Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful mother’s out there. This day is about you. You who love and labor without recognition. You who kiss and cuddle and make boo boos okay. You who help on homework, cook meals and give baths without ever having taken a break. You who clean messes, care for your sick and bake cookies. You who do none of those things but are a mother figure regardless – know that you are loved and appreciated.

This Mother’s Day, Munch and I will go to church and then grab a bite to eat. Nothing fancy. I don’t want to cook and my mom is out of town celebrating with her mother. Munch and I will cuddle on my bed and watch Disney movies and laugh. It is this memory that I will remember. He’ll make me a beautiful card and I will hang it in my office to remind me that I have the greatest son ever.

Whatever you’re doing today, I wish you peace and happiness. Whether you spend it with your families or doing what you want to do, know that it is about you today. We honor you and your commitment to your children. Happy Mother’s Day!

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

MOTIVATIONAL MONDAY MOMENT – 4/24/2017

It’s the last Monday of April and the last Motivational Monday Moment of the month. Today’s Motivational Monday Moment is about being yourself. Love the real you. All the flaws and imperfections.  This is something that I used to struggle with a lot. I didn’t want to show my true self to anyone. Yes, I’m kind hearted. Yes, I’m a great friend. Yes, I am a lover of humanity, but I’m also afraid of being hurt. So, I hide my true self. I hide my flaws and imperfections.

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It’s something I’m learning to stop doing. I’m learning to be just me. I can be a brat. I can be emotional. I can be sensitive. I can be a mess sometimes. I own it. I’m no longer afraid to admit it. Last week, I got mad at Mr. C over something he said and I told him that he was being both arrogant and dismissive. He paused and said “Arrogant?” He explained his reaction and apologized, but he didn’t think he was being arrogant. I disagreed.

I wanted to get off the phone. My feelings were hurt. He was cool with it. An hour goes by and I see a funny meme on Facebook. I share it with him. He doesn’t respond. I call him. No answer. I send him a text “So, you’re ignoring me?”

LOL, yep I can be bratty. He called right back to say that he wasn’t ignoring me. He just walked back in the room after spending time with his son. He said he realized that my feelings were hurt and respected that. He let me have my moment. I didn’t want to go to bed with hurt feelings or animosity in my spirit. I wanted to let him know that. He knew.

He puts things in a box and pushes them off the cliff. He doesn’t hold on to things. He’s totally different from me on that end. I’m learning. So, I told him that I know that he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings and I wanted us to work it out before I close my eyes. I didn’t want anything to disrupt my sleep.

He laughed that beautiful laugh and I realized that I’m happy and blessed. Why? Because I found someone that loves the imperfect me. The person who can get on his nerves or get in her feelings and he be man enough to give me space and still make me feel as though I am the most important person in this world.

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I’ve never been my authentic self with anyone outside of my two best friends. I was always afraid to let people in. Let people get to know the unguarded me.  It’s been an interesting experience because I’m learning to allow people in and have them love the imperfections of me. The entire me.

So, this Motivational Monday Moment is about letting your light shine. Let your light shine on all your imperfections and flaws and own them. Don’t hide behind your insecurities and know that it’s okay to be flawed. You’re perfect just the way that you are. Love the person looking back in the mirror.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

 

Motivational Monday Moment – 2/20/17

My Motivational Monday Moment is about protecting your heart. This came to me as I was talking to my therapist last week about cutting people out of my life. I explained to her how I decided that I’m done with a couple of people and that I’ve blocked them from my phone and released them from my heart.

She asked me why I don’t tell them why I’m ending the relationship. I told her that I didn’t need too. I told her that people know what they do when they blow up at you or disrespect you via email or text. They are not stupid. If I go and tell them what they did and they start that disrespect again then I’m working myself up over their own issues and I’m stressed. Not going to happen.

I told her that when I let you go I release you from my heart so there is no need for me to have closure. I move on and move forward. I harbor no ill will or feelings. She said “Okay, as long as it doesn’t affect you.”

I was telling Mr. C what we talked about and I asked him his thoughts. He said he understood what I was saying. I asked him “If I stopped speaking to you tomorrow, would you know why?” He said “Yes”.

Boom.

There it is.

People know when they display toxic behaviors in relationships and why they are no longer welcome in healthy relationships. I believe that by giving you another opportunity to disrespect me is allowing you one more time to stress me out. Not going to do it. That’s what therapy is for.

However, the words of my therapist played in my head all day. Is it possible that I need to give closure? Is there a proper way of ending relationships? Ugh!

The next morning I got up and read my devotional and it spoke of Proverbs 4:20-23:

Proverbs 4:20-23 (NRSV)

20 My child, be attentive to my words;
    incline your ear to my sayings.
21 Do not let them escape from your sight;
    keep them within your heart.
22 For they are life to those who find them,
    and healing to all their flesh.
23 Keep your heart with all vigilance,
    for from it flow the springs of life.

The writer was telling me that it is important to guard your heart. It is the very essence of who you are. This was my confirmation that I didn’t need to give closure to people via email or text or verbally after they unload on me. I was protecting my heart.

The thing we need to remember is that when we allow people into our lives that sometimes their purpose is for a reason or season. We can’t allow people to bring toxicity into our lives and be able to protect our heart from that. We can’t. Eventually that will spread into our lives.

