Last week I read a post on-line at Clutch Magazine where the author was talking about Chris Brown and his on again/off again girlfriend Karrueche Tran and how they broke up again. This time because Chris has a 9 month old mystery baby that he never told her about.
So, I started thinking about past relationships and relationships my friends are in and wondered…when should you say that this is the last straw?
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am an advocate for happy and healthy functioning relationships. I believe that people should find love and nourish it. Cherish each other and support the person that they fit with. But, should you have to put it up with unrealistic demands, consistent arguments, serial cheaters or serial liars? No.
Relationships are not about perfection. Let me be clear on that. So many people think that if you have an ideal situation or partner you want that you are being unrealistic and looking for perfection. That’s not true. You can have a vision of an ideal person without wanting perfection. For example:
If you say…
- I want a partner who is employed
- I want a partner who enjoys dogs because I have one
- I want a partner who loves Christ because I’m a follower
- I want a partner who enjoys laughing
- I want a partner who will never call me out my name
- I want a partner who won’t ever put their hands on me
- I want a partner who believes in communicating their feelings
I’m no therapist or relationship expert (No, I’m really not) but what about the above statements scream that you are looking for perfection? Absolutely nothing.
I was speaking with a gentleman last week and I said that the best relationships that are working now and both people are content is because they have figured out a way to talk to each other. To communicate their feelings about various things and balance that with being the kind of partner they want. It’s not perfect. The have problems and issues like everyone else but in the midst of it all they have a distinct desire to please each other because they know that there is no one in the world that they would rather fight with than the person standing in front of them.
But, what if you’re in a relationship now and you don’t have that? What if you have an unemployed partner who could care less about staying employed? What if you have someone who is violent towards you or emotionally abusive? What if you have someone is constantly cheating, stealing or lying to you. Do you stay? Do you hope that it gets better? It’s up to you. I can’t tell you to leave. I will tell you this…my sister was married 4 years before I got married. She said that she told her husband that there would be two reasons she left the marriage…infidelity and violence.
I admired that she was honest about her expectations. I understood and accepted the simplicity of those words. The last straw is usually something so minute that your relationship dam breaks. It may not be the final act of betrayal, but it was the last thing you could handle. So, you want out of it. You’ve had your last straw. I hope that never happens to any of you and if it has and you’re out of an unhealthy situation, I pray that you have peace with your choices.