For Manchester

Last night I went to dinner with a friend of mine and he asked me had I heard about the bombing in England at an Ariana Grande concert. No, I hadn’t heard. It wasn’t playing on the news in the bar where we were and I couldn’t imagine anyone bombing a concert. A concert of a young pop star.

I was wrong. I went home and picked up my tablet to see the news flash notifications that I had missed.  The New York Times, Washington Post and CNN were all reporting the bombing. What kind of person would bomb a concert with children in it? What is this world coming too?

I said my prayers for the families, for England and for the world. I’m at a loss for words. How could you explain this to your children? One more thing to be afraid of. Fear of concerts and letting your children attend with or without you. Terrorism doesn’t care.

No words will ever be able to explain how 22 people died and 59 people were injured for just attending a concert. Listening to music. Isn’t music supposed to heal not hurt? What is this world coming too?

Please pray for Manchester and all the families and victims of this tragedy.

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His Plan

So, we’ve all been there. Where? To the depths of hell swimming like a madman without a life jacket. Drowning. In pain. We didn’t understand how life took this rapid turn and we found ourselves in a perpetual state of hell.

It happens. It happened to me. It happens to everyone. You are not alone. You should know that …

See, that’s all we can ask. That God helps us through it. Our lives have been planned out. There will be good days and there will be bad days. We have to stay committed to knowing that our faith matters. We can’t falter in our faith when we fear the unknown.

Just breathe.

Know that everything is working for your good. You are wonderfully and beautifully made to survive any test or trial that comes your way. Be encouraged.

Just breathe.

I remember being on the floor crying out in pain asking God “Why has thou forsaken me?” Only to hear him whisper “I haven’t. Get up. It’s done.” Even when I feel like I can’t go on and take any more I try to whisper “Dear God, just give me the strength to endure.”

I breathe.

I’ve been at the end of my rope. There were times I didn’t know which way to turn or who could help me. I called on the One. The One who is always available. Who sees my tears and knows that His child is crying. He will see me through this troubled time. He will see you through your troubled times.

Breathe.

Don’t let the trouble you find yourself in define who you are. You are beautifully and wonderfully made in the Master’s image. So, you’ve made mistakes. Who hasn’t? The key is to know that there is always something bigger in store for you. Your greater is coming.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Tired

I’m tired.

Weary.

My heart aches.

My mind is racing.

My patience is low.

I don’t want to fight no more.

Fighting is exhausting.

Fighting is distracting.

I can’t be distracted.

No time.

No time for games.

No time for distractions.

No time for the fake ones.

Time matters.

This hell I find myself in is one I chose.

The moment I said yes.

I chose it.

I have to remember it.

But, I have to remember that I can change my mind.

To recognize my choices and accept my fate.

To move beyond the bullshit and give my all

To the people that matter.

To the situations that require my attention.

To the friends that love without judgement.

To the family that supports without knowledge.

To the man who promises me a healthy love.

To the job that pays my salary.

To the readers who support my talent.

To the charitable organizations that benefit from my service.

To those that inspire.

To those that encourage.

To those that believe.

Believe in me.

Even when I don’t believe in myself.

I will close my eyes tonight.

No more tears.

With praise on my tongue

I will cry out…

Can you hear me Lord?

Can you hear the pain in my heart?

Can you see the destruction of those that seek to hurt me?

Can you see that I am your faithful servant Lord?

And I will give it to Him.

I will leave it on the altar.

I will say…

I trust you Lord.

I know that you’re watching.

Intercede Lord.

Intercede.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Roots

I have roots.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t.

Roots that are planted firmly where I stand.

In this state that is not my birth state, I’ve created a home.

A home with people that love and support.

Family and friends that I have known for years.

Some roots have died off.

It’s okay.

They weren’t watered.

They weren’t built to last.

There is a time for everything.

