This Moment In Time

Today is a very special day. It’s the day that we honor and celebrate a great man. My man. My love. My heart.

One of the things that I’m open about is that on this journey in finding love I stumbled. I took the roads that were meant for others and I settled by the side of the road with some people that I shouldn’t have. It was all part of my journey.

But, I got up. I kept moving forward. I kept believing that God had heard my plea for him to send me a man that would love my son and I as though we were flesh of his flesh. A man that would support and encourage my dreams and believe in me. A man that could support me in raising my son.

He did hear my plea.

It was 23 months ago that he sent me a wonderful man that grew on me. He stayed around and endured my inquisition. He stayed around and respected my values. He stayed around and loved me where I stood. He didn’t try to change me. He didn’t try to make me into something that I’m not. He just loved me.

Do you know how amazing that is?

He’s not perfect and neither am I.  But, we’re grown. We continually work at our relationship and on our communication. When I pour out my heart and let him know how I’m feeling, he listens. He takes it in and he works on things. He works with me.

So, I know that I’m gushing, but this man is amazing and I want to thank God for him. It was 44 years ago today that God created him to go through life’s challenges and storms because He was preparing him. God was preparing him for me. I’m thankful for that preparation and I’m thankful that God loved me enough to send him in my life.

Happy Birthday to my Mr. C! I can’t wait to celebrate and honor him for being the wonderful friend and man that he is. If I died tomorrow, I would be okay knowing that I found love. This moment in time is more than I could have ever imagined.

In this space, I am loved. Infinitely more each day than yesterday. I will honor and speak vision into the life of this great man that God has gifted me with. I pray that this year will be better for him than the last and that everything that he works for will come to fruition. I pray that God gives him guidance and strength to continue to be the awesome son, father and boyfriend that he is.

I pray that he will always know that he is loved.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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Reblog: Yep I’m Scared

I get scared sometimes. I think back to all the times I’ve hid my true self, my feelings or my insecurities in an effort to put on a brave face for everyone else and how that has somehow held me back all these years. I get scared. I am sometimes too afraid to tell someone how I feel about something because I don’t want to seem argumentative. But, if it’s how I feel, does it matter?

I’ve been exploring and self-evaluating my life a lot lately and I realized that I’m a scaredy cat. I get afraid to reveal the real me and let folks in. My friend gave me a great piece of advice last week when he said, “You can’t go through life being afraid to let folks in and keeping pieces of the real you hidden. Life is about taking the plunge and just wading through the water and see where it goes.” (It was probably less poetic because he is a man, but you get the gist right?). I do hide the real me and don’t like to let people in. I’m guarded. I’m closed off when in unfamiliar territories. Especially those that deal with the heart.

So, I wait. I try to analyze, micro-analyze every problem and situation so that I can’t see the forest for the big tree in my vision. I am a runner. I justify my running away as a part of life. It’s me. If things get to complicated or too emotional, I’m out. I don’t want to get hurt. So, I shield myself, my heart, my mind from folks who just want to get to know the real me. But, the real me is too sensitive for this world. She’s not someone use to sharing pieces of her soul.

Until now. I have bared more of my soul in the last year than I ever have. I’ve let my guard down (that 100 foot barbed wire wall around my heart) and started letting people see the real me. Nothing fancy. Just a glimpse of who I am. I had to. God said it’s time. It’s time to let the wall down and share. But, I keep dragging my feet. Slowly because I’m afraid. I don’t  want my heart to get broken. I don’t want to be uncomfortable.

But, you have to be uncomfortable to grow. I need to face my fears no matter how scared I am. I remember my pastor preaching about growing in the valley with the myrtle trees and I am reminded that life is just that. Growing in uncomfortable places and situations.

I’m terrified, but I know that I need to move forward and grow. Just grow.  Whether it’s my branches that spread to support the leaves in my life or my roots that grow deep in the ground, I need to grow. Growth is good. I’m not saying that it won’t be hard and I will continue to guard my heart, but I can’t move forward if I’m too afraid to jump.  I may get hurt, but I will learn. I will grow. I will survive.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Reblog: Faith Doubters

Recently I heard a friend say to me that “God must truly hate him.”  I was taken aback by his statement and wondered why he would say something like that. Why did he believe that God had singled him out and decided that he hated him because he had to go through trials and tribulations?

