what-love-means

What Love Means To Me

Everyone has their definition of love.

I believe love is multifaceted. There’s love for family, love for children, love for people, and love for your partner.

I don’t know everything about love

One thing that I do know…

Love is always apparent, transparent and never a conundrum.

Love is a white blood cell that seeks out the virus that is hatred, anger, resentment, bitterness, envy, fear, and eradicates them.

Love isn’t roses for a day, it’s my word, my bond, my honesty and my heart for life.

Love is sacrifice… love is giving selflessly without thoughts of reciprocation.

Love is a lifetime, being in-love is a moment in that lifetime.

Love doesn’t take our breath away, it breathes life into you.

Love is thoughtfulness, note-taking, memorization of your partner’s needs and wants.

Love is writing your name on a piece of paper but changing the last name to your partner’s last name.

Love is proactive, it doesn’t wait… because love is like that orgasm that you can’t hold… it needs to be great.

Love isn’t petty. Love isn’t spiteful.

Love is honest expression when it hurts to say.

Love has conquered more people than Napoleon, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Tamerlane, and Genghis Khan put together. Love is ruthless in that way.

From the hardest of hearts, to the most stubborn of minds, love finds a way.

So many people say… “Love is not enough.” We made love not enough.

Love is easy… we make it complex with all our lists, standards, expectations, preferences, and the lot. We call that love, that’s not love. Love is something we forgot.

Love was apparent when we were kids. We just didn’t recognize it. But it was easy… it was truly organic in its creation. It was trying to make your girlfriend smile just because you liked her. It was secret kisses, letters passed throughout class. It was phone calls where you stayed up until the wee hours of the morning until one of you (if not both of you) fell asleep.

That’s what love looks like to me. No makeup, no accessories, no taper, just raw, unmitigated passion for the other person in their purest form

On this Valentine’s Day, I wish you all the best in your current or future love.

Yours truly,

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Happy Valentine’s Day 2018

I wanted to wish you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day! Whether you’re in a relationship or single know that you are loved. Today is like any other day except you will see a lot more red and pink. It’s endearing though.

I happen to be in a relationship with a wonderful man. I lovingly refer to him as Mr. C. He is the essence of goodness and warmth and love. He really does make me a better person and I always tell him that he is the better of us two. He’s kind, patient and generous.

Mr. C and I had a beautiful time celebrating our Valentine’s Day this past weekend. He has to work tonight which is perfect as I don’t enjoy going out on Valentine’s Day. He sent me the most beautiful roses and chocolate covered strawberries and we had an amazing date. Last night we had dinner at one of our favorite spots, but Mr. C wasn’t feeling well. He’s sick.

As a person that sometimes tries to find new and quirky ways to give gifts for this holiday, I did something different this year. I told him that we each had $20 to spend and we had to get everything from Five Below.

You should have seen me trying to figure out what I could get my love for $20.00. It was an adventure. But, it all worked out. I was able to get him four great gifts for $5.00 each and drop them in a gift bag I already owned. I added a card and 4 balloons so the total was more like $25.97. Pretty cool huh?

It wasn’t about the cost of the gifts it was more that I love doing different things. He shows me that he loves me all year through and I’m thankful for it all. Munch smelled the roses that Mr. C gave me as I put them in the vase. He said “Did your boyfriend buy you roses?” I laughed and replied “Yes, he buys me flowers often and just because.” 

I think that’s the point of it all right? Love each other every day. Each and every day as though it were your last. Love unselfishly. Love often and don’t give up on love.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Welcome February

It’s the second month in 2018. Where are you with your goals? What have you accomplished? What have you tried and just realized that you need to revamp? It’s never to late to start making goals.

Here are my goals for the month of February:

  • Volunteer at a fair
  • Submit pitch to Huffington Post
  • Plan out 2-3 blog posts a week
  • Plan out 2-3 meals a week
  • Get moderate exercise at least 3 days a week

Short and sweet I only have 5 goals this month. Here’s to hoping that I can accomplish what I have planned to do and even if I don’t here’s to trying to get organized. There’s no shame in trying.

I did something that I kept saying I was going to do for some time now. I bought a Kuerig for my desk. I love coffee and had bought K-pods because someone had brought in their Kuerig for the office to use. They took it home and it never returned. I still had k-pods and was spending money on coffee every day at Dunkin Donuts. I am now making my own coffee at work. It’s a mini so it will sit on my desk. I’m happy.

Don’t take yesterday’s problems into February and focus on having a great month. I’m wishing you nothing but love, peace and an awesome February. I know it is also Valentine’s Day, but don’t get depressed if you don’t have someone. Love you first. Self-love is critical. Do what works for you eat candy, buy your own flowers and just love on you. It’s not about having someone. It’s about having and loving on the person looking back in the mirror.

