Where Am I?

Where Am I? I don’t know. It’s a simple question. But, I struggle to answer. Why? Because it seems that I am nowhere, but somewhere. Where? I don’t know.

I guess I would say that I am somewhere between bliss and exhaustion. Heaven and hell. Uncertainty. Indecisiveness. The location evades my consciousness.

So much has happened. In the world. In my life. In Charlottesville. Sigh. I can’t.

I’m tired ya’ll. You know that I’m tired of living in a society that values ignorance over humanity. I’m tired of living in a country where the color of my skin matters more than the content of my character. I’m tired of having to talk to my son about racial bias and yet educate him on the realities of racism.

He’s 9.

He still believes in the tooth fairy. He still believes in Santa Claus. He is innocent. I have to protect him. So, I decided that I needed to take a break.

I unplugged.

I took some time to gather my thoughts, pray and re-center myself. School starts next month and so does my busy season. I have to get it together. No more drama. No more negativity sucking away at my time, money or life.

One foot in front of the other.

I march.

Slowly and with determination and uphill. It doesn’t matter. Life is what is. No crystal stair, but there are stairs to climb.

I can’t stop.

I won’t stop.

Fighting.

Fighting for Munch.

Fighting for you.

Fighting for me.

Fighting for everyone.

My break has allowed me the opportunity to reflect on my journey and recenter my expectations. To realign my goals and just breathe this sometimes heavy atmosphere into my lungs and exhale the fear and frustrations.

Can I just tell you that I was tired ya’ll?

I’ve joined so many Facebook groups trying to learn and align myself with my tribes. To inspire others. To let people know that sometimes the enemy we face is our own self. When we look in that mirror and realize that we are blocking our own blessings. We have to be accountable. We have to hold each other accountable. Only then will we feel the shift.

The shift in our perspective.

We have to heal. We have to be better. We have to see that change is gonna come if we believe.

Be blessed loves!

You were all missed.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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The Truth About Custody

Today’s post was inspired by news of Pillar Sander’s middle son finally getting to live with her. Not sure if you remember their divorce or not, but in a nutshell Deion Sanders got primary custody of his two boys and she got shared custody of their daughter who was the youngest at the time. Here’s what his middle son just shared:

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The children are caught in the middle of a divorce. I want to share a story with you. I want you to think about something before you go to war in custody…

I have a lot of friends who have gone through a divorce and custody battle with their children. All but two have had to battle it out in the courts for custody. As sad as it is, it didn’t have to be that way.

Marriages start off great. You fall in love. You create a life. You have children. Your career changes. Life changes. You have children. You raise your children. Life goes on. Then there is a shift in your marriage. It could be mental health, infidelity, loss of love and/or communication. But, something is wrong.

You try to fix it. You try counseling. You try to make your marriage work. You didn’t get married to get divorced. Sex becomes non-existent. You don’t understand what is happening. Why can’t you get back on track?

But, you can’t.

Months pass. Sometimes years. You grow distant. You become roommates. You live separate lives. You even fake it for family in friends. You begin to lose yourself in the hell that is your marriage.

Until one day.

One of you decides that you can’t go on like this. You can’t live this fake life for everyone including your children. You want them to see two happy people than grow up with a false sense of family. You decide it would be best to split and divorce.

What happens to the children?

You believe that your children need both parents. You’ve read the stories of children that do better with both parents in their lives. You will make it work. They will have two homes with two beds, but they will have two active parents. 

Then one person changes their mind. They want to take their chances in court. Battle it out. It could be for a number of reasons, but money or vengeance are probably the top. They don’t want to share. They want the children in their homes and in their lives full-time. You can see them occasionally.

You struggle to breathe. You’ve lived with your children 365 days. You’ve woken up with them. You’ve fed them breakfast, bathed them and taken them to school. You’re a full-time parent. They are the most important people in your life.

You look up at the person that claimed to love you and see that this person doesn’t care. They don’t care about what you did or who you are to the children. They are grieving. You fight it out and go to court.

