I decided that I needed to speak to the ladies today. I wanted to share some wisdom, advice or have girl talk about men. One type of man in particular.
One thing that I’ve realized in the many relationships that I’ve had or discussed with my girlfriends is that there is a population of men that like to call you victims. These men – for lack of a better word we’ll call them The Shiftless Man will do everything in his power to convince a woman that she is trying to be a victim when he is being a bully.
Beware of The Shiftless Man. He is a modern day con artist. He will do everything in his power to shift the blame to you. His traits and characteristics are noticeable, but his actions may seem to fool an untrained eye. So, let me give you some things you should look for if you are in a relationship with The Shiftless Man.
- The Shiftless Man will cheat on you and have you believing that it is your fault that he cheated on you. He will tell you that it was because you didn’t cook for him, wash his clothes, pay his child support and/or slob his knob on a regular and consistent basis as the reason that he chose to step outside of your relationship. It’s your fault that he couldn’t be faithful. You will undoubtedly be angered, hot and beyond pissed and then the tears will fall. You can’t believe the audacity of this man that you know that you want to punch him in his throat, slash his tires or paper the city with his photo of being a cheat that you can’t help but cry. He in his self-centered mind will tell you that you’re trying to play the victim in this situation. Really? Girl, get out now before he gives you an STD or something that you can’t get rid of.
- The Shiftless Man will be verbally abusive. He can’t help it. It’s part of his make-up. You deal with it. You love him. You believe that you can change him. You want the relationship to work. You want your family so you take it. You take it over and over again. Your love diminishes as your hatred grows. You are boiling with anger and pain and wondering how the hell did you end up here. You did everything right, but why are you allowing this man to be verbally abusive to you? He calls you names: fat, b*tch, hoe, slut, dumb as*, etc and you just cry. However, he mistakes those tears for sympathy in hopes that you’ll do better. He’s the dumb a*s because everyone knows that those tears are tears of pain and time wasted. You wonder why do you put up with this and he tells you to stop being the victim. Girl please! You are not the victim. You are just trying not to be the perpetrator of the crime and kill him. Oh, but he’s too busy blowing smoke up his own butt that he can’t see your love switching to anger. Get out now! No man is worth a murder rap.
- The Shiftless Man will play mind games. It’s part of his make-up. He wants you to believe that he is smarter than you. He will try to manipulate and control you in all situations and have you believing that his a*s is the King of a foreign country. You’ll play along. Why? Because you fell in love with a very nice man. You think that the man that you fell in love with will return. I mean how could he be so mean to you? You work full-time, keep in shape, take care of the house, pleasure him regularly and still manage to play nice with his trifling friends and family. But, he won’t change. You’ll demand respect and he’ll laugh in your face. You’ll demand honesty and he will walk right past you. You will get so mad that your tears will start to flow. He’ll look at you and through you and say “Stop playing the victim. You’re always the victim.” Girl, get out now. Convince him that you are going to have a sex change because he is not man enough for you. Get on with your life and stop letting him hold you down or hold you back.
If you are a woman in a relationship with The Shiftless Man, I need you to get out now! You have to focus on your mental health and this man will tear you down. Don’t believe what he says. You are not a victim! You are beautiful. You are intelligent and more importantly…you deserve better.
Stand up and shed the dead weight of The Shiftless Man and realize that you are a survivor. You survived the insults. You survived the constant cheating on you. You survived the mental abuse. You survived the verbal abuse. You survived. That is your testimony. Plain and simple love.
Be you. Be happy. Be encouraged.