So, I posed this question on Facebook yesterday “What defines a good man?” because I wanted to see what some of the men thought. To sort of narrow down a definition of what a man believes is his role in dating and possible marriage.
Some of the comments were:
A good man is virtuous and does all he can to do good unto to those around him.
Man of God. Put his woman first also do all he can to provide and protect for his family.
A good man is a godly man that does his absolute best to care for his family and remain faithful.
A good man is only defined to what suit your needs…in my opinion he’s a man who lives and loves God, Independent man with his own house, car, and pays his own bills on time, a man who takes care of his children from the heart and steps up to a woman’s child or children.
Hardworking, grounded in the spirit, considerate and honest.
A good man is a man that puts God first then his family he eats after his family eats. A good man prays for his family. When he does not pray for himself. He provides for his family anyway possible! He does for others as well. What’s in the heart reaches the heart.
I’m not a man, but here are the characteristics that I believe are in the make-up of a good man…
- Lover of God – He has to love God.
- Leader – He leads because he follows God and knows that is what his role is…to lead the family.
- Strong – In spirit. He sees obstacles as something that are meant to be tackled. He will also protect you if need be.
- Provider – He has to be able to support himself and any children individually then when we come together be able to do it collectively.
- Supportive – Encourages a woman’s dreams or experiences. Nurtures her endeavors.
- Thoughtful – Shows meaningful ways to make sure that you know that you are not alone that he is there loving and being there for you.
Do I believe the above list is impossible? Nope. Not at all. Why? Because God provided that in the man that I’m dating now. Mr. C is all of those things. Ya’ll just don’t know how I wake up every morning thanking God for His grace and mercy and allowing this man to love me. Love me in spite of my erratic thoughts or insecurities.
He’s not perfect. Neither am I. But, what we don’t do is lie to each other about what we really want. We never have. I didn’t make excuses for him and he was very up front about his salary a couple of months after we started dating. He wanted to know was he in my salary range. He was.
More important though is his desire to get to know me. To support me without expecting something in return. He was very encouraging when I was interviewing for my new job and he’s encouraging me now with another big endeavor. That unwavering belief in me warms my spirit. It makes me believe in the impossible.
I didn’t have to sacrifice my beliefs or values when we started dating. We are getting to know each other. It is a continuing process. Does he agree with everything I say or believe? Nope. But, he believes in what I believe is the definition of a good man.
Getting to know someone takes time. Real men don’t have a problem communicating whether or not they can afford to date and where they can go. They level set in the beginning. If they can’t afford Morton’s but can afford a Friday’s dinner and he tells you this up front, you have to decide can you accept that.
Honestly? I could. I could accept Friday’s over Morton’s if this man is fiscally responsible. But, these are conversations that you have when you get to know someone. I would guess this is a second or third date conversation starter.
It’s the last day of the year and I’m sitting here thinking what Munch and I will have for dinner. Thinking about parking at this big church event that we are attending later on tonight. Why? Because it’s New Years’ Eve and I’m a mom who has her son. So, we are going to ring in the New Year giving praise and thanks for another day. Another year. Bye-Bye 2015!
What did I learn in 2015? I shared the gifts I got in a prior post. A lot of lessons, some pain, lots of joy, some heartache and some not so pleasant things. But, in the end I learned more about me this year. I learned that I am strong and capable of surviving any storm. Ya’ll know that my struggle was real and my story had more bumps that caused crashes, but I’m grateful. I survived. So did you.
What do I wish for 2016? What do I want? Here are the top 5 things that I want in 2016.
- Debt Reduction
- Healthier Lifestyle
- Many more mommy moments
To be more specific and put it out in the universe…
- Love – I want to find someone who I can be myself with and experience all the good and bad things that life has to offer. I want a slow and steady and dependable kind of love. I told my friend that I want an easy like Sunday morning kind of love. The love that you don’t have to work for. The love that endures. The love that just exists and in that moment we are so blissfully happy we don’t know how we got here. No, it doesn’t mean that it’s perfect, it just works. It works for us. We can have fights and disagreements, but we do it fairly. No below the line fighting or name calling. No rage. We are grown so we know how to make up. This year, I want to find someone who loves me and my son as though we were flesh of his flesh. I vow to do the same.