Your children may be old enough to talk to the judge, but no one is listening. Lawyers, courts and money spent becomes your life. You didn’t plan this. You can’t understand how one person is being given your children and you are being regulated to seeing your child 48 days a year with two weeks vacation in the summer.

It’s not fair. 

But, you accept it. You accept the terms you were given determined to make the best of it. You show up at every recital, baseball game and school program. You are going to be an active parent no matter the circumstances dealt.

Your ex who got the kids can’t let it go. They play games. Wreak havoc in your life. Destroy you with their lies. But, you make it a point to keep your head in the game. Live your life above water. This divorce has already cost you too much. You move on.

Then something happens. Your ex is blocking your visitation. Back and forth to court you go. The system doesn’t budge. They tell her/him to stop and they continue. They tell her/him they can’t deny your visitation and they do it anyway. The courts do nothing.

The light in your children’s eyes diminish. They miss you. You miss them. You get another lawyer. Back to court you’ll go. You request a modification to the child custody. You want a 50% shared custody schedule with a 50% schedule. 

Your lawyers try to advise you both in mediation to split up the children. You can get the boys and she can get the girls. You are both shocked. You both are adamant that the children not be split up. They are siblings. They need each other. You need them.

Your lawyer advises you separately saying that you could win custody of your sons based off your ex’s antics. You get to have them the majority of the time. No more blocked visitations. But, what about your daughter?

You agree to move forward believing something is better than nothing. You can’t be without your children anymore. They need you. Your daughter will be fine you think.

You win.

You smile. You thank God. You thank your lawyers. You’ve finally won.

But, your daughter loss.

Your children are now split between two homes. She has no brothers there to defend her. She is now alone. 

Note: This is the reality in many broken families. Going through a divorce and custody can be both brutal and painful for the children. If you’re battling it out with your former partner, think about the children. Don’t split them up. They need both of you. Let them decide who they want to live with. Listen to them. Respect their decision or let them go. Don’t separate them. Remember the story from the Bible of King Solomon who wanted to split the child in half because both women were fighting over him? The real mother said “Please don’t kill my son,” the baby’s mother screamed. “Your Majesty, I love him very much, but give him to her. Just don’t kill him.” She was willing to lose her son than see him die. Which woman are you?

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Motivational Monday Moment – 6.26.17

Today’s Motivational Monday Moment is about stillness. Remembering to be still. It’s a continuation of the theme that I’ve been exploring all month long with remembering to find your own peace, practicing mindfulness and not believing your haters. The final motivational moment is about learning to be still when the storms of life are raging all around you.

Let’s face it…We’re all busy. Some more than others and we are rushing and going everywhere and nowhere. We never have time for ourselves. We feel like we must do or have to do things all the time or they won’t get done. I know. I’m one of those people.

In the hustle and bustle of life we have to remember that there is strength in the stillness. Sometimes you have to be still. You have to slow down and breathe. You have to take care of you. Things will be as they are supposed to be so you can’t run yourself ragged with worrying or trying to fix them.

Think about all the times that you’ve worried about a situation and tried multiple ways to fix it. Did it stress you out? Did you figure it out? Yes? No? If you did figure out what you needed to do, were you so stressed about it that you wondered if it would really work? I have.

Being still allows me to stop my mind from worrying and trying to figure everything out. I can’t do it on my own. I know this. You know this. So, why do we try to do it on our own? I am learning to turn off my mind and not worry about things. Being still allows me to stop my mind and thoughts from racing and trying to figure out a solution to every single problem.

I am a control freak. I need to figure out everything and have a solution to many of life’s problems before I can relax. Hilarious, right? What is that old saying “Want to know how to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.” Yep, that’s me. Trying to plan and figure out a solution for everything. But, can I be honest? It’s exhausting.

In this season that I’m in, I am learning to be still and allow God. I’m learning to quiet my thoughts and just trust that God is still God and whatever will be will be. Why ? Because I trust God. He hasn’t changed. I am the one who needs to be still and allow him to work in and through me. I trust that all things will work according to His will.

Psalm 46:10 The Message (MSG)

8-10 Attention, all! See the marvels of God!
    He plants flowers and trees all over the earth,
Bans war from pole to pole,
    breaks all the weapons across his knee.
“Step out of the traffic! Take a long,
    loving look at me, your High God,
    above politics, above everything.”

