My high horse journalistic point of view
I absolutely love this. Check it out…
Stop carrying people’s burden: you are not a burden carrier. Let them bear their own problems. Yes, you can give a listening ear, give your advice and encouragement but do so and move on. You…
Source: 5 Important Things That You Should Do In 2017
Last week I read Michelle Malone’s post where she said “Today I challenge you to seek, identify, and track the signs of change in your life rather than ignoring them.” I was inspired. Inspired to do what? To do what she suggested – seek, identify and track the signs of change in your life.
Here’s what I discovered about myself when I set about the challenge. I learned that when I seek ways to change, I actually allow myself to grow. Grow because I realized that I’m never too old to learn and that it’s okay if I change my mind. I’m a woman and I can change my mind as many times as I want. LOL. That being said. I wanted to share 5 things with you that I learned this last week about myself.
5 Signs that I’m Changing:
There is another way that I just realized that I’m changing and I will share that with you later because it is important. It was my Aha! moment. I’ve learned a lot about myself and how I operate and all I can say is that I am a work I progress. I’m still seeking ways to acknowledge my changes becaue it shows that I’m growing. Have you sought, identified and/or tracked your changes?
What I received this year…
A forgiving spirit – Let me tell you how many times I’ve held on to the wrongs that people have done to me. I will cut people from my life with a quickness but I never forget the hurt. It takes years. I still feel pain if it is was someone who I was truly close to. But, I realized that there is a time for everything and I have to accept that some people will play major roles during minor times and others will play minor roles during major times and that is okay. It’s seasonal. I need to forgive those that I feel should have stepped up and had my back or just been there for me.
But, I didn’t. I would hold on to that pain. I received a forgiving spirit. I needed to forgive people who had wronged me but more importantly I needed to forgive myself for thinking that I could have done more for them to still be in my life. I learned that it is okay to just let go and be satisfied that it is for the best. A forgiving spirit is a beautiful thing.
If you’ve been reading my blog you already know that I never had a relationship with my dad until recently. My parents separated when I was 9 years old and it was hard for me to figure out a way to cope with a man who chose to forget about me instead of love me.
It was many years and many failed relationships that I realized that I needed my dad. I needed him because he was the missing link in my life. I was broken and playing at being whole, but deep down inside my daddy was what I wanted and needed. I had to forgive.
Forgiveness is a process for me. It takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. I am stubborn. I get that from my mama. But, I needed to truly forgive the man who abandoned me.
I can honestly say after three years of trying to forgive, I have. It happened when I went home last month for Mother’s Day to Tennessee. I went to visit my dad.
My son wanted to meet his grandfather. I had been nervously wondering about this meeting because munch is my everything. I didn’t want to allow my dad the opportunity to meet the little boy who was God’s greatest gift to me only to abandon him like he did me. I was afraid. I let that fear lead me. When my son asked, “Mommy, can I please call Mr. Frank grandpa?” I replied, “No, munch. Not yet. Let’s meet him first.” He responded by asking “Why? Isn’t he my grandfather?”
You see that? My fear was allowing me to control what my son wanted to have…a relationship with his grandfather. I let the conversation drop and went to visit my dad the Monday after Mother’s Day. I sat there nervously wondering how my son would react. My dad was creepy looking. I love him, but he hadn’t aged well and he actually looked like a burnt out Dick Gregory. But, I held fast to the belief that this was what munch wanted.
We got out of the car and I held his hand tightly. I walked him over to introduce him to my dad and he let go of my hand and ran to him and wrapped his arms around his neck and said, “Grandpa! It’s so nice to meet you. I’m Brennan!” Just like that. My son’s acceptance of the man he didn’t know but already loved allowed me to truly forgive my father.
Love. Acceptance. Forgiveness.
I love him for the person he was, but more importantly for who he wasn’t. Because I think my life turned out the way it was supposed too.
I accept the fact that my dad is an alcoholic and his monkey will never leave his back. He’s not hitting women anymore, but he still hits the bottle. Alcoholism is a disease and I accept who he is.
I forgive the man who abandoned me when I was a child. Who walked out of my life and never looked back. The man who created other children with other women and abandoned them as well. I forgive the man who stands before me because I see him not as superman but simply a man. My dad. Broken and all. I love this man because he is me and I am him.
