Happy Resurrection Day!

What a beautiful Easter Sunday in Maryland! I’m going to both church services this morning because the Drama and Music ministries will be doing a program for the second church service.

I’m excited.

My Munch is in Danville, Virginia with his dad’s family. It’s a tradition that I started when he was an infant and one that he will always keep. It’s important for him to have the love of his grandma and her family engulfing him. She’s an amazing woman.

Munch was telling me last week that he was super excited to go and visit his grandma. He saw her last month for her 75th birthday, but he enjoys spending time with her. I smiled. When I asked him was he going to do an Easter egg hunt at his grandma’s house he said “I’m not sure.” “Well, I’m sure that she’ll get you a big Easter basket baby” I said. He said “Mommy, the Easter bunny brings me my Easter basket, not my grandma.”

And just like that I remembered that my son still believes in the magic of the Easter Bunny. I love that. In all the drama from the last week, it warms my soul to know that he still believes in the great things about being a kid. He knows that Easter is more than baskets or colored eggs. He knows that it is about the resurrection of Christ.

He will go to sunrise service at his grandma’s church with his dad. A beautiful church in the country where everyone has watched him grow up year after year. He will go downstairs after church is over for the sunrise breakfast that is a mandatory part of their service. He will eat breakfast and smell the scents of good ole’ country cooking. He will probably just eat the bacon and potatoes. He’s pretty particular.

He will pray and he will remember what this day is all about. I pray that he will hear me whispering “with God all things are possible.” This is not a day of sadness but of happiness because we know that Christ rose. So, on this beautiful Sunday I wish you thoughts of colored eggs, Easter baskets and bunnies, but more importantly I wish you the comfort of knowing that Jesus paid it all.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Mommy Moments: 4/8/2017

It’s a brisk Saturday morning and I’m laying here after prayer trying to force myself to get out of bed. There are things to do and places to go. Munch has a soccer game at 12:30 pm today. His first of the season. We’re both excited.

I have to head down stairs and fix his breakfast. Fuel for his body. He needs to stay focused and engaged and not worry about hunger pains. His sickness is gone and he’s back to normal.

When we returned back to the world of the living on Wednesday and were getting ready to leave the house, he says to me “Mommy, I don’t think anyone missed me.” I stopped. “Missed you when Munch?” I asked. “The last two days that I’ve been out of school. I don’t think the kids missed me.”

I laughed. He was so sweet and sincere. The innocence of a child. I replied “Munch, you were only gone two days. I’m pretty sure no one missed me after two days of taking care of you at home.” He looked shocked. “You don’t think anyone on your staff missed you while you were out?” “No baby” I replied. “Well then, you should fire them Mommy” he said. I began to laugh hysterically.

“Munch, you can’t fire people because they don’t miss you. Even if they work for you” I said. He looked confused. I then realized that I needed this precious boy to keep me sane. I needed his words, his kisses and his hugs. I needed his belief that I was superwoman and that I could do anything. Supermommy.

Although it’s illegal to fire someone and I can’t imagine anyone doing it to me, I see my son as a fighter. A fighter for me. He believes that others should miss me like he misses me and that means more to me than anything in this world.

I make mistakes. I’m not perfect. I probably reward way more than most parents. But, I’m learning and I love what God has blessed me with in Munch. I just thank my blessings for my Munch.

Happy Saturday loves!

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Acceptance

I’ve been fortunate to be accepted into some things that I’ve wanted. College, clubs and organizations, graduate school and my sorority. These were all positive things. I was accepted into a club that not everyone was or could be a part of.

But, I’ve also known what it feels like to not be accepted. I’ve gone on interviews for jobs that I didn’t get. It depressed the hell out of me. I was always the girl that gets the job. How did they not want me? I learned to accept the disappointment that came with someone being more qualified.

Acceptance of the situation.

When the doctors wanted to do a biopsy on my thyroids because they saw something, I accepted that I would have to go under the knife. I accepted that I may have cancer. I prepared myself for God’s will be done. Thankfully, it worked out in my favor, but I accepted it.

