My Past

I spent so many nights sleeping in your bed under the guise that you missed me. You missed me? You didn’t even know that I existed other than in the privacy of your own home. Your “bedroom queen” is what you called me even though I longed to be more.

But, you weren’t ready. No commitment would come, but I would give you pieces of my spirit in hopes that you would find solace between my thighs. See, I knew that life had dealt you some difficult blows and I was sacrificing my womb to give you shelter from your pain.

Pain that was inflicted when you no longer had love in your life and I like so many before me thought that I could save you. To change you. To make you see that I am the woman who you should choose. My spirit belonged to you and I wanted to sit inside your soul and sing sweet songs to your spirit.

But, the pain became unbearable. I could no longer stand the smell of you, the taste of you, the feel of you, the look of you and the thought of you. I chose the path less traveled in order to save myself and pull my battered heart away from yours. I untangled my spirit from your lips and your lies and buried the hurt in a sea so deep that no one will ever see…

That in this space where you and I laid…there was love.

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11 thoughts on “My Past

  1. “Pain that was inflicted when you no longer had love in your life and I like so many before me thought that I could save you. To change you. To make you see that I am the woman who you should choose. My spirit belonged to you and I wanted to sit inside your soul and sing sweet songs to your spirit.”

    I was nodding my head like yup…been there. Actually, throughout the whole post, I could totally relate to it. I’m still working through that savior complex. I do wonder if, for a majority of women, it is a subconscious desire to be saved by someone themselves.

    Anyway girl, enough psychology… I enjoyed reading this post. Many women can relate to it and it is wonderfully written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you sis. Yep, been there and done that. Fell hard for the brother but when I realized that I couldn’t save him and he didn’t want a relationship with me, I pulled myself away from him and left him. It was painful but necessary. Now God’s got me in a better place mentally than I ever knew I could be.

      Liked by 1 person

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