This Moment In Time

Today is a very special day. It’s the day that we honor and celebrate a great man. My man. My love. My heart.

One of the things that I’m open about is that on this journey in finding love I stumbled. I took the roads that were meant for others and I settled by the side of the road with some people that I shouldn’t have. It was all part of my journey.

But, I got up. I kept moving forward. I kept believing that God had heard my plea for him to send me a man that would love my son and I as though we were flesh of his flesh. A man that would support and encourage my dreams and believe in me. A man that could support me in raising my son.

He did hear my plea.

It was 23 months ago that he sent me a wonderful man that grew on me. He stayed around and endured my inquisition. He stayed around and respected my values. He stayed around and loved me where I stood. He didn’t try to change me. He didn’t try to make me into something that I’m not. He just loved me.

Do you know how amazing that is?

He’s not perfect and neither am I.  But, we’re grown. We continually work at our relationship and on our communication. When I pour out my heart and let him know how I’m feeling, he listens. He takes it in and he works on things. He works with me.

So, I know that I’m gushing, but this man is amazing and I want to thank God for him. It was 44 years ago today that God created him to go through life’s challenges and storms because He was preparing him. God was preparing him for me. I’m thankful for that preparation and I’m thankful that God loved me enough to send him in my life.

Happy Birthday to my Mr. C! I can’t wait to celebrate and honor him for being the wonderful friend and man that he is. If I died tomorrow, I would be okay knowing that I found love. This moment in time is more than I could have ever imagined.

In this space, I am loved. Infinitely more each day than yesterday. I will honor and speak vision into the life of this great man that God has gifted me with. I pray that this year will be better for him than the last and that everything that he works for will come to fruition. I pray that God gives him guidance and strength to continue to be the awesome son, father and boyfriend that he is.

I pray that he will always know that he is loved.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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Did Your Standards Change?

One of the things that I realized as I got older was that my standards changed when it came to men. When I was younger I really didn’t know what I wanted. I mainly dated men who were rough necks or blue collared workers. There was nothing wrong with it, it was who I was attracted too. They didn’t have to go to college, they just had to have other attributes that made it worth my time.

If you know what I mean.

However, that wasn’t who I ended up marrying, which is weird. I married my ex who had a graduate degree and who had attended great schools. We just clicked. I had assumed it was what God wanted, but I think it was probably just chemistry. We liked and then loved each other and got married. God fell by the wayside for most of our relationship and marriage.

We weren’t focused on God.

When our marriage ended and I was in my late thirties entering the dating realm it was overwhelming. Things had changed. I had changed. I had a child now. I didn’t have the luxury of just wasting my time on random ones.

I had to decide what I wanted. I knew that I didn’t hate the institution of marriage. I knew that I wanted to get remarried someday (at least 5 years away) but I really wanted to get to know someone. What was I going to do differently? Did their education level matter? Their past?

Yes. I didn’t care if a man was a blue collared worker or an IBM executive as long as he wasn’t broke. You had to afford to date me. I wasn’t supporting a man. Money mattered.

His past mattered. I wanted to know if you’ve ever been unfaithful to a girlfriend or wife. Why did your last relationship end? Are you a serial cheater? Cheated one time? Why did you cheat? What responsibility do you accept in the breaking up of your relationship if any? Were you ever in jail? Why were you in jail. A man’s past mattered.

I actually had men reach out to me who had just got out of jail and wanted to date me. Really? Not that I’m judging you for serving your time (okay maybe a little), but I have a son and that is not the message that I wanted to send my son. Get your life, build your empire and date other women. That doesn’t include me.

My standards changed. I was a mother. I was over 40. I had been married so there was no need to rush down the aisle as someone’s wife. I wasn’t having any more children so there was no biological clock ticking away waiting for me to give birth. Whew! Thank God.

But, in changing my standards I had to realize that I wasn’t the same woman in her early 20’s. I had grown up. My needs were different. My dating profile was different. I had to be okay with that.

And I was.

