Day 19: Seasons

Have you heard the phrase that you must date someone for a full year before you truly know them? The phrase supposedly means that you go through four seasons to really get to know someone. I’m not sure how true it is but I believe that people go through changes just like the seasons.

When I went through a season of change from being married to divorce and then dating and being in a relationship I swear it was seasons before I found peace. I learned how men change with the seasons and I learned about cuffing season which I had never heard of. Getting to know someone and going through season changes allows you to really see who they are throughout the year.

Mr. C and I have been dating for two years and in a relationship for the last year and I noticed how he changed with the seasons. Not in a bad way just his personality tends to flow with the change of the seasons. He’s happier and more vibrant and playful during the summer. During the spring and in the fall he’s cool, calm and more laid-back. In the winter months he tends to be more exhausted and want to stay indoors because he hates the cold so no ice skating, no outside dates, not even walking around outside for long periods. He changes like the seasons but I not in a bad way. It’s in a way that I get to know him and I’m sure if you asked him the same thing he did say that my personality sort of follows the seasons as well.

On this 19th day of my #23daysofthankfulness, I’m thankful for the seasons. The seasons changing, the way we respond to it and for finding love and experience in it all year through. Be thankful for the seasons.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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Day 4: My Man

Yes, Lord, you know that I couldn’t do my #23DaysofThankfulness without acknowledging the wonderful man that God has given me. He’s an awesome man that makes me laugh. He encourages my spirit and encourages my dreams.

He’s been there through my court drama and the circus that is my life, my parenting concerns, my issues with my dad, my published works and submissions and even through my current book writing process. He’s still consistent and true two years later. He’s reliable and good. He’s just a great human being who was raised right. I am thankful each day to his parents for that.

I had dinner with a friend last month and he asked me how we were doing. I said “Great! I’m so blessed to have this awesome man in my life.” He asked “What makes him so awesome?” I responded “Because he loves me where I am. He allows me to be comfortable knowing that I don’t need to change, but just wake up every day.” Do you know how amazing that is?

I have gone through hell and back this year and this man has been there every step of the way just loving and listening without judgement. Do you know how thankful that I am for that love? I never would have imagined that God would send such a man to be by my side just holding me and whispering words of prayer and peace in my ear.

We celebrated two years of dating this year. It’s been good. He and I are just loving this space we’re in and thankful for all God’s grace and mercy. There is only love and respect and I truly am excited for the future with this amazing man.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Behold Your Beauty – #Love Yourself

I had dinner a couple of nights ago with a friend of mine. It was great to catch-up. We hadn’t hung out in a few months and I needed to let him know the things that I was going through. He asked me about my relationship with Mr. C and I was gushing all over my man. We were talking about how we’ll be getting married in the fall of 2020 and he started laughing. He asked “Does he want to marry you?” I looked at him seriously “Absolutely. Why wouldn’t he? I’m pretty damn amazing. Hell, one of the main reasons that I want to wait is that I’m not ready to jump back into the wife role. Don’t you find me amazing?” He replied “Of course.”

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Well it got me to thinking about how do you define yourself? Do you love yourself? I mean I don’t lack in self-esteem. Mama didn’t raise no fool. I may not be your cup of tea, but damn it I didn’t ask you to pick up my cup and take a sip. My tea is a strong like me and not all men can handle that. Some men actually prefer weak tea “aka weaker women”. Those men have moved out of the way to allow my love to walk with me.

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See, I am not perfect. No one is. But, I’m a great woman and someday I’ll enter into being a great wife. It’s the steps that I’m taking now that are allowing me to march forward in my relationship without hesitation. You’ve got to do the same.

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I love all my curves and the baby weight that I’m still carrying 9 years later. I love me. I love the way I blush when you ask me about Mr. C. A deep red, genuine blush because I can’t believe how blessed I am to have a man that God chose for me riding with me through this life. I’ve learned to love my nose. The weird nose that looks nothing like my family. I love it.

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Beyond the physical though, I just want to tell you that I love myself. Through all the mental and physical attributes, scars and fresh cut wounds the absolute best thing about me is my strength. I’m a fighter. You don’t know? Read my post last week. Know that many men have tried to break me and none can or will.

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My man loves my strength. No matter the adversity I keep fighting. I keep pushing forward. I keep surviving and thriving. That’s nothing but favor, love. God’s got and has kept me. So, Mr. C sees favor, strength and beauty all wrapped up into one when he sees me. He sees someone who made a vow to God, whose kept it and wants to honor Him as a couple. He sees a wonderful mother and friend. Why wouldn’t he want to marry me? I love me and I love him.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Real Men Lead

Let’s be real. We all want a man. A real man. A man to lead us. To lead our family. To be the true head of the household.

Can you imagine it? Do you have that already? Isn’t it awesome?

For those of you that don’t have that now or are looking for it, this post is for you. For those of you that are fortunate to have this kind of man, you are blessed. Keep living your happy lives knowing that two become one when you are united. I love it.

Now, one of the things that I’m realizing is that many women say that they want a man to lead, but don’t know how to submit. Let me clarify this…submission is only in marriage. Not dating or living together. Don’t shack up and submit. If you can shack up then you should get married so you can submit to your husband because let’s keep it real…it will be hard to submit once you transition from living together as boyfriend and girlfriend to married folks.

Been there and done that. That’s why Mr. C and I aren’t shacking up with our children until we jump that proverbial broom. The day that we say our vows, will be the day that we stand before God and our children and pledge our lives to each other. It is the day that I will know that my prayers have been answered and God has sent me the man to lead our family.