This is life. Sometimes things will work out in our favor and other times they won’t. Do you accept that some things were not meant to be? Do you look it at your life and realize that this wasn’t the path you were supposed to take at that time? Do you keep pursuing your goals or do you just give up?

Don’t ever give up on your dreams! Accept that life will throw you curve balls and fast balls and balls that you can catch, but know that you matter. That your fate is something you can control.

If you believe.

Accept that you will win some. Accept that you will lose some. Accept that in the end that if you’ve done all that you can do then you have lived.

Acceptance.

 

This post was inspired by the Daily Post. The word prompt was acceptance

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Motivational Monday Moment – 3/20/2017

It’s the first day of spring. I’m late getting my post out. I needed to be motivated this morning so I’ve struggled with what to write. Please forgive me for the delay. I started thinking about what I could tell you to motivate you this morning. I had nothing.

I didn’t feel motivated. I felt tired and exhausted of having to fight the same battle over and over again. I felt as though my back was up against the wall. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I just knew that I wanted peace.

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There are some difficult situations that I have to face in the coming weeks. I will share more as I know more, but I was really feeling overwhelmed. I told Mr. C that I needed him to encourage me this morning. To make me feel better.

He said “You have a job. You have money. You woke up this morning. Your son is healthy. You have a boss that is understanding.” Okay, I get it. Not enough. But, poignant and true. I wasn’t giving thanks. I was feeling the pain of my issue and not giving the praise.

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I talked to another friend about my situation and he told me that God told him that “It’s a blessing to be tested and tried by Him. “ He told me to not dismay and know that God is blessing me regardless of whatever I’m going through. He told me to be encouraged and know that we serve a mighty God.

I know.

I’m human.

I just want peace.

Every time I feel like I get a little peace and quiet, things come along to disturb the natural order of the way I believe my life should work. The peace that I thought I had is always short lived. Things disturb this natural order and I feel overwhelmed. I’m struggling ya’ll.

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I know that what Mr. C said and what my friend said made sense. I’m a Christian and sometimes I feel like I’m failing. I’m failing at trying to keep chaos from interfering in my life. I didn’t ask for this. I just want to ride out the peace for years to come.

I know that I’m not living in reality right now. What’s wrong with wanting peace? Nothing. 51ef3e3fc97a88c221e264f8e788cbf0

But, God.

God spoke to me through music to ease my weary soul. He often speaks to me through music when I’m going through something and I ask for His help. When I pray for peace and I can’t seem to hear it through the noise of me wanting to take control of my own life and do what I want. He did it today.

I was listening to Marsha Ambrosious on Pandora and he played Mary Mary’s gospel song “Yesterday”. I had to close my office door because tears began to roll down my face as they sang “Any problems that I had he’s greater, he’s greater than them all. I decided that I cried my last tears yesterday.” – Mary Mary. God was speaking to me. I was doing too much.

I hear you God. I can’t keep crying about the situation. I gave it to you. I need to trust you to do your will. I need to lean on you and know that you are greater than any problems that I have. So, my Motivational Monday Moment is to trust. Trust God. Trust Him with everything.

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We can’t keep crying over the same situation and the same problems. We need to give our all to God. He is the way maker and we know that all things work according to His will. I trust you God. No more tears. Thy will be done.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Your Truth

My cousin said this was her favorite post. I was so honored. I wrote this over two years ago. I wanted to share it again.  This was a follow-up to the break-up post that I wrote about here:

Okay, so here’s the deal…

You can’t treat me like I’ve stolen your puppy or run over your foot in my car. Why are you acting like I destroyed you? I told you how I felt when we last spoke and my world forever changed. Without any thought to how I feel or what I’m going through, you act like you’re hurt. Are you really going to say that you are the victim here? Do you know or even care how I feel? I told you that I needed space and time because I knew the rules of this situationship when we met. I knew. But, somehow I couldn’t stay within my lane and I caught feelings. I wasn’t trying too. I was trying to take it for what it was. Casual dating.

