I told ya’ll about how Mr. C had this white horse moment in my post last week entitled A White Horse Moment and how it made me feel. Well, in that same therapy session my therapist asked this question…
Can you submit to Mr. C?
I was like huh? She repeated the question “Can you submit to Mr. C?” I responded. “Yes.” I began to explain to her that I learned in pre-marital counseling how women are supposed to submit and men are supposed to love their wives like Christ loved the church.
Ephesians 5:25-30 (NRSV)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, 27 so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind—yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
I told her that I believed that was my problem in my last marriage. That I didn’t submit, partly because I’m stubborn, but partly because I didn’t feel like he loved me like Christ loved the church. I told her that I really meditated and prayed over that verse to understand how I’m supposed to be loved and I never felt that. I said, “I mean Jesus died for the church. He died for us. So, what men are willing to die for their spouses?”
Now, I’m not expecting a man to die literally (I think I’m not expecting this) but the point of it is that loving a wife, your wife, should be as easy and flawless as your love of Christ and self. But, that doesn’t always happen. In that case, could you really submit to a man that didn’t love you with ease?
Please don’t think that I’m saying that I was flawless in my marriage. I wasn’t. I wasn’t a perfect wife nor anywhere near it. I was struggling because I didn’t know what the heck a wife’s real role was. What did it mean to be a wife? I mean I knew the same passage in Ephesians that stated…
Ephesians 5:22-24 (NRSV)
22 Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. 24 Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.
But how do you submit? How do you submit and give yourself truly to your spouse when you spend so much of your life being independent? It was hard. No one told me how to submit. I tried to run the household and so did he. So, you know what happened right? There can’t be two heads of household.
The thing that I learned about myself (because you really can only control yourself) is that tragedies in my life and how I grew up made me the way that I am. I have to believe that I have control over my life. I know that I really don’t have control over my life. I know that, but I try to control a lot of things in my life to feel some sort of normalcy. Mr. C showed up in that moment to “rescue me”.
That meant that he would be there for me and my son. That I could trust that he would protect and look after us. That was a huge shift in my life because I didn’t think that I could trust anyone outside of my two best friends. But, Mr. C was always there showing me that he had my back.
When I moved in April, my two best friends literally packed up my house and were there moving me with the movers. They did it all. They’ve always had my back. When I couldn’t afford the cleaning staff to clean the apartment because of all the expenses with the move and Munch’s birthday party I was in there cleaning every single night. Scrubbing and sweeping.
Mr. C said to me “Why haven’t you asked me to help you?” I told him that he wasn’t my boyfriend so I didn’t think I could ask for his help. He said “I’m your friend and you could”. He was.
He showed up after work and helped me clean my refrigerator and sweep and mop the kitchen floor with his work clothes on. He carried trash to the dumpsters and packed the last few things in my car making sure that everything was done. He had protected me.
Even in the early stages of us dating I realized that he had my back and I just had to let him. He’s learning to butt in and let me know that he’s there to help me when I’m being too stubborn or independent to ask for it and I’m learning to let my guard down and know that I could submit to a man.
I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m trusting.