Doubt

I doubt he will ever know the depth of my love for him. I try to tell him. To slowly unveil pieces of my soul like my favorite chocolate, but he doesn’t get it. The wall is slowly beginning to crumble from around my heart.

Each kiss, each touch and each kind word spoken allows me to let him in. To grow with emotional intimacy. To create depth where there was none. To allow honesty to flow from the stream of my lips. To allow faithfulness to be in my actions.

I am not perfect. I doubt he is either.

I just know that where I am and where he is – is where we’re supposed to be.

Together.

Joined in perfect harmony.

Creating a blissful and healthy relationship.

 

This post is inspired by The Daily Prompt. The word was doubt

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

What Is Love? ❤

In case you’re wondering what love is, please check out this beautiful post on what love is…

Love is not just exploring good qualities of each other. It is also accepting flaws in him/her with an open heart and guiding them for their betterment and progress. The real happiness lies is seei…

Source: What Is Love? ❤

My New Valentine

As today is the 14th of February and many of you are probably knee deep in your Valentine’s Day crushes, scavenger hunts, dinners and/or dessert I wanted to wish a Happy Valentine’s Day to my new valentine…Mr.C. I wrote these words for him…

How could you ever fall in love with a neurotic woman like me? My rules? My requirements? My unwillingness to see things beyond black and white?

I am me.

I am structured.

I am learning.

Learning how to let go. Learning how to see that things don’t always have to make sense. There is beauty in the unknown. Thank you for letting me see that.

Thank for for letting me grow in this space where you provide love and respect. Thank you for seeing my habits as cute and not weird and if you do see them as weird, thank you for loving them and me just the same.

Thank you for moments.

Moments that have taken my breath away. Moments spent with me and my son. Moments spent just cuddled up and watching a movie. They matter to me.

I think the best part of loving you is knowing that you see my scars from all the trauma and love me. You see them as beautiful. You see me as beautiful. You truly see me and for that I am thankful.

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This post is part of Ritu’s #loveuary challenge. Check it out and link to it.

 

#Loveuary❤ – Rules And A Prompt List Of Sorts!

If you’re looking for inspiration, take the #loveuary challenge.

❤

As you know, I am embarking on a month of love related posts, be it creative or thoughts from the heart. I don’t know if anyone is interested in accompanying me on my journey of ‘love&#…

Source: #Loveuary❤ – Rules And A Prompt List Of Sorts!

Motivational Monday Moment – 10/31/16

Continuing with last week’s Motivational Monday Moment about love, I want to talk about love of self. As I was sitting there watching this beautiful couple get married, I realized how much self-love matters. How can you find true happiness if you don’t love yourself first? How can anyone make you happy if you don’t love you?

So, my Motivational Monday Moment is about self-love.  Self-love is described as

self-love (n)

the instinct by which one’s actions are directed to the promotion of one’s own welfare or well-being, especially an excessive regard for one’s own advantage.

Now, while the dictionary makes it sound like it may not be a good thing, let me tell you why I think it is advantageous for you to love yourself. Ready? Okay, who is going to love you more than you do on this Earth?

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Stay with me for a minute okay?

When we’re young we’re taught that we must be nice. We must be good people and that some people are mean and that we’re supposed to continue being nice and just love those people. Any of you heard that one? Love everyone. Love your neighbor as you would yourself.

But, when you get older you realize that is a piece of crap. How can you love someone that is mean to you? Want to know a secret?

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You can’t.

You can’t love someone who hates and despises you and you shouldn’t have too. This lie that we tell each other about loving people in spite of how they treat you is why we end up in narcissistic relationships with people that don’t wish us well. We accept the abuse believing that we’re supposed to keep taking it.

Umm, I’m here to tell you that it is not true.

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Let me explain something to you…Our God doesn’t love you in a narcissistic and demeaning way so why would you allow man to do that to you? When we realize and accept that God’s love is all powerful and encompassing and it anchors our spirit….we’re able to make better choices.

Like the choice of loving yourself more. Self-love or self-care means putting yourself first. You have to do what is best for you. What is healthy for you? Regardless of what anyone says you can’t allow toxic people or personalities to destroy the inner spirit of you. I know.

I’m learning.

Cutting someone out is hard. You think that you can’t do it. But, you know what? You can. You have to choose you over them. You have to do what is best for your sanity because like I said in the beginning…no one can love you better than you.

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When you really and truly love yourself and realize your worth, you don’t continue to try and grow in desolate places and situations with people who are not on your level. You release your true spirit and began to put roots in healthy dirt. You start to trust yourself and love yourself.

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More importantly….you start to forgive yourself.

For what?

All the bad choices. All the bad things that you thought you had to endure out of a belief that if you didn’t you somehow weren’t a good person. And that is when the real stuff starts to happen.

You start to cry. Not sad tears. Cleansing tears. Happy tears.

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You start to smile. You start to see the beauty in the simple things.

You start to breathe. Inhaling and realizing that the air is not being stifled by those who wish to harm you. You start to love you.

Slowly at first. You’re scared. It’s tentative. But, you do. And you know what? It’s good.

