Work At Love

Mr. C starts his new position on the 27th of this month. I’m disappointed. I wanted it to be in March. March 6th specifically.

Sigh.

I know that you’re probably laughing at me for picking out his start date. But, I can’t help it. I wanted it to be later. I know that I can’t control everything. I’m just not ready. I’m trying to just relax and trust that it will work itself out.

Work.

Relationships require work. I realize that now. I don’t think I really understood the magnitude of work and how much work is required when in a relationship. I think my ex worked at it. Sometimes.

Then he would get tired and frustrated and not work anymore. I would then feel his lack of working and then pick up the reigns to our marriage and work at it. You see that huh? We were working separately from each other.

We weren’t working together. We were each working at different times. I don’t think we ever knew it. I really didn’t understand and appreciate the value in working on relationships. Everything came sorta easy for me.

It appeared on the outside that the successful marriages were the ones that just seemed to flow. I didn’t know that they had to work on them. Work on them together. Not separately.

I’m learning in my relationship with Mr. C. I’m learning that he and I have to work at it together. Not separately. United. As a team.

God reminds me of this when I get stubborn. He reminds me that I prayed for Mr. C and that he sent me someone to love me and my son. He reminds me that I have to stay in the present and know that everything is working according to His will.

I know.

I get frustrated.

I get distracted by the amount of work and think that I can’t do it. I start to have doubts. Negative voices that scream… It is impossible. We are doomed. We are having to work too hard for something as simple as time.

Then something like this happens when I feel down and disturbed by my lot in life:

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A fellow blogger, KE reminded me what I’m working for. What God has given me. She reminded me that we are shaping one another and our relationship so that it fits us and our circumstances.

I get it God!

I need to remember that love and work both require action. I have to work for the things that I love and I have to work at my relationship. No situation is perfect and no situation is without frustrations and/or setbacks. We have to keep shaping one another and our relationship.

Thanks for the reminder KE.

 

Motivational Monday Moment – 9/19/16

Happy Monday Folks!

Today’s Motivational Monday Moment is meant to inspire you to pray. I’ve had an exhausting 24 hours. It was stressful and I allowed some things to stress me when I shouldn’t have. I know.

It’s my fault.

I was disturbed in my spirit and trying to get my emotions under control. I wish I could tell you that I have all the answers and that I’m not easily stressed, but I don’t. I’m human. I make MANY mistakes.  One of the many mistakes is getting sucked into the drama and issues of others.

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I’m emotional. I need to learn to not get sucked into drama and just pray. It’s hard though. I want to fight and argue and make a case for my side when you know what? It really doesn’t matter. I can’t change someone’s mind. I can only control my actions and me.

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I don’t owe anyone anything. I just need to be the best person that I can be. I need to keep my head in the game and stop feeling the need to validate who I am and what I am doing. I owe nothing to no one.

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When I am stressed beyond belief I forget how to pray sometimes. Has that ever happened to you? When there is so much noise in your head that your head is pounding and you forget that the only way out is to pray?

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I do. Been there. Done that. Multiple times. Even when I was alone, I knew that I was truly not alone. He was right there with me. Waiting patiently for me to come to him.

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However, I want to remind each of us how easy it is to pray through our problems. You are never alone. Just call on Him. How do you call on Him? Just by doing this…

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Call on the name of Jesus. Sometimes all you can do is just say “Jesus” and you can start to feel His power working in you. He wants us to call Him. Why? Because there is power in the name of Jesus.

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Trust me when I tell you that all you have to do is call on His name because there is power there. I know because this morning I was all out of sorts…angry, defensive and frustrated. I felt alone and I needed to get my mind right before coming into work.

You know what it was? I broke my normal routine. I usually wake up and pray and read devotionals and have prayer with Mr. C. We didn’t do it this morning. He changed his work hours and I got Munch into before and after care at school so our schedules were off. When he called me I was trying to finish up and get out of the door.

I got in the car and told him about a situation that frustrated the heck out of me. I was angry, perturbed and frankly stressed out this morning. He tried to calm me down. He said “Babe, you need to pray”. I responded “Yeah, I need to pray.” It was in a snarky town because I was in a snarky mood. We were not getting along well this morning.

