Tag: #relationship advice

The Art of Being A Wife Tour

Posted on by Tikeetha T

Sorry for the post that wasn’t. I’ve had a busy week and haven’t been able to catch up on a lot of your posts. Please know that I will be doing that over the next few days including this weekend. However, I wanted to tell you about this awesome session that I attended last Saturday. It was called The Art of Being a Wife Tour.

The tour was designed to get women to think of the following questions:

Do I have what it takes to be a great wife?

How do I bring sexy back to my bedroom?

How can I get “me” back after losing her in my marriage?

Am I the only one going through in my marriage?

Can I stay even when the thrill is obviously gone?

As someone who plans to be a wife to Mr. C one day, I wanted to go and check it out. Plus, I knew Tanya Barnett. She wrote the book Being A Wife Just Got Real: Things I Wish I Knew Before I Said “I Do” that I reviewed. I had read the book, but I wanted to know more.

The Women

I had never met Dominique Clarke, but I am glad I did. They were incredible leaders in helping us to really dig dip into things that affect us. Dominique is a matchmaker who has been married for 8 years and she’s only 30. What? How awesome is that?

I couldn’t imagine being married at 22, but she’s making it work. She shares her tips for dating, relationships and marriage with you. She has a book entitled She’s Valuable (But Does She Know It?) that I purchased and started to read. I’ll do a book review on this later.

Tanya Barnett is an entrepreneur, author, mom, wife, radio host and many other titles. She shares her testimony about her relationship struggles in her marriage and what she had to do to fix herself. She tells you how God told her that her marriage was her ministry.

How many of us think of marriage as our ministry? But, it really is. That was an amazing nugget to take away. Her book is amazing and a must read.

What It Wasn’t

It wasn’t a male bashing session. It was a session to help us women figure out what we can work on within ourselves. That in itself was different because we always want to turn it into a male bashing session or point the other finger to our partners when we get around other women.

We aren’t accountable for our own actions. There was none of that. It was all love and respect. It was really getting to what you desire for yourself and your partner so you can strengthen your relationships. I had a ball.

What I Wish

What did I wish they had? A workbook with some excerpts and tips from their own book that they could share. It was a lot of women and we couldn’t get through everything, but have us do the work and talk about what we expect to get out of this. Have us work on ourselves at home.

What I Want You To Know

I learned some things. I learned from the women around me at my table and I was able to share some wisdom as a divorced woman. This was an excellent opportunity for sister bonding and empowerment. Self-improvement always is and will be one of my top priorities in my life.

Highlight

The next stop is in Raleigh, North Carolina. If you are in the area, please go check out this awesome tour. There are only a few tickets remaining. I was also fortunate to give a testimonial. Check it out:

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Make Better Choices Girlfriend

Posted on by Tikeetha T

It’s true. We’ve all been there. Dating men who were beneath us in terms of socio-economics, but should we really date a broke man? A man that is not able to provide for us?

I’ve been seeing a lot of questions on social media and in the various groups that I belong to asking whether or not our standards are too high. Maybe, but we are making poor choices when it comes to the men we are choosing to partner ourselves with and I need us to stop, drop and roll.

Do you know what I mean?

Stop

Stop dating and fathering children with men that don’t have. They don’t have a job so you see this as an opportunity to show him that you are down. Down for what sis? Poverty? Paying for all the dates? He’s broke. He shouldn’t be dating you much less dating anyone until he gets his life together. A real man doesn’t use a woman for a come up. Let me repeat that…A real man will never use you, date you and/or sleep with you trying to come up on your coat tails. If the man you are with is doing this then you need to stop dating him. He is not the man for you.

Drop

Drop all the excuses you tell yourself for supporting a broke man with no desire to work. Poverty isn’t in. It never was. If you’ve fathered children with a man that can’t take care of them, pick yourself up and move on Martha. If you’re doing it by yourself then you’re technically by yourself. Children require more than love. What about medical expenses, child care or basic school supplies? Broke men with no ambition and/or desire to provide should be dropped from your social calendar immediately. Run! Pack up your suitcases and leave that dog before you get fleas that you can’t get rid of.

