A couple of weeks ago I had dinner with a friend and he asked me, “What’s missing from your life?” I thought for a second and replied, “Humor”. As a soon to be divorcee I realized that I don’t spend a lot of time laughing. I’m kinda high strung folks. I live by a schedule and have been known to overbook. I am really into time management or I’m a control freak. Not sure which yet. Maybe a little bit of both. How does one get more humor into her life when you’re already overbooked? You guessed it. Technology. On-line dating specifically.
So, in an effort to figure out how to meet people, I decided to try on-line dating. Now, let’s be clear…I’m not looking for a relationship. Just friends with casual dating. Bowling, movies or wine tastings. No romance. Now, as a newbie to the on-line dating world, I tried hard to figure out what I would say on my profile. Um, I am a Jesus loving control freak? Too scary. I’m a woman who lives by her calendar and doesn’t like change? Too crazy. So, here’s what I said:
Profile of a Newbie
I’m a God-fearing, intellectual soon to be divorced single mother of one. I like reading everything, blogging, kids, church, family and friends. I enjoy travelling, trying new restaurants and hanging out with my friends. I love my job and what I do. I love to laugh. Charm and chivalry are great qualities. In my spare time, I volunteer my time and talents with various organizations. I love all types of music: rock, r&b, hip-hop, gospel, jazz and country. I am happy.
Can someone please tell me what about that profile screams “Hey crazy dude stalking me! Let’s get it on and popping?” Nothing! But, I digress. I have met some of the weirdest men in the last 8 days that my profile has been active and I am at the verge of removing it. See, I don’t think a high strung control freak is cut out for the cut throat world of on-line dating or the creeps that troll that site. So, in an effort to humor you, let’s laugh at some of the responses I’ve received:
- Hey sexy! You’re sexy as hell
- (Really dude?)
- Hey you’re sexy for a 39 year old woman!
- (WTH? What does that mean? Haven’t you heard that black don’t crack?)
- Hey I want to get to know you both internally and spiritually so we can bear fruit together?
- (WTH? You sound like you’re trying to either penetrate or impregnate me and both are a negative)
- I want a drama free chick that loves to be romanced
- (Why call her a chick then call yourself a romantic? Doesn’t work)
- I’m 50 and I’m looking to marry and have children
- (Dude, I said casual dating and no more children will ever come from my womb. What are you missing?)
- I’m sexually uninhibited. I will do whatever it takes to put a smile on my woman’s face except swing from the ceilings.
- (Yep, I just fell out laughing too)
- Want to go to Myrtle Beach with me this weekend?
- (Um no, I decided to take a roofie and see how date rape will work out)
- Why are you so uptight?
- (It’s my panties. They get tighter every time I hear BS)