Dating Chronicles: Know Your Opponent

“Engage people with what they expect; it is what they are able to discern and confirms their projections. It settles them into predictable patterns of response, occupying their minds while you wait for the extraordinary moment — that which they cannot anticipate.”
Sun Tzu, The Art of War

 

Dating is like war. Really it is. You have to know your opponent. But let’s be real, many men are doing the same predictable things and not taking advantage of the vast opportunity to know the women that they are engaging. This happens a lot with on-line dating. My friend said that is because if their “game” works on 7 out of 10 women men are happy with those odds. Thus the reason that we get penis pics. Ugh!

However, I want a man that actually reads my profile and will engage in a discourse that makes me believe that he is intelligent, knows what he wants and is financially secure. I want someone who learns his opponent (me). If not, then our time will be limited as I exit stage left looking for a good bottle of Pinot.

What do you need to know? A lot, but you have to approach dating like a game. A game in which you try to discern your opponents strengths and weakness, their likes and dislikes and genuinely get to know whether or not you two can be a match.

Here are some tips:

  1. Know yourself. Really know yourself. If you are unattractive and would be rated on a scale of 1-10 as a 2 then you should not try to go after a 10. Now, this is serious. I’m not saying that I’m a 10. I would say a 7. Some men have said an 8, but whatever! The point is this…I’m reasonable about my number and what I look like. If you are unattractive and have had less than 20 dates in your entire life and you are 40 then a woman who looks like a 10 is probably out of your league. Stay in your lane sir.
  2. If you are bold enough to write a dating profile and list your salary, please make sure that the salary is something a woman at 40 or older would be interested in. I’m a 40 year old mother of one. If you make $35,000 a year, honestly what are the chances that you can afford to date me? I’m not talking about dates at Morton’s Steakhouse, but heck TGI Friday’s can be expensive if you’re only making $35,000. A couple of drinks and a meal and a tip of at least 18% could run you $70.00. Can you afford that? Nope, then move on. I’m not a Netflix and Chill kinda woman.
  3. If you are doing on-line dating, PLEASE complete a profile. It only takes a couple of sentences, but if you can’t take the time to tell me about yourself, why would I reach out to you and try to get to know you? Something is definitely better than nothing. Do you like dogs, cats or gerbils? Are you employed or not? Ugh! This is so frustrating.

Okay, that’s all I have for today, but trust me that I’m trying to save you. I want you all (me included) to find a great person that you can envision a future with. Someone who gets you, appreciates you and can afford to date you.

“You have to believe in yourself. ”
Sun Tzu

 

Example 1: His salary is definitely a no-no. If you are bold enough to put a number out there then be bold enough to realized that I won’t reply. You may not be able to afford to date me and I don’t have time to find out is that true.

bpm1

Example 2: I don’t smoke. Don’t like smokers and would never date someone who smoked daily and wasted that kind of money on cigarettes. Bad habit. Also, he didn’t say anything about himself or the type of person he’s looking for.

bpm2

Example 3: I don’t need a pen pal! Really? You live in Arizona which is across the country. He’s looking for cross country tail. I’m not giving so keep your out of state (sexy though) self in Arizona. Oh, he also didn’t tell me anything about himself.

bpm3

Ah, the joys of dating!

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3 thoughts on “Dating Chronicles: Know Your Opponent

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