God

July 2013

God! God help me! I can’t breathe God! The pain is insurmountable. I feel like I’m struggling. The devil is on my heels and I can’t seem to shake him.

God I know that I haven’t been faithful in following your lead. I know that I have chosen to live a life that you didn’t want. I know God. I know.

But, God! This pain is smothering me like a wet blanket on a hot fire. Take it away God! Please! I’m walking around like a zombie. My son is holding me as I cry myself to sleep.

God, I never knew life after wanting peace could hurt so much. Help me God! Help me move past my pain so that I can be strong. Munch needs me. I need him. You have never forsaken me God.

I must keep pressing on. You saved me God! Do it again!

Have mercy on me God! Have mercy.

G

This post was part of the A2Z challenge and the letter “G” is for God. My posts will be written as a journal style for the challenge and will be on the theme: Mothering While Black. I hope you enjoyed it.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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Parenting: Discipline Part II

I told you in last week’s post entitled Parenting: Discipline Part I how Munch had disrespected his teacher and the level of disrespect had me questioning who was this little boy. I know that many of you experienced parents are probably laughing at me right now, but I genuinely had no idea who this young man was. But, I had to discipline him because he had to understand the lesson.

The lesson that I was trying to teach is about learning when to speak. It’s hard. We tend to speak first and think later. I get it. But, that’s a lesson you learn over time and it was something that I had to teach now. I explained to him that the Bible is full of lessons about holding your tongue and how you can make things worse. We read James 3:5 which states:

James 3:5 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits.
How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire!

We didn’t stop there. We read Psalm 19:14 which states:

Psalm 19:14 King James Version (KJV)

14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.

I explained to Munch that it’s not easy to bridle your tongue in the face of things you may consider unjust, but you have too. We all do. I tried to tell him that we will all fall short but that he needed to learn self-control and it won’t happen overnight. You just have to keep at it.

There was a lesson in there for me. We all need to learn how to bridle our tongues. He didn’t get TV or electronic privileges and no dessert. He was unhappy, but he understood that there was a consequence to the action. We talked, we read and we went to the library. We spent the weekend redirecting negative thoughts and bridling our tongues.

This parenting journey is rough.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

The Sins of My Father

I have a confession. I’ve struggled with forgiveness for so long. I told ya’ll about what my therapist said about how I gave my dad grace and not forgiveness. So, here I am feeling somewhat guilty because it has been 3 weeks since my dad called me. He called me on my birthday.

The first time in 34 years. Do you know how disappointed I used to be each and every year? But, God. Each year got easier. I realized that it just didn’t matter to him.

Until 2018. I guess it did matter. He called and left a message saying Happy Birthday. 

I haven’t returned his call. I made up excuses. I had some real stuff going on and real health issues that took priority. But, I haven’t called him back. Why?

I honestly don’t know. I think I am just struggling with my feelings for him. So, I’ve been trying to catch up on some blog posts. Forgive me for my delays. Muddling through emails, throwing myself back in work and then I read two posts about forgiveness.  I stopped.

One was by Maya Moore entitled Football & Forgiveness  and the other by Chris Weatherly entitled What I Wish Everyone Understood About Forgiveness. Two posts in less than 30 minutes about forgiveness? What was going on?

It was as though God was speaking to me. Talking to me. Telling me to push forward and understand where I’m at and decide where I want to be. To talk to him and to let him know. The truth.

I declined to do so. Me and God don’t always see eye to eye, but I know that in the end His word is forevermore, no matter how stubborn I am. So, I pushed his voice to the side and kept it moving. Until Chris Weatherly posted this:

via What I Wish Everyone Understood about Forgiveness

I couldn’t hide anymore. I couldn’t ignore. God was trying to tell me something.

Please read these posts about forgiveness. It will truly encourage you. Are you struggling like me?

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Day 12: Clarity

One of the things that I’ve often mentioned is that I’m grateful for clarity. I’m grateful that when I turned 40 I gained clarity. I started really listening to my inner voice. Focusing on what I wanted and needed. Being honest about what situations really were and just accepted that I was going to be fine because my faith was bigger than my fear allowed me to see clearly.