But, you know what? He was right. I needed to pray. My mind was out of sorts and I was not being as I should be. I owned it. I allowed outside things to change me. I needed Jesus. I needed to pray. I needed to have my spirit renewed and refreshed. And you know what it worked.

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I started to feel better. What did I do? Nothing. I just went before the throne this morning. I owned my mood and said  a prayer…

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Dear Father,

Hallowed be thy Name

Help me this morning Lord.

I’m coming to you asking for help

You know what I’m going through

You know the pains that are disturbing my spirit

Help me to erase the pain and know that all things

work according to Your will.

That if it is in your will it will be fine.

Allow my spirit to find peace in your words and my mind to be anchored in you

Let me remember that you are sovereign and that no weapon formed

against me shall prosper

Jesus.

There’s nothing like calling the sweet name of Jesus.

Dear Lord please give my weary spirit rest. Help me to forgive those that mean me harm

Teach me how to seek peace and understanding for those who trespass against me.

Teach me how to pray for those that wish me harm.

Dear Lord you are the only true God

so it is in you will that I want to humbly reside.

Bear with me Lord.

I am weak.

I am human.

Renew my mind and renew my spirit.

Amen.

 

Motivational Monday Moment – 8/8/2016

Happy Monday Folks!

Today is a new day and it is my Motivational Monday Moment and I wanted to share some words to motivate you today. Today is also my daddy’s 61st birthday! God is awesome because that is the first time that I’m telling folks! I’ll be home early next month and Brennan and I will celebrate with him.


So, A LOT of things have been happening to and around me. We all are going through some things and I wanted to let you know that

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When we feel like we’re walking alone on a difficult road with treacherous conditions you need to remember that this is only part of the journey. Your journey is not always going to be pleasant but your destination will be beautiful because we are staying focused. What are we focused on? The light.

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When hardships seem unbearable and pressures seem never ending know that you must stay focused. Stay determined to see this through. You have to go through a situation to get to the end. Believe me when I tell you that it is often easier to give into self-pity and self-loathing because you feel like you are in a perpetual hell, but trust me when I tell you that you need to…

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Can you do that this morning? Can you start loving yourself in spite of your trials and tribulations? They are only temporary. This situation you find yourself in will not break you. You are a winner!

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Even when you think you’re losing, you’re winning because you showed up. You never gave up. You didn’t quit. That’s half the battle. Just show up and never give up.

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I have to tell you a secret…

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You have to know that there is a lesson in everything. What did you learn? What did you know after something happened that you didn’t know before. Focus on the lesson and you will realize that what you did was find strength to get through a difficult situation. You won’t see it as a failure that has you bound to this situation. You will see it as something you can overcome.

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Tomorrow is not promised loves. This life we live is fragile. Focus on the good. Love more than your heart can bear and know that trouble don’t last always. You have to take life one day at a time. Take it in smaller increments if you need to (seconds, minutes and hours) .

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Take it in small increments. You will get there. Focus on what you want and know that it will happen. You are totally worth all the good things coming your way. I love you and I believe in you.

Happy Monday!

Random: At This Moment

Last week a friend of mine said, “I hadn’t heard from you in a long time.” I responded “I know. I’ve been going through some things and haven’t really shared.” She asked, “What’s going on?” I replied, “Every month since October there has been some major hardship/issue that has affected me. I feel like I can’t breathe” I muttered. “It’s at times overwhelming and I’m consistently asking God to please give me the strength to endure” I said.

Silence.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked. “No, not right now” I responded.

I didn’t. I didn’t want to talk about my problems/issues. Why? Because I was tired of crying.

Alone in my bed when the world is asleep, I toss and turn and cry.

Crying is cathartic for me. It exhausts me. It solves nothing, so I’m not sure why I do it. But, I do.

I cry for things that have happened, things that haven’t happened and things that I want to happen. I cry and pray. Pray and cry. Non-stop.

Until I go numb. Then I drift off to sleep. Sleep is fretful and disturbing. Weird dreams with no understanding of what they mean. Nightmares. Never peaceful bliss. I’m exhausted by the time I awake.

A hot shower, a cup of coffee and make-up to hide the bags under my eyes. I pinch my cheeks and smile and practice my “I’m in control of my life” look. Why? Because the world expects me to be okay. They expect me to be good. To be in control. I’m not expected to fall apart. I haven’t fallen apart since my marriage disintegrated.