Roll

Roll out on situations with men that are beneath who you are. You should never settle. You should never have expectations so high that even Jesus wouldn’t qualify to date you. You should find a happy medium. When your expectations are right and you are all about loving and living your happy life is when God will send a wonderful man into your life. A man that wants to build with you and not take from you. A man that will offer his everything and not just a broke piece of penis. Roll out of situations that require you to change who you are. You are not required to support people you didn’t birth. Especially grown men that don’t want to help you. Roll out and roll on from the struggle life. Again, poverty isn’t in and it ain’t cute.

Do you find yourself lowering your standards when dating? What about in relationships? Would you date a man or woman with no job? Talk to me.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

You’re Making Him Wait?

Posted on by Tikeetha T

Many people find it strange that Mr. C and I are practicing abstinence. I’ve heard more than one person ask “So, you’re making him wait?” It really seems to confuse some people. I’m not sure why, but it is funny as hell to Mr. C and I.

Why is it that you view waiting as a bad thing? Am I really making him wait? What is the big deal? These are all the questions that run through my head when I hear someone ask the question of why I’m making him wait. I want to clear up some questions that people may have about us and practicing abstinence.

  1. I’m not making him wait. He’s choosing to wait to respect the will of God over and through my life. It’s his choice. I’m not forcing him. I’m not holding a gun to his head. I’m not promising him a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. LOL, not yet. He’s a grown man who makes his own decisions so he is choosing to wait.
  2. It’s hard. Some days are better than others, but we are in no rush for marriage, so no rush to the bedroom. I hear it gets easier, but I have no point of reference to compare it too since this is a first for me. We are not laying up in each other’s house hanging in the bedroom all night, so that takes away the idea of sexing each other up. We spend time watching TV or going out. No hanging around in the bedroom.
  3. It’s allowing us to truly get to know each other. Let me tell you that even though I’ve known Mr. C for almost 2 years we’re still learning each other. It’s a lot to learn about someone and to really get to know them enough to take their last name. We are truly committed to finding out about each other without making sex the deciding factor that blinds us about each other’s faults.
  4. I don’t care if the sex is bad. Yep, I said it. People have always asked me “What if the sex is bad?” I don’t care. I’m older now and I realize that sex is overrated. Good, but overrated. I’m not that concerned whether or not he can lay the pipe right. With age comes wisdom. I’m older and I would enjoy sex with my husband. Hell, we’ll figure it out in the bedroom. Having someone rub my feet, give me a massage and just have my back matters more than if he’s banging in the bedroom.
  5. He respects my boundaries. Mr. C and I have traveled out of town and slept in the same room and nothing has happened. He’s a gentleman that respects me. He’s not using this time to get to know each other outside of our zip code as a chance to jump my bones. He respects the love and relationship we have and just doesn’t try it. The key to being on the same level is making sure that your partner respects your boundaries.

That’s it. No big secret. No kind of witchery is being used. I’ve just been blessed to meet a wonderful man that sees me for who I am and for what I want and just respects that. I’m not making him wait. He’s choosing to wait.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Helluva Man

Posted on by Tikeetha T

I thought it was impossible to love me. I mean I dated, married and later divorced a man that told me that I had some serious daddy issues. Was he wrong? Not entirely. But, could he have said it differently? Possibly. But, I believed his words.

They sank into my spirit and cut like knives going down my throat. I believed that I was f*cked up. I believed man over God. I was lost.

I believed that it was impossible to love me. To find someone who would see all my quirks and faults and accept them as normal. Someone who would respect my boundaries, love me and Munch and be able to afford me financially. But, God.