You.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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Women Of Color – Beautiful For So Many Unrecognized Reasons

That being said, me being a creative man, I gravitate toward things that are colorful and vibrant. By colorful, I mean that literally and figuratively. Women of color just astonish me. That means, Indian, Native American, African, Latin, Arabian, Polynesian, Asian and anyone else I left out.

Why do I Love Women of Color?

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Not just because of a skin color, but because of the heritage, the culture they all come from and the history of said culture.

From the beauty and vocals of Dorothy Dandridge, to the dancing grace of Maria TallChief.  Or, we can easily tout the powerful presence of Eva Peron or Tejano vocalist Selena Quintanilla-Peréz. What about the eminence of Hatsheput or the Mother of the Modern-Day Civil Rights Movement Rosa Parks? I find all of them the most attractive. Not just physically but on a much more profound level.

What About That Look?

That being said, I can’t leave out the physical aspect. The facial features, the various skin complexions, tones, contours and hair textures. Did I mention the accents? There’s nothing like a Latin woman born in the Northeastern section of the United States. Or, a woman born in Spain, Portugal, Brazil, Panama, Puerto Rico, the Dominican Republic or Costa Rica. What about the culture and beauty of an African woman from Nigeria, Somalia or Ethiopia? The storied history behind those countries’ women and all that comes with the heritage. What about an African-American women from all-over the United States? They themselves bring a certain uniqueness that I find most sexy.

From their  level of intellect, charisma and fortitude, to their independent yet humble nature. That melanin carries historical perseverance and pride, while the tensity of their hair represents the strength of their people. How can you not find that beautiful?

 

These women are more than just a beholding of beauty to me. They are the very definition of perseverance and inner strength. Which, is so much more significant when you view women of color.  You must look beyond the surface.

Women of Color Are Profound

Think of the native African or even the African-American woman and what they or their ancestors endured and continue to encounter in today’s society. Slavery, War, Segregation, Racism, Sexism, Discrimination, Genocide are all trials embedded within their beings. When you look at a woman from these cultures, you have to see more than a face. More than pulchritude. More than sexual commodity to be had. They are the essence of overcoming an oppressive state of being.

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Photo Credit: Marc de Groot

Women of color are born into a world where they are automatically at a deficit because of their gender. Even with the feminist movement and the rapid advancement of women’s rights on the rise in the United States and other countries. Women are still at a bigger disadvantage than their male counterparts. Add to that, a lot of these women are born into cultures where they are beneath the men and have to scratch and claw their way to prominence. There’s a certain beauty in that… a certain sex appeal. And a definite strength.

 

The Deficit

In a earlier blog I spoke about, “Dating and the Plight of the Black Woman.” I highlighted the literal canyon of obstacles black women have to overcome just to be seen as intelligent, desirable and beautiful in the dating world when compared against women of other cultures. To give you a small example, I want you to do something for me:

  1. Pull up another window on your phone, tablet or laptop.
  2. Do a google search on, “beautiful women.”
  3. Click on images.

What did you see? What did you notice?

5 out of the first 100 images are of women of color. I would’ve gone farther, but I chose not too. You have already received my point. Women of color are not considered, “as-beautiful-as…” white women.  This is the deficit that women of color face. They already have to work 5 times harder just to be viewed as beautiful. Can you imagine how difficult that is, in the world of modeling and fashion alone? That is unacceptable. However, as shown above, it’s a harsh reality for women of color.

Hadley Freeman from, theguardian.com states in her article about black women and fashion…

Black models never, with single-digit exceptions in a decade, appear on the cover of major fashion magazines, because, as the black model Jourdan Dunn told the Guardian last year,“people in the industry say if you have a black face on the cover of a magazine it won’t sell.”

 

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My Final Take

That is how black beauty is viewed the world over. Vogue, Elle, GQ, Vanity Fair, Cosmopolitan, L’Officiel, Harper’s Bazaar, and more… rarely place women of color, let alone black women on their covers.

I for one, believe that all women are beautiful in their own unique way. No matter how they pull up in a google search or if they regularly grace the cover of internationally syndicated fashion magazines. Women of color will always be beautiful to me, inside and out.

Motivational Moment – 01.29.18

As we are getting ready to usher in February I wanted to think about a theme to motivate you in the next few weeks. We’re getting ready to celebrate Black History Month in a few days and I thought about what words that I could put together to encourage you each Monday throughout the month of February and then celebrate my history. It came to me that I wanted to encourage you and motivate you each music through gospel music.

