Day 18: The Right To Vote

You know that the women showed out in last week’s elections right? But, not just women. We saw men winning in town’s that saw first black men being elected, first Sikh or first immigrant. Diversity and inclusion was the theme in last week’s election.

It was awesome. I was so proud and thankful that people are exercising their right to vote. I’m still excited.

Here are some stats about notable firsts from last week’s election:

  • In Virginia, at least 11 Virginia House of Delegates’ seats will be held by women; five are women of color.  Some notable firsts: Kathy Tran (first Asian American woman), Elizabeth Guzmán and Hala Ayala (first Hispanic women) and  Danica Roem (first openly transgender person to serve in any state legislature).
  • Vi Lyles – first female African-American mayor in Charlotte, North Carolina
  • Ravi Bhalla – first Sikh mayor in Hoboken, NJ
  • Melvin Carter  – first African-American Mayor of St. Paul, Minnesota
  • Sheila Oliver – first African-American woman lieutenant governor in the state of NJ
  • Joyce Craig -first woman elected mayor of Manchester, New Hampshire
  • Jan Moore – first woman and first African American elected mayor of Statesboro, Georgia
  • Wilmot Collins – was a refugee from Liberia and was elected mayor of Helena, Montana
  • Yvonne Spicer – first mayor, first woman and first African American of the newly incorporated city of Framingham, Massachusetts
  • Melvin Carter – first African American mayor of St. Paul, Minnesota
  • Mary Parham Copelan – first African American mayor of Milledgeville, Georgia
  • Booker Gainor – first African American millennial mayor of Cairo, Georgia
  • Brendon Barber – first African American mayor of Georgetown, South Carolina
  • Jenny Durkan – elected to be Seattle’s first female mayor since the 1920s
  • Justin Fairfax – is the second ever African-American to hold a state-wide office in Virginia. He was elected Lt. Governor. The only other black to hold a state-wide office in Virginia was former Governor L. Douglas Wilder (first African American to be elected governor in the United States of America)
  • Mazahir Salih – first Sudanese-American immigrant elected to the Iowa City Council
  • Tyler James Titus – first transgender man to win a seat on the Erie School Board in Pennsylvania

It was exciting. Diversity. Inclusion. Voting. All these things matter. On this 18th day of my #23daysofthankfulness, I’m thankful for the right to vote.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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2000 Thanks

I’ve been a little busy. I forgot to tell you that I have reached over 2,000 WordPress followers. As of today, I’m at 2,053.

I’m truly honored at the fact that you chose to follow me. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. I value each and every one of you.

This year has been one for the books. There were many ups and downs, but it has been nothing short of amazing. Who would have thought it was less than a year ago that was I writing my 1,000 Followers! post.

I’ve increased my followers 100% in less than a year. Wow! I’m so thankful that you decided to follow this divorced mama with a passion for children, life and love. Hopefully, you’ve checked out my about me page and learned Who Am I?

If not, please do. But, I am going to follow suit from one of my other bloggers, Rosie from  Rosie Culture who asked fellow readers to feel free to ask questions and respond. I’m going to do the same. Please feel free to ask questions in the comments and I will respond in a post next week to all your questions.

Thanks again!

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Day 6: Other Women – My Sisters

Ya’ll know that I love women right? I’m such a strong advocate for women and sisterhood and this year has been nothing but amazing. From me being published in my first book: Letters to Girls Who Dream of Flying to being selected to be published in another book that is coming out in June 2018, I’m so thankful. I’ve met so many wonderful women along the way that have reached out to me for collaboration, encouragement and support. So, Day 6 of my #23DaysofThankfulness is for these women.

All across the country, God is putting strong women in my life to encourage my spirit, further HIS work and just collaborate on projects. I love it. I love being able to promote and share the works of others. It takes a village and I am so thankful for all these other women. You are loved. You are appreciated. You are valued.