By releasing people from any obligation to continue in this relationship, I am protecting my heart. I’m doing what’s best for me. I don’t harbor any ill will or bitterness. Things end. I wish people the best as they move forward. Without me.

I encourage you today to protect your heart. Do not allow negative thoughts to set up shop in your heart. Release people from any obligation to stay in your life and free yourself from toxic things. Your heart matters. You matter.

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The Third Love

Let me tell you about the types of men I’ve loved. Some good. Some bad. Was it all there fault? Nope. In many cases, I didn’t know who I was so they could never love me the way that I needed to be loved.

I didn’t know me.

I didn’t love me.

I couldn’t love them the way that they deserved to be loved.

Love was a concept to big to put in words and yet I desired it so much. I believed in it. I craved it. I wanted love and I needed to be loved.

Don’t most people?

What happens when you wake up and realize that you keep falling in love with the wrong type of people? What happens if that love abuses you or leaves you so messed up that you can’t fathom the pain of ever giving of yourself so completely? You sigh. You withdraw. You start to believe that you will never know love. True love.

That’s how I felt. I kept falling in love with the same kind of men. Until Mr. C. He was different. I couldn’t explain it. For the first time. I felt safe. I felt wanted. I felt loved. It was easy. It felt natural. It was healthy.

I was in shock. I was surprised. I was scared. I didn’t believe that a love without cursing or yelling, cheating or hitting was possible. We women are taught that no one is perfect and that we must fight for love. That love was hard.

However, that’s not true. I read this great article called  We Only Fall in Love with Three People in Our Lifetime – Each One for a Specific Reason by Kate Rose while perusing Facebook about a month ago. Man, this article was the truth.

This article had a profound effect because it basically summarized my  life story. I wasn’t alone. It basically said that we fall in love with three people in our lifetime:

  • Idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairy tales we read as children.
  • Hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved.
  • Third love  – the one we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be.

I’ve had 5 idealistic loves. I’m not sure if they knew it. We just existed in this space between fantasy and reality and planned lives we would never have and futures that wouldn’t be. We believed in fairy tales. These loves occurred between high school and college.

I’ve had 2 hard loves. These loves were painful. They were loves that I tried to fit. Loves that I wanted to mold and manipulate into the greatest love ever to be. But, they couldn’t. They weren’t designed to be my forever love. They were designed to teach me about myself. I was hurt. I was broken. They shaped my belief that this can’t be real. This can’t be the love that God has for me.

And then there was three. The third love from the third type of person. The love that just works. That’s the best type of love. I know because I have it. For the first time in my life.

You can too. We just have to get out of our own way and love ourselves enough to heal from love #2 to get to the third love.  We can’t let number #2 have all the power over how our lives turn out. We have to move past the pain,the anger, the resentment, the failure – all of it. Once we do, we allow ourselves to know and appreciate a safe and easy love.

A Review of 2016 Goals

I started this year with many goals. I narrowed them down in March when I realized that my life needed to have order. I wanted to write things down to ensure that I never lost sight of the fact of what I was working towards.

So, I ended up with 8 goals that I wanted to accomplish in 3 years. My therapist laughed and said it’s supposed to be 3 goals in 3 years or 10 in 5 years. What can I say? I’m an overachiever. Here’s where I stand.

  • Pay off debt (car loan, student loans, credit cards)
  • Save (emergency fund, savings and retirement)
  • Buy a house
  • Pledge a sorority
  • Get a better job
  • Go to graduate school
  • Join my undergraduate alumni association
  • Find love

 

  1. Pay off debt (car loan, student loans, credit cards). Well, I’m not where I want to be, but realistically speaking it’s only been about 7 months. I’ve paid off some credit cards and I’m trying to reduce my debt. This is a work in progress.
  2. Save. I’ve been saving. Not much, but I now have a savings. I’m making progress. I have a long way to go, but I’m learning.
  3. Buy a house. This is a definitely my end goal. Preparation is the key. Still working on this one and it will stay my goal.
  4. Pledge a sorority. Yep, it was my dream to be a part of sorority life in college, but it never happened and God granted me the opportunity to be a member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated. It was a  process and I’m thankful that I persevered through the process. I have 5 other women that were part of the process with me and a whole lot of new sorority sisters.
  5. Get a better job. Yes! God allowed me to get a new job in June where I’m in management. I have my own team of 5. I just extended an offer to my new person and we are waiting for him to start in a couple of weeks. I love my job and I’m thankful for the opportunity.
  6. Go to graduate school. I still want to do this. I hope to be able to attend grad school in the fall of 2017, but this is so exciting for me. All while working full-time, writing this book and raising Munch.
  7. Join my undergraduate alumni association.  Yes, I did that. I haven’t attended any events yet because of my hectic schedule, but now that things are slowing down I’m excited and will be getting involved and bringing Munch along so he can witness my Terp pride and understand that others should Fear the Turtle!
  8. Find love. Woohoo! Won’t HE do it ya’ll? I have been blessed to have a relationship with an incredible man who supports and encourages the heck out of me. He loves me! Yep and I love him. I’m excited that God allowed him to come into my life and just love me in a good old fashioned and healthy way.

So, that’s it folks. As you can see, I’m whittling through my goals which I will carry forward into 2017. I’ll keep sharing them with you. What goals have you created for 2017?