“Gospel music is deeply rooted in the rich traditions of the African-American church. During the late 1800s, African-American churches in the southern United States started fusing various styles of music into their worship services, including African-American spirituals, hymns, and sacred songs. Such music was primarily sung at church and accompanied by hand-clapping and foot-stomping.” – LaSaundra Booth 

I grew up in the church. I grew up Southern Baptist and I love gospel music. It’s part of who I am and I want to share it with you. Gospel music has helped encourage me in both the best and worst of times. I’ve often felt like God was speaking to me through song.

So, I’m getting an early start today and my Motivational Monday moment is about love. God’s love specifically. God’s love is all encompassing regardless of how much you think you’re failing. Life is hard. We’re always mentally worse off than we are physically. But, God loves us – flaws and all.

First up is this son from the movie The Fighting Temptations. It’s called “He Still Loves Me” and was sung by Walter Williams (from the O’Jays) and Beyonce’ in the movie. This song reminds me that no matter what I do – God still loves me. Don’t believe me? Here is a sample of the lyrics:

Seems like I always fall short
Of bein’ worthy
Cause I ain’t good enough
But he still loves me

I ain’t no superstar
The spotlight ain’t shinin’ on me
(No, no, no, no, no)
Cause I ain’t good enough
But he still loves me
Loves me

Don’t we always feel like falling short of being worthy? We feel like we’re not good enough and sometimes life gets so hard that we can’t catch a break. Everything seems to be falling apart in our lives and we just feel like giving up. But, we need to remember that no matter what…God still loves me and He still loves you.

Watch the video and be blessed and motivated this morning. No matter how big the load is that you are carrying, trust me when I say God can handle it. God’s love is an always present love.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

every-woman-label

Every Woman Has A Label By Day 31

You Have A Label Whether You Like It Or Not

All women wear a label whether they know it or not. Even women that haven’t been chosen. I don’t mean the kind of label you’d find on a new article of clothing. I mean the unseen (and undetected) label. Yeah… the man you’ve been seeing has slipped you the proverbial, “status label,” behind your back.

I was talking to a group of women that all had the same question… “what am I to him?” At some point, every woman asks this question. Some ask it sooner, some ask it later. No matter when it’s asked, most men will have the same reaction in our mind… “here we go again!”

I said to them, “do you really want to know?” That’s like wanting to purchase a Givenchy Beaded Lace Capelet Gown, knowing it’s no less than $9,000, turning over the price tag, and being shocked at the results. Most cases, you know what you’re getting into. In the case of dating and relationships, you have a solid idea of what your label is before you turn it over and look.

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You see, we as men would rather you not ask that… ever! We’re perfectly fine skating along without the label. Let’s just-be. Why do we have to define everything? Well, women like definition. They like to know what position they hold in your life. At the very least, women like to know where the relationship is going. So, they ask.

That being said, no matter what they say, all men have labeled you by day 31 (of quality time spent).

Potential Girlfriend

I’m going to be totally honest with you here. Most women won’t wear this label. There are way too many reasons to list as to why it’s the second hardest label to garner from a man. That being said, It simply means, he sees you as a potential girlfriend. Meaning, he takes you very seriously and has no hesitation when prompted about a label.

Men can be territorial at times. Now I’m not saying that you’re property, or that he owns you. What I am saying is that he will want to take you off the market so no other man can have you. A man that doesn’t respond with the above label (and resulting actions) could be:

  • Testing the waters
  • Taking things extremely slow
  • Playing “games.”
  • Serial dating
  • Going with the flow (no labels)
  • Some other process he hasn’t yet defined to you

Jump Off

Urban Dictionary defines a, “jump off,” as, “a casual sexual partner or girlfriend.”

Don’t be mad, not everyone can be a potential girlfriend. Like I said earlier, most women won’t wear that label. Like Joe Budden said,

“My jump off doesn’t run off at the mouth so much, My jump off never ask why I go out so much, My jump off never has me going out of my way, And she don’t want nothing on Valentines Day, My jump off don’t argue or get rebellious, and she don’t mind hanging out wit da fellas, My jump off’s not insecure or jealous..”

excerpt from ‘Pump It Up’ by Joe Budden

Most jump offs, know they’re jump offs (if they’re honest with themselves). Even if you don’t know, you’ll recognize the label by the way he treats you—or the way he responds to the questions you ask him. Most jump offs are literally sex objects to men, and hold no true value in their life but a hole to stick, their stick into from time to time. Don’t be offended, some women prefer this role over full-time girlfriend. No expectations, no real—rules, see who you want, and no accountability.

