Happy Spring

Today is the first day of Spring! We’ve changed seasons and now it’s time to spring clean: our medicine cabinets, our pantries, our homes, etc. What are you getting rid of this Spring?

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Your Truth

My cousin said this was her favorite post. I was so honored. I wrote this over two years ago. I wanted to share it again.  This was a follow-up to the break-up post that I wrote about here:

Okay, so here’s the deal…

You can’t treat me like I’ve stolen your puppy or run over your foot in my car. Why are you acting like I destroyed you? I told you how I felt when we last spoke and my world forever changed. Without any thought to how I feel or what I’m going through, you act like you’re hurt. Are you really going to say that you are the victim here? Do you know or even care how I feel? I told you that I needed space and time because I knew the rules of this situationship when we met. I knew. But, somehow I couldn’t stay within my lane and I caught feelings. I wasn’t trying too. I was trying to take it for what it was. Casual dating.

I told you last week that my spirit was in turmoil and that I wasn’t sleeping or eating because I knew it was time I got off this merry go round. I was a wreck this weekend and I kept breathing and saying, “I need to take this one day at a time”. One second becomes one minute which becomes one hour until I can make it through the day. I told my friends that I did the impossible and ended it with you. I told them that it hurts. They replied, “I know, but I love you and it will get easier.”

I told my family that I had fallen in love with someone who I wasn’t ready to introduce to them but we broke up. I said, “He doesn’t love me and I can’t breathe because it hurts like hell.” My sister replied for me to repeat after her “We don’t love them ho*s”. I laughed with tears in my eyes and sighed, “But, I do.” My mother told me, “Baby, I’m sorry, but I never thought I would survive your break up at 15 when you overdosed on pills and slit your wrists. Hell, I never thought you would survive it. But, you did. If you could survive that you can survive anything.” I told her, “I know I will survive. It just hurts like hell.”

Again, I wallowed in my pain and bathed in my heartache praying for peace. My plea to you to stop calling me wasn’t because I don’t want to be your friend or be in your life. It was because I don’t have the strength to stop talking to you. Because I’m weak. I want to know how you’re doing. I want to hear your voice and know that you are okay. I want to laugh about stupid stuff or whatever. It’s my problem. I know. I’m not blaming you. I just need time to get my head on straight and be able to truly be your friend without having these feelings for you. I owe it to myself to choose me first.

So, I will do what I do best and journal my pain. I wish only the best for you and know that you are in my prayers and thoughts always. Only time can heal this chasm of pain.

 

Note: This is not about Mr. C and I. We are fine. This is from a prior relationship.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

I Wish I Could

One of my posts about parenting. Please check it out.

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I wish I could is the most hopeful phrase I know. It’s filled with possibilities. I like possibilities. They give me hope. Hope is promise. I like promises. I was sitting there watching my so…

Source: I Wish I Could

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Getting It Off My Chest

Have you ever been in a situation where you were mad as hell about something with someone you loved and you didn’t know how to talk about it? That happened with me and Mr. C this week. It’s true. We had our first real issue and I was mad as hell and ready to walk the hell away from the man who gave me butterflies and makes me feel safe.

It started on Monday when we had lunch. I was talking to him about something and his response made me feel insignificant. Like I didn’t matter. I felt like the months that we’ve spent building and creating this safe and secure relationship was all in vain. For the first time, I felt like I was the butt of the joke where I had this great relationship and then it just was all fake.

I struggled with my feelings all day and night long. I was emotional and wanted to scream. I sought advice from my friends because I needed guidance. I needed an outside opinion on what the hell happened. How do I turn back the clock and get the man that I fell in love with back?

Differing opinions on how I should handle the situation. When men advised me to leave him alone, I cried. Why are you crying they would ask? I would tell them that God told me. That God told me that Mr. C was the man that I was going to marry. I wondered if God had made a mistake.

I know it was crazy. God doesn’t make mistakes, but I was really going through it. I was wallowing in despair and looking for a life jacket. I needed rescuing bad. But, no one was helping me. No one could help me feel better.

