Reblog: I Wish

I love the scent of you

The scent of your skin invokes memories of

Happiness

When we were happy

When we loved without thought

When we laughed without regard

When we realized that in this bitter world

It was only us

That existed

 

But our existence has ended

We live in two separate worlds

Worlds of reality and fantasy

I want reality

You want fantasy

You tell me that your fantasy is my reality

And I realize that you may be right

And I wish I could turn back time

Rewind all the memories

Erase from my mind the scent of you

Then maybe I could stop

Just stop

Hating you

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Did Your Standards Change?

One of the things that I realized as I got older was that my standards changed when it came to men. When I was younger I really didn’t know what I wanted. I mainly dated men who were rough necks or blue collared workers. There was nothing wrong with it, it was who I was attracted too. They didn’t have to go to college, they just had to have other attributes that made it worth my time.

If you know what I mean.

However, that wasn’t who I ended up marrying, which is weird. I married my ex who had a graduate degree and who had attended great schools. We just clicked. I had assumed it was what God wanted, but I think it was probably just chemistry. We liked and then loved each other and got married. God fell by the wayside for most of our relationship and marriage.

We weren’t focused on God.

When our marriage ended and I was in my late thirties entering the dating realm it was overwhelming. Things had changed. I had changed. I had a child now. I didn’t have the luxury of just wasting my time on random ones.

I had to decide what I wanted. I knew that I didn’t hate the institution of marriage. I knew that I wanted to get remarried someday (at least 5 years away) but I really wanted to get to know someone. What was I going to do differently? Did their education level matter? Their past?

Yes. I didn’t care if a man was a blue collared worker or an IBM executive as long as he wasn’t broke. You had to afford to date me. I wasn’t supporting a man. Money mattered.

His past mattered. I wanted to know if you’ve ever been unfaithful to a girlfriend or wife. Why did your last relationship end? Are you a serial cheater? Cheated one time? Why did you cheat? What responsibility do you accept in the breaking up of your relationship if any? Were you ever in jail? Why were you in jail. A man’s past mattered.

I actually had men reach out to me who had just got out of jail and wanted to date me. Really? Not that I’m judging you for serving your time (okay maybe a little), but I have a son and that is not the message that I wanted to send my son. Get your life, build your empire and date other women. That doesn’t include me.

My standards changed. I was a mother. I was over 40. I had been married so there was no need to rush down the aisle as someone’s wife. I wasn’t having any more children so there was no biological clock ticking away waiting for me to give birth. Whew! Thank God.

But, in changing my standards I had to realize that I wasn’t the same woman in her early 20’s. I had grown up. My needs were different. My dating profile was different. I had to be okay with that.

And I was.

I was specific when it came to dating. I needed you to have stability and a healthy relationship. I wasn’t dating broke men. I wasn’t dating ex-cons. I wasn’t dating men with baby mama (or ex wife) drama. I wasn’t dating men with insecurity issues.

I made my list and dated accordingly. Looks are not at the top of my list, primarily because I determine who I’m attracted too. If you’re sexy as hell to me, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks.

My standards had changed because I had changed. I grew up and realized what I valued was someone that embodied those values. Mr. C may not be like the men of my past, but it doesn’t matter.

Why?

Because I’m living the life I want with the man that I love. We have a healthy and respectful relationship that is allowing me to grow in ways that I never could have imagined. In this space we created, my standards allowed me to find someone that makes me feel safe.

 

Have your standards changed from when you first started dating? Do you have a specific type that you date? What are your dating no-no’s.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

Let’s Talk About Sex

So, we’ve all heard about Usher giving herpes to a woman that he had sex with and then paying her off. Now, another woman has come forward and said that she had sex with him back in April (he’s married) at her house and then in New Orleans and that Usher never shared his diagnosis with her. She’s asking for 20 million! Say what? Yep, 20 million.

