I absolutely love this. Check it out…
Stop carrying people’s burden: you are not a burden carrier. Let them bear their own problems. Yes, you can give a listening ear, give your advice and encouragement but do so and move on. You…
Category: learned
Change is Good
Last week I read Michelle Malone’s post where she said “Today I challenge you to seek, identify, and track the signs of change in your life rather than ignoring them.” I was inspired. Inspired to do what? To do what she suggested – seek, identify and track the signs of change in your life.
Here’s what I discovered about myself when I set about the challenge. I learned that when I seek ways to change, I actually allow myself to grow. Grow because I realized that I’m never too old to learn and that it’s okay if I change my mind. I’m a woman and I can change my mind as many times as I want. LOL. That being said. I wanted to share 5 things with you that I learned this last week about myself.
5 Signs that I’m Changing:
- Forgiveness. This was a hard one for me, but I’m actually thankful that I’m able to forgive my dad and spend time with him. When I was home last week I took him to lunch, gave him a birthday card with some money and took care of some of his wants. Forgiveness of all the years of pain and absence allowed me the ability to do this. That’s growth.
- Listen more. Speak less. Some would argue that I don’t do that, but I promise you that I am doing that. I’m learning that in order to communicate that I need to spend more time listening and truly hearing what is being said. I’m also learning that not everything deserves a response. Sometimes more can be conquered when you don’t respond at all.
- Accepting others at face value. I have little faith in humanity. I’ve seen too much. I’ve experienced too much, but I’m learning that I need to trust more. To love more. To believe more. To try and see the good in others up front and accept what they say at face value. At least until they disappoint me. But, learning to have a discerning spirit is important and not trying to just see the bad in people has allowed me to grow and change.
- Advise when needed. I’m learning that just because someone comes to you with an issue doesn’t mean that they want you to respond and advise them of what they should do. I admit that I do that all the time. I am learning to advise only when requested and then apply #2.
- Spend time freely. As I’ve aged I realized that I do need to spend quality time with my family and friends. I have brunches, lunches and dinners with friends and take trips home to Tennessee to visit my dad and extended family. This is important because it gives Munch and I time to reconnect. I can’t get so consumed with the day to day that I neglect the folks who haven’t seen me.
There is another way that I just realized that I’m changing and I will share that with you later because it is important. It was my Aha! moment. I’ve learned a lot about myself and how I operate and all I can say is that I am a work I progress. I’m still seeking ways to acknowledge my changes becaue it shows that I’m growing. Have you sought, identified and/or tracked your changes?
On the 6th Day of Christmas
What I received this year…
A forgiving spirit – Let me tell you how many times I’ve held on to the wrongs that people have done to me. I will cut people from my life with a quickness but I never forget the hurt. It takes years. I still feel pain if it is was someone who I was truly close to. But, I realized that there is a time for everything and I have to accept that some people will play major roles during minor times and others will play minor roles during major times and that is okay. It’s seasonal. I need to forgive those that I feel should have stepped up and had my back or just been there for me.
But, I didn’t. I would hold on to that pain. I received a forgiving spirit. I needed to forgive people who had wronged me but more importantly I needed to forgive myself for thinking that I could have done more for them to still be in my life. I learned that it is okay to just let go and be satisfied that it is for the best. A forgiving spirit is a beautiful thing.
My Father’s Day Gift: Forgiveness
If you’ve been reading my blog you already know that I never had a relationship with my dad until recently. My parents separated when I was 9 years old and it was hard for me to figure out a way to cope with a man who chose to forget about me instead of love me.
It was many years and many failed relationships that I realized that I needed my dad. I needed him because he was the missing link in my life. I was broken and playing at being whole, but deep down inside my daddy was what I wanted and needed. I had to forgive.
Forgiveness is a process for me. It takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. I am stubborn. I get that from my mama. But, I needed to truly forgive the man who abandoned me.
I can honestly say after three years of trying to forgive, I have. It happened when I went home last month for Mother’s Day to Tennessee. I went to visit my dad.
My son wanted to meet his grandfather. I had been nervously wondering about this meeting because munch is my everything. I didn’t want to allow my dad the opportunity to meet the little boy who was God’s greatest gift to me only to abandon him like he did me. I was afraid. I let that fear lead me. When my son asked, “Mommy, can I please call Mr. Frank grandpa?” I replied, “No, munch. Not yet. Let’s meet him first.” He responded by asking “Why? Isn’t he my grandfather?”