Sometimes when we are in the midst of our storm, we can’t see the goodness of God’s grace because we keep trying to get out of the valley.  I explained to him that God doesn’t hate you and that if He did, I wouldn’t be here. Because as a child of God, I believe that he sometimes uses ordinary people like me to minister to those who may be down on their faith sometimes.  I told him he was being a faith doubter. Someone who has doubts that their faith in God is genuine.  I explained to him that what he needed was to develop an authentic relationship (as spoken by my wonderful Pastor) with God and understand that having faith doesn’t mean that you are immune to trials and tribulations.  Your faith will always be attacked and tested, but you can’t let that stop your praise.  Praise must continually be in your mouth when your faith is being tested.  I told him that our God is a God of second and third chances and that if he truly knew my story, he would know why I continually say thank you.  So, I surrounded him in love and prayer and lifted up his name in prayer.  I reminded him how awesome our God is.  Our God is great!

Sometimes when you doubt your faith, it helps to have a friend or friends that are praying for you to get through your storm so you will learn the lesson and know that God never gives you more than you can bear.  I’m thankful that I have had many folks do that for me and blessed that God allowed me to do that for someone else.  I found these great Do’s & Dont’s about getting through difficult times that I shared with him and I want to share with you when you are doubting your faith.  These are from one of my favorite websites, www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com.

Dos

Be Vigilant – don’t hide under a rock when life gets tough. This is the time to Courage UP; face it, and learn whatever you must to DO what’s necessary.

Be Wise -never stop learning and applying what you know. There’s a huge difference between awareness and application. The difference in how your circumstances turn out is hugely based on what you do, not what you know to do.

Be Set Apart – When you’re thinking like the herd it’s a good sign that you’re in deep doodoo. The herd takes the path of least resistance. You have to be willing to stand alone – to separate yourself from the chaos – from the company you keep to the noise in your head. You can’t think average or behave according to what’s expected by the herd.

Don’ts

Be not distracted – whatever has happened is to coexist with as much normalcy as you can muster. Whatever predominates your mind, reigns. Practice peace; it’s king.

Be not dismayed – after the initial hurt, even shock which you have to sit with in order to become present with your new reality, you must not lose faith in rebounding; resilience is built here. Courage UP: verbally reassure yourself that “this too shall pass” and “I can handle this” because it will and you can.

Be not discouraged – when it’s over don’t argue with the results. Accept them. That includes whatever your new reality is. The life ahead of you with your new conditions will draw you like a magnet if you’ll embrace it. There’s always a beautiful “life after”, regardless of the storm you’re currently facing.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Motivational Monday Moment– 7.24.17

Today’s Motivational Monday Moment is about finding your joy in the midst of your storm. I know it’s hard. I know that life can be overwhelming sometimes. I get it. You may be in a transition, a storm or a dang hurricane, but hold on love.

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I need you to hold on and anchor yourself. You need to remember that you can’t control the storm, but don’t let it take your joy. You have to hold on.

I remember going through a rough period four years ago when I ended my marriage. We were in a bad space. I was hurting. He was hurting. I was literally being engulfed in a sea of pain and anger. I was drowning. I had let go of my joy.

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Have you ever literally fallen because of the emotional pain you were experiencing? There was nothing physically wrong with you, but the emotional pain was overwhelming? I have. It is unbelievable.

I would be walking and fall out and start crying. My son was holding my head begging me not to cry. He said “Mommy, don’t cry. I’ll protect you. Mommy, please don’t cry.” I’ll never forget that.

It took everything in me to get beyond the grief that I was experiencing. I was dealing with so much pain and grief at the dissolution of my family structure and how we were treating each other that I thought I was going to lose my mind.

I couldn’t hold on to my joy. It was slipping through my fingers. Until one day…

I literally heard God speak to me and say “Get up! It is done.” 

And just like that I had regained the strength to keep on fighting. To keep on moving forward despite the pain that I found myself in. I was not alone. God reminded me of that. That remembrance of his love and mercy helped me to regain my joy.