But, if you look into the ground you will see my roots

deep and strong

Like a tree I stand

Bending, not breaking

Swaying with the storms of life

being strengthened at the root

 

This post was inspired by the Daily Post. The word prompt was roots.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Mommy Moments: 4/8/2017

It’s a brisk Saturday morning and I’m laying here after prayer trying to force myself to get out of bed. There are things to do and places to go. Munch has a soccer game at 12:30 pm today. His first of the season. We’re both excited.

I have to head down stairs and fix his breakfast. Fuel for his body. He needs to stay focused and engaged and not worry about hunger pains. His sickness is gone and he’s back to normal.

When we returned back to the world of the living on Wednesday and were getting ready to leave the house, he says to me “Mommy, I don’t think anyone missed me.” I stopped. “Missed you when Munch?” I asked. “The last two days that I’ve been out of school. I don’t think the kids missed me.”

I laughed. He was so sweet and sincere. The innocence of a child. I replied “Munch, you were only gone two days. I’m pretty sure no one missed me after two days of taking care of you at home.” He looked shocked. “You don’t think anyone on your staff missed you while you were out?” “No baby” I replied. “Well then, you should fire them Mommy” he said. I began to laugh hysterically.

“Munch, you can’t fire people because they don’t miss you. Even if they work for you” I said. He looked confused. I then realized that I needed this precious boy to keep me sane. I needed his words, his kisses and his hugs. I needed his belief that I was superwoman and that I could do anything. Supermommy.

Although it’s illegal to fire someone and I can’t imagine anyone doing it to me, I see my son as a fighter. A fighter for me. He believes that others should miss me like he misses me and that means more to me than anything in this world.

I make mistakes. I’m not perfect. I probably reward way more than most parents. But, I’m learning and I love what God has blessed me with in Munch. I just thank my blessings for my Munch.

Happy Saturday loves!

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Review: Being A Wife Just Got Real: Things I Wish I Knew Before I Said “I Do”

I’m beginning to slow down and get back to reading. I have so many purchased and unfinished books on my list that I feel like I’m drowning. However, I’m determined to be finished by May from all the published books that I purchased last year. First up, was Being A Wife Just Got Real: Things I Wish I Knew Before I Said “I Do” by Tanya Barnett. For sake of full disclosure, I’ve known Tanya for years. 

We all grew up in the same church. She’s older so I’m closer with her brother Rodney. When I found out that she wrote a book, I was hesitant to read it. Not, that I didn’t think that it would be good, but more so that I wasn’t a wife no more and I didn’t think it applied to me.

However, she started sharing posts that it does apply whether you are single, engaged, married and divorced and wanting to remarry. So, I figured that I would give it a go because I wanted to remarry. Can I just tell you that I loved it? It was a quick read and I couldn’t put it down. I saw so many similarities in her behavior and in mine when I was married to my ex-husband.

What I loved most about the book was also the prayers and self-reflections that she has at the end of each chapter. A very cool tool to help you evaluate what you see occurring in your relationship and writing what you want in your relationship. I had to write these down because I read the book on my Kindle app. But, I wanted to do the work.

She shares her stories of her struggles with being a wife and the problems she had in her marriage. Her husband seemed a little scary, but I realized that he was more like many of the men that I dated and even the one I married. Not scary, but scared. That’s the key. She loved the heck out of the man that God told her to marry. She accepted His will and realized she needed to change too.

She was like me and like many women I’m sure. Independent to a tee. Mouthy (yep we like to pop off at the mouth) and demanding. She recognized her part in the destruction of her marriage but she speaks about how she constantly prayed. She tells you how God was speaking to her before and during her marriage.

Now, this is important to me being a woman of faith. I believe in prayer and more importantly I believe in listening to God when He speaks to me. I spent so much of my life ignoring God’s voice that I vowed when I turned 40 to never do that again. I’m happy to report that in the last two years I’ve not done that.

