So, ya’ll know I’m behind right? On what? My book. I set the March 31st date to finish and I’ve gotten distracted and off track. I’m working on fixing that and hopefully will have it done by June 30th. Too much to do and not a lot time.
I’m working on finding the perfect name, designing the cover and all the stuff that comes with self-publishing. But, I have to say I’m tired. In the midst of being mommy and working full-time, I have a lot of stuff going on that is mentally draining me. No fault of anyone, it’s just that I worry about folks and things that are happening to them. I can’t seem to find a shortage of people to add to my prayer list and some days I am just burning the candle at both ends.
I become withdrawn, despondent and mournful. I pray and begin to compartmentalize my feelings because I need to be strong for everyone else. I need them to know that I am someone they can count on. That I’m the person who will be in their corner, praying and cheering them to a successful recovery. But, what about me?
I once dated a man who said, “I worry about who will take care of you because you have a lot on your mind.” I replied, “I hear you, but I will be all right. God will provide.” And He does. Exceedingly and abundantly. But, I have a confession…sometimes I don’t let Him.
Why? Because I’m so busy trying to be everyone’s superhero that I get tired. My cape gets tangled around my feet and when I take it off to wash and dry, I cry wondering should I really put it back on? (Sigh). But, I always put it back on because I don’t know any other way.
But, I’m not complaining because it is my choice. I just need to refocus, rewrite and reschedule my book release. I need to get my head right and do what I’m supposed to do. Just like in college and when I’ve interviewed for jobs. I am the only one who can be held accountable for my actions. Accountable huh? Yep, I’m accountable.
My choice to worry and stress. My choice to feel the need to fix the lives of other’s because it is easier to help someone else then deal with my own issues. My own thoughts. I know it and I’ve decided that I’m going to choose me. I’m going to finish my book by June 30th.