Thank you.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Read: Men Rape Us And You Let Them

One of my favorite sites is For Harriet and I read such a powerful essay the other day that I just had to share it. This writer’s words resonate with so many of us that have been victims of sexual assault. You know that I’m a survivor, but many of you are also a survivor. Many of your friends, family or acquaintances may have suffered sexual assault or abuse. It never ends.

Before Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein or the many other famous men that have been accused, there are just normal men out here that are hurting women and children. No one should have to be a victim of abuse. No one should have to tell the story of their #metoo assault for you to realize that we have to be advocates. Advocates for every one.

My prayer is that you will start seeing that this is a problem in our country and finding ways to stop the violence. To stop the predators. To protect the victims before they even become victims. It will take a village.

Please read this powerful essay by Nicole Shawan Junior entitled Men Rape Us and You Let Them

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Note: I don’t own the rights to this photo. Through a Google search it came up.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

The Truth

We had been married for over four years. It was time. I had pushed off having children for years. I enjoyed it being us, but the silence was deafening. The desire to have a baby was like an echo in our otherwise peaceful home. He wanted children. I didn’t know if I was ready. I still had a lot of unreserved issues about being a mom, so it was becoming a problem for us. But, there was no time like the present.

December 2006

We sat there in the doctor’s office.  “Well, we’ve ran the tests and it looks like there is some blockage in your tubes and male fertility problems” he said. “What does that mean?” I asked. “It means that you’ll have difficulty conceiving” I sighed. My husband asked “Does this mean that we can’t have children on our own? “No, I will never say that. Couples conceive each day to the astonishment to the medical community. It just means that it will be difficult to conceive.”

I sighed. “What are our options?” He said “I would recommend IVF with ICSI.” I replied “I’ve been doing research and why not IUI” I asked. “Your blocked fallopian tube makes it more difficult” he responded. I was sitting there stunned. Not sure what to think or believe. My husband grabbed my hand.

The doctor said “I know that I’ve given you a lot of information to process, but if you want to move forward I would like to set up the group counseling sessions about the process. You’ll work with a nurse who will outline and handle everything.” We smiled. Got up slowly and were handed off to the nurse.

She smiled. Beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes. In an instant I felt jealous. I bet she doesn’t have fertility problems. I bet she has a beautiful baby with the bluest eyes and blonde hair at home. It was painful. She could sense my anxiety and led us through to a conference room and explained the next couple of months to us. I was trying to listen and absorb what was being told to me.

Beyond the counseling sessions, we had to do our testing. Complete work ups. Do we want genetic testing? Does it matter? Personal choice. But, shouldn’t we be happy if we just get pregnant? Questions among questions floated through my mind. I looked over at my husband. He shook his head. He was listening intently. I looked back at the paper.

I needed to get on birth control. I had just had my period a week ago so nothing could happen for another month. I need to order my medications. They were specialty drugs and they had a specialty pharmacy in the building. We took all the paperwork and left. It was overwhelming.

We stopped by the pharmacy and dropped off the prescriptions. They were starting a Lupron protocol. We went to the car. We sat there. “It’s a lot” I said. “Yeah” he said. “Are we ready?” I asked. “Yes, we’ve talked about this” he replied. He’s right. I was being a chicken shit.

I hated needles. The fear of the needles was paralyzing me. That along with all the other scientific stuff we needed to go through. But, the smallest thought that we could have a baby next Christmas gave me pause. I smiled.

We headed home. Our lives were about to change.

-To Be Continued-

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Dating Chronicles: The Series

I hope you enjoyed reading my series entitled “Dating Chronicles” and some of the things that I endured when dating. I’ve always tried to be very honest and transparent with you because I want you to know that I’ve been there and done that too. I am an eternal optimist and I believe in love. No matter what. Despite the trials and tribulations and false starts, life is truly about finding your footing and figuring it out. You have to keep climbing. No matter what.

I didn’t think that at this point in my life I would find someone that I would so perfectly fit with, but I did. Not that I’m perfect, but Mr. C loves all my many personalities and it just works. We choose to strengthen both our foundation with each other and our relationship with God. We speak every morning on the phone and read our daily devotional and pray together before starting our day.