I was specific when it came to dating. I needed you to have stability and a healthy relationship. I wasn’t dating broke men. I wasn’t dating ex-cons. I wasn’t dating men with baby mama (or ex wife) drama. I wasn’t dating men with insecurity issues.

I made my list and dated accordingly. Looks are not at the top of my list, primarily because I determine who I’m attracted too. If you’re sexy as hell to me, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks.

My standards had changed because I had changed. I grew up and realized what I valued was someone that embodied those values. Mr. C may not be like the men of my past, but it doesn’t matter.

Why?

Because I’m living the life I want with the man that I love. We have a healthy and respectful relationship that is allowing me to grow in ways that I never could have imagined. In this space we created, my standards allowed me to find someone that makes me feel safe.

 

Have your standards changed from when you first started dating? Do you have a specific type that you date? What are your dating no-no’s.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

The Art of Being A Wife Tour

Sorry for the post that wasn’t. I’ve had a busy week and haven’t been able to catch up on a lot of your posts. Please know that I will be doing that over the next few days including this weekend. However, I wanted to tell you about this awesome session that I attended last Saturday. It was called The Art of Being a Wife Tour.

The tour was designed to get women to think of the following questions:

Do I have what it takes to be a great wife?

How do I bring sexy back to my bedroom?

How can I get “me” back after losing her in my marriage?

Am I the only one going through in my marriage?

Can I stay even when the thrill is obviously gone?

As someone who plans to be a wife to Mr. C one day, I wanted to go and check it out. Plus, I knew Tanya Barnett. She wrote the book Being A Wife Just Got Real: Things I Wish I Knew Before I Said “I Do” that I reviewed. I had read the book, but I wanted to know more.

The Women

I had never met Dominique Clarke, but I am glad I did. They were incredible leaders in helping us to really dig dip into things that affect us. Dominique is a matchmaker who has been married for 8 years and she’s only 30. What? How awesome is that?

I couldn’t imagine being married at 22, but she’s making it work. She shares her tips for dating, relationships and marriage with you. She has a book entitled She’s Valuable (But Does She Know It?) that I purchased and started to read. I’ll do a book review on this later.

Tanya Barnett is an entrepreneur, author, mom, wife, radio host and many other titles. She shares her testimony about her relationship struggles in her marriage and what she had to do to fix herself. She tells you how God told her that her marriage was her ministry.

How many of us think of marriage as our ministry? But, it really is. That was an amazing nugget to take away. Her book is amazing and a must read.

What It Wasn’t

It wasn’t a male bashing session. It was a session to help us women figure out what we can work on within ourselves. That in itself was different because we always want to turn it into a male bashing session or point the other finger to our partners when we get around other women.

We aren’t accountable for our own actions. There was none of that. It was all love and respect. It was really getting to what you desire for yourself and your partner so you can strengthen your relationships. I had a ball.

What I Wish

What did I wish they had? A workbook with some excerpts and tips from their own book that they could share. It was a lot of women and we couldn’t get through everything, but have us do the work and talk about what we expect to get out of this. Have us work on ourselves at home.

What I Want You To Know

I learned some things. I learned from the women around me at my table and I was able to share some wisdom as a divorced woman. This was an excellent opportunity for sister bonding and empowerment. Self-improvement always is and will be one of my top priorities in my life.

Highlight

The next stop is in Raleigh, North Carolina. If you are in the area, please go check out this awesome tour. There are only a few tickets remaining. I was also fortunate to give a testimonial. Check it out:

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

The Thought Catalog

A couple of week’s ago I was ecstatic after receiving a message from one of the coordinators at The Thought Catalog. She said one of their staff writers had ran across one of my posts and thought it would be a good fit for their site. She asked me would I be interested in sharing it. “Uh yeah” I said.

Well, it was posted a couple of days ago and I wanted to share it with you. This is another avenue that will allow me to expand my readership and really get my name out there. I love the idea of sharing my work to big sites that have millions of readers. I am honored.

That being said, please check out my profile here: My Profile and share my post here:  6 Dating Mistakes You Make When You’re A Girl That’s Too Nice

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

Fight or Flight

I told ya’ll that I was going through stress. I’ve been trying to do meditation (still a work in progress), exercise and practicing mindfulness to help combat this. Last week I was really stressed out and venting to my man. I needed to hear his soothing words and comfort.