So, go on and love yourself more. More than anyone. Love that person with all your might and know that only a healthy love of self can move you into what’s next.

 

Motivational Monday Moment – 10/24/16

Today’s Motivational Monday Moment is to L-O-V-E. Yep, I just want you to love more. Love who? Love God, love you and others more.

I was inspired to write about love because I attended the wedding of my former supervisor’s daughter. It was in the mountains and 6 hours from my house. Munch and I got up early Saturday morning and I drove the 6 hours to the wedding. Thankfully, the hotel let us check-in a little early so I could get some rest.

We arrived to the wedding literally 5 minutes before the start because I got lost. It was at a beautiful estate and it was outside with nature serving as the backdrop. We took our seats and the wedding got underway. The bride looked amazing. The groom was debonair and love was definitely in the air.

As I sat there with my Galaxy S7 taking photos (in between the prayers of course) I began to reflect on love. God’s love for me, my love for Munch, my love for my family and my friends, my love of self and my love of Mr. C. I began to realize that none of it would have been possible had God not loved me.

Follow me with my Motivational Monday Moment okay? I promise I won’t keep you too long.

God’s love is what I want to talk about first.  You see, I spent my whole life believing that God didn’t love me. That because of my sexual abuse and my dad’s desertion that somehow I was unlovable. That if man couldn’t love me…how could God?

The devil was taking advantage of my mind when God started to protect it. He got a hold of my mind and started blocking the devil. He blocked my suicide, he blocked any unwanted pregnancies, he blocked any diseases. He blocked it. I just didn’t know it.

I was too into the world and going through hell that I couldn’t realize how God was holding me. That my sanity and soberness was because God was protecting me. But, when I started to realize that I serve a mighty God, things started happening.

I started to realize that God has not forgotten me. That even when the world around me seems as though it is falling apart, I serve a mighty God. I serve a God of second, third and many more chances. A God whose love is unconditional.

That realization changed who I was. I started to have a greater relationship with my heavenly father and myself. Love didn’t seem so foreign to me. Love was priceless and I was worthy of God’s love.

We all are.

I couldn’t experience anything greater if I tried than knowing God’s love. Sure, I make mistakes. I stumble on my Christian journey often. But, I’m thankful for grace and mercy and God’s continued love.

God was definitely in the mountains on that brisk evening this past Saturday. He was in the cold breeze that nipped at our nose, in the prayer that the Reverend said over the couple and in the twilight where the couple had their first dance. God was and is the foundation of all love.

 

 

Does Length Matter?

As in the length you date before you get married? Not the question about a man’s penis. Get your mind out of the gutters! LOL! Seriously though, does it matter how long you date before you get married?

The reason that I ask is that I’m so in love with #ForeverDuncan right now. Hadn’t heard about it? Alfred, the groom, proposed to his girlfriend, Sherrell, at 12 pm and arranged their entire wedding at 6 pm that same day. He did everything. She had no idea. She is absolutely surprised and it was captured on social media.

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It was a beautiful sight to see a beautiful bride overwhelmed with love for a man that she could barely come down the aisle. I was literally in tears. But, you know that with every good thing there are always trolls that will spoil a moment. Like this post:

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So, I ask these three questions…

  1. Does the length of a relationship matter?
  2. Is 9 years too long to wait to get married?
  3. Would you wait 9 years to get married?

Their love story captured on social media is absolutely beautiful. As a woman that is now divorced I would say that the length of a relationship doesn’t matter. I’m older though. I’m in my 40’s and I don’t want anymore children biologically so there is no rush to the altar in order to have a chance at motherhood. However, when I was in my 20’s I had a two year rule…I would only date you for two years without an engagement ring and a promise for the future.

I know. I know. That’s ridiculous. But, I also know that a man knows within a year whether or not he can see himself married to you. The thing that we need to remember though…even if he sees himself married to you, does that mean you’re compatible for the long-term that marriage requires?

In my case, we definitely should have waited. We weren’t compatible and prepared for long-term. Maybe if we’d waited a couple of more years things may have been different. I doubt it, but you never know. That being said, I, at 41 am definitely okay with waiting a while longer.

Mr. C and I discussed marriage (I brought it up) after a conversation with a girlfriend of mine who wanted to know are we ready to take it to the next level. I said with certainty “No”. She looked shocked. I explained that I loved him, but I loved where we were more. We were taking our time to cultivate our relationship and create experiences with each other and our children. We don’t want anymore children so we have time.

She laughed. I then told him that I need at least two more years of dating (a total of 3) and then let’s see where we are at. No rush. No surprises. Love is great, but sustaining a healthy relationship is better. He agreed.

Now, will I wait nine years to get married? Probably not, but who knows. I think that it takes time to develop at a healthy pace. Whatever is healthy for your relationship is what you should do. Everyone’s journey is different and I guess in reality it doesn’t matter how long or how short the trip to the altar is as long as you’re doing it together.

Congrats to the Duncans!

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Check out their wedding video here:

 

 

Disclaimer: I own no rights to the pictures. I did  a Google search and found them.