I had to share this post because I’m a mother and in between watching your son grow up, shuffling him to activities and helping with homework and watching him sleep at night, you pray that you will never ever have to bury a child. But, this mother and many mothers do have to bury their son’s.
Last week I was drinking some water and spilled half the bottle of water on my computer. My computer won’t cut back on. I sighed. I complained. I wanted to cry. Heck, Munch did cry because he wanted to play a Sonic The Hedgehog game on my computer. I didn’t stay in the place of despair.
I quietly said a prayer and ordered a new computer. It’s been 3 years. It was unfortunate, but I’m going to be spending a lot of time this year writing and blogging so I need a working computer. I also need to work with Munch this summer with typing as he will now be typing his papers for English class. I guess it died when it needed to. But, thank God that I could afford another one.
I’m feeling better mentally and physically. Mentally about my break-up and physically with my body. I’m feeling better than I’ve felt in years. I can’t wait to get back to the gym. I learned some interesting things about my body during this process, but it was all good. I started making a list again – yes a list. A list of qualities that I want in a partner since it’s been a while dating other people. Ya’ll know I kissed a lot of frogs before meeting Mr. C, so I’m not looking forward to the frog kissing stage, but I’ll be dating.
I’m probably looking more to spending this summer living my best life and focusing on me and enjoying each day. I have some things planned with Munch and I’m getting serious about my book. I’ve done the outline and I’m just trying to get the short stories together to develop it into the masterpiece I pray it will be.
I have a busy summer with Munch. Between his swimming, private flute lessons and summer camp I’m adding tutoring at Mathnasium so that he can stay fresh in math and that he can work through these word problems. I discovered this year that Munch likes to just work on a math problem on a computer, but he won’t pull out a piece of paper and pencil and work the problem first before answering the question. This leads to many failed tests. That’s something we’ll be working on.
Between the beach and the trip home to Tennessee it will go by quickly. I won’t be taking any long trips because I exhausted leave for my surgery and I’ve only been at my job for two years so I don’t have much leave. Oh, today is my 2 year work anniversary. I still love my job. I consider myself blessed.
That’s about it for the random things in my life right now. How are you? Any exciting plans?
Today is the day of my surgery. I’m not scared. I am a believer in Christ. I trust that all will be as it should be. God is in control. I am asking for your prayers. When prayers go up – blessings come down. I want to be blessed.
I wanted to share one of my favorite Psalms this morning:
4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,[d]
I fear no evil;
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff—
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely[e] goodness and mercy[f] shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
my whole life long.[g]
I recently hit 2,500 WordPress followers. I humbly thank each and every one of you for following me. It has been an amazing journey and I am continuing to grow and learn with each passing month.
I’ve changed the layout of my blog and I’m trying some new things this year. Tell me what you think. I’m also going to start promoting the works of others. Bear with me as I will be out of commission for the next couple of weeks.
But, more importantly, I want to say that I am thankful for each and every one of you. You continue to read and engage me in my posts and I’m genuinely thankful for the interaction. You’ve become family. Here’s to continued growth for all of us.
Help! One of my goals for 2018 was to move to a self-hosted platform and I’m struggling to make a decision. For those of you that may be new to blogging, moving to a self-hosted platform will allow me more control over my blog with regards to customizing functions and style. It’s daunting as heck, but oh so worth it.
I know this. I’ve watched my blog grow from about 100 followers in 2014 when I first started to get back into blogging to 700 in late 2016 and now I’m almost at 2,500 WordPress subscribers. There has been growth.
In that time, I’ve contributed to two books being published and many posts. I’m working on my craft and working on turning my passion into profit. To that end, I want to be able to have more control on my blog and website. It’s time.
But, I’m overwhelmed by it all. I know that I can’t be alone. Were you overwhelmed when you started researching the move to a self-hosted platform? How did you make the choice to move? Which platform did you select? Was it hard to implement? What was the cost? I’m looking at cost, ease of use and unmetered storage.
It’s just me. Doing it on my own, but I’m hoping to have an interactive blog/website running by year end. Did you get overwhelmed by doing it yourself? What are some of the things/thoughts that I should be thinking about?
I really need your help. All advice is greatly appreciated.
Hello my faithful and wonderful readers. I am taking a blogging break from May 31, 2018 through June 15, 2018. I will be on medical leave. Don’t worry, I will be fine. All glory goes to God because I know HE has me.
However, I need you. I need guest bloggers. If you would like to guest host on my blog during this time, let me know and I would love to host you.
What do you have to do? Here are my housekeeping items because there are always rules. I need you to know what you’re getting into. Here goes…
- Read through my site. I discuss everything about life, love, dating, parenting and relationships and anything in between. Keep with my genre topics.
- Make it fun and relateable. Your goal is to get the reader to want to know more about you and to follow you.
- Respond to any comments a reader leaves on my page. This is a must for me. Let them know that you appreciate their response on your post and answer any questions.