I told you last week that my spirit was in turmoil and that I wasn’t sleeping or eating because I knew it was time I got off this merry go round. I was a wreck this weekend and I kept breathing and saying, “I need to take this one day at a time”. One second becomes one minute which becomes one hour until I can make it through the day. I told my friends that I did the impossible and ended it with you. I told them that it hurts. They replied, “I know, but I love you and it will get easier.”

I told my family that I had fallen in love with someone who I wasn’t ready to introduce to them but we broke up. I said, “He doesn’t love me and I can’t breathe because it hurts like hell.” My sister replied for me to repeat after her “We don’t love them ho*s”. I laughed with tears in my eyes and sighed, “But, I do.” My mother told me, “Baby, I’m sorry, but I never thought I would survive your break up at 15 when you overdosed on pills and slit your wrists. Hell, I never thought you would survive it. But, you did. If you could survive that you can survive anything.” I told her, “I know I will survive. It just hurts like hell.”

Again, I wallowed in my pain and bathed in my heartache praying for peace. My plea to you to stop calling me wasn’t because I don’t want to be your friend or be in your life. It was because I don’t have the strength to stop talking to you. Because I’m weak. I want to know how you’re doing. I want to hear your voice and know that you are okay. I want to laugh about stupid stuff or whatever. It’s my problem. I know. I’m not blaming you. I just need time to get my head on straight and be able to truly be your friend without having these feelings for you. I owe it to myself to choose me first.

So, I will do what I do best and journal my pain. I wish only the best for you and know that you are in my prayers and thoughts always. Only time can heal this chasm of pain.

 

Note: This is not about Mr. C and I. We are fine. This is from a prior relationship.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Review: Being A Wife Just Got Real: Things I Wish I Knew Before I Said “I Do”

I’m beginning to slow down and get back to reading. I have so many purchased and unfinished books on my list that I feel like I’m drowning. However, I’m determined to be finished by May from all the published books that I purchased last year. First up, was Being A Wife Just Got Real: Things I Wish I Knew Before I Said “I Do” by Tanya Barnett. For sake of full disclosure, I’ve known Tanya for years. 

We all grew up in the same church. She’s older so I’m closer with her brother Rodney. When I found out that she wrote a book, I was hesitant to read it. Not, that I didn’t think that it would be good, but more so that I wasn’t a wife no more and I didn’t think it applied to me.

However, she started sharing posts that it does apply whether you are single, engaged, married and divorced and wanting to remarry. So, I figured that I would give it a go because I wanted to remarry. Can I just tell you that I loved it? It was a quick read and I couldn’t put it down. I saw so many similarities in her behavior and in mine when I was married to my ex-husband.

What I loved most about the book was also the prayers and self-reflections that she has at the end of each chapter. A very cool tool to help you evaluate what you see occurring in your relationship and writing what you want in your relationship. I had to write these down because I read the book on my Kindle app. But, I wanted to do the work.

She shares her stories of her struggles with being a wife and the problems she had in her marriage. Her husband seemed a little scary, but I realized that he was more like many of the men that I dated and even the one I married. Not scary, but scared. That’s the key. She loved the heck out of the man that God told her to marry. She accepted His will and realized she needed to change too.

She was like me and like many women I’m sure. Independent to a tee. Mouthy (yep we like to pop off at the mouth) and demanding. She recognized her part in the destruction of her marriage but she speaks about how she constantly prayed. She tells you how God was speaking to her before and during her marriage.

Now, this is important to me being a woman of faith. I believe in prayer and more importantly I believe in listening to God when He speaks to me. I spent so much of my life ignoring God’s voice that I vowed when I turned 40 to never do that again. I’m happy to report that in the last two years I’ve not done that.