He did. But, there was an instance that he accused me of using the Lord’s name in vain. I didn’t. But, he felt that my word was too close and it offended him morally. I paused. I had to check myself because I was going to say something that would have had him questioning whether or not he wanted to be my man. Yep, I can be slick. But, I paused.

There is something about pausing.

Pausing allows you to check yourself. Pausing allows you to really get a hold of your words and head before they exit your mouth. I paused before I lost my mind and temper.

I sighed. I said “This conversation is beginning to stress me out, so I’m going to bid you a good night and we’ll talk later.” He said okay and we got off the phone.

I thought – This man has lost his ever loving mind and I can’t believe that we are going through this. This is too much drama and I don’t know if he gets me. How can I be in a relationship with a man that censors me or my thoughts?

I called my best friend because you know that I needed someone to give me a reality check about my situation. She listened to me vent and said she sees both sides of the issue. But, she told me to take a few days and just get through what I’m going to before circling back with him. I told her “Uh huh. Okay. I will.”

She paused.

She said “Kee, look I need you to take a few days and get your head around what you’re going through so that you can process your feelings about what occurred with you two. Don’t let your fear help you take flight on one of the best relationships you’ve ever had.”

Well damn.

She acted like she knew me. Yes, I tend to run when things don’t feel right, but that’s part of my personality. I’ve learned to trust my instincts and when I want to be out, I will be. Plain and simple. No need to sugar coat it. Life’s too short.

But, I paused.

She was right. I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. That doesn’t mean that I wasn’t entitled to feel the way I feel, but I didn’t want to combine the issues and make him pay for something he didn’t do because I was in a bad space. That wasn’t fair too him. He and I needed to talk.

The good news is that I couldn’t wait a few days. I woke up the next morning needing to talk to him. I called him and told him how I felt. I told him that I respect his morals and values, but I felt as though he wasn’t listening to me and further more that he chose that moment to interrupt me as though I stabbed him. I explained that I needed him to tell me how I was supposed to be in a relationship with someone that I couldn’t be myself with? Someone who censored me.

He paused.

Man when I tell you that there is a purpose for the pause, believe it. There is always a purpose. He explained his position, but he told me that he didn’t want me to feel censored in any way. He told me that he wasn’t censoring me and he just felt the need to say something.

I explained that I was going to run, but my best friend called me on my BS. I was scared. Scared that he wasn’t as good of a person as I thought. I know it wasn’t fair, but I needed to talk to him and be reassured that I could trust him with everything. My deepest fears. My biggest dreams. Me.

I wasn’t ready to walk away from the man that made me think that I could do anything, but I couldn’t be with someone who wanted to censor me. I spent so many years in the corner trying to figure out my life that I don’t believe in that anymore. What you see is what you get so I need you to be as transparent with me as I am with you. Open and honest. Free flowing and free thinking. I need that.

Does this mean that we’re okay? Yeah. We’re good. The thing is that relationships are about learning each other and trying to find the common ground. Knowing what affects him matters to me and I’m sure it goes for him. It’s not perfect and this was a major hurdle to climb over, but I’m not too grown to know when I was wrong and vice versa. The joys of relationships.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

 

You’re Making Him Wait?

Many people find it strange that Mr. C and I are practicing abstinence. I’ve heard more than one person ask “So, you’re making him wait?” It really seems to confuse some people. I’m not sure why, but it is funny as hell to Mr. C and I.

Why is it that you view waiting as a bad thing? Am I really making him wait? What is the big deal? These are all the questions that run through my head when I hear someone ask the question of why I’m making him wait. I want to clear up some questions that people may have about us and practicing abstinence.

