Heavy is the crown that comes with trying to be a good employee, wife and mother. I am failing miserably. There is not one day that goes by that I don’t see the looks of disgust as I leave on time to get my son. I have no help. I am a mother first.
I chose to be a mother. But, apparently I’m not afforded the same privileges as my co-workers that have children. I have to choose work over mothering. How the hell can I do that? Why would I do that?
I can’t help that I’ve been out on leave for the last 6 months and that as soon as I get back to work, my husband is now sick. I have a strict schedule. It’s the only thing that makes sense about the situation…
I get up at 5 a.m.
I get dressed
I pack Munch’s diaper bag
I leave the house at 5:45 a.m.
I arrive at day care at 5:58 a.m.
At 6:01 a.m. I am handing him to the teacher in the infant room
I leave at 6:05 a.m.
I arrive at work at 7:30 a.m.
I leave at 4:30 p.m.
I arrive at day care at 5:58 p.m.
I leave for the hospital to see my husband
I arrive at 7:00 p.m.
I stay until 10:00 p.m.
I get home by 10:45 p.m.
I get the baby bathed and in the bed.
I crawl in the bed at 11:45 p.m.
I sleep to start it all over again.
Heavy. My life is so heavy right now. But, I will choose my son over it all. I just need to work to make sure that the money continues to roll in. We have bills. We need two incomes. I am so very tired. No one understands that there is no choice but me. I watch other people afforded the opportunities that I don’t seem to have.
Adjust this heavy crown. Do it all again. Each and every day. Why? Because I’m a mother. I’m expected to figure it the hell out.
This post was part of the A2Z challenge and the letter “H” is for Heavy. My posts will be written as a journal style for the challenge and will be on the theme: Mothering While Black. I hope you enjoyed it.
Yep, it’s March 8th. Today is International Women’s Day. It’s also Women’s History Month in case you didn’t know. Did you know that according to the United Nations (UN) “International Women’s Day is celebrated in many countries around the world. It is a day when women are recognized for their achievements without regard to divisions, whether national, ethnic, linguistic, cultural, economic or political.” Isn’t that exciting?
Today is the day where we get to celebrate the successes of women around the world for their achievements on all levels. Women are doing it everywhere. The theme for International Women’s Day, 8 March, is “Time is Now: Rural and urban activists transforming women’s lives”.
In the last year, we’ve seen so many changes in the US and globally. Women are changing the face of politics in the U.S. and speaking out against abuse in every location. Realistically, Hollywood will never be the seen. We continue to move forward knowing that we are paving the path for the future young women after us.
No matter where you live, you can make a difference. You have a voice. You are not alone. Advocate for yourself and those around you. One person can make a difference. You are that person.
Note: I do not own the rights to this photo. I did a Google search.
So…. yeah about that pissed off girlfriend… who texts so fast that you can’t even get one text out before she’s already sent 5. And I when I say 5… I mean 5 loooong texts. You know the ones… your cell phone provider can’t handle the length so they break them up into different texts while you’re still trying to compose one!
Yeah, I’ve been that guy… I’m a generally fast texter, but not one male on the planet earth, matches the raw texting speed of a pissed off girlfriend (or wife). It’s like, in that moment, nothing else matters to her. It’s gets so bad you just stop responding and wait for that brief pause, so you can press send on your 1 measly text.
I’ve gotten so frustrated, that I just put my phone down and let the notifications go off. At that moment when they stop… you pick your phone up, and another one comes through (face palm). So… most men know, when this happens, you have seriously f’d-up. So what’s your next move? You send back a text with 10 words, vs. the 10,000 she sent—and she responds…”that’s all you have to say?”
At that very moment, you have no words… just a blank stare.
You start to type in your response, and you stop, read what you typed, and delete it. Then, you start again, stop, and delete it. This redundant process goes on for the next 15 minutes. No sent text, no reply, no rebuttal. If you do happen to press send, you’ve reviewed what you typed like the editor of a world famous magazine.
Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, no dammit, it’s your girlfriend trying to get her point across.
That being said, me being a creative man, I gravitate toward things that are colorful and vibrant. By colorful, I mean that literally and figuratively. Women of color just astonish me. That means, Indian, Native American, African, Latin, Arabian, Polynesian, Asian and anyone else I left out.
Why do I Love Women of Color?
Not just because of a skin color, but because of the heritage, the culture they all come from and the history of said culture.
From the beauty and vocals of Dorothy Dandridge, to the dancing grace of Maria TallChief. Or, we can easily tout the powerful presence of Eva Peron or Tejano vocalist Selena Quintanilla-Peréz. What about the eminence of Hatsheput or the Mother of the Modern-Day Civil Rights Movement Rosa Parks? I find all of them the most attractive. Not just physically but on a much more profound level.
What About That Look?
That being said, I can’t leave out the physical aspect. The facial features, the various skin complexions, tones, contours and hair textures. Did I mention the accents? There’s nothing like a Latin woman born in the Northeastern section of the United States. Or, a woman born in Spain, Portugal, Brazil, Panama, Puerto Rico, the Dominican Republic or Costa Rica. What about the culture and beauty of an African woman from Nigeria, Somalia or Ethiopia? The storied history behind those countries’ women and all that comes with the heritage. What about an African-American women from all-over the United States? They themselves bring a certain uniqueness that I find most sexy.
From their level of intellect, charisma and fortitude, to their independent yet humble nature. That melanin carries historical perseverance and pride, while the tensity of their hair represents the strength of their people. How can you not find that beautiful?
These women are more than just a beholding of beauty to me. They are the very definition of perseverance and inner strength. Which, is so much more significant when you view women of color. You must look beyond the surface.
