Parenting: Discipline Part I

I told you awhile back that I practice positive parenting. Positive parenting basically means that I embrace positive discipline. That I listen to Munch and don’t physically spank or lay hands on him. Now, this is new age in my family who believes in spare the rod and spoil the child, but I am an advocate for allowing Munch to understand that his choices will have negative or positive consequences, but he needs to understand that.

I treat discipline as a teaching opportunity instead of a physical task of spanking. Pretty much everything becomes about examining the issues, understand why the behavior occurred, making you accountable and still providing love, hugs and kisses. I know this may seem like with craft to some folks, but I don’t believe that you have to go around spanking children to correct their behavior.

Positive parenting tries to strengthen the parent/child bond by creating a more affectionate relationship. This works with Munch. He is a hugger and loves to be hugged, petted (LOL, his words) and encouraged. However, it’s not always easy.

Last Friday night, I got this email from Munch’s teacher:

I wanted to let you both know that Brennan had a problem in English class today. He had a discussion with a classmate about the biography book report. This is my knowledge of the situation. Brennan and the classmate were discussing who they were reading about. When Brennan heard the boy was reading about the life of a white person (students can choose anyone) he told the student he had to read about a black person. The student then called Brennan a racist. The boys both raised their voices and argued. Brennan was yelling I am not a racist. I was teaching, standing in front of the class and immediately raised my voice in order to be heard, and stopped the argument, reprimanded them both and moved Brennan from that table. I reprimanded the boy and we had a mini class discussion about racism. I told them that I was upset with them both for not stopping when I asked. At the end of class I met with the boys. The 1 student said he was at fault, said he should not have said that and admitted to inciting Brennan. Brennan said, right, I was wrong, too. I complimented him for being mature and respectful. But then he immediately told me, I’m being sarcastic, and continued to say he did nothing wrong. I tried to convey the idea that yes, the boy was wrong, but you were rude and disrespectful to me as I was trying to resolve the problem. I felt I had taken the time to discuss and reprimand the boy, in front of the entire class about his name calling. But Brennan was still defiant and defensive about my correction of him. I had a class coming in and no time to continue our discussion. I sent him to class but it was unresolved. I wanted to advise you of the incident. Please let me know if you have any questions.  Mrs. B

Yeah, it was rough. Basically my son told the teacher that he was being sarcastic with his apology as she was complimenting him. Huh? Where does that happen? I was mortified. I really like his teacher. She’s phenomenal and just a good human being. I trust her.

Now the question became how do I approach Munch with this positive parenting? See, I knew that my mom would have smacked my mouth for being disobedient. Positive parenting doesn’t allow for spanking. I needed to teach Munch a lesson. I needed him to see how he was wrong and needed to apologize, but I had to make sure that he understood the rules/expectations of self-control.

Could I do this? Was I ready? The challenges were only going to get bigger. I knew how I handled this would set the precedent for future parenting discipline moments. The key was to teach him, not to break him.

-To Be Continued –

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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Parenting Lesson: I Will Not Chase You

Munch is the best thing that ever happened to me. But, sometimes I really feel like I’m sucking at this parenting thing. Not that I’m mean, but sometimes I have to teach him a lesson and I wonder if my teaching those lessons are having an adverse effect on him.

Last month we were working on homework and then we were going to review his oral presentation. He had to memorize a poem. He chose “A Dream Deferred” by Langston Hughes. It was awesome, but he wasn’t in the mood. When he’s not in the mood to do anything, he pretty much shuts down. He acts like he’s bored and it’s really like time consuming and emotionally draining.

That being said I decided to push forward and chastise and ignore his negative attitude. I wanted to record him saying his poem. He was nonchalant and had no emotion. He was literally just acting like I’m forcing him to plow the field. It was draining. I had enough. I said “I love you Munch, but I’m done. I’m reclaiming my peace and you’re going to bed. Go upstairs and get your shower so you can get in the bed.” He was upset. “What about TV time?” I said “It’s not going to happen. You’ve tried my patience this evening with your behavior so TV is a reward that you don’t deserve this evening.” He cried.

Cried in the shower. Cried when he went to bed and then cried himself to sleep. Even when I tried to tuck him in bed and give him his kiss good night he cried louder and turned away from me. No problem. “I love you and goodnight” was all that I said.

I spoke to Mr. C and he listened and then commented how our parenting styles are different. I know. He’s told me before. I’m used to getting spanked as a child if I cried for no reason, but I left him to cry it out.

