Tag: parenthood

Five Years Later

Posted on by Tikeetha T

This popped up on Facebook today:

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It was a picture of a luau. Five years ago my ex and I were celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary in Hawaii. Munch was four years old.

We spent nine beautiful days in Hawaii. This was the first of two luaus that we would attend on a beautiful island. Hawaii was perfect. We needed that trip. It was designed to give us time to reflect and strengthen our marriage knowing that we made it this far.

But, it was a short trip down memory lane. Seven months after our Hawaii trip, I was asking for a divorce. I was exhausted. I couldn’t do it anymore. There were many reasons why, but ultimately I wanted each of us to find happiness because we were making each other miserable.

Five years later we’ve both found happiness. At least I believe we have. But, there are still things that aren’t working. Mainly our ability to co-parent.  I have many wishes or as my friends say expectations of how I want things to work. However, I’m an eternal optimist and I like the word “wish”. It brings sincere hope for something better. So, here are my three wishes five years later:

3 Wishes – 5 Years Later

  1. I wish that we would talk to each other about our son. I mean truly talk. Not forceful or accusatory conversation but a conversation designed to help lead our child down the right path. Really listening and respecting the other person’s point of view.
  2. I wish that we could co-parent Munch. You see many people tell you how you should co-parent, but don’t tell you the tools required to do so. The judge believes we can, others pray for it.  But, we’re not co-parenting. Until we can respect each other it will always be a wish. We begin to parallel parent. That kind of parenting hurts Munch.
  3. I wish that we could remember that Munch is watching us. Munch will never forget how we act towards each other and it will sit with him forever. He is watching and observing our behavior and he will craft his own perception of how things are and were during his younger years.

I’m not perfect. I’m an alpha female. I’ve always been that way. I won’t change. I don’t expect you to change. But, we’ve got to do better. I know that you want the best for Munch. I want the best for Munch, but the more that we continue to have painful conversations, lengthy emails or text messages that don’t have anything to do with Munch. The more time is wasted on bulls*it rather than focusing on Munch.

We have to proceed in these next few years as a unit committed to loving and raising our son. It’s five years later. Time has passed quickly and pretty soon Munch will be leaving our home and going to college where he will be responsible for creating his own destiny. What lessons would Munch have learned from us?

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Happy Father’s Day

Posted on by Tikeetha T

Happy Father’s Day to all the men out there who are making an impact in their children’s lives. Whether you are a first time dad, a father figure or you’ve been a dad for many years know that you matter. It is important that a child has a father in their life and today we honor you.

It may seem that you don’t get the recognition you deserve, but trust that is not the case. You are and will always be an irreplaceable piece in your child’s life. Never forget it. You matter. You are loved. You’re appreciated for all you do. Even when you think no one else is watching.

To my love who raised his son by himself and is getting ready to send him to college, I salute you. I know that it wasn’t easy being a single parent or a single dad, but your unwavering determination to raise your son into the man you know he will be comforts my soul. He is an absolutely beautiful young man and you deserve the accolades for doing a wonderful job. The way that you love and raise your son makes me honored to know that you would do the same for mine. Happy Father’s Day babe.

To my son’s father…I know that we are like oil and water, but I never doubt your role in our son’s life. Munch is a constant reminder of God’s unwavering love of us when he blessed us with him. Continue to love him and support him without pause and know that you matter to him. You are and will always be his dad. I am thankful for that. You are to be honored and celebrated today.

Happy Father’s Day Everyone!

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

the gf

Posted on by Tikeetha T

I really enjoyed this read by a fellow blogger, Staci Beth over at From He Double Hockey Sticks and Back about co-parenting. She really discusses her struggles and I could relate on so many levels. Ideally we would like to think that everyone can have a great relationship with the other parent, but in many cases this doesn’t happen. What do you do when it happens? Check out her great post about her struggles:  Source: the gf

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Life’s Not Fair

Posted on by Tikeetha T

I had an amazing weekend. Busy, but I got everything I wanted to do done. LOL. You like that right? Everything that I wanted to do. Not everything that I should have done, etc. But, it was perfect.