I went to sleep that night tossing and turning and my spirit was in a place of unrest. I had a stomach ache the next morning and I was exhausted. I talked to a friend that morning and he gave me these great words of encouragement about talking to Mr. C…”It doesn’t matter if they don’t have a problem with it. You do and you should address it.”

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Boom.

There it was.

I had a problem with how our conversation went and how I felt that we were on two different pages, hell in two different books. I had to talk to him. I couldn’t keep talking to everyone around me but him. I needed to muster up the strength and tell him how I felt even if it meant that I had to walk away in the end.

So, I called him 5 minutes before I pulled up to my office. After a minute of pleasantries I just told him that my spirit was in unrest after our conversation yesterday. I told him how I felt like he didn’t care about me. That I didn’t matter. I explained that I let him into my life no matter how messy it is or was, but how could I support him when he won’t let me in?

I went on and on for about 5 minutes straight and told him that if I told him what he had said to me that he would be pissed too. He agreed. He then said something that I wasn’t prepared to hear.

“I hear you. I don’t have a response. I need time to process.”

What the hell?

In my head I was cursing him in all kind of foreign languages that I didn’t speak. But, I’m in therapy now so I know how to pause and reflect before speaking.

Okay.

That was all I could say.

He wished me well and we got off the phone.

I didn’t know where we were ending up. Was I single again? Was this relationship a big mistake?

Happy Founders’ Day Sorors!

Today is founders’ day for my illustrious sorority. Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. was founded January 16, 1920, on the campus of Howard University in Washington, D.C.

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When Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. was founded, times were tough. The years just before and after 1920 were difficult for blacks. It was a time of racial hatred. Many whites joined the Ku Klux Klan organization. The Klan often terrorized blacks. Klan members sometimes burned fiery crosses in front of the houses of black families. And they sometimes beat and murdered blacks.

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It was a time of migration from many blacks to the north from the south. But, all was not well in the north with lacks of homes and jobs. Changes in government with the Volstead Act (18th Amendment) and the adoption of the 19th amendment were occurring in a relatively volatile time. However, New York (Harlem) was exploding with the Harlem Renaissance and the amazing talents that were emerging. This period of creativity saw such great writers, poets and artists as Claude McKay, Jean Toomer, Langston Hughes and Zora Neale Hurston.

One of my favorite authors was Zora Neale Hurston. Zora Neale Hurston was a brilliant writer that emerged during the Harlem Renaissance. Zora was a Zeta too.

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My sorority sisters and I have had a weekend of activities planned. We will also be doing our annual service project today. One of our core principals is service. You see why I love this sorority right?

Motivational Monday Moment – 1/2/2017

Today’s Motivational Monday Moment is patience. I need this and I hope that I’m not alone in my desire to have more patience in 2017. It’s the first Monday of the new year and I wish for me and for you patience.

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I’m not a patient person. I try to rush things. Whether personally or professionally. You would think that having a child, I would learn patience, but I haven’t. I just get impatient when I have to wait.

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When I have to  wait on things I often times will act like a brat. Like the act of waiting is the worst thing in the world to happen to me. I can’t stand to wait. What am I supposed to do while waiting?

Ugh!

Ever felt this way?

I have. I do still. I am asking for more patience in 2017.

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I want us to calmly accept that things are happening that we can’t control and we should just be patient. Patience. We want to patiently wait for things. It’s not our time.

It’s in God’s time. So, what do we do while we wait? We keep it moving. Prayerful knowing that everything will happen in the appropriate time. Be okay if it takes 3 years to buy a house instead of the 18 months you wanted. patience-1

Be okay if you don’t get the money to go back to school. Patiently find alternatives. Refocus and prioritize your goals. Know that you have to be patient because everything in due season.

Have a positive attitude and develop your patience. It’s waiting. Positively. Not stomping your feet like a two year old.

Have you ever had to wait on something? When you finally got it was it better than you ever imagined? Yep, it’s happened to me.

I couldn’t have imagined the blessing that I would have received. I wanted one thing and got something bigger and better. It wasn’t my time to get what I wanted. Whether it be a new car. A relationship or a job. God sent it when he was ready.

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I want more patience in 2017. Patience when waiting. Patience to accept the wait. Patience to know that when I get what I want it was well worth the wait. What about you?

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