Women of Color Are Profound
Think of the native African or even the African-American woman and what they or their ancestors endured and continue to encounter in today’s society. Slavery, War, Segregation, Racism, Sexism, Discrimination, Genocide are all trials embedded within their beings. When you look at a woman from these cultures, you have to see more than a face. More than pulchritude. More than sexual commodity to be had. They are the essence of overcoming an oppressive state of being.
Women of color are born into a world where they are automatically at a deficit because of their gender. Even with the feminist movement and the rapid advancement of women’s rights on the rise in the United States and other countries. Women are still at a bigger disadvantage than their male counterparts. Add to that, a lot of these women are born into cultures where they are beneath the men and have to scratch and claw their way to prominence. There’s a certain beauty in that… a certain sex appeal. And a definite strength.
In a earlier blog I spoke about, “Dating and the Plight of the Black Woman.” I highlighted the literal canyon of obstacles black women have to overcome just to be seen as intelligent, desirable and beautiful in the dating world when compared against women of other cultures. To give you a small example, I want you to do something for me:
Pull up another window on your phone, tablet or laptop.
Do a google search on, “beautiful women.”
Click on images.
What did you see? What did you notice?
5 out of the first 100 images are of women of color. I would’ve gone farther, but I chose not too. You have already received my point. Women of color are not considered, “as-beautiful-as…” white women. This is the deficit that women of color face. They already have to work 5 times harder just to be viewed as beautiful. Can you imagine how difficult that is, in the world of modeling and fashion alone? That is unacceptable. However, as shown above, it’s a harsh reality for women of color.
That is how black beauty is viewed the world over. Vogue, Elle, GQ, Vanity Fair, Cosmopolitan, L’Officiel, Harper’s Bazaar, and more… rarely place women of color, let alone black women on their covers.
I for one, believe that all women are beautiful in their own unique way. No matter how they pull up in a google search or if they regularly grace the cover of internationally syndicated fashion magazines. Women of color will always be beautiful to me, inside and out.
I’m not talking in general, but specifically when you go to the gynecologist. Do you groom your body before a pap smear or gynecologist exam? I mean I can’t be the only woman who thinks it is important when heading to the gynecologist to make sure that my pedicure is fresh and everything else from the top to body is as well.
I only book early morning appointments if I can help it. I also make sure that my legs are shaved, my feet finely shaped and no hammer toes or cracked skin. Yep, I still lotion my body from head to toe. I don’t use spray in between my legs because I don’t want it to mess up any cultures or exam. However, I refuse to let myself look like I just woke up and came out when someone is between my legs.
Especially a medical professional.
I had my exam yesterday with one of the male doctors in the practice and I swear he gets cuter every year. He’s not even 40 yet. This man diagnosed me 9 years ago with preeclampsia and he was only 31. He circumcised my son and has been a vital part of my medical history for the last 9 years since I arrived at the practice.
There is never awkwardness between my gynecologist and I. Great conversation and sincere concern about my health. He’s given me great advice on my weight loss and overall health. He’s also pretty hot.
He told me when he finished looking in between my legs that he liked my red toe nail polish. He noticed. Aww, it was the little things.
I have to tell you that I’m jamming to Rihanna’s latest song. It is actually a ring tone for someone in my phone. It is a great beat and kind of addictive. LOL. If you haven’t heard it. Please check it out here:
So, my friend Matthew over at Confessions nominated me to do the Four Facts Survey. I hadn’t posted in a couple of days so I thought it would be an awesome way for you to learn more about me. Let’s go…
Four names people call me other than my real name?
Kee, Keetha, T and Baby. My family and close friends call me Kee or Keetha. However, some people call me T or TT. My name is kind of formal so I’m okay with an appropriate abreviation. I don’t like Kee – Kee. Which is weird because Mr. C asked me could he call me that when we first started talking and I said, “Sure”. LOL. When we met and spent more time together he just called me by my full name. His response was “Kee Kee doesn’t fit you.”.
Four jobs that I have had?
I picked tomatoes at 10. I’m sure that there were some child labor laws that were being broken at that time, but it was the south and I wanted some pocket money. All day from sun up to sun down and I think that the most I ever earned was $40. I also did phone surveys, worked at McDonald’s and I’m a healthcare analyst now.
Four movies that I have watched more than once?
Purple Rain, Creed, The Wiz and all the Star Wars.
Four books or authors I’d recommend?
Wow, I love reading and I’m a history buff but a true sci-fi lover. But, I also love books that elevate or encourage my thinking or well-being. So, the latest books that I would recommend that I’ve read multiple times: The Hunger Games, Divergent Series, The Wait and No More Sheets.
Four places I have lived?
Tennessee, Maryland, Spain and England.
Four places I have visited?
Jamaica, Mexico, Hawaii and Nappa Valley.
Four things I’d rather be doing right now?
Sitting in a coffee shop, drinking coffee, curled up with my Kindle and a scone.
Four foods I do not like?
Clams, carrots, Haggis and turnips.
Four of my favorite foods?
Pizza, steak, burgers and any kind of pasta.
Four shows I watch?
Love and Hip-Hop series, Wayward Pines, Sleepy Hollow and Being Mary Jane.
Four things I am looking forward to this year?
Going to Miami in July, going home to Tennessee in September, redesigning my website and taking my son to Disney in the winter.
Four things I am always saying?
There is no difference between me and the next person. I just wanted it bad enough.
God speaks to me in a KISS (Keep it Simple Stupid) approach.
Never align yourself with someone who lacks purpose or vision.
I’m truly blessed that God allows people to come into my life that I learn from and can grow with.
Now that you learned some stuff about me. I’m recommending the following 4 blogs to do the same thing with the 4 facts survey. I can’t wait to see what you come up with…