 

When you are in a perpetual hell you need to quiet your mind. You need to just be still. My Motivational Monday Moment is about you just doing that. Do nothing. Be still. Be present.

It’s hard being still. You have to quiet your mind. You have to make time to do nothing. I told you how I’m practicing meditation and it’s hard as heck, but I’m trying. I’m trying to live in the present and focus on the here and now. Not stress about the future or the problems that I have. I’m learning to unplug.

This is a big one for me. I started with the weekends. I really don’t read or write posts on the weekend because it is my time. My time for me and my time for my family. I do my best to schedule my posts. I’m also trying to limit my on-line time. Social media is killing me. The politics, the multiple social injustices and the never ending issues with things in my community are stressing me the heck out. Oh, and don’t forget my own personal issues.

I need to be still.

I need to practice stillness.

I need to allow God to be God and quiet my mind. There are too many distractions and I know how easy it is to fall into a trap of self-importance. You know the trap that you can fix everything? You can’t. You’re not that important. And you know what? Neither am I.

Let’s be still.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Helluva Man

I thought it was impossible to love me. I mean I dated, married and later divorced a man that told me that I had some serious daddy issues. Was he wrong? Not entirely. But, could he have said it differently? Possibly. But, I believed his words.

They sank into my spirit and cut like knives going down my throat. I believed that I was f*cked up. I believed man over God. I was lost.

I believed that it was impossible to love me. To find someone who would see all my quirks and faults and accept them as normal. Someone who would respect my boundaries, love me and Munch and be able to afford me financially. But, God.

I thought that I had an impossible list of qualifications for a man. I wasn’t specific about height, weight, looks, etc. Well, he had to be taller than me. Nothing else was specific. Okay, I’m lying. He had to:

  1. Make no less than $10,000 than me. He could make more, but I wasn’t dating a broke man.
  2. Have children because I wasn’t having anymore.
  3. Have a relationship with Christ. This was the most important. He needed to be a believer and believe in the power of prayer.
  4. Have a relationship with his parents.
  5. Have a career that he loved.
  6. Be taller than me.
  7. Understand that I wasn’t giving him my cookies.

That was it. I didn’t know what kind of man that would bring, but when I let go and trusted God to send someone in my life that understood that I had been broken but saved by grace….whew! Mr. C showed up and showed out in my life. Even when I tried to run because I couldn’t understand these feelings that I was having. Here was a man that had all the things on my list that valued me.

That respected my boundaries and loved me in the midst of all that I had going on. He’s not perfect. Neither am I. We just craft this space that we understand and respect each other. No matter what. I’ve gotten frustrated at him and will say I need a break and get off the phone. He’s cool with it. He’ll give me the time and we’ll circle back later and discuss any residual feelings.

I never had that. I didn’t know that relationships worked like that. I was use to drama and never being able to have a civil conversation. Mr. C gets that I’m an alpha female so I get straight to the point. I don’t need to stroke his ego. He is the man and I tell him so. He knows that when I send him love notes that they are genuine. But, if I’m direct in a conversation, he doesn’t get offended. He doesn’t think that I don’t love him or I’m trying to control him. He just listens and responds. Our communication is evolving and I can honestly say that I love the man that God sent to me. The man that sends me beautiful videos to encourage my soul or little love notes that tell me how he feels. That man. He’s a helluva man!

Here’s an example of how wonderful he is:

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Yep, I’m one lucky girl!

Talk to me:  Are you in that kind of relationship? What kind of things did you want in a potential partner?

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Motivational Monday Moment – 6/19/17

Today’s Motivational Monday Moment is about not believing the hype spread by your haters. The hype is the fake news or fake information that others try to use against you. Don’t believe it! Have you ever been in a situation where someone has crafted alternative facts to try to make your character seem less than genuine? Whether it be in your workplace or in your personal life, I want to remind you to not believe the hype.

