This popped up on Facebook today:
It was a picture of a luau. Five years ago my ex and I were celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary in Hawaii. Munch was four years old.
We spent nine beautiful days in Hawaii. This was the first of two luaus that we would attend on a beautiful island. Hawaii was perfect. We needed that trip. It was designed to give us time to reflect and strengthen our marriage knowing that we made it this far.
But, it was a short trip down memory lane. Seven months after our Hawaii trip, I was asking for a divorce. I was exhausted. I couldn’t do it anymore. There were many reasons why, but ultimately I wanted each of us to find happiness because we were making each other miserable.
Five years later we’ve both found happiness. At least I believe we have. But, there are still things that aren’t working. Mainly our ability to co-parent. I have many wishes or as my friends say expectations of how I want things to work. However, I’m an eternal optimist and I like the word “wish”. It brings sincere hope for something better. So, here are my three wishes five years later:
3 Wishes – 5 Years Later
- I wish that we would talk to each other about our son. I mean truly talk. Not forceful or accusatory conversation but a conversation designed to help lead our child down the right path. Really listening and respecting the other person’s point of view.
- I wish that we could co-parent Munch. You see many people tell you how you should co-parent, but don’t tell you the tools required to do so. The judge believes we can, others pray for it. But, we’re not co-parenting. Until we can respect each other it will always be a wish. We begin to parallel parent. That kind of parenting hurts Munch.
- I wish that we could remember that Munch is watching us. Munch will never forget how we act towards each other and it will sit with him forever. He is watching and observing our behavior and he will craft his own perception of how things are and were during his younger years.
I’m not perfect. I’m an alpha female. I’ve always been that way. I won’t change. I don’t expect you to change. But, we’ve got to do better. I know that you want the best for Munch. I want the best for Munch, but the more that we continue to have painful conversations, lengthy emails or text messages that don’t have anything to do with Munch. The more time is wasted on bulls*it rather than focusing on Munch.
We have to proceed in these next few years as a unit committed to loving and raising our son. It’s five years later. Time has passed quickly and pretty soon Munch will be leaving our home and going to college where he will be responsible for creating his own destiny. What lessons would Munch have learned from us?
Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.
A Thomas Point of View 
Your honesty is inspiring.
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Thank you. It’s funny because he has some friends (he refers to them as mutual) that read my blog and run back and tell him what I post. I explained they are not my friends (his friends) because if they had any questions, they would reach out to me directly instead of running and trying to create problems between Munch’s parents. I want us to be better parents to our son. That’s it and that’s all. How can we do that?
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Truly heartfelt, Tikeetha. God’s grace to you and yours!
I admire your heart…and I am proud of you.
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Thanks sis! God’s been redirecting my path and purpose with my ex so that I can find a group of like minded people that have experienced some bad things. These groups are giving me good ideas and techniques and other websites to help me learn and work on my issues and try again with this co-parenting thing. I don’t know if it’ll work, but I am trying to learn and be positive.
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See it through! 💕
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Very true and painfully acute.
Parallel parenting… that’s exactly the opposite of co-parenting. Excellent phrase to describe the crap our kids are dealt in our ordeal.
Respect is even court ordered in my case, but the day my concerns are listened to beyond the eardrums will be the day our son is off to live his own life. I try not to be upset and remember that at least he doesn’t go to bed and have to hear us yelling at each other until 2am.
Stay strong for your Munch! 💛
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I know. Why don’t courts require that? How can you tell people to co-parent and they don’t respect each other. We can’t. I’ve joined so many parenting groups on FB and signed up for newsletters that I really feel like I have a village that offers support and encouragement. I’m learning a lot. About myself as well. We’ll see.
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That’s great that you have found those resources. When I started down that path, all I could find were groups of angry, gender bashing divorcees and bloodthirsty attorneys looking to hook their fish wallowing in their pathetic bucket. When I approached respectable individuals, all they would say is, “I’m sorry.” There’s not a lot of support or even positivity out there for men going through it.
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LOL. Yep, attorneys just want to get paid. I get that people are bitter and angry, but we need to support and encourage each other to let it go. For our families. I totally get that. Do you follow the blog: http://skipahsrealm.com/? Gary is the author of that blog and he went through it and offers support and encouragement. You can reach out to him. He’s a wonderful man that is committed to loving and raising in the upbringing of his daughter.
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I will certainly check him out! Thanks
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I give you a lot of credit for even being able to speak to your ex. I’m also glad your son gets to see him. I can’t even be in the same room or speak to my ex. He won’t do it either because his wife tells him not to. He is rarely in my son’s life. He used to call but rarely does anymore. He moved to another state. I’m personally glad he left but not so much for my son’s sake. He doesn’t worry about my son which is sad. He will regret it later. It’s sad he’s missing all of these wonderful moments of my son growing up.
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Absolutely. It’s hard as hell Lisa and when I tell you that sometimes men marry women that do that it is sad. Your children are extensions of you and will never forget when you are a loser.
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