Now, back to the paid settlement woman. This woman said in court documents that she saw a greenish discharge from his penis and Usher told her he was negative for any sexually transmitted diseases. What is wrong with this woman? Let me be clear to any man or woman….If you see some green stuff coming out of a man’s penis or a woman’s vagina – please run. Why would you then have unprotected sex with someone after that? Because they are a celebrity?

That was mind-blowing. On to the next case where she is asking for 20 million. I understand she’s scared and is now saying she has she tested positive, but is money going to make it better? Why’d you have unprotected sex with him? He’s married. Why were you even sleeping with him? Ugh! I suspect that a lot more women are going to coming forward and bring law suits against him. I feel for Usher. It is his private medical that has been shared publicly, but dang man. Why didn’t you tell the women you were sleeping with? Give them the option to decide if they want to sleep with you especially since you knew you had herpes.

All this drama got me to thinking when did we get so cavalier about sharing our bodies with just anyone. I don’t care if he’s a superstar or Rodney on the corner. What happened to practicing safe sex?

Remember, in the 90’s there was all the talk about wrapping it up and safe sex and even Salt-n-Pepa sang Let’s Talk About Sexy Baby. When did we stop caring about safe sex? When did we see so little value in our bodies?

Was it when we realized that Majic Johnson is still living with HIV and fine? When did we become risk takers? With our bodies? With our minds?

A friend of mine told me a few years ago that most people don’t get tested for Herpes when they do their annual physicals or gynecological visits for women. It has to be specifically asked for. What? How the hell are doctors not doing this?

His doctor told him that herpes is so common and causes no problems that it’s no big deal. So, the medical community is in a conspiracy? What the hell! We have to be an advocate for our own health. This is no joke.

Wrap it up. Protect yourself. Know your status with everything.

safersex

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

The Art of Being A Wife Tour

Sorry for the post that wasn’t. I’ve had a busy week and haven’t been able to catch up on a lot of your posts. Please know that I will be doing that over the next few days including this weekend. However, I wanted to tell you about this awesome session that I attended last Saturday. It was called The Art of Being a Wife Tour.

The tour was designed to get women to think of the following questions:

Do I have what it takes to be a great wife?

How do I bring sexy back to my bedroom?

How can I get “me” back after losing her in my marriage?

Am I the only one going through in my marriage?

Can I stay even when the thrill is obviously gone?

As someone who plans to be a wife to Mr. C one day, I wanted to go and check it out. Plus, I knew Tanya Barnett. She wrote the book Being A Wife Just Got Real: Things I Wish I Knew Before I Said “I Do” that I reviewed. I had read the book, but I wanted to know more.

The Women

I had never met Dominique Clarke, but I am glad I did. They were incredible leaders in helping us to really dig dip into things that affect us. Dominique is a matchmaker who has been married for 8 years and she’s only 30. What? How awesome is that?

I couldn’t imagine being married at 22, but she’s making it work. She shares her tips for dating, relationships and marriage with you. She has a book entitled She’s Valuable (But Does She Know It?) that I purchased and started to read. I’ll do a book review on this later.

Tanya Barnett is an entrepreneur, author, mom, wife, radio host and many other titles. She shares her testimony about her relationship struggles in her marriage and what she had to do to fix herself. She tells you how God told her that her marriage was her ministry.

How many of us think of marriage as our ministry? But, it really is. That was an amazing nugget to take away. Her book is amazing and a must read.

What It Wasn’t

It wasn’t a male bashing session. It was a session to help us women figure out what we can work on within ourselves. That in itself was different because we always want to turn it into a male bashing session or point the other finger to our partners when we get around other women.

We aren’t accountable for our own actions. There was none of that. It was all love and respect. It was really getting to what you desire for yourself and your partner so you can strengthen your relationships. I had a ball.

What I Wish

What did I wish they had? A workbook with some excerpts and tips from their own book that they could share. It was a lot of women and we couldn’t get through everything, but have us do the work and talk about what we expect to get out of this. Have us work on ourselves at home.

