Divorce sucks. Yep, I said it.
Besides it being excruciating on the couple, it is painful for the children of the divorcing couple. I read this post on Scary Mommy Post entitled “An Open Letter of Apology to My Kids” by Abby M. King and cried. It was such an emotional piece about what every parent who goes through divorce feels. The agonizing emotion that you are hurting your kids. The guilt that they will somehow be damaged by your own choices.
Does it hurt? Absolutely. Will your kids get over it? Umm, it depends. I would like to believe that my son will get over it. I would like to think by us being apart and civil to each other and being present at every thing that he will see that we are trying to normalize his reality. No, it won’t be easy. Yes, we will act a fool and not speak at times, but we have to keep trying right?
I never wanted munch to suffer, but I know that in time it will get easier. Not because I never loved his dad or wanted my marriage, but because I continue to tell him that he has two parents who love him more than life itself. I remind him that “Mommy and Daddy love you without thought or reason because we know that you were the best gift we ever received. ” But, I wonder is that enough?
I know that my son longs for a two parent home. I know he wishes that his parents can figure out a way to make it the way it was, but that is a fantasy and we live in reality and the reality is…that divorce sucks. It breaks my heart when he says things like, “Daddy, I gave mommy a big hug and kiss. It’s your turn daddy.” Why? Because he’s being manipulative. He wants to see his parents kiss and make-up. Kisses won’t make it better. However, I remind myself that he is six and wants to see his parents together so I shrug it off.
I don’t have an open letter that I want to write to munch (not yet), but there are some things that I wanted to apologize for. So here goes:
- I’m sorry that you will no longer know what it feels like to walk in your parents bedroom and tell us both that you had a bad dream.
- You will have to wake up in your bedroom whether at your dad’s or my house and tell us (depending on whose week it is). We will still listen, kiss and tuck you back into bed.
- I’m sorry that you have two rooms and you forget your favorite toy at my house. It’s okay.
- I will bring it to you if you ever want me too. It’s no problem. Your comfort matters to me.
- I’m sorry that you will not grow up seeing your parents kiss and hug and be affectionate to each other.
- You hated this when we were married, but I know that it will hurt when you see your dad or I find someone else. I promise you that you will never see that affection unless it is someone who is absolutely special and he knows that you and I are a package deal.
- I’m sorry that you won’t see us eat dinner as a family.
- We do this once a year for your birthday and I know it sucks, but we’re a new kind of a family trying to figure out new traditions. Not all of them will be weird. Some will though.
- I’m sorry that you won’t know how it will feel to wake up on Christmas morning with both of us in the house.
- We tried this last year. Your dad came over at 6 am so that he could be there to watch you open your gifts. You didn’t wake up to 10 am. Needless to say it was a long day.
I’m sorry if some days it feels as though your world is upside down when I show up to spend time with you because I miss you so much. I’m not trying to confuse you and I want you to adjust to the schedule you’re on, but mommy gets lonely too. I know that you don’t understand why divorce had to happen, but I promise you that I am a better mother because of it. Your dad is a better father because of it. We’re still your parents and we’re still your family. Always munch.
A Thomas Point of View 