It’s Time To Accept The Emotional Shift In Men

Are men “more emotional” now? Or, have men’s emotions been repressed all this time by socialization, tradition, norms, rearing, and conditioning?

A few questions

Why do you see men dying much faster than women outside our reluctance to visit the doctor? Why do you see so many men dying of depression and hypertension? Why do you see far more men (than women) shooting up schools and committing mass murders?
In his article about male violence, Jesse J. Prinz of Psychology Today says:
Men perpetrate about 90 percent of the world’s homicides and start all of the wars. A recent article in a prominent science journal contends that evolution has shaped men to be warriors. More specifically, the authors claim that men are biologically programmed to form coalitions that aggress against neighbors, and they do so in order to get women, either through force or by procuring resources that would make them more desirable. The male warrior hypothesis is alluring because it makes sense of male violence, but it is based on a dubious interpretation of the science.
The numbers are alarmingly slanted towards men vs women. You see men in movies and on television running around killing 1000 people without dropping one tear. That is the reality men have to live up too. Be like that guy! Hard, no-fear, no pain, no hurt.  Be sophisticated and savvy like James Bond, never waver, do not let any man beat you at anything.  

Photo Credit: Jordan Whitt
Well shit… I hurt, I feel pain, and I wanna cry (sometimes) dammit. So call me a punk. Call me less than a man.

Emotional athletes

What about sports? We label these men as, “warriors.” Until…. you see them crying on the sideline .
Then, you say….”he’s being too emotional.” You look at this man, as, well… “less than a man.” Why? Because he’s in touch with his emotions and the other men aren’t? Or, maybe because society doesn’t let men cry. So, as result, you see repressed emotion on the field. The only emotions these men show is anger and aggression.  That’s what we pay for right? Gladiators. Well, even Gladiators had feelings.

To make matters worse

You see young boys being taught they shouldn’t cry, don’t be a punk, you’re a sissy if you express yourself, don’t talk too much, “get-up (from a fall) that didn’t hurt!” Meanwhile we embrace the exact opposite in women. Women live longer and more fulfilling lives as a result. Societal pressures have doomed men. This was inevitable. Women have begun to jilt their societal and traditional “garb” and have traded up for business suits, careers, expression, aggression, leadership, stabilization of finances, and independence. I applaud these women for having the courage to go against the grain.. and I side-eye, sneer and laugh at the men that don’t accept them.
Basically, there is a shift going on. Not women becoming stronger than men. Not men becoming more “feminine.” Just humans realizing that we were created to evolve.
Are you prepared?

Monday Notes: Men

Great post on dating and relationships and what we women do when it comes to men. Please check out this awesome post by KE and her website: KE Garland I promise you’ll love her blog.

K E Garland

img_2774I have a lot of thoughts. Conversations occur. People ask for advice. People share things about their lives. I overthink the conversation, advice, or experience, and voila! A thought occurs. So, I jot it down in my notes section in hopes of writing about it on a future date. I have 221 notes on my phone. I figured the future is now lol. Here’s my first one:

I’ve listened to how my male friends talk about women and how they interact with them. I also listen to and observe how women interact with men. Sometimes it’s different.

Men don’t treat every woman like she’s their future wife. They don’t treat every relationship like there’s an impending wedding. Men seem to know which women are so-called “wife material” and which ones are not ready to commit. Consequently, they seem to treat each “type” of woman accordingly. Now, I’m not saying this…

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Is It A Date?

Is it a date if you go out with a man that you’re friends with and he pays? You’ve never been intimate and have no desire to be other than friends with each other. Would you consider it a date? What if you’ve been friends for more than 5 years?

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.


National Boyfriend’s Day?

Are we just making up stuff now? Yesterday was National Boyfriend’s Day. Did you know it? Do you care? LOL.

I sent my own boyfriend (Mr. C) a notice that it was National Boyfriend’s Day. He thought it was hilarious and asked “Is that right and what do boyfriends get in their honor?”  Stop being nosey. I’m not telling you what I told him.

But I did some research and found out the following:

“National Boyfriend Day is here. Falling on third of October every year, the day is an unofficial holiday meant to celebrate (as the name suggests) the man you love.

Even though ‘boyfriend’ refers to a person with whom you are in intimate relationship, people also celebrate the day to appreciate the men they love platonically.” V. Sonawane – IB Times 

Pretty cool huh? We get Valentine’s Day and he gets National Boyfriend’s Day. LOL. But, seriously we are going to see each other this weekend and I’ll treat him to dinner. However, let it be said that I don’t need to show him how much I appreciate him by giving him gifts. He’s a pretty simple man and before you get it twisted, I don’t need him to spoil me with gifts either.