I cut out things and people that weren’t good for me. I no longer feel the need to offer an excuse about what I will and won’t do. My sanity matters more to me than those that feel inconvenienced by my truth. I just wished that I had gotten to this point earlier in life. Wow! It would have saved me years. But, life is funny like that. You don’t get what you need until God decides you need it.

But, I leave you with this piece of advice. Listen to your inner voice. Your spirit. Let it guide you and you will never go wrong. Look at situations and people for who they are and be thankful that you can see things clearly.

Day 12 in my #23daysofthankfulness has me happy and thankful for clarity.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Day 9: Attitude

It’s Day 9 of my #23DaysofThankfulness and I am thankful for my attitude. In general I have a pretty good attitude. I am a team player and I am trying to always see the best in people. Despite when they show me their true colors.

But, I wake up each day with an attitude of gratitude. I’m thankful for both the good and the bad. The trials and the victories. They are all part of God’s greater plan and I can sense that He is in the midst of it all. So, my attitude is one of thankfulness.

This is weird for me because Munch has such a negative attitude some days. I’m always trying to shift his perspective because your attitude can influence the type of day you’ll have. If you wake up positive and only allow positive energy to fuel your day you will notice the shift in your attitude. However, if you wake up and allow every negative thought to envelop your mind then it will be reflective in your attitude.

Be amazing. Be wonderful. Put a smile on your face. Change your attitude.

Attitude Quotes

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Monday Motivation – 11.6.17

Today I struggled to find ways to motivate you. To inspire you. To help you get through this week. This world… This world is tiring. I’m tired. I’m tired of hearing about tragedies and I’m tired of thinking that we will be better. That we can be better.

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Hearing about the tragedy that took place in a church in Texas yesterday had me wondering what the hell is going on? How can we be dealing with this again? Wasn’t it just last month that a shooter killed 58 people in Las Vegas? Now we have Sutherland Spring, Texas. Another place of worship. Another lone gunman killing innocent people.

When would this end?

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I prayed. I went to God for help. I needed peace. I was afraid. Afraid of not being able to to go anywhere. Church is no longer safe. I mean we could rationalize and say Charleston was a one time tragedy, but no. More people. More worshipers. No where was safe.

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God reminded me that He has the whole world in his hands. That I need to lean on His word and know that it would be okay. That I am supposed to trust.  That was what he wanted to remind me. Like it says in Psalm 56:3…

Psalm 56:3 (NRSV)

when I am afraid,

I put my trust in you.

My Motivational Monday Moment is about trust. Trusting in God when it seems you can’t see what’s in front of you. Trust in Him.

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Trust doesn’t mean that you won’t fear. We all do. I am afraid. I am afraid of what is going on in this world. I am heartbroken at the fact that people had to endure gunfire in a house of worship. But, I trust God. I do. In the midst of all this tragedy and heartbreak, I trust Him.

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I trust him when all hell is breaking loose around me. I trust God. Please trust Him.

Let’s pray for those that are hurting. Let’s pray for those that are in power and let’s pray for each other. We need it.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Day 5: My Faith

It’s the 5th day of my #23DaysofThankfulness and I’m thankful for my faith. My faith that has sustained me throughout my life. When the winds and storms of life were raging all around me, my faith was rooted in the fact that I serve an awesome God. It was my mom and grandma that instilled in me that God hears all and sees all and is a way maker.

That’s why no matter what I go through I tend to rely on the fact that I serve a mighty God. My faith doesn’t absolve me from having problems but it allows me to trust that God will be the way maker. My faith has allowed me to forgive my enemies and to continue to live a life focused on being a good human being. No matter how many times I keep getting knocked down. I get back up.

My faith doesn’t afford me the opportunity to sit back and believe that I should never have bad times. Because I’ve had my share. But, it allows me to know where my help comes from. Can I just tell you that sometimes in the midst of my pain all I could do was fall on my hands and knees and ask God for help? To yell out “Dear Lord it’s me standing in the need of prayer. Can you hear me?” He does hear me.

He does answer me. He does love me. He’s a never failing God. Today, I’m thankful for my faith.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.