What I Want You To Know

I learned some things. I learned from the women around me at my table and I was able to share some wisdom as a divorced woman. This was an excellent opportunity for sister bonding and empowerment. Self-improvement always is and will be one of my top priorities in my life.

Highlight

The next stop is in Raleigh, North Carolina. If you are in the area, please go check out this awesome tour. There are only a few tickets remaining. I was also fortunate to give a testimonial. Check it out:

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

The Thought Catalog

A couple of week’s ago I was ecstatic after receiving a message from one of the coordinators at The Thought Catalog. She said one of their staff writers had ran across one of my posts and thought it would be a good fit for their site. She asked me would I be interested in sharing it. “Uh yeah” I said.

Well, it was posted a couple of days ago and I wanted to share it with you. This is another avenue that will allow me to expand my readership and really get my name out there. I love the idea of sharing my work to big sites that have millions of readers. I am honored.

That being said, please check out my profile here: My Profile and share my post here:  6 Dating Mistakes You Make When You’re A Girl That’s Too Nice

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

Make Better Choices Girlfriend

It’s true. We’ve all been there. Dating men who were beneath us in terms of socio-economics, but should we really date a broke man? A man that is not able to provide for us?

I’ve been seeing a lot of questions on social media and in the various groups that I belong to asking whether or not our standards are too high. Maybe, but we are making poor choices when it comes to the men we are choosing to partner ourselves with and I need us to stop, drop and roll.

Do you know what I mean?

Stop

Stop dating and fathering children with men that don’t have. They don’t have a job so you see this as an opportunity to show him that you are down. Down for what sis? Poverty? Paying for all the dates? He’s broke. He shouldn’t be dating you much less dating anyone until he gets his life together. A real man doesn’t use a woman for a come up. Let me repeat that…A real man will never use you, date you and/or sleep with you trying to come up on your coat tails. If the man you are with is doing this then you need to stop dating him. He is not the man for you.

Drop

Drop all the excuses you tell yourself for supporting a broke man with no desire to work. Poverty isn’t in. It never was. If you’ve fathered children with a man that can’t take care of them, pick yourself up and move on Martha. If you’re doing it by yourself then you’re technically by yourself. Children require more than love. What about medical expenses, child care or basic school supplies? Broke men with no ambition and/or desire to provide should be dropped from your social calendar immediately. Run! Pack up your suitcases and leave that dog before you get fleas that you can’t get rid of.

Roll

Roll out on situations with men that are beneath who you are. You should never settle. You should never have expectations so high that even Jesus wouldn’t qualify to date you. You should find a happy medium. When your expectations are right and you are all about loving and living your happy life is when God will send a wonderful man into your life. A man that wants to build with you and not take from you. A man that will offer his everything and not just a broke piece of penis. Roll out of situations that require you to change who you are. You are not required to support people you didn’t birth. Especially grown men that don’t want to help you. Roll out and roll on from the struggle life. Again, poverty isn’t in and it ain’t cute.

Do you find yourself lowering your standards when dating? What about in relationships? Would you date a man or woman with no job? Talk to me.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

I Know Someone

Last week I was talking to Mr. C about an issue he was having with his air conditioner at his house. He was telling me the HVAC man came out and said something about wiring. I asked him “What does that mean?” He said “It means that I need to get an electrician”. “Oh” I said. “I know an electrician. Do you want me to refer him to you?” “No thank you” he said. “Why?” I asked. “Because I don’t want no man that has ever dated my girl in my house or in my face telling me how wonderful you are.”

I died laughing.

When I came up from air, I asked him “Are you serious?” “Yes” he replied. I laughed again and I started to reflect on his response. I decided that I wanted to reach out to my blogger community and find out “Would you refer someone to your significant other if you know that they had a company that could give them a reasonable rate and offered great service?”

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.