes. So, if you see my timeline flooded with selfies, it’s because I’m embracing and loving my femininity. I’m shedding pounds and layers and stepping into my own one outfit at a time.
A couple of weeks ago I had dinner with a friend and he asked me, “What’s missing from your life?” I thought for a second and replied, “Humor”. As a soon to be divorcee I realized that I don’t spend a lot of time laughing. I’m kinda high strung folks. I live by a schedule and have been known to overbook. I am really into time management or I’m a control freak. Not sure which yet. Maybe a little bit of both. How does one get more humor into her life when you’re already overbooked? You guessed it. Technology. On-line dating specifically.
So, in an effort to figure out how to meet people, I decided to try on-line dating. Now, let’s be clear…I’m not looking for a relationship. Just friends with casual dating. Bowling, movies or wine tastings. No romance. Now, as a newbie to the on-line dating world, I tried hard to figure out what I would say on my profile. Um, I am a Jesus loving control freak? Too scary. I’m a woman who lives by her calendar and doesn’t like change? Too crazy. So, here’s what I said:
Profile of a Newbie
I’m a God-fearing, intellectual soon to be divorced single mother of one. I like reading everything, blogging, kids, church, family and friends. I enjoy travelling, trying new restaurants and hanging out with my friends. I love my job and what I do. I love to laugh. Charm and chivalry are great qualities. In my spare time, I volunteer my time and talents with various organizations. I love all types of music: rock, r&b, hip-hop, gospel, jazz and country. I am happy.
Can someone please tell me what about that profile screams “Hey crazy dude stalking me! Let’s get it on and popping?” Nothing! But, I digress. I have met some of the weirdest men in the last 8 days that my profile has been active and I am at the verge of removing it. See, I don’t think a high strung control freak is cut out for the cut throat world of on-line dating or the creeps that troll that site. So, in an effort to humor you, let’s laugh at some of the responses I’ve received:
- Hey sexy! You’re sexy as hell
- Hey you’re sexy for a 39 year old woman!
- (WTH? What does that mean? Haven’t you heard that black don’t crack?)
- Hey I want to get to know you both internally and spiritually so we can bear fruit together?
- (WTH? You sound like you’re trying to either penetrate or impregnate me and both are a negative)
- I want a drama free chick that loves to be romanced
- (Why call her a chick then call yourself a romantic? Doesn’t work)
- I’m 50 and I’m looking to marry and have children
- (Dude, I said casual dating and no more children will ever come from my womb. What are you missing?)
- I’m sexually uninhibited. I will do whatever it takes to put a smile on my woman’s face except swing from the ceilings.
- (Yep, I just fell out laughing too)
- Want to go to Myrtle Beach with me this weekend?
- (Um no, I decided to take a roofie and see how date rape will work out)
- Why are you so uptight?
- (It’s my panties. They get tighter every time I hear BS)
Now you see what I am dealing with right? I think I should just try to meet people the old-fashioned way…run over them with my car. No for real, in this age of dating I think it is important for both men and women to have standards, but I can pay my own way. I am not interested in a friends with benefits relationship and I put my relationship with my son before anyone except God. That being said…If you’re somewhat attractive, easy going with a sense of humor, please call me and invite me to the gun range for an afternoon of lead bliss! LOL!