  1. I’m not making him wait. He’s choosing to wait to respect the will of God over and through my life. It’s his choice. I’m not forcing him. I’m not holding a gun to his head. I’m not promising him a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. LOL, not yet. He’s a grown man who makes his own decisions so he is choosing to wait.
  2. It’s hard. Some days are better than others, but we are in no rush for marriage, so no rush to the bedroom. I hear it gets easier, but I have no point of reference to compare it too since this is a first for me. We are not laying up in each other’s house hanging in the bedroom all night, so that takes away the idea of sexing each other up. We spend time watching TV or going out. No hanging around in the bedroom.
  3. It’s allowing us to truly get to know each other. Let me tell you that even though I’ve known Mr. C for almost 2 years we’re still learning each other. It’s a lot to learn about someone and to really get to know them enough to take their last name. We are truly committed to finding out about each other without making sex the deciding factor that blinds us about each other’s faults.
  4. I don’t care if the sex is bad. Yep, I said it. People have always asked me “What if the sex is bad?” I don’t care. I’m older now and I realize that sex is overrated. Good, but overrated. I’m not that concerned whether or not he can lay the pipe right. With age comes wisdom. I’m older and I would enjoy sex with my husband. Hell, we’ll figure it out in the bedroom. Having someone rub my feet, give me a massage and just have my back matters more than if he’s banging in the bedroom.
  5. He respects my boundaries. Mr. C and I have traveled out of town and slept in the same room and nothing has happened. He’s a gentleman that respects me. He’s not using this time to get to know each other outside of our zip code as a chance to jump my bones. He respects the love and relationship we have and just doesn’t try it. The key to being on the same level is making sure that your partner respects your boundaries.

That’s it. No big secret. No kind of witchery is being used. I’ve just been blessed to meet a wonderful man that sees me for who I am and for what I want and just respects that. I’m not making him wait. He’s choosing to wait.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Helluva Man

I thought it was impossible to love me. I mean I dated, married and later divorced a man that told me that I had some serious daddy issues. Was he wrong? Not entirely. But, could he have said it differently? Possibly. But, I believed his words.

They sank into my spirit and cut like knives going down my throat. I believed that I was f*cked up. I believed man over God. I was lost.

I believed that it was impossible to love me. To find someone who would see all my quirks and faults and accept them as normal. Someone who would respect my boundaries, love me and Munch and be able to afford me financially. But, God.

I thought that I had an impossible list of qualifications for a man. I wasn’t specific about height, weight, looks, etc. Well, he had to be taller than me. Nothing else was specific. Okay, I’m lying. He had to:

  1. Make no less than $10,000 than me. He could make more, but I wasn’t dating a broke man.
  2. Have children because I wasn’t having anymore.
  3. Have a relationship with Christ. This was the most important. He needed to be a believer and believe in the power of prayer.
  4. Have a relationship with his parents.
  5. Have a career that he loved.
  6. Be taller than me.
  7. Understand that I wasn’t giving him my cookies.

That was it. I didn’t know what kind of man that would bring, but when I let go and trusted God to send someone in my life that understood that I had been broken but saved by grace….whew! Mr. C showed up and showed out in my life. Even when I tried to run because I couldn’t understand these feelings that I was having. Here was a man that had all the things on my list that valued me.

That respected my boundaries and loved me in the midst of all that I had going on. He’s not perfect. Neither am I. We just craft this space that we understand and respect each other. No matter what. I’ve gotten frustrated at him and will say I need a break and get off the phone. He’s cool with it. He’ll give me the time and we’ll circle back later and discuss any residual feelings.

I never had that. I didn’t know that relationships worked like that. I was use to drama and never being able to have a civil conversation. Mr. C gets that I’m an alpha female so I get straight to the point. I don’t need to stroke his ego. He is the man and I tell him so. He knows that when I send him love notes that they are genuine. But, if I’m direct in a conversation, he doesn’t get offended. He doesn’t think that I don’t love him or I’m trying to control him. He just listens and responds. Our communication is evolving and I can honestly say that I love the man that God sent to me. The man that sends me beautiful videos to encourage my soul or little love notes that tell me how he feels. That man. He’s a helluva man!

Here’s an example of how wonderful he is:

dating

Yep, I’m one lucky girl!

Talk to me:  Are you in that kind of relationship? What kind of things did you want in a potential partner?

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.