We’re trying something different. Something that neither of us really did in past relationships. We’re taking it slow, practicing celibacy and just getting to know each other. There is no rush to it. There is comfort and consistency.

I like the G spot (girlfriend spot) and I love that he still courts me and woos me after so many months. He’s been my rock and my friend. He makes me feel safe. He respects me. He’s a man of his word and every day we wake up and make a conscious decision to choose each other. No matter what.

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Stay tuned to my story because I’ve only given you a glimpse into my dating life, but there are so many more stories to tell. I hope this gave you an opportunity to know me a little more. To be able to relate to me.

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If you want to check out the series, they are here:

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Auditioning for the Wife

On Saturday, I had a great service project with members of my sorority and other Greek fraternities and sororities. It was a joint effort where we went and cleaned up the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial in D.C.. It was a beautiful day and over 70 people showed up.

Afterwards, a few of my sorority sisters and I went to lunch. We were talking about men and women relationships when one of my sisters said something so profound and true. She said “Sometimes, women are so desperate to marry or prove that they are marriage material that they audition for the wife role in relationships.” Boom.

There it is. That was truth and knowledge about what I’m seeing now in relationships. I’m sure it’s always been there, but now more than ever I see women doing that. Why? Why do you feel the need to audition for a role you may not even want from the man that you’re with?

I know that dating has changed over the years. Black women are now earning more than ever and find it hard navigating the dating world. We are told that we have to sacrifice or lower our standards in order to find a suitable partner. Both of which I will say “Not true.” In many instances, we find ourselves fighting over the eligible pool of available men. So, we get creative in trying to woo the one that we want. How can we let him know that he should choose me? How can I prove to him that I’m wifey material? 

I know. I’ve seen many women do it. We have to stop trying to audition for the wife role ladies. Look, there’s nothing wrong with finding a man and falling in love and wanting to show him that you’re about substance. You want him to imagine a future with you. A future full of possibilities. You want him to imagine home cooked meals, clean clothes and a clean house. You want him to see you as your partner. An equal that has his back.

I get that. But, sis you have to trust that if you are the one for him none of that matters. Now, that doesn’t mean that you can be selfish. No, on the contrary you should show him the part of you that makes him imagine a future with you because of who you are not of what you’re doing for him. You don’t have to cook and clean his house, watch his kids, or take care of him financially. How is he showing you that he’s a man?

As a woman who has been married and divorced, I will tell you that I didn’t audition for the wife role with my ex. I didn’t know how to be a wife any more than he knew how to be a husband. Did I do things for him? Yes. But, when you do too much for a man it takes away from him being allowed to be the man he’s supposed to be. A man figures out how to manage his life without you.

Can you make it better? Absolutely. But, should you do that in the dating phase? No. You haven’t even gotten a ring yet. No amount of auditioning will make him choose you. He may even choose the woman after you.

My perspective is of course different because I am in no way rushing down the altar again. Been there done that. I have a wonderful man that will wait on me and for that I am glad. But, I don’t have to audition for the wife role for him. Mr. C sees me as the woman he wants to be with and spend his life with and you know what? I didn’t do anything special.

I just got to know him and love him in the space that we created. That’s it that’s all. I didn’t have to drop it like it’s hot or cook lavish home cooked meals for him. In fact in the almost two years we’ve been dating, I’ve never cooked a meal for him.  I actually told him that I probably won’t cook a lot, but would be willing to take turns cooking. He accepts that. He knows that I encourage his spirit, pray for him, love him and just allow him to lead us. That guiding principle has allowed us to create boundaries and respect the space we’re creating.

I don’t need to audition. The role is mine. I’m just not ready to get married again. But, the thing is this…he knows what he’s getting and I know the same.

 

Do you believe that women audition to be the wife in a man’s life? Have you ever done it? What did you do to break the cycle of auditioning?

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.