A Song for Brennan

Because I am a mother. Because I am black. Because I feel pain. I wrote this piece.

 

“A Song for Brennan”

Almost seven years ago, I birthed a king

Difficult conception, difficult delivery, but I had faith

You see I knew death from diseases that you weren’t supposed to get

I knew what it was like to see someone you love lying in a casket as people wept

Silently

 

But I prayed

I prayed for peace

I prayed for my seed growing in my womb

I prayed for you my son

 

I imagined your face being a combination of me and your daddy’s

I imagined singing you to sleep every night with songs I created in my mind

Why?

Because Rock-a-Bye-Baby scared the hell out of me

No way were you going to be up in a tree in a cradle

With the dang wind blowing?

What kind of foolishness was that?

Mess I said

Besides I knew I would never let you fall

 

My job was to protect you

Like wings of an eagle, I would always be there

You were the angel in my womb

God’s favor over my life defined

My chance at redemption

 

I changed

I became a fanatic

Reading everything I could get my hands on

I wanted to nurture you physically, mentally and spiritually

I vowed to protect you

Always

No greater love

 

It’s been an incredible journey my sweet boy

You’ve taught me how to love beyond measure

You challenge me

You inspire me

You love me

You question me

 

But I’ve lied dear sweet boy

Not because I wanted too, but because I had too

I couldn’t tell you the truth when you asked me about the police

I smiled away my tears as allergies when you caught me crying

I laughed and kissed you and said “Mommy loves you so much”

When you questioned the sadness in my eyes the next morning

 

“Is it me Mommy?” You asked

“Are you mad at me?” You questioned

“No baby” I responded

 

Truth is love

That I’m crying for all those mothers that lose

Lose their sons

For walking home from the store

For playing in the park

For walking to school

For

For

 

Being black

Because being black in this damn world

Is killing me

It angers me

That our children are dying

That you will never know

That in the midst of my tears for injustice

That I scream the names

For Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner

Michael Brown, John Crawford,

Jonathan Ferrell, Tamir Rice and the countless others

Who have lost their life

Because my dear sweet baby boy

I want you to know that

Black lives matter

You matter

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I Am America

My heart is heavy with this Trayvon Martin case. For those of you that may not have been following the case, he was a 17 year old boy who was shot and killed by an overzealous self-nominated neighborhood watch captain who claims he was acting in self-defense. The same self-defense argument that has prevented him from being arrested even after the boy was found dead with only iced tea and skittles in his pocket. We all know how skittles can be threatening to someone who is pursuing a suspicious black kid.


As a mother, woman, citizen and child, I can not imagine what this family is going through. They are left to rebuild their shattered lives after a man of questionable character named George Zimmerman shot him dead in the back like an animal. George Zimmerman is claiming self-defense and has not been arrested. He is hiding due to the various threats he received on his own life. I know the country is angry over this case, but death threats are not called for. Justice is called for. We should all want George Zimmerman arrested and charged with the crime of shooting and killing an unarmed young man.

Trayvon’s case was like a knife through my heart when I listened to the 911 tapes. I imagined this young man trying to get home and then being followed almost hunted by Zimmerman and Zimmerman all the while pursuing him and telling the dispatcher things like “This guy looks like he’s up to no good, or he’s on drugs or something.” How and why would you be following someone under the guise of neighborhood watch captain with a loaded gun? After killing the child, does the neighborhood feel more safe or are people looking to move because an innocent child was gunned down like a dog in the streets?

Zimmerman’s lack of arrest points to one simple fact for black folks…it ain’t over. Racism is still alive and this white man hasn’t been arrested for killing a black boy. All lives should be valued and not those that are black. When will society see that this is a big issue of injustices and Jim Crow era laws? Are we not supposed to assert or challenge the belief that Zimmerman was lying about self-defense? I’m tired of having to stand up and make people see that I am more than just the color of my skin. I am black. I am a citizen. I deserve respect.

I feel good about the fact that the U.S. Department of Justice will be investigating this case, but it’s not enough. Trayvon’s death should shed light on the fact that many of this country’s citizens haven’t accepted a diversified America. An America where everyone is judged on the content of the character and not the color of their skin. An America where injustices against one another are punishable by a court of law. An America where you can be proud of the color of your skin at all times and not just when you’re in the comfort of your own home. Has America changed or are we blind to the fact that in 2012 many people still think we are enslaved?



TheHuffington Post is doing a great job covering the story with a page dedicated to Travyon. Click on the link to go to their page.