Ugh! Those memories still haunt me to this day. Falling out from emotional and spiritual fatigue and unable to stand. I lay on the floor crying in a heap. My then 5 year old son held my head and rubbed my hair saying, “Mommy, please don’t cry. Mommy, I will protect you.”

I cried harder.

This too shall pass.

I’ve survived worse is what I keep reminding myself. Don’t give in to the darkness. Breathe. Take it one day at a time. Pray. Pray without ceasing. Give it to God.

I have. I do. I’m so weak.

A friend said, “You have it all together.” I smiled and replied “Nope, I am one crisis away from a nervous breakdown.” Awkward silence.

Dang, I didn’t want that. It’s too early for him to think that I’m crazy. It’s too early to show vulnerability. What will he think?

I can’t breathe.

I have to think about something else. I have to focus on today’s task. I have to remind myself that my greater is coming. Strength. That’s what I need.

God please give me the strength to endure and while you’re in the problem solving business give me some grace and mercy. I could truly use it right now. Thank you Lord.

A Bit Of Everything

On the Last Day Before Christmas (Christmas Eve)

What I received this year…

A profound sense of determination– One of the hardest things for me was a desire to people please and take stuff from people. Not intentionally but just letting the slick stuff slide. The comments from people who were meant to destroy me or break me down hurt like hell. I always took the high road. You know the road where you don’t give in to the foolishness of other folks and don’t engage? But, that left me both mentally and emotionally drained.

I felt overwhelmed by the viciousness and the hate that was being spewed that it literally consumed my spirit. I am a woman of faith and it is hard to keep your faith when you are being attacked by people. I kept praying and trying to be the bigger person, but what happens when you can’t? When you can’t hold in the frustration and the anger that is consuming you. What do you do?

You explode. You lose it. You cry, curse, shout or do whatever to get through the pain and then you figure out a plan. Not the plan on how to kill and get away with murder of your enemies but the plan on how you will not let the naysayers affect your spirit or life with the bull. You become determined to build a wall that they can’t knock down, tear down or blow up with their wickedness. Then you build that wall up and you cover it with purpose and praise because you are determined to not be dragged in the pits of hell where your haters live. You pray. You become determined to take the road of righteousness and surround yourself with prayer partners who keep your name lifted up. That’s what you do because you are determined to live each day better than the last.

So, to recap the 12 gifts that I received this year were:

12. Hope

11. Renewed Faith

10. Joy

9. Wisdom

8. Time

7. Laughter

6. Forgiving Spirit

5. Healthier Waist Size

4. Vulnerability

3. Introspective Spirit

2. Powerful Praise

….#1. A Profound Sense of Determination

Sinner’s Prayer

You know sometimes I just can’t pray for folks who mean me harm. You know the people who try to maliciously destroy me or despise me so much that all they do is stress me out. I know what you’re thinking…why are you letting them? Human nature. I have to deal with difficult people.

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I hate it though. I hate that I have to interact or deal with people who have grudges against me and strive to cause me misery. I just pray the typical sinner’s prayer, “God please smite my enemies. You promised me that you would make them my footstools. Any day now would be super.”

I told you that it was a sinner’s prayer. But, what do you do when it is affecting how you co-parent? How do you get better? I know that I can’t change others. I can only change me. I know I can’t make people respect me or treat me like I treat them. I just want to co-parent in peace.

However, my spirit was in turmoil last night. I was feeling overwhelmed and tearful at the relationship that feels sometimes like it is an uphill battle. In a perfect world, my son’s father and I would just want to do what is best for our son. Protect his spirit and truly respect each other as co-parents. But, that doesn’t happen.

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In my very intimate circles I share my frustrations, fears and tears as it relates to this situation. The common consensus is to just be strong and pray for him. What? Pray for him? Why? I can’t. He is so mean to me sometimes and praying isn’t going to help.

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You see what I did right there? I tried to tell folks that God can’t. That I know more than God because God can’t change him. However, God always knows how to bring me back in line. Let me tell you how…

My friend was going through some things on her job and her boss was attacking her from every which way. She feared losing her job. She prayed. She sent out her resume. She prayed. She was constantly afraid that she would lose her job that it was stressing her out. Causing her physical, mental and spiritual pain. One day when we were having dinner I was sharing my experience with her when I went through something similar with a former supervisor.