God was all in and throughout her marriage and it helped her get her mind right. To be a better wife to her husband and to truly work on her marriage. That’s what I love about this book. It’s not all her husband’s fault, but she equally discusses her failures in her marriage. You will see yourself in this book in many ways. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy at destroying what we love.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and would recommend this book to any woman. Whether you are seriously dating, engaged or married you will realize that you are not alone. There are many women who self-destruct a relationship and don’t fully examine the history of our partners prior to marriage. However, there is hope. All is not lost. See the beauty of what you created, do the work and allow God to work in your marriage.

It’s a great read and you can check Tanya out on social media at the following hashtags: FaceBook: Real Wife Coach ; Twitter: Real Wife Coach and her Website: Real Wife Movement

The best part? Her husband is writing his own book about this time during their marriage. I’m truly excited to read that as well because I love a his and hers point of view. Tanya’s book can be purchased on Amazon here:  Being A Wife Just Got Real

 

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

The Day Loved Died

Today I wrote the final line in my obituary. I wrote with such force and finality that it scared me. My pen flourished on the paper as I wrote that I need time and space. Time and space to just figure this thing out. To get my head back on straight. To adjust to my new reality.

So many excuses for why things can’t be, but the truth is simply that I love someone who doesn’t and won’t love me. I sift through my emotions and watch my tears drip on the paper as I journal the pain. I know that it is my own issue. I don’t know how to separate fantasy from reality. The reality that love don’t live here. It never has. But, I wanted to make believe that you and me could be a we. Why?

Because it was wonderful in my fantasy. It was safe. It was nourishing and warm. It strengthened me in ways that I didn’t imagine. This fantasy allowed me to laugh at the silly things, feel safe in your arms and strong in your encouragement. We existed in this fantasy. Our hearts beating in synchronized and harmonized rhythm until…

I realized that my heart beat was the only one that could be heard. I was imagining the strong and steady beat of my soul mate. It was comforting until I wrote that damn obituary and realized that the only thing I heard was silence.

I just stood there crying because heartbreak was nothing new to me. Pain was a constant in my life. Hell I survived childhood and motherhood. Grief was something I had experienced before, but this pain was new to me. It was a cross between an ax chopping my heart in two and someone pouring battery acid on the still beating half. You get it right? It was…

Destructive. I watched the destruction of a dream. I loved and lost within a span of months. The dream to experience love in the purest and sexiest form as an adult. But, that dream was dead before I even closed my eyes. So, I wrote out my obituary and entitled it “Death to Love”.

It said:

Suddenly on February 20, 2015, I departed this earth. I died. Not in the physical sense, but in the emotional sense. I stopped believing in love after confessing my feelings to the man I had dated for almost a year. I opened up my soul and poured out my heart and he just sat there. No words. No emotions. Just silence. After shouting out that I fearlessly and uncontrollably loved this man and needed him to be patient with me and love me beyond measure, I realized that I was alone. Alone in this boat that he told me to ride with him and just go with the damn flow. As I poured out my heart and told him that love was foreign to me and not something I share freely with men. I listened for confirmation or affirmation that it was mutual. But there was none. Only silence. No words. So, I laughed and let him go and went home and drank a glass of wine so big that Olivia Pope would have been envious. I wrote this obituary before turning into bed and realizing that sleep would be futile. That rest would not come. My heart ached something awful and I died.

Later as I lay on the cold table in the morgue and reflected on the quietness of my mind I heard the radio playing. Someone had turned on Pandora. I heard “Step Aside” by Yolanda Adams. I heard her sing, “You have to let go and let God be God”. I gasped in air as though I had never breathed before. The pain was insurmountable but a peace was settling in my spirit.

I got up off the cold table and wrapped my body in a blanket and showered. I took the hottest shower and soaped up and washed off all the troubles of this world because I knew that I would survive. Because on that love river that I traveled God had given me a life vest and my momma had taught me how to swim.

 

Note: This is about a prior break-up. Not Mr. C. LOL. We are great.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.