I thought that I had an impossible list of qualifications for a man. I wasn’t specific about height, weight, looks, etc. Well, he had to be taller than me. Nothing else was specific. Okay, I’m lying. He had to:

  1. Make no less than $10,000 than me. He could make more, but I wasn’t dating a broke man.
  2. Have children because I wasn’t having anymore.
  3. Have a relationship with Christ. This was the most important. He needed to be a believer and believe in the power of prayer.
  4. Have a relationship with his parents.
  5. Have a career that he loved.
  6. Be taller than me.
  7. Understand that I wasn’t giving him my cookies.

That was it. I didn’t know what kind of man that would bring, but when I let go and trusted God to send someone in my life that understood that I had been broken but saved by grace….whew! Mr. C showed up and showed out in my life. Even when I tried to run because I couldn’t understand these feelings that I was having. Here was a man that had all the things on my list that valued me.

That respected my boundaries and loved me in the midst of all that I had going on. He’s not perfect. Neither am I. We just craft this space that we understand and respect each other. No matter what. I’ve gotten frustrated at him and will say I need a break and get off the phone. He’s cool with it. He’ll give me the time and we’ll circle back later and discuss any residual feelings.

I never had that. I didn’t know that relationships worked like that. I was use to drama and never being able to have a civil conversation. Mr. C gets that I’m an alpha female so I get straight to the point. I don’t need to stroke his ego. He is the man and I tell him so. He knows that when I send him love notes that they are genuine. But, if I’m direct in a conversation, he doesn’t get offended. He doesn’t think that I don’t love him or I’m trying to control him. He just listens and responds. Our communication is evolving and I can honestly say that I love the man that God sent to me. The man that sends me beautiful videos to encourage my soul or little love notes that tell me how he feels. That man. He’s a helluva man!

Here’s an example of how wonderful he is:

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Yep, I’m one lucky girl!

Talk to me:  Are you in that kind of relationship? What kind of things did you want in a potential partner?

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Dating Chronicles: The Series

Posted on by Tikeetha T

I hope you enjoyed reading my series entitled “Dating Chronicles” and some of the things that I endured when dating. I’ve always tried to be very honest and transparent with you because I want you to know that I’ve been there and done that too. I am an eternal optimist and I believe in love. No matter what. Despite the trials and tribulations and false starts, life is truly about finding your footing and figuring it out. You have to keep climbing. No matter what.

I didn’t think that at this point in my life I would find someone that I would so perfectly fit with, but I did. Not that I’m perfect, but Mr. C loves all my many personalities and it just works. We choose to strengthen both our foundation with each other and our relationship with God. We speak every morning on the phone and read our daily devotional and pray together before starting our day.

We’re trying something different. Something that neither of us really did in past relationships. We’re taking it slow, practicing celibacy and just getting to know each other. There is no rush to it. There is comfort and consistency.

I like the G spot (girlfriend spot) and I love that he still courts me and woos me after so many months. He’s been my rock and my friend. He makes me feel safe. He respects me. He’s a man of his word and every day we wake up and make a conscious decision to choose each other. No matter what.

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Stay tuned to my story because I’ve only given you a glimpse into my dating life, but there are so many more stories to tell. I hope this gave you an opportunity to know me a little more. To be able to relate to me.

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If you want to check out the series, they are here:

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Temporary

Posted on by Tikeetha T

She was temporary. She knew it. He never committed to spending time with her until the last minute. He was always so busy.

It was either work, family or parenting responsibilities that consumed his time. He wanted her to understand. She understood. She understood that she was temporary.

He was a successful business man. Never talked about his past and always lived in the present. He had no time for deep discussions on the state of the union, climate or world issues. Too busy to travel for pleasure. Too many work commitments. Can’t make a charity gala with her sorority. He had to take his son to practice.

She was supposed to understand that she had landed a good one. He was smart, funny and wealthy. He treated her fine, but fine wasn’t good enough. She wanted sparks. She wanted chemistry. She wanted more.

