I stayed in the hospital for a couple of days. I kept vomiting and having headaches, but my tests were normal so they let me go home. To an empty house. The wine glass that shattered in the kitchen and the spilled wine were cleaned up. Dishes put away. Spotless.
I saw a note that he left in my clean house. It was on the counter. I wasn’t ready to read it. I’m sure that there was nothing in there that I didn’t already know. He didn’t come and see about me in the hospital. Not once. No call or visit. But, supposedly he loved me.
I grabbed a glass of juice and went to bed. I was exhausted. I had never been this tired and I felt as though the world was weighing on my shoulders. I needed to sleep.
I took the medicine the doctor prescribed with my glass of juice and headed to my bedroom. I hopped in the shower to get the smell of the hospital off my skin. I washed my hair and conditioned my skin. It felt good to be home.
I went to bed determined that I would get my life back on track in the morning. I emailed my team that I was now at home resting comfortably and would be out the rest of the week but checking emails and responding accordingly. There was no use in pretending that I didn’t need my job as Vice President of Human Resources for a large pharmaceutical company. I needed the benefits, bonuses and salary. I was apparently single. There would be no knight in shining armor coming to rescue me.
I woke up to someone banging on my door. I could tell by the drawn curtains that it was early evening. The banging continued and then I heard “Open up Sasha! I know you’re in there”. It was my baby sister Tasha. I wasn’t ready to face her.
I put the pillow over my head and tried to go back to sleep. She kept banging and screaming and my head was hurting like hell. I got up and went to the door.
I yanked the front door open and glared at her “Tasha, what the hell do you want? Why are you banging on my door like the police? My neighbors will be reporting me to the housing association if you don’t quit.” She laughed and pushed past me into my home.
She had a bottle of wine in her hand and my favorite movie The Five Heartbeats. I smiled. It was just like my baby sister to try and make me feel better. She hugged me close and said “I got you sis. He’s an ass. You will get through this. You will meet and marry a wonderful baby and give me a whole lot of chocolate nieces and nephews.” That did it.
I started to cry.
My sister just held me. Held me like there was no tomorrow as I shuddered from all the pain that these last couple of days has brought me. It was cathartic. I was so weak. Tasha led me over to the couch and grabbed the blanket in my chair to put it over me. She went to the kitchen and poured us a couple of glasses of my favorite wine and put the DVD in.
She pressed the remote and started the movie. I laid on her lap and she rubbed my head while we watched the movie in silence. I had no words. I just had an emptiness that was in the pit of my stomach that I knew would never go away.
I was alone. I felt it. The loneliness. It was smothering me like a wet blanket over a fire. I dozed off listening to “We Haven’t Finished Yet”
Some people run at the first sign of stormy weather
Some people hold on and work it out together
I believe in you you believe in me
The rainbow ahead may be hard to see
We gotta hang on to this dream don’t let go
No matter how hard it gets we haven’t finished yet
There’s so much of life ahead we got so much to do
No matter how hard we try
We just can’t say goodbye
Don’t leave me with regrets
Cause we haven’t finished yet
-To Be Continued-