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Broke and Blending

Tikeetha TMby
36 Comments on Broke and Blending

Last week in one of my parenting groups I saw this post from the Daily Mail asking Would you pay your stepchild’s education fees? I was intrigued. What fees? Mr. C and I want to marry in the future and college tuition will be a part of our budget so I wanted to read the post.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t what I expected. The woman posted in a group chat how she’s moving in with her boyfriend and they have 3 children among them. She has two girls and he has one daughter. She asked him prior to even the thought of them moving in would his daughter be okay with going to public school while her girls attended private school. He said yes.

Well, lo and behold his daughter is not. Now, her boyfriend wants his daughter to go to private school like her girls or both her girls should go to public school. Yeah right. So, he felt that it was fair and some other people on the post believed the same thing.

Here are my 5 thoughts on this issue:

  1. Heck, no. First off, the man makes equivalent to $18,000 in U.S. money annually. Didn’t I tell you women to stop dating broke men. Are you kidding me? How is he financially supporting his child on this low salary? That is the bigger issue.
  2. The woman stated that she makes substantially more than him and will be absorbing the majority of the costs in the home. Why? Why are you dating someone who will be a financial drain on you and you have children? Your goal is to provide for them and not take care of a broke man.
  3. This is going to shock some of you all, but life’s not fair. There. I said it. That is the lesson that you have to teach your children. His daughter needs to learn that life is not fair and if she wants to go to private school, her parents need to pay for it. If not, suck it up and enjoy a public school education. I did. I turned out fine.
  4. Money should be separate unless you’re married. Why would we combine funds if we are not married? Your money is your money and my money is my money while we are dating. No cohabitation or confusion on this issue. But, let me be clear. It is a man’s job to put a roof over his family’s head. I’ll say it again….I’m not paying for a roof over my head. That doesn’t mean that I won’t pay any bills, but a man should be able to swing the mortgage or rent.
  5. Are you financially compatible? Nope. If you were, you wouldn’t be having this issue. You can’t be with a grown man who has a child that believes earning less than $20k a year is a good look. It’s not. Don’t put yourself in financial straights by dating and living with this broke man.

Now, I know some of you may be saying “T, you’re being too hard.” Nope, I’m not. If I am dating someone (not married) and I can afford private school and you can’t then why should my child(ren) suffer? A man is supposed to provide. If he can’t provide for me he should at the very least be able to provide for his child(ren). If he can’t do that then why would you be with him? Throw him back in the ineligible dating pool. He’s not ready.

This is why I’m an advocate of making sure that you are equally yoked prior to moving in and definitely before marriage. Not just in religion, but in all things including financial. You need to level set about all things and expectations. This whole ordeal could have been avoided had she stayed away from this broke man.

What are your thoughts? Do you believe that all children should be treated equally? Would you pull your children out of private school and send them to public school for your partner?

 

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36 comments

  1. This is a tough one. I think if I really loved the guy yeah I would help them out. I know they aren’t married but it’s still give and take in a relationship or marriage. My boyfriend has helped me out when I was unemployed. I have helped him too. We have separate bank accounts but we still work as a team. He’s in nursing school but has more $ than I do. He or nobody owes me anything. He offered to help me with rent but he doesn’t have to do it. He knew I was in a hard situation so he helped me. We lived together at one point but right now we don’t. We went through some things. I am considering moving back but I don’t know. Lol.

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    1. Helping out due to unemployment is different. I believe that Mr. C would do the same thing. However, I’m not downsizing my life or my child’s education goals and my boyfriend’s child has 2 working parents. It is their job to provide for their child and we can share as we see fit. But, private school is a parent’s responsibility.

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  2. No cohabitation or confusion on this issue. Or better said, no cohabitation and there would be no confusion. Live life God’s way. There is nothing that equates with God’s Wisdom. His Word is for our blessing, protection, and benefit. His commands are not irksome (burdensome, oppressive, or grievous) 1 John 5:3. The Lord is never trying to harm us but to prosper us and give us hope and a future. The road map to abundant life is living His Word. Blessings today!

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  3. I’m childfree but totally agree with you. If you are not financially compatible with a someone, even something as small as where or how often to vacation can be a bumpy ride. Children are forever so why should her child’s education be affected for a relationship where “forever” may not be in the picture? Just my 2 cents.

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  4. The title of this post intrigued me!

    Anywho, I agree with you. The woman is doing what’s best for her children, as should her partner for his daughter. Is the bf’s daughter’s mom not in the picture? her grandparents? Uncles? If that is what he wants for her, he and his family should find a way to make it happen. It should not even be a question for him to either find some money or be quiet about it.

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    1. I know right? I couldn’t understand why she’s even stressing over this. If she can afford to send her kids to private school and he can’t afford to send his daughter he needs to get another job and pay for it. That’s a man’s responsibility. Where’s the birth mother, or like you said grandparents and uncles?

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      1. That too! Girls can be very jealous. And if the the daughter in public school doesn’t have her mother in the picture, I can understand why she’s bothered.

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  5. Unless married then no. I don’t even know why she opened that door for him to step in. I used to make 14000 a year and couldn’t take care of myself nonetheless a child… this was a teachable moment for the father of that girl. He should have shut that nonsense down right away.

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  7. Im a little late on this but PREACH! I don’t know a damn thing about paying for a child’s tuition or dating a man that makes significantly less than you, but I do believe that love is worth more than money. Not saying she should settle, but if hes made 18k this year, he should be making 32k next, and 56k the year after. We can do broke if hes an entrepreneur, but not if hes content. Either way, its beyond uncool for him to expect his woman to downgrade the life she has created for her own children. That sounds like a personal problem that he needs to get right before she moves him to the left.

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  8. I would not have my child(ren) suffer for anyone who is not even my husband! I refuse to do so. Furthermore, seeing that he has a child, he definitely needs to be making either the same amt as me or more because how can he possibly be able to mind all of us if we were to get married on that stipend he’s making?

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    1. It’s true sis. We have to do better. I’m not saying date a millionaire, but he should be on your level or greater. He shouldn’t be thinking he hit the jackpot when he starts dating you because your money is bigger.

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    1. Yep. I tell men all the time, if you can decide that you won’t date me because I’m plus sized then I can decide to not date you because you’re broke. Everyone has standards and mine isn’t poverty. They get mad, but oh well.

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