I told her that it all worked out in my favor, but I wish I would have prayed for my supervisor. That was my only regret. I told her that she needs to pray for those that wish to cause her harm. Pray for her enemies. Pray for her supervisor. I told her that it is hard, but you have to try to pray for her. She said okay.

We had a chance to catch up recently and I asked her how everything is going at work and she said, “Better. No problems with my supervisor saying disrespectful things to me, but I still don’t trust the environment, but she’s a lot better.” I smiled. She said, “I remember that you told me to pray for her and I did. I believe that prayer worked.”

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I gave her advice over something that I wished I had done when under attack. My God! I didn’t know how soon it would be before God gave me another opportunity to do what He has commanded me to do.

Matthew 5:43-45 (NKJV)

Love Your Enemies

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,[b] 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

I had to pray for my son’s father. Why? Because I know better. I prayed a sinner’s prayer, but I’m committing to pray for him and for all those that persecute me. I didn’t know how to start. I mean what could I say that would make sense?

Thank God for friends. He sent me these prayers this morning and I already started to pray because it can only improve our relationship and our ability to co-parent effectively. Maybe my praying will inspire you to pray for those who despise you as well. Collectively I believe we can make a change.

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Do You Have Vision?

“Most men if they are absent of having a good woman in their life only have good ideas. In the company of a godly woman ideas become a dream.” – Rev. Dr. Jamal Bryant

 

Yesterday, my local radio station had the topic of the day which was what makes someone “Marriage Material.” There were a lot of male callers that were saying that a woman needed to have:

  • class
  • belief in God
  • a good job
  • self-respect
  • purpose

If that was all, then why are more men and women not married? Why is it that men have a list of what makes a woman marriage material, but no desire to get married? Isn’t that the real question? However, men need to realize that your dreams can’t be realized without a good woman on your side.

History shows us that some of the most powerful men had strong women who dreamed for their mates. I’m sure that these women encouraged, prayed and helped nurture their man’s ideas into visions.

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President Roosevelt and his wife Eleanor

 

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his wife Coretta
Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his wife Coretta

 

President John F. Kennedy and his wife Jackie O'.
President John F. Kennedy and his wife Jackie O’.

 

President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle
President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle

 

I’ve never really thought of myself as a visionary. I just dream, believe, pray and commit. That’s all I do. Many things work according to God’s plan (favor), but I learned early in life that I have to thank God for the good and the bad. For what I have and for what I don’t.

I had a man to tell me years ago that I have a gift of making a man believe that he is superman. He said, “You get to encouraging a man and he feels as though he can’t fail. That is your charm and I have to be careful that I don’t fall victim to it.” I was hurt. Was I being malicious? No, I don’t think so. I just encouraged a man’s dreams. Was that wrong?

Nope. It was my gift. A woman’s gift and responsibility. To encourage a man to believe in his dreams and to follow them. I did it in my relationships and I did it in my marriage. But, I wasn’t consistent. I wasn’t praying over my partner with purpose. I was just praying in general for his health and well-being.

Then I heard that sermon that Rev. Dr. Jamal Bryant preached and I knew that it wasn’t charm that was deceiving to men. It was that I was a woman with vision and trying to encourage my man to pursue his dreams and watch them manifest. Did it always work? No.

However, that didn’t stop me from believing that it was my job to pray over my partner. To encourage his spirit. But, I realized that a lot of women don’t do that. We don’t really pray for our mates and men don’t really pray for us. Why not? Aren’t you supposed to pray over your loved ones? I pray over my son at least two times a day, but I wasn’t praying over my partner.

As I’ve gained wisdom in my 40th year I realized that I need to pray more. That I need to have the courage of my conviction and pray for my partner. Pray over him openly and pray with him consistently.

I spoke earlier this year about visualizing love and I want to add that I vow to do the following with my partner:

  • Pray with him daily
  • Pray over his life and encourage his dreams
  • Help him to visualize that if he’s following God’s plan that favor will follow

My next relationship has to be one where we both follow God. Where he is without a shadow of a doubt a believer and living in God’s purpose. Where I can truly be his help mate and rib because he is following God and leading the family. We will pray together and we will continually work on maintaining a healthy relationship. He will recognize that I have vision and I will help his dreams become reality.

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