God was all in and throughout her marriage and it helped her get her mind right. To be a better wife to her husband and to truly work on her marriage. That’s what I love about this book. It’s not all her husband’s fault, but she equally discusses her failures in her marriage. You will see yourself in this book in many ways. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy at destroying what we love.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and would recommend this book to any woman. Whether you are seriously dating, engaged or married you will realize that you are not alone. There are many women who self-destruct a relationship and don’t fully examine the history of our partners prior to marriage. However, there is hope. All is not lost. See the beauty of what you created, do the work and allow God to work in your marriage.

It’s a great read and you can check Tanya out on social media at the following hashtags: FaceBook: Real Wife Coach ; Twitter: Real Wife Coach and her Website: Real Wife Movement

The best part? Her husband is writing his own book about this time during their marriage. I’m truly excited to read that as well because I love a his and hers point of view. Tanya’s book can be purchased on Amazon here:  Being A Wife Just Got Real

 

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

The Day Loved Died

Today I wrote the final line in my obituary. I wrote with such force and finality that it scared me. My pen flourished on the paper as I wrote that I need time and space. Time and space to just figure this thing out. To get my head back on straight. To adjust to my new reality.

So many excuses for why things can’t be, but the truth is simply that I love someone who doesn’t and won’t love me. I sift through my emotions and watch my tears drip on the paper as I journal the pain. I know that it is my own issue. I don’t know how to separate fantasy from reality. The reality that love don’t live here. It never has. But, I wanted to make believe that you and me could be a we. Why?

Because it was wonderful in my fantasy. It was safe. It was nourishing and warm. It strengthened me in ways that I didn’t imagine. This fantasy allowed me to laugh at the silly things, feel safe in your arms and strong in your encouragement. We existed in this fantasy. Our hearts beating in synchronized and harmonized rhythm until…

I realized that my heart beat was the only one that could be heard. I was imagining the strong and steady beat of my soul mate. It was comforting until I wrote that damn obituary and realized that the only thing I heard was silence.

I just stood there crying because heartbreak was nothing new to me. Pain was a constant in my life. Hell I survived childhood and motherhood. Grief was something I had experienced before, but this pain was new to me. It was a cross between an ax chopping my heart in two and someone pouring battery acid on the still beating half. You get it right? It was…

Destructive. I watched the destruction of a dream. I loved and lost within a span of months. The dream to experience love in the purest and sexiest form as an adult. But, that dream was dead before I even closed my eyes. So, I wrote out my obituary and entitled it “Death to Love”.

It said:

Suddenly on February 20, 2015, I departed this earth. I died. Not in the physical sense, but in the emotional sense. I stopped believing in love after confessing my feelings to the man I had dated for almost a year. I opened up my soul and poured out my heart and he just sat there. No words. No emotions. Just silence. After shouting out that I fearlessly and uncontrollably loved this man and needed him to be patient with me and love me beyond measure, I realized that I was alone. Alone in this boat that he told me to ride with him and just go with the damn flow. As I poured out my heart and told him that love was foreign to me and not something I share freely with men. I listened for confirmation or affirmation that it was mutual. But there was none. Only silence. No words. So, I laughed and let him go and went home and drank a glass of wine so big that Olivia Pope would have been envious. I wrote this obituary before turning into bed and realizing that sleep would be futile. That rest would not come. My heart ached something awful and I died.

Later as I lay on the cold table in the morgue and reflected on the quietness of my mind I heard the radio playing. Someone had turned on Pandora. I heard “Step Aside” by Yolanda Adams. I heard her sing, “You have to let go and let God be God”. I gasped in air as though I had never breathed before. The pain was insurmountable but a peace was settling in my spirit.

I got up off the cold table and wrapped my body in a blanket and showered. I took the hottest shower and soaped up and washed off all the troubles of this world because I knew that I would survive. Because on that love river that I traveled God had given me a life vest and my momma had taught me how to swim.

 

Note: This is about a prior break-up. Not Mr. C. LOL. We are great.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.