- Debt Reduction – Yes, this is a big one for me too. I want to reduce my debt and curb my spending. I have some goals that I’m trying to achieve and I need to get cracking. I’m looking at budgets, tracking my spending and creating emergency cash reserves. I have a lot of stuff I need to do and I’m trying to read, research, react and reduce my debt. I’m getting accountability partners and plotting my plan. Trust me…I will keep you posted by guest blogging with a couple of fellow bloggers so you get the real nitty gritty. LOL!
- Healthier Lifestyle – I’ve shared with you the slow progress of getting my health on track with working out, practicing mindful eating and trying to reduce my stress. It’s part of honoring my temple to be a healthier version of me. The pound loss has been slow but I’m definitely losing inches and my clothes fit differently. I want to continue working out and making healthier choices to prevent the need for medications. My goal is to lose a total of 40 pounds for 2016. That’s about 3.33 pounds a month. It starts with me.
- Romance – I was never one who believed in romance, but I have to admit that I’m sort of romantic by default. I love to do little things and to have someone special do little things for me. I like to surprise you with a romantic dinner or gift just because. I like those things in return. I like little notes or emails to let me know what I mean to you or what you’re feeling about me at any given moment. It is when someone listens to my heart and tries to make me happy that I feel special. I want a romance where we speak each other’s love language and we like it. We put forth an effort to romance each other. You like physical touch? I like quality time. Let’s romance each other in 2016.
- Many more mommy moments – Yes. This is a definite. My munch and I have so many moments that we’ve shared this year and I can’t wait to share so many more. I bought a new DSLR camera (my first one) and I’m so excited. I want to capture all the moments we share whether on this new camera or with my cell phone. For example, he got his first check from his grandma for Christmas and I had him take it to the bank and deposit it in his account. He was scared, but he loved the experience. That’s my wish for him. More moments where I can teach, engage, love or just nurture his spirit. I love being a mom and he’s growing so quickly.
That’s all folks. It’s time to say bye-bye to 2015. What are your 2016 goals? Do you write them down?
Disclaimer: I don’t own the rights to any of the photos except those of my son and I. I did a Google search on the above photos.
Grown men talk more than the text.
Grown men make time to court you.
Grown men pay for dates.
Grown men make plans.
Grown men share pieces of their soul with you willingly.
Grown men see the not so cute parts of you and still tell you that you’re awesome.
Grown men use their words sparingly and with purpose.
Grown men inspire your spirit.
Grown men encourage your growth.
Grown men calm the voices inside your head.
Grown men know when they’ve found a grown woman because they fit like the missing link in a puzzle.
Dating in 2015 has been an adventure to say the least. There were some hits and some misses and some roads not traveled. There were good times, bad times and heck some times I don’t know how to describe other than thankfully I survived.
I met some great guys and some not so great guys but I chalk it up to life and experiences. I wish everyone only the best. Just because we couldn’t make a connection doesn’t mean that it was a wasted situation. It just means that our time has passed and we were not to be. LOL.
To end the year on a positive note, I want you to check out this conversation below from a potential suitor earlier this month. Needless to say that I didn’t respond. Why? Because I don’t want to. I don’t have to. I will not be responding to annoying things in 2016. I will just pass on foolish behavior.
The weird thing is that he went from 0 to 5 for no reason and I took this as a sign of mental instability or incompatibility. I can’t figure out which, but I’m okay either way. I wish him much success in his future endeavors and I hope that he finds what he’s looking for because it is not me.
So to all my single friends, may you find love, peace, happiness and compatibility in 2016. May you find the one that makes you see the good in yourself and encourages you to be better each and every day. May you find a love that is magnified and endures each and every day. May you know that happiness is a choice and if you choose happy you will be great with or without someone. Cheers my friend!
This is the last day of the quote challenge and I am sharing the quote below. I love this. Let me tell you that this has been my constant prayer for the last couple of months of the year. Between my dad having cancer, going home to spend time with him, being sick, having my car hit by the U-haul and then ending up in the emergency room last week it has been an interesting season.
I kept saying there is a lesson in the struggle. I am faithful. I will prevail. However, I realized that I was letting the stress affect me and neglected my health. Never again. Thankfully, I am a better but I tell you that when your body acts up you need to pay attention. It was my wake up call that allowed me to not stress and just ask for strength.
