I used to follow this woman on Facebook. Her page described her as an author/writer. Someone had shared one of her posts in a group that I’m in and I liked what she had to say. So, I went to check out her page and found many things that resonated with me. I clicked the follow button and became one of the 4,000 plus followers to her page. I began engaging in communication with other like-minded women on her page. Things that spoke to the strong black woman. The woman that is the back bone to society. The woman that doesn’t put up with foolishness. The woman that stands on her morals. I was in agreement. I felt like I found a tribe. A tribe of strong black women.
But, that tribe turned into a cult to me yesterday. The writer had posted a piece about the television show A Different World that aired in the late 80’s to early 90’s. It was a spin-off of the Cosby Show. Two of the main characters in that show were a woman named Whitley and a man named Dwayne. It was a good show. It showed black children in college and attending a fictional Historically Black College or University (HBCU) and all the fun things that came with matriculating amongst your people. The writers nailed it.
As great as that show was it showed love, young love as misguided and ever changing as we grow and evolve into young adults. The story of Dwayne and Whitley made many women swoon as we dreamed of a love story like theirs. A love that showed two flawed people that encouraged each other’s dreams and supported each other no matter what. A determined kind of love. Or at least that’s what I know the show to be.
However, the writer that I followed made a long post that was accusatory and bitter painting Whitley as some young woman who was beat down into dating Dwayne. The writer said Dwayne was trash and that the many women he pursued were out of his league including Whitley. I was like “Huh?” I literally stopped.
I wondered did she watch another show called A Different World because I knew this show inside and out and if she saw something different, it can’t be the same show that I watched. But, it was the same show, however I’m convinced that she just didn’t watch all the episodes. She wrote a biased piece bashing love. Black love. A man. A love between two young and flawed individuals that worked out for them.
Her own demons were projected throughout the piece. Men were trash who took advantage of us. It was disturbing.
My tribe had changed. The women started agreeing with her post. When I asked questions challenging the post based on actual episodes she accused me of making Dwayne out to be a victim. Seriously? Why in the hell does anyone have to be a victim? I felt my balloon of hope pop as the needle was stuck into it. The air slowly deflated my hope that this was my tribe.
The author was deflecting and argumentative to me and my opinion. Who the hell does that? Aren’t you allowed to have opinions? Aren’t you allowed to have different perspectives and voice them or are you only supposed to follow blindly what others tell you. I assumed the later. I exited stage left and unfollowed her.
That post got me to thinking – is the expectation of writers, authors, bloggers, media figures, etc. that we blindly follow and co-sign on what the writer says regardless of whether or not it makes sense to the reader? Are we creating/crafting a culture of minions without opinions to validate our existence?
I prayed not.
I hurt for what this writer was doing. I believe in love. I cherish it. I prayerfully know that I will find and have love, but I don’t want to bash a good man because it didn’t work out and we didn’t get it right. I am a feminist. I’m a womanist. I’m not going to bash all men. I have a son to raise. Bitter women raise bitter children. We have to do better.
Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page @mskeeinmd.
A Thomas Point of View 
I take care to follow a blogger and I am careful to jump ship when they write out of narrative. Words have power—persuasion, swaying another’s ideals carries responsibility. Being able to listen is a big part of writing and sharing. I loved a Different World. ♥️
Keep going Tikeetha!
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Thanks Michelle and I’m OK with having differing opinions but you have to respect the opinions of your readers and your followers even if you don’t agree with them and there’s always a way to talk to someone but when you try to force me into believing what you believe then I wonder is this somebody that has an all ulterior motive
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oh wow! I agree people just speak without knowing the facts and so many follow them into their rabbit holes! Personally loved that show especially those two characters. Each character had a unique background, a unique story, and a unique flare to add to the show. Just as everyone does in real life.
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Absolutely and we can agree to disagree but it’s all on how we approach things and how we talk to each other I’ve had people disagreed with some of things I posted and I’m respectful of their opinions the author did not respect my opinions it was like she was trying to change me to jump down the rabbit hole with her when I was sitting there saying…I’m not falling for that
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I was just thinking this morning that I hate group think. I probably wouldn’t have unfollowed though because it’s one incident.
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At the blogger/writer not been rude and dismissive of my comments I probably would’ve stayed but she tried to put words in my mouth and attacked my point of you that’s not somebody I would want to follow
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I’m involved in a similar group on FB and have had misgivings about some of the posts/comments in the group. Like your own experience whenever you express views other than those of the group, everyone comes after you. LOL! LOL! At first, it was amusing but things got serious after they viciously went after a member for experiencing her views, this made me rethink twice about groups I follow on Social Media now.
I loved A Different World. Always though Dwayne and Whitely were a cute couple because though they came from different backgrounds the relationship was solid like you said they supported each other.
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Exactly and it’s OK if other people feel differently it’s just that you shouldn’t attack someone who feels doesn’t agree with you I’m not gonna be in a group where I can’t disagree with you and you as the author of that group try to get me to believe your BS If I don’t agree with you it’s OK
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Very insightful. Thumbs up
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I had a similar experience today. Somebody posted something on Facebook suggesting that a certain tribe should rise against insurgency perpetrated by another tribe. My ‘mistake’ was that I reminded everybody that protecting borders and boundaries should be the duty of law enforcement officers. It didn’t upset me that disagreed and chose to take sides with the author_what baffled me was the insults and threats. Difference in opinions shouldn’t resort to foul language. I appreciate people that criticize my opinions concisely and constructively but I guess illiteracy is more common than we know
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Absolutely. We can agree to disagree it’s OK if we have different opinions what’s not OK is that you get belligerent and rude to me because I don’t agree with you what have we become when we can’t disagree with each other respectfully
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I think people are just generally agree and they’re looking for any avenue to vent. Most times,after disagreeing with and insulting u and u calm them down,ask them to explain their point to u and they can’t even state their case
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Yes, so true
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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and the right to stand by it when challenged. I don’t think she or her readers are any more obligated to agree with you than you are to agree with them. I think it feels like a cult, because you are outnumbered. It would be different if they were agreeing with you. Still, that culture of hopping on the bandwagon and the dangers of group thinking are real. I hope you can repair things with the group since you seem to have enjoyed their company before now.
All the best!
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No it was the way she attacked my opinion I don’t care if people disagree with me I just don’t believe that you should attack me and she, the author, did and tried to say I was making him out to be a victim when I told her neither one of them are victims you don’t like my opinion all you have to say as is thanks for commenting
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Firstly, how do you attack an opinion????????? We’re grown ups here and should be able to discuss differing views without an attack. Facebook is a battlefield though, from what I remember. Not the best place to freely share your thoughts, even in private groups.
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Yeah I’m just remembering that it is easier to do a Facebook group than to do all of these blogs but it’s her group so I just exited stage left
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This is an interesting blog to read!
Everybody is entitled to their opinion
I never really got into a different world like that.
“Men Are Trash” that’s a common thing I have seen among social media and to me its ingornat and has to stop. Social media have like a gender war going men and women blaming each other for being trash and it has to stop because all this does is divide the human race and prevent us from being frutial and multiplying which was intended for us to do since the beginning of time
In life most people pretend to be your friend or like you as long as you agree or do what they say.
As soon as you speak up for yourself and disagree with somebody, this is when you really see who is really your friend or not because a person that really your friend will always be willing to hear you out even if they disagree with you. Popularity and power sometimes changes people and get into their heads. With power and popularity some people will use this to manipulate others to behave a way that benefits their needs or desires.
I’m glad you spoke up
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