You Have A Label Whether You Like It Or Not
All women wear a label whether they know it or not. Even women that haven’t been chosen. I don’t mean the kind of label you’d find on a new article of clothing. I mean the unseen (and undetected) label. Yeah… the man you’ve been seeing has slipped you the proverbial, “status label,” behind your back.
I was talking to a group of women that all had the same question… “what am I to him?” At some point, every woman asks this question. Some ask it sooner, some ask it later. No matter when it’s asked, most men will have the same reaction in our mind… “here we go again!”
I said to them, “do you really want to know?” That’s like wanting to purchase a Givenchy Beaded Lace Capelet Gown, knowing it’s no less than $9,000, turning over the price tag, and being shocked at the results. Most cases, you know what you’re getting into. In the case of dating and relationships, you have a solid idea of what your label is before you turn it over and look.
You see, we as men would rather you not ask that… ever! We’re perfectly fine skating along without the label. Let’s just-be. Why do we have to define everything? Well, women like definition. They like to know what position they hold in your life. At the very least, women like to know where the relationship is going. So, they ask.
That being said, no matter what they say, all men have labeled you by day 31 (of quality time spent).
I’m going to be totally honest with you here. Most women won’t wear this label. There are way too many reasons to list as to why it’s the second hardest label to garner from a man. That being said, It simply means, he sees you as a potential girlfriend. Meaning, he takes you very seriously and has no hesitation when prompted about a label.
Men can be territorial at times. Now I’m not saying that you’re property, or that he owns you. What I am saying is that he will want to take you off the market so no other man can have you. A man that doesn’t respond with the above label (and resulting actions) could be:
- Testing the waters
- Taking things extremely slow
- Playing “games.”
- Serial dating
- Going with the flow (no labels)
- Some other process he hasn’t yet defined to you
Urban Dictionary defines a, “jump off,” as, “a casual sexual partner or girlfriend.”
Don’t be mad, not everyone can be a potential girlfriend. Like I said earlier, most women won’t wear that label. Like Joe Budden said,
“My jump off doesn’t run off at the mouth so much, My jump off never ask why I go out so much, My jump off never has me going out of my way, And she don’t want nothing on Valentines Day, My jump off don’t argue or get rebellious, and she don’t mind hanging out wit da fellas, My jump off’s not insecure or jealous..”
excerpt from ‘Pump It Up’ by Joe Budden
Most jump offs, know they’re jump offs (if they’re honest with themselves). Even if you don’t know, you’ll recognize the label by the way he treats you—or the way he responds to the questions you ask him. Most jump offs are literally sex objects to men, and hold no true value in their life but a hole to stick, their stick into from time to time. Don’t be offended, some women prefer this role over full-time girlfriend. No expectations, no real—rules, see who you want, and no accountability.
Yeah, some of you are sitting on the sidelines keeping time. Watching the clock, wondering when it’s going to be your turn to get in the game, or, get some real playing time. For now, you watch the clock, while he wastes your time, and pursues other women while using you for various purposes. Unfortunately, you could be wearing this label. In fact, I’d say, at least 20-35% of women wear this label.
Some men like to have a woman in reserve. A time-keeper who fills a need, until he finds the women he truly wants. So for now, you’re good enough.
That being said, a time-keeper can become a starter in the game. It all depends on how the ball bounces. I wouldn’t hold my breath though.
There’s potential girlfriend (cause that’s as far as you’ll get). Then, there’s, “wife material.”
This is the label most women want to have, and the hardest to attain. If he views you as a potential wife, you’re doing something right. Be prepared, because, men don’t pass this label around to every woman. In fact, 1 out of 10 women are considered wife material during the dating process. Sure… men might toy around with the idea, but someone we truly consider to be wife material… she has to be very special.
In her blog about “4 Signs You’re The Side Chick,” Elite Daily blogger Alison Segel says you’re possibly a side chick if…
- You never get big date nights
- They never spend the night
- They are shady with their phone
- Their time is limited
“and…If you’re not being taken out on the weekends, then someone is. You know your partner isn’t just sitting home alone, twiddling their thumbs, and watching Planet Earth. It would be nice to believe that, but it’s not true.”
You have your, “main chick,” and, your, “side chick.” In most cases, it pretty much sucks to be the side chick. Especially when you find out you’re the side chick after 6 months or more of strong, “dating.” More recently, this label has been glorified by a certain demographic of women. It’s actually pretty sad to see the amount of women who seem to covet this title because they are, “kept,” by the man they’re involved with. It’s a low level to-stoop-to, but some women are OK with it regardless.
Typically you’re a side chick from the get-go. It was never in his plan to make you a permanent fixture in his life. Or, sometimes… you can become the side chick as time passes. During the process of dating you, he meets a woman who he is more compatible with, but he wants to keep you along for the ride for his own selfish reasons.
Unknown Friend Zone
This label is actually very easy to detect, but hard to admit. This is when a man places you in the friend zone (permanently) and you don’t even know you’re in that mofo! Yep… you skate along like everything is sweet, you two are hanging out, doing fun activities together… why? Because he genuinely cares about you and loves spending time with you… but…. only as a friend. You’re his home-girl, his people, his partner (not the kinda partner you want).
Tell-tale sign of being in this zone is when you go around other friends of his and he introduces you as….what? His friend.
There are many more labels out there. These are just a few of the main ones that men use.
It’s up to you to decide what label you wear. Best way to find out, is to ask that question… “What am I to you?”
Make sure you ask him at some point (even if it’s not day 31). This way, you can have a clear idea of what current (and future) direction the relationship is headed.