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Time-Keeper

Yeah, some of you are sitting on the sidelines keeping time. Watching the clock, wondering when it’s going to be your turn to get in the game, or, get some real playing time. For now, you watch the clock, while he wastes your time, and pursues other women while using you for various purposes. Unfortunately, you could be wearing this label. In fact, I’d say, at least 20-35% of women wear this label.

Some men like to have a woman in reserve. A time-keeper who fills a need, until he finds the women he truly wants. So for now, you’re good enough.

That being said, a time-keeper can become a starter in the game. It all depends on how the ball bounces. I wouldn’t hold my breath though.

Wife Material

There’s potential girlfriend (cause that’s as far as you’ll get). Then, there’s, “wife material.”

This is the label most women want to have, and the hardest to attain. If he views you as a potential wife, you’re doing something right. Be prepared, because, men don’t pass this label around to every woman. In fact, 1 out of 10 women are considered wife material during the dating process. Sure… men might toy around with the idea, but someone we truly consider to be wife material… she has to be very special.

Side Chick

In her blog about “4 Signs You’re The Side Chick,” Elite Daily blogger Alison Segel says you’re possibly a side chick if…

  1. You never get big date nights
  2. They never spend the night
  3. They are shady with their phone
  4. Their time is limited

“and…If you’re not being taken out on the weekends, then someone is. You know your partner isn’t just sitting home alone, twiddling their thumbs, and watching Planet Earth. It would be nice to believe that, but it’s not true.”

You have your, “main chick,” and, your, “side chick.” In most cases, it pretty much sucks to be the side chick. Especially when you find out you’re the side chick after 6 months or more of strong, “dating.” More recently, this label has been glorified by a certain demographic of women. It’s actually pretty sad to see the amount of women who seem to covet this title because they are, “kept,” by the man they’re involved with. It’s a low level to-stoop-to, but some women are OK with it regardless.

Typically you’re a side chick from the get-go. It was never in his plan to make you a permanent fixture in his life. Or, sometimes… you can become the side chick as time passes. During the process of dating you, he meets a woman who he is more compatible with, but he wants to keep you along for the ride for his own selfish reasons.

Unknown Friend Zone

This label is actually very easy to detect, but hard to admit. This is when a man places you in the friend zone (permanently) and you don’t even know you’re in that mofo! Yep… you skate along like everything is sweet, you two are hanging out, doing fun activities together… why? Because he genuinely cares about you and loves spending time with you… but…. only as a friend. You’re his home-girl, his people, his partner (not the kinda partner you want).

Tell-tale sign of being in this zone is when you go around other friends of his and he introduces you as….what? His friend.

In Conclusion…

There are many more labels out there. These are just a few of the main ones that men use.

It’s up to you to decide what label you wear. Best way to find out, is to ask that question… “What am I to you?”

Make sure you ask him at some point (even if it’s not day 31). This way, you can have a clear idea of what current (and future) direction the relationship is headed.

Old Flames

Over the Christmas holiday I got a call from my ex boyfriend. He was in town and wanted to know can he stop by. I hadn’t laid eyes on this man in 20 plus years. We had stayed friends over the years. Just occasionally emailing each other and happy new year and happy birthday text messages. He lived his happy life married with kids in another state and I lived here.

I agreed and sent him my address. He said he’d be there in 30 minutes. I got excited. Not the “I want to impress you with my sexy self” excited. Just excited to see my friend. I just threw on some jeans and a shirt and awaited his arrival.

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It was such a wonderful experience to see someone that I loved and wanted to marry after so many years. We sat and talked for hours. I showed him pictures of Munch and my family and we just caught up. He said that he follows and reads my blog. He said he’s sorry that I’ve gone through so much with my ex-husband and wishes me the best.

We talked about our lives, dreams, family and futures. We talked about friendship and love. We talked about the past. It wasn’t a bad break-up. There were no tears or anger. I was a senior in college and I couldn’t be distracted by a relationship. So I ended it. I had to focus on graduating. I needed to align my spirit and focus. He understood. There was no hate.

It was innocent reminiscing. Love was still there. Not in a “let’s get back together or let’s sneak and ruin our relationships” kinda way.  In a love between two people that had crossed the threshold from lovers to true friends. Friends that respected each other. He was happy that I met someone who still makes me blush after two years of dating. He wished me nothing but happiness after all that I had went through. He was happy that I found peace after so much chaos.

Genuine happiness. I was genuinely happy for him and he was genuinely happy for me. Our roads took different paths but our love and respect for each other is still there. For that I’m truly thankful.

And yes I told Mr. C as soon as he left. He had called my house and the phone was upstairs and I missed his call. I called him right back when he left. He’s not jealous. He’s aware that he is loved.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.