She wanted a man that seemed interested in what she had going on. She didn’t want to make temporary plans or be temporary in anyone’s life. She wanted permanency. She needed it.

His kisses said he desired. His touch was warm and inviting. But, that wasn’t enough. His heart was cold. He wanted no long term plans with her. He couldn’t even lie to her to make her believe that they had a future, but she knew. She sighed.

She sealed her good bye letter with a kiss from her red lips. She loved the gifts. She loved the man she met that night.

But she knew she was a temporary reprieve from his chaotic life. Being a mistress was always temporary. There could be no future from someone else’s husband.

Today’s post is inspired by the Daily Post. The word prompt of the day was temporary. 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

6 Dating Mistakes Women Make

Posted on by Tikeetha T

This is a roll call to all the women out there who’ve made mistakes while dating. You date men only to find out that the man you thought was the one was in fact a dud. You start to review the reel of your relationship no matter how small or insignificant in your head. You start to wonder “Where did I go wrong?” Has that ever happened to you?

It’s happened to me. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I made plenty of mistakes while dating and I’m the first to say “Learn from my mistakes”. I want to save you time and trouble while you navigate this dating world.

So, I compiled a list of 6 dating mistakes that women make in hopes that I’m able to help you recognize if you’re making them too. If you’re doing any of these things, I beg you love to run for the hills and stop it. Take a dating hiatus and get back to the basics of loving and dating you.

  1. I gave the benefit of the doubt. This was a big one for me. I gave the benefit of the doubt to a lot of men who frankly didn’t deserve it. The thing is that they were showing me who they were and telling me something different. I listened to their words instead of their action. That is a big no-no. Maya Angelou said it best “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”
  2. No boundaries. I used to allow the men that I dated to set my boundaries. Sure, you can call me for a last minute date. Sure, I can come over at 11pm. Sure, I can take you there. Sure, I can (fill in the blank). You see what I was doing? I wasn’t setting boundaries. There are rules to anything including dating me and I didn’t set or express my boundaries. I was trying to be a free spirit. That’s not me. Be you and set those boundaries.
  3. Something is better than nothing. Umm, no it’s not. We shouldn’t settle. I refuse to waste anymore time with people that aren’t worthy. Why are you settling for less than what you deserve? Some of us are so happy to have a piece of a man that we are willing to settle for a piece than the whole person. That’s a lie and one you should stop telling yourself right now. You deserve it all love. Nothing is better than something that causes you pain.
  4. Waste my time. Time is a big thing for me. It matters. More than money. Time is something that I can’t get back. You can always make more money. You can’t get back time once its wasted. That is a big thing. I wasted my time with men that I knew we could never be nothing more. I’m not talking the first couple of dates. I’m talking the first couple of months. I just continued to waste my time instead of putting them in the block category and moving on. Life is too short to waste time with anyone.
  5. Lowering my standards. I’m not going to lower my standards when it comes to dating men and neither should you. Why should you? So, you can have a man? This goes hand in hand with number 3. Don’t lower your standards or expectations in a relationship just so you can get or keep a man. If he can’t meet you where you are, move on girl!
  6. Giving up the cookies too soon. Mr. C and I are practicing abstinence, but I know that not everyone is at that point in their life and I respect that. However, I tell you this…if a man is not willing to wait for you he is not the man for you. I heard a man once say that if a man can wait for a pair of shoes, a new video game or a promotion he can wait to have sex. You see that? Men will wait. You just have to be diligent in your desire to know that you are worth the wait. It’s okay to walk away if a man tells you that he won’t wait. Nothing wrong with saying “Okay, well be blessed and bye”. You are worth the wait. Real men know that.

Those are my 6 dating mistakes and trust me, I’ve made them all. I’m not judging you. I’m trying to help you move beyond the present and envision a future where you’ve got the love you want. It is possible.

Any other dating mistakes you think women make? How do you feel about the list? Have you made these mistakes?

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.