However, I wanted to tell you what happened when I picked up Munch from after care at school on Friday.  I missed the heck out of that little boy.  It was like my world was set right laying eyes on that beautiful kid of mine. He smiled this big grin and gave me a hug, but I knew something was wrong the minute he hugged me. What’s wrong I asked? “Nothing” he replied. I said, “Munch, I know something is bothering you baby. What is it? What is wrong?” He then told me how he got in trouble today in after care. He said that they were lining up for snack time and a young boy (in kindergarten) yelled out that he wanted to be second in line, but Munch beat him to be second in line. The little boy said to Munch, “Hey, that’s not fair. I wanted to be second.” Munch replied “Life’s not fair”. He said that the little boy was upset and then told the director. Munch said that he didn’t yell at the little boy. He said “I said it matter of fact mommy. I wasn’t mean or yelling” but the director told me that I shouldn’t have said it.

His little eyes were wide with fear. Fear that I would be mad at him. I said “Munch, you did nothing wrong. You were right. Life is not fair and as long as you weren’t mean to him, then you are giving him a dose of reality.” Was I wrong? I don’t think so.

Munch is very sensitive and feels for everyone, but I’m trying to toughen up his exterior to know that not everything will work out for you. You can try your best and still fail and you know what? That’s okay. Life’s not about being fair. Life is about doing the best you can and being a good human being. No one is going to give you anything.

But, could Munch have just given him the spot? Sure, but should he have too? The child wasn’t going to not get a snack. He just wasn’t second in line. I know that some people make think it harsh that I support what he said, but it’s cool. I believe that we should be good people, but we shouldn’t deny ourselves if we choose not too.

I would have been more hurt had the child not gotten a snack and Munch didn’t offer to share his. The reality is that I’m raising a black boy in a “post racial society” where many people think racism is dead. It’s not. He may get pulled over for being black and even though it may not be fair, you need to know how to act. He may be unfairly judged in the classroom or on the streets and it’s not fair, but it is the way it is. I’m teaching him how to survive when life’s not fair, because that’s all you can do.

What are your thoughts?

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Motherhood: What Matters Most?

Posted on by Tikeetha T

What matters most to me when it comes to raising Munch? That’s simple. I want Munch to be a man of good character. I think about it constantly as he is 9 and I just hope that I’m doing right by him.  I want him to be a man of good character.

It’s hard today to really think about things that we take for granted. Be of good character or as my momma used to say to me “Don’t embarrass me”. I think that’s one of the fundamental lessons we have to teach our children. That your character matters because you matter.

We should never take for granted the things that we are called to do and we should always look at serving others as one our greatest priorities. No matter what. We can’t get too busy going through life that we are unable to see that there are others that are less fortunate than we are. Those that are struggling just to make ends meet. We must help.

Volunteering our time and sharing our talents are very important things to me. I also believe in charitable contributions. However, since Munch is an only child, I tend to do a lot of volunteering with him because I really want him to see the importance of serving others. I want him to see the benefits of service. But, sometimes he gets frustrated and doesn’t want to do it.

I get it. He’s 9. He doesn’t understand the importance of doing for others. Yet. He sees what he wants when he wants. Last year in December we participated in Wreaths Across America and even though I didn’t tell him about it until we got there he actually enjoyed it. I thought he would be scared, but he loved putting the wreaths on the soldier’s graves and he wished every headstone a Merry Christmas as he placed the wreath.

But, he’s fickle with his service as I experienced last month. I was assembling toiletries that my sorority sisters and I had collected for the homeless. We received an outpouring of support from people all over the community, including one local blogger Egypt who saw my flyer on Instagram and wanted to help. Well, all those toiletries had to be counted and sorted and assembled with like items to donate to the facility.

I asked Munch to help me with the sorting and he pitched a fit. He wanted to go back to playing in his room so he stomped, gave attitude and huffed and puffed while sorting. Feeling my patience running thin, I told him to forget it and I would do it on my own. He started to walk away. I then said “Munch, I teach you all the time that we are called to serve. Jesus came to serve at God’s request and are we to believe that we are too good to serve?” He looked at me. I then told him “I’m disappointed that you don’t want to help. I don’t want you to be selfish, but I want you to see the value in helping the homeless. These men and women don’t have a place to lay their head at night. No home means that they can’t go open the refrigerator and get food out. They need these supplies. We are helping them. I need you to understand how helping me helps them.”