The next morning I did what I always do…cook his breakfast, pack his lunch, lay out his clothes and make up his bed. He then comes upstairs and criticizes me for all that I’ve done. “You’re not letting me do anything by myself. My daddy says that I need to do things on my own” he stated in frustration. I smiled sweetly and said “Love, you know what?” I don’t have to fix your breakfast each morning. I can sleep later and you can get up and fix yourself a bowl of cereal. It has always been important for me to send you to school with a hot breakfast each morning, but you want more responsibility so tomorrow, you got it. You can make your own bed and pick out your own clothes and fix your own lunch. I’m fine with it all. Now get dressed please.”

I was peeved. I couldn’t believe this child being defiant and first thing in the morning. I asked God for strength and we exited out the house headed for school. Munch didn’t speak to me at all. Ignored me on the whole car ride. I blasted gospel music to shift my mind and hopefully his too.

We exit and go into the school and as I’m signing him in for Before Care he doesn’t speak to the teachers when they say good morning. He walks away from me and is still ignoring me. I sigh. I said “Good morning” to the teachers, signed him and left. Five minutes later my phone rings and it is the Director of the Before and After Care program. She says how Munch had a breakdown and started crying because I just left.

She said that Munch said “She didn’t kiss me goodbye and she didn’t tell me that she loves me and to have a good day.” She said that they couldn’t console him. She asked could I speak to him. “Yes” I responded. He gets on the phone crying “Mommy, you didn’t tell me you love me. You didn’t kiss me goodbye.” I said “Munch, I realized that you were frustrated when you complained first thing this morning, I realized that you were still angry when you didn’t speak to me in the car ride over. I knew you weren’t over it when you walked away from me and ignored the teachers this morning. I accepted that. I love you so much but I will never chase anyone including you. My love is always given freely but I won’t chase someone to force it on them and this includes you. I love you more than life itself and will always love you. I love you more than you’ll ever know so have a great day.” He said “Okay, I love you too mommy.”  We got off the phone.

This parenting thing is hard. I struggle some days and find peace with my choices on most. But, in the end I’m still a work in progress learning and loving this beautiful boy that I’ve been blessed with.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

TBT – Bowling Birthday

Hey Everyone,

In my Throwback Thursday moment, I wanted to share that munch’s 4th birthday party was at a bowling alley. We had so much fun. We had lanes for both the adults and children who wanted to bowl. I got smarter that year and hired a photographer because I really didn’t have photos. I was so busy tending to munch and my guests that I didn’t take photos. Best money ever spent.

Here are some photos:

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Happy Halloween!

Eat, drink and be scary. ~Author Unknown

 

Happy Halloween folks! I’m on mommy duty so all my time is spent being with my favorite boy in the world…my munch.  We’re actually going to get his best friend and god brother and head out trick or treating later on tonight. Munch decided that he wanted to be Sonic the Hedgehog again. LOL!

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Enjoy your day loves!

Trick or Treat

Candy candy in the bag
It’s that time of year
Funny clown witchy hag
Another house is near

Popcorn balls and tootsie rolls
A handful is the best
Taken from the biggest bowls
At homes that pass the test

Ding dong ring the bell
Trick or treat is said
And if it does not go so well
Then mark the first word said

Trees draped in toilet paper
Fecal bags on fire
Dressed like an undertaker
The trick was their desire

Midnight comes all bags are full
Time to count the bounty
The night is done we’ve played our role
All throughout the county

Enjoy this yearly fun filled night
Feast upon it’s riches
From the first and final bite
Of Hugs and Hershey Kisses

© Jim Ellis More By Jim Ellis Visit Jim Ellis’s Site

Published on October 2011

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/trick-or-treat#ixzz3pE9z5nCL
#FamilyFriendPoems

The Fat Tales: Role Model

Sometimes I feel like supermom. I can do anything…

Credit Illustration by Nishant Choksi
Credit Illustration by Nishant Choksi

Other times I feel like I’m burning the candle at both ends.

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But, I keep trying. I keep striving. I keep pushing forward. In my desire to eat and live a healthier lifestyle I realized that there are some things that I just have to do. I have to commit to it. I have to read labels. I have to reduce sugars.

Well, as a parent it gets hard. But there are those little rewards that you get when your son reminds you that he is watching. That I am a living example of trying to just make healthier choices.