So, this Father’s Day is actually pretty awesome because I’m openly loving the man who had publicly abandoned me. Telling the world that I forgive this man and love him. I’ve sent him a Father’s Day card for the first time in my life.
Happy Father’s Day Daddy!
What an incredible post that I wanted to share. I’ve been there and done that. It was so real for me. How about you?
I’ve asked myself so many times, “What’s wrong with me?” I’ve been dating for three years and no serious, committed relationships have come from any of it. There have been nights where I would become so frustrated.
It seems like the guys who adored me were nice but that’s all they were–nice. We lacked common interests, chemistry and connection. Then there’s the guy who possesses majority of things you want in a partner. You two begin to talk, click and eventually build. But somewhere along the way, things went left and now your Mr. Future joins your list of Mr. Pasts.
I’ve wasted so much time analyzing things I could not control–people and the past. “Maybe he was thinking this or that”, “maybe I should have reworded that message”, “oh crap, I shouldn’t have went off–now he thinks I’m crazy and definitely doesn’t want me.”
I’m…
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Is a good guy. We’ve gone out a few times and I sincerely dig his personality. He’s fun, smart and very attentive. He’s a gentleman. He makes me think of the possibility.
I’m sitting there looking at this man and thinking how cool it would be to white water raft with him or just go on a hike and I don’t even like hiking. He has a nice body for his age and I’m gushing because his smile his captivating. Interesting. But, I’m still trying to figure him out.
We met online. He accepted my terms. Got to know me. Tells me I’m smart. Tells me I’m beautiful. Likes my nerdy laugh. Likes to be in my presence. No pressure. We have some similarities. We have some differences. Just being able to dwell in the possibilities has me excited.
I’m enjoying our time together and interested to see what happens this weekend. I’ll keep you posted.
Proverbs 18:24 (MSG)
24 Friends come and friends go,
but a true friend sticks by you like family.
So many birthdays are happening this year! Some of my best and dearest friends are turning 40. I turned 40 earlier this year and am thankful that I get to witness their celebration as they embark on their 40’s with me.
One of these awesome people is my best friend. We met at the age of 13 and have been through hell and back. No literally. We’ve fought, stopped speaking and gone our separate ways only to find out that we are the missing links in each other’s lives. True sisterhood.
I’m not perfect and she’s not perfect, but she encourages and believes in me in spite of everything I could ever do or not do. She is my rock! She was the main supporter when I was falling out and crying over my failed marriage. She just listened, wiped my tears and loved me more. Isn’t that what friendship is about?
I always swore that if I ever became rich and/or famous that I would never change because she wouldn’t let me. She would keep me grounded and remind me about my humility. She is just that awesome. So, welcome dear friend to your 40’s!
Happy Mother’s Day!
Today is an awesome day that brings light to the invaluable roles we mothers play. There is nothing in this world that brings me greater joy than being a mother. What did I do before munch? It doesn’t really matter because it doesn’t compare to being his mom. I’m over the top I know, but I’m just so happy and blessed that I am his mom.
This mother’s day is going to be awesome because right now I’m home in Tennessee spending it with my grandmother, mother and sister and all my aunts. We are all together and my munch gets to experience the Copeland clan in full force so to speak. I will post pictures later of our Mother’s Day weekend.
But, I wanted to tell you these 5 things that I love about being a mom in honor of Mother’s Day. I want to encourage each one of you to think about things that you love about being mother’s or about the mother you love and write them down. It keeps it in perspective when the road gets tough in life.
5 Things I Love About Being a Mom
So, that’s it folks! There are many more reasons that I love being a mom, but I have to get back to being a mom and get my son fed and dressed for church. We are going to church at St. Mark’s Baptist Church in Henning, Tennessee to hear a word from Pastor Jarrett. That is my home church. I can’t wait!
Happy Mother’s Day!
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. – Maya Angelou
I entitled my post today based off a sermon my pastor preached a few weeks ago entitled “But By the Grace of God I am what I am”. One of the points that he was making in his sermon was about not being bound by my background. He spoke about this in relation to Paul and how Paul is not the only one with a shady background. But, he said that the favor of God is significant in the life of the believer. The message had been resonating in my spirit for the last few weeks and I can’t seem to get it out. I guess that means I need to focus on it right?
