I wrote the piece Babbling Brook last week about my struggles with trying to get more information from Mr. C. He shares with me, but many times I talk and he listens. So, I was trying to find ways to get him to share more. As our time is being reduced due to his new work restrictions we definitely need to keep ahead in the communication game to make sure that our relationship is a priority.
A couple of days ago, one of my fellow bloggers A. Michelle! suggested that I ask Mr. C – What scares you most? How does he handle himself when he is scared?
I loved it. What a great suggestion! I wanted to find a way to ask more interesting questions and get him to share deeper things with me. I wanted us to deepen our emotional intimacy. I bought us a book to go through and I wanted to start by asking A. Michelle’s question. So, I asked him “What scares you the most as a man?” “How do you handle yourself when you are scared?”
He told me that “Being in a relationship scares him the most. The possibility of being hurt. Pain hurts.” I just listened. I repeated the second question “How do you handle yourself when you are scared?” He said that he “Doesn’t let it consume his thoughts.” I asked him how does he stop it from consuming his thoughts? He said that if it did consume his thoughts then he would just break up with me. Say what now?
I asked him whether or not he would have proof or would he allow his insecurities to break us up. He responded that it is a lot of stuff in between that happens before a break-up. Interesting.
I didn’t judge him for his answer, but let him speak. I liked the fact that he shared something so emotional and deep with me. However, I have expressed my concern about the residual (remaining) damages from his prior relationships. Why? Because we all have stuff that is left when we experience painful relationships. We can’t let that affect us. I know. It’s easier said than done, but I’ve been there.
I allowed my relationship or lack thereof with my dad to jeopardize healthy relationships because I never trusted men. Men represented pain, lies and BS. I accepted the words of women before I ever accepted them from men. That wasn’t healthy. I was projecting my pain on prospective partners and they never even knew it.
I don’t want Mr. C to do that. Not to me. So, I’m trying to develop ways for us to discuss our feelings and to strengthen our emotional intimacy and really get to the core of our fears about love and relationships. I’ve never done it before, but I want to work on it now. I know that we both believe in couples counseling so I definitely want us to commit to going in the next few months.
It’s more of pre-engagement counseling. Before the engagement, let’s work on our relationship. Let’s make sure that we are on the same page and the same path. It can only make us stronger.