I nominate the following 3 blogs:
What Sandra Thinks
I’m Done Being The Fat Girl
Day 2 of the quote challenge has me thinking about my good friend, India, who tells people that “I love her. She tells it like it is and you know that it comes from her heart.” Isn’t that awesome?
I love that she thinks that about me. It got me to thinking about one of my favorite quotes that may be simplistic in nature but profound in reality. Just be who you are.
I nominate the following 3 blogs:
Thank you to Lisa Amaya, Life of an El Paso Woman, for nominating me for the 3 Day Quote Challenge. I love reading quotes because I look for inspiration in everything. Quotes encourage my spirit and let me know that I can run on.
Here is my quote for today:
Each day I will nominate three different bloggers to participate in the challenge. I nominate the following three for today:
A Perfectly Flawed Ruby
Riddle from the Middle
Merry Christmas Everyone!
This is the last time we will celebrate Christmas in 2015. This is our holy day where we want to remember that Jesus is the reason for the season. Let us take time to remember that amidst gift giving, bountiful meals or volunteering.
Jesus is the reason for the season!
6 For unto us a Child is born,
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
7 Of the increase of His government and peace
There will be no end,
Upon the throne of David and over His kingdom,
To order it and establish it with judgment and justice
From that time forward, even forever.
The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.
What I received this year…
A profound sense of determination– One of the hardest things for me was a desire to people please and take stuff from people. Not intentionally but just letting the slick stuff slide. The comments from people who were meant to destroy me or break me down hurt like hell. I always took the high road. You know the road where you don’t give in to the foolishness of other folks and don’t engage? But, that left me both mentally and emotionally drained.
I felt overwhelmed by the viciousness and the hate that was being spewed that it literally consumed my spirit. I am a woman of faith and it is hard to keep your faith when you are being attacked by people. I kept praying and trying to be the bigger person, but what happens when you can’t? When you can’t hold in the frustration and the anger that is consuming you. What do you do?
You explode. You lose it. You cry, curse, shout or do whatever to get through the pain and then you figure out a plan. Not the plan on how to kill and get away with murder of your enemies but the plan on how you will not let the naysayers affect your spirit or life with the bull. You become determined to build a wall that they can’t knock down, tear down or blow up with their wickedness. Then you build that wall up and you cover it with purpose and praise because you are determined to not be dragged in the pits of hell where your haters live. You pray. You become determined to take the road of righteousness and surround yourself with prayer partners who keep your name lifted up. That’s what you do because you are determined to live each day better than the last.
So, to recap the 12 gifts that I received this year were:
11. Renewed Faith
6. Forgiving Spirit
5. Healthier Waist Size
3. Introspective Spirit
2. Powerful Praise
….#1. A Profound Sense of Determination
What I received this year…
A powerful praise– As mentioned in yesterday’s post. My parked car was hit by my new neighbor trying to park the U-haul next to my car. This situation and the fact that he hadn’t reported the accident and having to pay for expenses out of my own pocket had me so stressed out.
I tossed and turned all night feeling foggy during the day. I cried at the drop of a hat and I felt alone. I felt as though I was a burden on everyone with a consistent conversation about my car. I was going through it ya’ll. But, can you blame me?
So, I woke up last Thursday morning and laid in bed praying to God to please give me peace because I know that there is a lesson in the trial I was going through and I was willing to endure but I needed help to endure. I asked him to give me an introspective spirit (which he did) and allow me to trust that HE will work it out on my behalf.
I got up and went to prepare my Munch’s breakfast. I then got him up and went back to my room to read my daily devotional and my bible before getting ready for work. I read the devotional for the wrong day because I was a day ahead. But, how funny was it when God spoke to me through that post. He had instantly answered my cry for help.
The devotional instructed me to not let my problems drag me down but trust that it is a teachable moment if I was willing to learn. I needed to trust that HE would guide me through it all. It instructed me to draw closer to HIM because he is walking with me. Whew! I couldn’t do nothing but praise HIM and said thank you God! I literally knew what the saying “If I had 10,000 tongues I couldn’t thank him enough for all HE’S done for me.” That’s how I felt. I had a powerful praise and that gift is invaluable.
When you are plagued by a persistent problem – one that goes on and on – view it as a rich opportunity….In faith, thank Me for your problem. Ask Me to open your eyes and heart to all that I am accomplishing through this difficulty. Once you have become grateful for a problem it loses its power to drag you down. – Sarah Young, Jesus Calling