Let’s Talk About Sex

“Women—some, not all—aren’t interested in having sex initially, but rather building a relationship and connecting emotionally. Once an emotional connection has been made, the sensual attraction arises. If she is comfortable and feels safe, then she’s ready to have sex with him. Guys, as I’m sure you know, are not wired that way.” –

Excerpt from an article by Demetria Lucas D’Oyley entitled Why Do Guys Feel the Need to Send Unsolicited Pictures of Their Junk?

I love this statement because I’ve been saying the same thing for years and men think women are lying. Why? Because I’ve heard it said over and over again by men that women know when they meet a man whether or not they want to sleep with them. This is not always true.

A lot of times women are interested in building a relationship and connecting emotionally with a man before they even think about sex. We want to find out who you are, what are your likes/dislikes and determine whether or not we can be around each other for any length of time. All women don’t want to rush sex.

According to some of my male friends they think the number is 50/50. I tend to think that it is a little higher, more like 70/30. There are only 30% of women that want a purely sexual relationship. However, I could be wrong. But, what I want to ask you is that if you don’t go through the steps of getting to know someone and then you have sex, won’t you have regrets?

Probably. So, why not take the time to find out his middle name, where he grew up and what long-term goals he has. Trivial to some, but doesn’t it go with the whole sexual attraction? I mean unless you look like Idris Elba, Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper or Boris Kodjoe you’re just an average looking man. Some are above average and some are below. That being said, sexual attraction may not be there when we initially meet. Why then would we rush sex? Shouldn’t we take a step back to see if there is mental stimulation too?

I mean I’m sexually attracted to someone who can mentally stimulate me. No mental stimulation = No attraction. Doesn’t mean that you don’t look good, but if you can’t keep my attention then you’re wasting my time. That happens a lot with on-line dating. That’s why it has become common place for the socially awkward to try to pass as normal when doing online dating.

Like I said in Monday’s post, you make the rules instead of dealing with the politics of dating. However, if you rush sex, you could make a  good situation go bad quickly. Not because the performance was bad but the man turned out to be a dweeb. Just hedge your bets and wait for something more substantial. There’s no sure fire guarantee that it will turn into something long-term, but at least you don’t have the guilt of having shared your cookies with someone not worth it.

Until next time!

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2 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About Sex

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