The Politics of Dating

My bestie and I were talking last week about our lives and where we thought we would be in comparison to where we are.  Obviously that allowed us to delve more into a discussion about gender roles and expectations with dating and then relationships.

Point of clarification here…neither one of us is claiming to be an expert in relationships or dating but we’ve recognized that dating has changed since we were last in that pond. Then my girl said something that blew my mind. She said, “I’m not ready for the politics of dating.”

I was like wow! I thought about it and she’s right. There are so many things women are told to not do when dating that it is kind of overwhelming. We need a manual. Things like:

  • He should definitely pay for the first date. 
    • I’m not against this, but what if we go out and I know that he sucks and I really don’t want to ever see him again? Shouldn’t I just split the bill and bid him a good life? Nope. Politics suggests that a man should pay regardless.
  • You shouldn’t tell a man what you truly want in the first three months of dating.
    • Why not? I mean if I want to get married and have 5 kids shouldn’t I tell him up front so that we don’t waste each other’s time? Nope. The politics suggest that you just date and not speak up in the first three months.
  • You shouldn’t ask a man where does he see the relationship going.
    • Again, why not? I mean at some point we have to have the discussion but when exactly is the right time? Six months of dating? What if I want to know now? Too bad. Politics suggest that women don’t rush this conversation and follow the lead of the man.

You see that it gets crazy right? I mean I would like to one day find a man that I can break all the rules with and he will just see and accept me for who I am. I can do the same with him. Let’s not live by a timetable, but let’s not create a fantasy of deception either. You want to kiss on the first date? Go head. You want to talk about your long-term goals with each other after a couple of weeks, do it. Your choice.

Let’s be grown up and live and love like we want too. Not by a set of rules and not being confined. Let’s stop allowing the politics of dating to interfere with what we want.

black-woman-at-bar

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5 thoughts on “The Politics of Dating

  1. Well said. But you know me…when I’m ready and the games begin…..when I feel it I’m going to discuss it. If he is for me….it will be. If not…..”Hit the road Jack”, it was nice (maybe), but this is where I exit..stage left!

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  2. Good points! My current relationship didn’t follow any of these rules. We moved in together after four months. He proposed a year and two months ago. I’m not quite sure when the wedding will be. We have our ups and downs but we’re happy for the most part.

    Liked by 1 person

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