Munch showed me that he watches me. Let me tell you what happened… I fixed him breakfast yesterday and he didn’t eat much. I fix him the same thing every day: one waffle, three pieces of bacon, a bowl of fresh fruit (ex. watermelon, grapes or apple slices) and a glass with 1/3 orange juice.

Munch said that he was finished eating. I went and looked at his still full plate where he ate one piece of bacon and ate only 3 pieces of watermelon. I said, “Munch, you didn’t eat anything.” He responded “I’m full.” I was irate. I said “You’re wasting food. What do you want me to fix you for breakfast?” He responded, “I’m watching my sugars. I want one waffle with no syrup and one piece of bacon and 3 pieces of watermelon.”

I smiled. My determination to focus on mindful eating and healthier living is impacting munch. He is watching. He is listening. He wants to watch his sugar intake. It was a proud mommy moment.

Guest Blogger: 6 Things I Want My Kids to Know

I always imagine that if something were to happen to me today; what would I want my kids to know about life?  I thought about it, and I came up with 6 lessons that I think they should know.

6 Things I Want My Kids to Know

  1. Know yourself.  It’s harder than it sounds, but once you figure it out handling the world will be a lot easier. Knowing yourself is as simple as listening to the little voice that guides you.  The problem is there are times when you will want to ignore it. However, my advise is don’t ignore the little voice.  It’s always right!
  2. Love yourself.  This kind of goes with knowing yourself.  Love yourself when nobody else does. When no one else is around you always have the love of yourself. Loving yourself is the most powerful thing you can do.
  3. Cherish Your Loved One. Cherish the people who have enriched your life, they won’t be here forever.  Take time, soak up the moments, take in the lessons.  Those moments will stay with you a life time.
  4. Eat Healthy. Good food helps you perform better in life.  Give your body the best, so you are prepared to be the best everyday.
  5. Don’t Get Discouraged. There will be somethings in your life that won’t workout the way you want.  However, in the end you will see that the situation worked out the way it was supposed to or even better.
  6. Something so simple can change the course of your day.  A smile can also help another person’s day.  It’s free, easy, and can make a world of difference.

Happy Boy And Girl Playing Together And Relaxing

Post contributed by Healing Mama! Here’s her bio:

My name is Healing Mama.  I love anything that can help us live a better quality of life,emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally.  I also share my journey through motherhood, my weight loss, military life and general tips.

I have a daughter (Honey Bee) and a son (Bumble Bee). They are my two very busy bee’s  You will hear a lot about them! Come to my blog and hang out at: http://healingmamaremedies.blogspot.com and check me out on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Healingmama85

 

The First Week of School

So, I survived the first week of school with minimal disruption other than the first day follies that I talked about last week. Thankfully! I did learn some lessons including co-parent tips that I wanted to share.

  1.  Make sure that your Before and After Care situation is resolved before the school year ends. That way you won’t run into the problems that I had when I assumed that my application was accepted. Ugh!
  2. Make sure that your child has a new outfit for the first day of school. We didn’t have money growing up but my mom did have enough for one outfit for each of us. Munch’s dad had new pants only. His shirt was too small and I wasn’t happy because I called the night before to bring over his book bag, new shoes and asked did he have a new outfit for the first day. Yes is what he told me. He couldn’t find the new shirt and my son looked crazy. I went home and came back with a new shirt. I was disappointed because munch had a growth spurt towards the end of the school year and we both knew it. I wanted him to look like a shiny new penny on the first day which is what we experienced growing up. His dad’s mother would have never let him go outside looking less than shiny on the first day.
  3. Get back in the swing of things by preparing your meals in advance so that when you pick your child up you can heat up dinner instead of going out to eat every night. I just couldn’t get it together. However, my wallet knows. I’ll be prepared next week.
  4. Just buy the school supplies yourself if the other parent doesn’t mention anything. His dad didn’t offer to split the cost, get school supplies or reimburse me so I just didn’t worry about it. I wanted him to be prepared so I did it for munch.
  5. Either take the day off or mark a half day on your calendar so that you can meet everyone without having to rush off to a meeting. I did get to meet his teacher and principal on the second day so that was a blessing.
  6. Be sure to explain any changes to your little one in their normal schedule often. Munch couldn’t understand item #1 above and it disrupted his normal schedule. We talked about it 10 times until he felt he understood it.

Those were my lessons learned after the first week of school. I survived. What about you? Do you have any lessons you learned?