Since he is an avid reader of my blog I thought it would be a great idea to tell him publicly (and of course my closest friends) how much I appreciate him. Here’s my letter to him:

Dear Babe:

Thank you for the many hours of conversation that you provide. Thank you for consoling me when my worries and anxiety threaten to consume me. Thank you for the many dates you spend enjoying my presence and courting my spirit. Thank you for friendship, for prayer and for love. 

In honor of National Boyfriend’s Day I want to thank you publicly for being you. You have become my biggest supporter and my best friend. You help me to see that there are no limits that I can’t reach and you calm my tormented spirit just by being in my presence. I truly want to thank you for who you are and what you do. 

I thank God each and every day for you because you really make me love and appreciate the healthy and normal. Our relationship is ever evolving and moods change often, but you respect me like I respect you to give each other space. I want to thank you for always giving me time even when you’re too exhausted to give it. I want to thank you for the last year, for today and for the future. I want to spend every day loving the space that you and I create and honoring you with all that I am and all that I have. Thank you for loving my erratic mind, my quirky spirit and the essence of me. I love you.

You think he’ll like it?


Why Police Shootings are State-Sanctioned Violence

What is the rationale that an “armed and dangerous” ISIS-inspired terrorist gets to live, see his family, and do all the things that a law-abiding father of four will never get to do? F…

Source: Why Police Shootings are State-Sanctioned Violence


What Does Love Look Like to You?

I asked that question to Mr. C the other night after I read this great post on FaceBook the other night:

I asked him what does love look like to him. He told me his response and then he asked me the question. What does love look like to you? I explained that love to me was about self-love first. I told him how when I was married I didn’t really love myself the way that I should. I wasn’t “whole”. I was looking for my ex-husband to love me. I was trying to get him to fill the missing pieces. But, in reality I was setting him up for failure. Why?

No one can love you more than you love yourself. If you lack self-love, no matter how wonderful a person is you will never feel complete. You will always feel as though you are missing something. You won’t feel like the whole person you should be before you venture into love.


Me? I was missing the ability to recognize, own and deal with my own issues. I was pushing those issues in my overfilled closet of my mind and trying to keep them stuffed in there. It wasn’t fair to him. It definitely wasn’t fair to me.

If we’re being honest though, I did tell him that I had three eighteen wheeleer’s worth of baggage and asked him was he sure that he wanted to get involved and marry someone like me. He said yes. I guess we were both gullible.


Which led us to the path of divorce. But, I want to stress the importance of loving ourselves. Loving ourselves past the pain of our past. I didn’t. I didn’t forgive myself for past pains. I held onto it like a blanket of comfort when all it was doing was smothering me. I let my poor choices snowfall into making poorer choices which resulted into me feeling unfulfilled in my marriage.


Not truly loving yourself allows you to allow foolish men to enter your life. Not every man that I encountered was foolish. Many just made poor choices that I just went along with because I was being that “ride or die” woman. What the what?

We are meant to be partners. We are not meant to be disposable pieces for a man. The loyalty, respect, trust and promises should be automatic. We should never take each other for granted and we should ride or die for each other.

If you are the only one riding or dying for your relationship then it is one sided. You feel as though you are always missing something. You feel like you’re not whole. Your mind, body and spirit are not in alignment. You are struggling. I know. I’ve been there.

I was literally struggling to find my identity. Who was I? What was the problem with me? Why did I allow people in my life who were not worthy or deserving? Why can’t I resolve my issues.

Relationships are fluid. They go where they are supposed to when you realize that the amount of love you have for yourself will never allow you to settle. Love you first. 

I learned that. I love me now more than I ever thought possible. I got over the pain (with Jesus, wine and therapy) and truly understand what it means to be happy and healthy. I don’t look for other people to validate my existence. I don’t waste my time (which is valuable) on men that won’t share their time freely with me. I exist in this space where my first goal is to love myself first. That allows me to receive love and in turn be open to loving again. That’s what love looks like to me.


Random: Grown Men

Grown men talk more than the text.

Grown men make time to court you.

Grown men pay for dates.

Grown men make plans.

Grown men share pieces of their soul with you willingly.

Grown men see the not so cute parts of you and still tell you that you’re awesome.

Grown men use their words sparingly and with purpose.

Grown men inspire your spirit.

Grown men encourage your growth.

Grown men calm the voices inside your head.

Grown men know when they’ve found a grown woman because they fit like the missing link in a puzzle.

Grown men.