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You see God had given me back my joy. But, I’ve strayed. I’ve let life and situations that I find myself in overwhelm me. I allow the hopelessness and pain of my situations choke the joy out of me. Until now.

I am reading everything lately. Nothing is one sided. Where there is darkness there is light. Where there is pain there is joy. The good and bad exist on the same plane. I can take the good, but not the bad, but is that fair?

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Nope. I need to remember re-frame a situation, re-establish boundaries and restructure my outlook on life. My joy doesn’t disappear when there is pain. When there is despair, joy is still there. I have to remember that.

And I want you to remember it too. There is nothing that you are going through that you can’t find and hold on to your joy. You are a vessel of positive light and you are loved. No matter what the situation you find yourself in, please know that you are of value and joy is within you. Don’t despair my friend.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

#WisdomWednesday – 7.12.17

God has a way of working things out in your favor while you’re not paying attention.

I’ve been trying to minimize the stress in my life. Choosing to focus on the positives and as my soror always says “Living my happy black life”. That being said things still get to me. I still wonder why some people are intent on bringing me off my mountain top of bliss. But, I won’t let it. I have to keep focused and continue living my life.

It’s on those moments of chaos and discord that God steps in.

I had stopped worrying. I was in a good place. But, God knew that I needed something. That I wanted something. A sign that he’s not forgotten me.

He stepped in and gave that to me. He gave me amazing news like finding out that one of my posts was seen by a stranger that wanted to share it on a website that has over 30 million monthly readers. Woohoo! I was having dinner with Mr. C when I got the message. Talk about God re-shifting my focus. This was amazing and I promise to share more when it gets posted.

I was in this joyful place. Then a couple of days later that bubble burst. More drama. My mind started to shift and wander into a place of unhappiness. I was falling off my mountain top of bliss. I was going into a place of uncomfortable anger and quiet rage.

Then God stepped in.

Again.

I woke up Saturday morning with a woman from Instagram liking all my posts and then following me. She then commented on one of my posts saying “I finally found u! A page on fb that shared a recent blog of mine shared urs too. Girl i love ya work. We need to talk!!” Honestly it freaked me out. Why is this woman wanting to find me? Is she a stalker?

LOL, I’ve become increasingly cautious as I’ve aged. So, I checked out her Instagram page and web page and discovered she is another blogger who has a great website called “Blended and Black” where she is all about trying to create harmony in blended families. Say what now? Yep. I went to her website and was so excited.

God was giving me another aha moment! He was giving me a resource to give me the tools of trying to create a harmonious environment where there isn’t one. I was like “Okay, God. I get it.” And I did. This woman is amazing. I was direct messaging her for most of Saturday morning. You can’t get no better than that. It was like I found a long lost soul sister.

So, my #WisdomWednesday message is meant to inspire you to not give up. No matter what you’re going through or what you’re growing through it will get better. God will re-shift your focus, realign your priorities and help you get back on your mountaintop of bliss.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

You’re Making Him Wait?

Many people find it strange that Mr. C and I are practicing abstinence. I’ve heard more than one person ask “So, you’re making him wait?” It really seems to confuse some people. I’m not sure why, but it is funny as hell to Mr. C and I.

Why is it that you view waiting as a bad thing? Am I really making him wait? What is the big deal? These are all the questions that run through my head when I hear someone ask the question of why I’m making him wait. I want to clear up some questions that people may have about us and practicing abstinence.