So, I did. I started thinking about my past and how I’m not bound my background no matter who tries to hold me hostage to my past. Like Paul and I suppose many of you reading this now, I had to remember that I have God’s favor and he is not holding my past hostage and using it to destroy me in my future. That’s what I had to remember because I’ve been having a heck of a time “co-parenting” with my son’s father lately and I realized that one of the things he was doing was trying to bound me to my background.
Have you ever had someone try to use your past as a weapon against you in your future? By using your fears, insecurities, experiences and/or bad decisions in your face as fact of the person you are and who’ve you become? I have and you know what? I ain’t worried. I know that’s not grammatically correct, but in this instance I need you to understand where I’m coming from because it is about to get real.
No one is perfect. No one. Only one man was perfect and none of us have ever come close so we need to stop worrying about being perfect and just live our best lives. Seeking to do His will. The bible is full of situations in which Jesus used the undesirable to spread the word. He showed favor and these people realized it. I realize it.
You know when I realized it? When I had suffered abuse at the hands of man and all my walls were built up to protect my heart, God protected my spirit. The enemy didn’t win. Was my life rough? Yes. Am I better having lived and survived the experiences. Yes. Is God through with me? No.
I have often spoke of how we need to encourage ourselves in order to get through difficult situations where people are trying to persecute you. Sometimes that is all you can do is to pray, submit and give it to God. I won’t let those who don’t believe in God’s favor persecute me for my past. Because those persecutors are not perfect. They have a past like me and many times it is worse. The great thing I want you to remember is that your past is just that…your past.
You can’t erase it. You can’t forget it. You may have had no control over the events that happened in your past. But, you can choose not to relive it. Don’t be bound by your background. Know that you are blessed and highly favored.
That’s the term I learned by watching Ilyana Vanzant’s “Fix My Life with Karrueche Tran” interview. I’m a daddyless daughter. Ilyana told Karrueche that she “believes that when young women grow up without their father it breaks something in their heart that broken men will walk into”. Wow! I was literally paralyzed with a message that God had been sending me about my own life for the last month.
I have spoken openly about how my father wasn’t in my life. He was an abusive man. He was an alcoholic. But, he was my daddy. I loved him. He never hit me. He was just sick. But, what do you do when you realize that your daddy never loved you? You rebel. You find love in all the wrong places.
That was me. A virtual non-believer in love. Love was a lie. My life was a lie. How could a man love me when the man who helped create me didn’t? You run. You avoid love like the plague. You spend years building walls reinforced with steel girders that no one can break down.
Until one day you can’t run.
You have someone who sees you and wants you to stay. You see someone who says that I see all your brokenness and baggage and I want to help. I want to love you past your pain. I want to give you reason to smile. I want to make you know love and appreciate love from a man.
He says all the right things. He may even mean those things, but when you’re broken and your heart is broken, you can’t decipher fact from fiction. That the man standing there telling you all these things is in essence…broken too. So, you love. You give. You start letting those walls down because you believe that you can change him. Fix his issues. You two will be able to fix the broken parts of your life. You believe that it is not futile to endure the b.s. You believe that if you just love harder and smarter you can change him.
Until you realize that you can’t change him.
What do you do? You crawl, walk or run away from the pain. You pray, you submit to the spirit and you get therapy. You figure out what it is about you that keeps attracting broken men. What is it about you that has you thinking that you can save a man by loving him? You start to understand and repeat fervently the first stanza in the serenity prayer. You know the one that says:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Hoping and believing that it will get easier. Easier to fix you. Because let’s face it…you are the problem. You have to learn to forgive. Not for them, but for you. You have to accept that life isn’t what you wanted and dang it was hard, but you have to let go and forgive the man who left you a daddyless daughter. You have to know that you deserve it. You deserve peace.
You do.
You forgive the man who made your childhood a horror story. You forgive the man who put his hands on your mother. You forgive the man who walked out your life and never looked back. You forgive the man who left you. Not for him, but for you. So, you can grow. So you can change. So, you can stop allowing broken men to occupy time and space in your heart.
Because they don’t deserve it.
