Heavy is the crown that comes with trying to be a good employee, wife and mother. I am failing miserably. There is not one day that goes by that I don’t see the looks of disgust as I leave on time to get my son. I have no help. I am a mother first.
I chose to be a mother. But, apparently I’m not afforded the same privileges as my co-workers that have children. I have to choose work over mothering. How the hell can I do that? Why would I do that?
I can’t help that I’ve been out on leave for the last 6 months and that as soon as I get back to work, my husband is now sick. I have a strict schedule. It’s the only thing that makes sense about the situation…
- I get up at 5 a.m.
- I shower
- I get dressed
- I pack Munch’s diaper bag
- I leave the house at 5:45 a.m.
- I arrive at day care at 5:58 a.m.
- At 6:01 a.m. I am handing him to the teacher in the infant room
- I leave at 6:05 a.m.
- I arrive at work at 7:30 a.m.
- I leave at 4:30 p.m.
- I arrive at day care at 5:58 p.m.
- I leave for the hospital to see my husband
- I arrive at 7:00 p.m.
- I stay until 10:00 p.m.
- I get home by 10:45 p.m.
- I get the baby bathed and in the bed.
- I crawl in the bed at 11:45 p.m.
- I sleep to start it all over again.
Heavy. My life is so heavy right now. But, I will choose my son over it all. I just need to work to make sure that the money continues to roll in. We have bills. We need two incomes. I am so very tired. No one understands that there is no choice but me. I watch other people afforded the opportunities that I don’t seem to have.
Adjust this heavy crown. Do it all again. Each and every day. Why? Because I’m a mother. I’m expected to figure it the hell out.
This post was part of the A2Z challenge and the letter “H” is for Heavy. My posts will be written as a journal style for the challenge and will be on the theme: Mothering While Black. I hope you enjoyed it.