  1. I’m not making him wait. He’s choosing to wait to respect the will of God over and through my life. It’s his choice. I’m not forcing him. I’m not holding a gun to his head. I’m not promising him a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. LOL, not yet. He’s a grown man who makes his own decisions so he is choosing to wait.
  2. It’s hard. Some days are better than others, but we are in no rush for marriage, so no rush to the bedroom. I hear it gets easier, but I have no point of reference to compare it too since this is a first for me. We are not laying up in each other’s house hanging in the bedroom all night, so that takes away the idea of sexing each other up. We spend time watching TV or going out. No hanging around in the bedroom.
  3. It’s allowing us to truly get to know each other. Let me tell you that even though I’ve known Mr. C for almost 2 years we’re still learning each other. It’s a lot to learn about someone and to really get to know them enough to take their last name. We are truly committed to finding out about each other without making sex the deciding factor that blinds us about each other’s faults.
  4. I don’t care if the sex is bad. Yep, I said it. People have always asked me “What if the sex is bad?” I don’t care. I’m older now and I realize that sex is overrated. Good, but overrated. I’m not that concerned whether or not he can lay the pipe right. With age comes wisdom. I’m older and I would enjoy sex with my husband. Hell, we’ll figure it out in the bedroom. Having someone rub my feet, give me a massage and just have my back matters more than if he’s banging in the bedroom.
  5. He respects my boundaries. Mr. C and I have traveled out of town and slept in the same room and nothing has happened. He’s a gentleman that respects me. He’s not using this time to get to know each other outside of our zip code as a chance to jump my bones. He respects the love and relationship we have and just doesn’t try it. The key to being on the same level is making sure that your partner respects your boundaries.

That’s it. No big secret. No kind of witchery is being used. I’ve just been blessed to meet a wonderful man that sees me for who I am and for what I want and just respects that. I’m not making him wait. He’s choosing to wait.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Motivational Monday Moment – 6.26.17

Today’s Motivational Monday Moment is about stillness. Remembering to be still. It’s a continuation of the theme that I’ve been exploring all month long with remembering to find your own peace, practicing mindfulness and not believing your haters. The final motivational moment is about learning to be still when the storms of life are raging all around you.

Let’s face it…We’re all busy. Some more than others and we are rushing and going everywhere and nowhere. We never have time for ourselves. We feel like we must do or have to do things all the time or they won’t get done. I know. I’m one of those people.

In the hustle and bustle of life we have to remember that there is strength in the stillness. Sometimes you have to be still. You have to slow down and breathe. You have to take care of you. Things will be as they are supposed to be so you can’t run yourself ragged with worrying or trying to fix them.

Think about all the times that you’ve worried about a situation and tried multiple ways to fix it. Did it stress you out? Did you figure it out? Yes? No? If you did figure out what you needed to do, were you so stressed about it that you wondered if it would really work? I have.

Being still allows me to stop my mind from worrying and trying to figure everything out. I can’t do it on my own. I know this. You know this. So, why do we try to do it on our own? I am learning to turn off my mind and not worry about things. Being still allows me to stop my mind and thoughts from racing and trying to figure out a solution to every single problem.

I am a control freak. I need to figure out everything and have a solution to many of life’s problems before I can relax. Hilarious, right? What is that old saying “Want to know how to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.” Yep, that’s me. Trying to plan and figure out a solution for everything. But, can I be honest? It’s exhausting.

In this season that I’m in, I am learning to be still and allow God. I’m learning to quiet my thoughts and just trust that God is still God and whatever will be will be. Why ? Because I trust God. He hasn’t changed. I am the one who needs to be still and allow him to work in and through me. I trust that all things will work according to His will.

Psalm 46:10 The Message (MSG)

8-10 Attention, all! See the marvels of God!
    He plants flowers and trees all over the earth,
Bans war from pole to pole,
    breaks all the weapons across his knee.
“Step out of the traffic! Take a long,
    loving look at me, your High God,
    above politics, above everything.”

 

When you are in a perpetual hell you need to quiet your mind. You need to just be still. My Motivational Monday Moment is about you just doing that. Do nothing. Be still. Be present.

It’s hard being still. You have to quiet your mind. You have to make time to do nothing. I told you how I’m practicing meditation and it’s hard as heck, but I’m trying. I’m trying to live in the present and focus on the here and now. Not stress about the future or the problems that I have. I’m learning to unplug.

This is a big one for me. I started with the weekends. I really don’t read or write posts on the weekend because it is my time. My time for me and my time for my family. I do my best to schedule my posts. I’m also trying to limit my on-line time. Social media is killing me. The politics, the multiple social injustices and the never ending issues with things in my community are stressing me the heck out. Oh, and don’t forget my own personal issues.

I need to be still.

I need to practice stillness.

I need to allow God to be God and quiet my mind. There are too many distractions and I know how easy it is to fall into a trap of self-importance. You know the trap that you can fix everything? You can’t. You’re not that important. And you know what? Neither am I.

Let’s be still.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.