He walked away and I continued to sort through the items on my own. Ten minutes later he comes down stairs with a tear streaked face asking to help. I smiled and said okay. He handed me a picture. I started to cry too.

He got it. He got the point of what I was saying. That fact made me smile. Even though we weren’t helping people with blood cancers as he stated in his drawing, it comforted me to know that my little boy was choosing to be of good character and the lesson that I was trying to teach was not going on deaf ears.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Happy 9th Birthday Munch

Posted on by Tikeetha T

It was 9 years ago today at 11:34 a.m. that I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He weighed 5 pounds, 15 ounces and I loved him more than I ever thought possible. I cried tears of joy when I heard him cry for the first time. I made his dad leave me and stay with him. I didn’t want him out of our sight. He was so tiny that I was worried that he would always be small. I was told that he was the perfect weight for a preemie.

I relaxed. I touched his hands. His face. His feet. I was in awe of this beautiful bundle of joy. Two eyes. Two ears. Ten fingers. Ten toes. I counted everything. I studied this little person vowing that I would never let anything happen to him. That I would fiercely protect his spirit and teach him to serve others.

With each passing year it becomes harder to watch him grow up and navigate his own life. I still want that chubby little boy that loved his bottle and binky. That little boy that looked at everything with an inquisitive yet unconcerned stare. This almost pre-teen is my greatest joy and gift.

So, today I celebrate God’s greatest gift to me. I want to let him know…

You are loved more than you could ever know. I wish you nothing but joy and happiness and laughter. I wish you peace and understanding that life sometimes brings challenges and changes, but you will get through it. I wish you lots of hugs and kisses in knowing that there is nothing in this world that could make me happier than being your mommy.

Happy Birthday Munch!

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Random Rumblings: 4/7/2017

Posted on by Tikeetha T

Hey Loves,

Sorry for the delay in writing. Life has been hectic.  We’re already into the second quarter of 2017. Time has really flown by. I’m exhausted.

Munch was sick on Monday morning. My week started off with a nasty smelling bang. He had a stomach virus. I thought it was strep again. Ugh!

Monday was a scheduled day off for me. I had 3 doctor’s appointments and a nail appointment. Combo sick day so I could accomplish all that I needed to get done. One day off. Handle my own health.

But, life has a way of stopping you in your tracks. Munch comes to me after sitting at the table not eating breakfast. He said “My tummy hurts.” Not one to play with his health, I went through the myriad of questions “Did you eat?” “Do you have to go stinky?” “Where does it hurt?” He answered.

I sighed.

“Baby, I have to go to the doctor’s today. I have 3 appointments. It’s class picture day. You can’t stay home today.”

Excuses. I gave him excuses for his health concerns as I rattled off my schedule. I was too busy to take off.

Two minutes later he was in the bathroom vomiting. Painful and forceful as tears rolled down his face. Last night’s dinner.

No breakfast. He hadn’t eaten anything on his plate. I rubbed his back and began to console him. Three more rounds of gut wrenching and painful vomiting. He was in pain.

I sat worrying about my baby and waiting until the doctor’s office opened to cancel my appointments. My baby was sick. I put him to bed. Rest. He needed rest.

I began to cancel my appointments and heard the sound of footsteps back and forth to the bathroom. Gross. He vomited 12 times before I remembered that I had prescription medication to stop vomiting and nausea.

I gave him a pill. “Let it dissolve on your tongue. Rest baby.” He laid down for an hour. I told Mr. C about the medication and that Munch was finally resting. He informed me that I should take him to the doctor’s instead of just giving him medication.

I laughed. I know what I’m doing. Munch entered my room. Red spots on his face. I began thinking he had something more serious than a bug.  Maybe strep or scarlet fever again.

“We need to go to urgent care. I need you to see the doctor. Put your socks and shoes on. Stay in your pajamas.” We left the house and headed to PM Pediatrics.

Urgent care tested him for strep. I told them that I gave him the anti-nausea and vomiting medication. Do you remember the mg? they asked “Yep, 4mg” I replied smugly. “Good move mom for thinking of that.”

I smiled. I was adjusting to this motherhood thing and trying to heal my son. LOL. Well, at least figure it out on my own. I was growing.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.