- Keep the swearing to a minimum. I love a good curse word two, but your post shouldn’t be all about your invention of new curse words.
- Posts should be between 250-800 words
- Create a catchy title
- Reblog and share on your site and social media handles
I will be scheduling posts in advance and reading through comments and responding to some posts in between my recovery. If you’re interested, please email me at email@example.com.
Thank you in advance.
April 30, 2017
Munch turned 9 today. I’m having a party for him later today. I’m excited. He’s excited. Yet, I’m sad. Every year as I watch him grow I’m in fear of his safety. I try to block it out. I try to think positive, but something happens that reminds me that my son has a bulls eye on his back.
Today it was Jordan Edwards death. Jordan was a straight-A student, talented athlete who came from a two-parent home. Yet, even with those stats he wasn’t safe. He was 15 years old and the day before Munch’s 9th birthday he was murdered.
Munch will be 15 in six years. How can I protect him when it seems that our police are trained to fear their life and shoot without thinking? He didn’t do anything. To many what ifs play in my mind. What if Munch is riding in a car? What if Munch is walking home from the store? What if Munch is playing with his friends outside? I can’t breathe some days thinking about the what ifs. The list is endless.
My mind is in a daze this morning. I must check my emotions, put on some make up and smile because this is the day that I brought forth life. A mother is mourning the loss of her son as I sit preparing to celebrate mine. I will pray for that mother and her family. I will love on my son and kiss harder and love harder than ever before.
This has got to stop.
Black is beautiful.
He is beautiful.
He is loved.
This post was part of the A2Z challenge and the letter “J” is for Jordan. My posts will be written as a journal style for the challenge and will be on the theme: Mothering While Black. I hope you enjoyed it.
July 6, 2016
Today I cried. A silent cry. Tears streamed down my face. I stifled my anguish. I silenced the wail that was building in my throat. Another. Another black man was shot by the police. This time in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. He was 37. He had a name. It was Alton Sterling. He had a family.
He was more than the media make him out to be. He
is was more. He was a father. He was a son. He wasn’t alone.
Second day of blood shed. I watched the video and tried to rationalize that something must have happened. But, I couldn’t. I couldn’t understand this murder. It was murder right?
Another black man who leaves behind a black son who will always remember that his father was murdered. In cold blood. At a gas station. Who will protect and serve him from this tragedy?
He will grow up. He won’t forget. None of us will. I pray that his anger and rage are used for positive. I pray that he sees that he will be the force of change.
I pray that his mother will get the strength to preach love and peace in a chaotic time to the black boy that she must raise alone. That she knows that heavy the crown she wears now because it is at this point that she must choose love no matter how easy it is to choose hate. I pray that she doesn’t succumb to the pain and leave her son alone to fend for himself because he needs her. He needs everyone. He needs to know that he is not alone.
I stifle my anger and anguish and think of the words of Langston Hughes poem: A Dream Deferred:
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
I shall pray harder tonight. I shall hold my son harder. I shall kiss him longer. I shall pray that this madness stops. I shall pray that no more mothers have to bury their children. I shall try to scrub the bulls eye off his back.
If only for one more night.
This post was part of the A2Z challenge and the letter “A” is for anguish. My posts will be written as a journal style for the challenge and will be on the theme: Mothering While Black. I hope you enjoyed it.
It’s April 1st. We made it to the second quarter of 2018. It’s also Easter and April Fool’s Day what are the odds of that?
Have you set your second quarter goals yet? Have you started to think about your vacation plans or summer camp or college if your children are graduating soon? It can all be overwhelming but I want to encourage you to remember to put God above all plans that you made today and each day going forward. I know that our list of To Do’s can always get long, but we have to stay focused. I’m thankful for each and everyone of you and I pray that you have an amazing second quarter at an amazing Easter!
It’s Friday! If you woke up this morning and you’re reading this…Be Grateful. There are those that didn’t wake up and further those that would kill to be in your position. Life’s rough. We all have setbacks that are setups for a comeback. Are you working on your comeback or are you still settling in your setback?
Trust that everything happens for a reason. Although we may not understand it in the middle of all the chaos,I promise that if you get up and get moving you can make it another day. Isn’t that what we all want? To make it through another day? To pull ourselves out of the funk and keep going?
Do it. There’s nothing like the present. You can only change how you deal with things.
I’ve been consumed by the drama before. Letting it affect and stress me the hell out. I am deciding not to do it. To get out of my own way and create my own peace in the chaos. And you know what? I have that right and so do you.
Let me tell you that sometimes all you can do in the middle of a storm is yell out “Not today Satan. My faith is rooted in the ONE who promised me victory.” Really, that’s all you can do. You can’t let the pain of your situation embed deep in your soul and destroy the very fabric of who you are. You are amazing. You are worth more than the bulls*it that people throw at you.
You are pretty darn awesome! Focus on moving forward. Your comeback is greater than your struggle. You have to trust that in everything that you do there is a season and you have to trust that the season you may find yourself in right now, will not always stay the same.