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Life is full of people that will try to use, misuse and talk about you behind your back. Whether it be through social media, emails or your blog they can’t seem to find it in their character to confront you to your face so they punk out and troll you. Have you ever been trolled? It bothered you right? It bothered you that someone was hiding behind a keyboard talking mess about you or some perceived wrong you had done. You may have been afraid. But, fear not my friend.

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Don’t give energy to those things meant to distract you or tarnish your character. You have to ignore it. I know. I know. It is hard sometimes because you feel the need to defend yourself or your character to others, but you don’t have too. See, God knows and sees all. God promises to be with you in battle which is why you are encouraged to put on the full armor of God.

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You can’t let those that are being used for evil destroy you with their words or actions. You just need to walk away and keep the peace. To keep your sanity. You know who you are and whose you are. So many times we want to fight battles that we don’t even need to fight because God will handle it.

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You have to stand strong and don’t let your feelings lead you into catching a case. Ignore those that wish to be manipulative and vindictive pawns in the devil’s army. You are a child of God. He already told you that he gave you power and you don’t need to fight those battles. You just have to remember to not believe the hype. Don’t let your haters bring you down.

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Don’t let the words and/or actions of others put you in a place that is not allowing you to fulfill your purpose. Your purpose is greater than the foolishness around you. When you give thought or energy to those things that don’t align with your purpose then you are being detoured off the path of greatness. Don’t believe the hype!

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Let your dreams manifest regardless of the environment you find yourself in. Believe that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Know that you have the power to speak life into your own situations when it feels like all hope is lost. Remember to stay prayed up and motivated throughout your trials and tribulations.

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Give it to God.

That’s it. That simple. Give it to God.

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My Motivational Monday Moment is reminding you to not believe the hype. You are not what others say about you. You are what you choose to be. Your character can never be questioned by those who know and love you. And when the enemy comes to destroy your peace, remember that this battle is not yours and don’t believe the hype. You are more than the words of your haters!

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

For Manchester

Last night I went to dinner with a friend of mine and he asked me had I heard about the bombing in England at an Ariana Grande concert. No, I hadn’t heard. It wasn’t playing on the news in the bar where we were and I couldn’t imagine anyone bombing a concert. A concert of a young pop star.

I was wrong. I went home and picked up my tablet to see the news flash notifications that I had missed.  The New York Times, Washington Post and CNN were all reporting the bombing. What kind of person would bomb a concert with children in it? What is this world coming too?

I said my prayers for the families, for England and for the world. I’m at a loss for words. How could you explain this to your children? One more thing to be afraid of. Fear of concerts and letting your children attend with or without you. Terrorism doesn’t care.

No words will ever be able to explain how 22 people died and 59 people were injured for just attending a concert. Listening to music. Isn’t music supposed to heal not hurt? What is this world coming too?

Please pray for Manchester and all the families and victims of this tragedy.

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His Plan

So, we’ve all been there. Where? To the depths of hell swimming like a madman without a life jacket. Drowning. In pain. We didn’t understand how life took this rapid turn and we found ourselves in a perpetual state of hell.

It happens. It happened to me. It happens to everyone. You are not alone. You should know that …

See, that’s all we can ask. That God helps us through it. Our lives have been planned out. There will be good days and there will be bad days. We have to stay committed to knowing that our faith matters. We can’t falter in our faith when we fear the unknown.

Just breathe.

Know that everything is working for your good. You are wonderfully and beautifully made to survive any test or trial that comes your way. Be encouraged.

Just breathe.

I remember being on the floor crying out in pain asking God “Why has thou forsaken me?” Only to hear him whisper “I haven’t. Get up. It’s done.” Even when I feel like I can’t go on and take any more I try to whisper “Dear God, just give me the strength to endure.”

I breathe.

I’ve been at the end of my rope. There were times I didn’t know which way to turn or who could help me. I called on the One. The One who is always available. Who sees my tears and knows that His child is crying. He will see me through this troubled time. He will see you through your troubled times.

Breathe.

Don’t let the trouble you find yourself in define who you are. You are beautifully and wonderfully made in the Master’s image. So, you’ve made mistakes. Who hasn’t? The key is to know that there is always something bigger in store for you. Your greater is coming.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.