You see that? My fear was allowing me to control what my son wanted to have…a relationship with his grandfather. I let the conversation drop and went to visit my dad the Monday after Mother’s Day. I sat there nervously wondering how my son would react. My dad was creepy looking. I love him, but he hadn’t aged well and he actually looked like a burnt out Dick Gregory. But, I held fast to the belief that this was what munch wanted.
We got out of the car and I held his hand tightly. I walked him over to introduce him to my dad and he let go of my hand and ran to him and wrapped his arms around his neck and said, “Grandpa! It’s so nice to meet you. I’m Brennan!” Just like that. My son’s acceptance of the man he didn’t know but already loved allowed me to truly forgive my father.
Love. Acceptance. Forgiveness.
I love him for the person he was, but more importantly for who he wasn’t. Because I think my life turned out the way it was supposed too.
I accept the fact that my dad is an alcoholic and his monkey will never leave his back. He’s not hitting women anymore, but he still hits the bottle. Alcoholism is a disease and I accept who he is.
I forgive the man who abandoned me when I was a child. Who walked out of my life and never looked back. The man who created other children with other women and abandoned them as well. I forgive the man who stands before me because I see him not as superman but simply a man. My dad. Broken and all. I love this man because he is me and I am him.
So, this Father’s Day is actually pretty awesome because I’m openly loving the man who had publicly abandoned me. Telling the world that I forgive this man and love him. I’ve sent him a Father’s Day card for the first time in my life.
Happy Father’s Day Daddy!
Why Doesn’t He Love Me?!
What an incredible post that I wanted to share. I’ve been there and done that. It was so real for me. How about you?
I’ve asked myself so many times, “What’s wrong with me?” I’ve been dating for three years and no serious, committed relationships have come from any of it. There have been nights where I would become so frustrated.
It seems like the guys who adored me were nice but that’s all they were–nice. We lacked common interests, chemistry and connection. Then there’s the guy who possesses majority of things you want in a partner. You two begin to talk, click and eventually build. But somewhere along the way, things went left and now your Mr. Future joins your list of Mr. Pasts.
I’ve wasted so much time analyzing things I could not control–people and the past. “Maybe he was thinking this or that”, “maybe I should have reworded that message”, “oh crap, I shouldn’t have went off–now he thinks I’m crazy and definitely doesn’t want me.”
I’m…
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Mr. Possibility
Is a good guy. We’ve gone out a few times and I sincerely dig his personality. He’s fun, smart and very attentive. He’s a gentleman. He makes me think of the possibility.
I’m sitting there looking at this man and thinking how cool it would be to white water raft with him or just go on a hike and I don’t even like hiking. He has a nice body for his age and I’m gushing because his smile his captivating. Interesting. But, I’m still trying to figure him out.
We met online. He accepted my terms. Got to know me. Tells me I’m smart. Tells me I’m beautiful. Likes my nerdy laugh. Likes to be in my presence. No pressure. We have some similarities. We have some differences. Just being able to dwell in the possibilities has me excited.
I’m enjoying our time together and interested to see what happens this weekend. I’ll keep you posted.
Happy Birthday to My BFF!
Proverbs 18:24 (MSG)
24 Friends come and friends go,
but a true friend sticks by you like family.
So many birthdays are happening this year! Some of my best and dearest friends are turning 40. I turned 40 earlier this year and am thankful that I get to witness their celebration as they embark on their 40’s with me.
One of these awesome people is my best friend. We met at the age of 13 and have been through hell and back. No literally. We’ve fought, stopped speaking and gone our separate ways only to find out that we are the missing links in each other’s lives. True sisterhood.
I’m not perfect and she’s not perfect, but she encourages and believes in me in spite of everything I could ever do or not do. She is my rock! She was the main supporter when I was falling out and crying over my failed marriage. She just listened, wiped my tears and loved me more. Isn’t that what friendship is about?
I always swore that if I ever became rich and/or famous that I would never change because she wouldn’t let me. She would keep me grounded and remind me about my humility. She is just that awesome. So, welcome dear friend to your 40’s!