I will completely submit to my husband’s lead. I will follow and love and protect our family something fierce. I will pray for him and our children as I do myself and encourage his dreams. I will trust in God’s will as God has trusted him to lead.

Submission is easy when you know that the man that you are with is a good leader. Real men lead sis. Let’s cut to the chase. Leading is not instinctive in many cases, neither is submission, but I’ll discuss that later. Leadership requires sacrifice, a strong work ethic and a brilliant mind. Does your man have those qualities?

A man that will lead you needs to know these 5 things:

  1. He needs to know and follow God. This is absolutely the most important thing. How can a man lead when he’s not being led by God? He can’t. He is just winging it. You will go through things in your marriage that will try to break and destroy you. Who will your man lean on? Will he pray for you? Will he pray for guidance from God? Will he pray for your marriage? A man can’t lead you if he’s floundering out in the wilderness with no compass. God is the compass sis!
  2. He needs to know his issues and is seeking to work on them through therapy or has resolved them. A broken man can’t lead. No way. No how. If he has trust issues, money problems or a problem being faithful, he is broken. He can’t lead and you can’t follow. Don’t try to fix him sis. Keep it moving.
  3. He needs to be an investor in your marriage. That means that he has to put your marriage first all the time. ALL THE TIME. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Your marriage must come first. Your marriage is an investment that he will spend time watching and working on to make sure that the investment yields a tangible profit…happiness.
  4. He needs to have a fighting spirit. Marriage is not easy. Everyone goes through things. It’s a part of the cycle. Sometimes it will get too heavy. There may be illness, infidelity or just a lazy spirit in your marriage. He needs to be fighting for your marriage even when you don’t. Divorce should not be an option.
  5. He needs to be able to delegate. A man can’t do everything. No one can do everything. But, if he can delegate his needs to you it will bring you closer. People that try to do everything by themselves either burn themselves out or fail miserably. Trust me. I speak from experience. Being able to communicate his needs and want and delegate some responsibilities to you will allow you both to develop closer as a unit and marriage. Unity is the key.

Now, that you know what it takes for a real man to lead. Are you married to a man that is leading you? Have you ever dated a man that knows how to lead?

Tomorrow’s post will discuss a woman’s role in submission to a man.

-To Be Continued-

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

This Moment In Time

Today is a very special day. It’s the day that we honor and celebrate a great man. My man. My love. My heart.

One of the things that I’m open about is that on this journey in finding love I stumbled. I took the roads that were meant for others and I settled by the side of the road with some people that I shouldn’t have. It was all part of my journey.

But, I got up. I kept moving forward. I kept believing that God had heard my plea for him to send me a man that would love my son and I as though we were flesh of his flesh. A man that would support and encourage my dreams and believe in me. A man that could support me in raising my son.

He did hear my plea.

It was 23 months ago that he sent me a wonderful man that grew on me. He stayed around and endured my inquisition. He stayed around and respected my values. He stayed around and loved me where I stood. He didn’t try to change me. He didn’t try to make me into something that I’m not. He just loved me.

Do you know how amazing that is?

He’s not perfect and neither am I.  But, we’re grown. We continually work at our relationship and on our communication. When I pour out my heart and let him know how I’m feeling, he listens. He takes it in and he works on things. He works with me.

So, I know that I’m gushing, but this man is amazing and I want to thank God for him. It was 44 years ago today that God created him to go through life’s challenges and storms because He was preparing him. God was preparing him for me. I’m thankful for that preparation and I’m thankful that God loved me enough to send him in my life.

Happy Birthday to my Mr. C! I can’t wait to celebrate and honor him for being the wonderful friend and man that he is. If I died tomorrow, I would be okay knowing that I found love. This moment in time is more than I could have ever imagined.

In this space, I am loved. Infinitely more each day than yesterday. I will honor and speak vision into the life of this great man that God has gifted me with. I pray that this year will be better for him than the last and that everything that he works for will come to fruition. I pray that God gives him guidance and strength to continue to be the awesome son, father and boyfriend that he is.

I pray that he will always know that he is loved.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Did Your Standards Change?

One of the things that I realized as I got older was that my standards changed when it came to men. When I was younger I really didn’t know what I wanted. I mainly dated men who were rough necks or blue collared workers. There was nothing wrong with it, it was who I was attracted too. They didn’t have to go to college, they just had to have other attributes that made it worth my time.

If you know what I mean.

However, that wasn’t who I ended up marrying, which is weird. I married my ex who had a graduate degree and who had attended great schools. We just clicked. I had assumed it was what God wanted, but I think it was probably just chemistry. We liked and then loved each other and got married. God fell by the wayside for most of our relationship and marriage.

We weren’t focused on God.

When our marriage ended and I was in my late thirties entering the dating realm it was overwhelming. Things had changed. I had changed. I had a child now. I didn’t have the luxury of just wasting my time on random ones.

I had to decide what I wanted. I knew that I didn’t hate the institution of marriage. I knew that I wanted to get remarried someday (at least 5 years away) but I really wanted to get to know someone. What was I going to do differently? Did their education level matter? Their past?

Yes. I didn’t care if a man was a blue collared worker or an IBM executive as long as he wasn’t broke. You had to afford to date me. I wasn’t supporting a man. Money mattered.

His past mattered. I wanted to know if you’ve ever been unfaithful to a girlfriend or wife. Why did your last relationship end? Are you a serial cheater? Cheated one time? Why did you cheat? What responsibility do you accept in the breaking up of your relationship if any? Were you ever in jail? Why were you in jail. A man’s past mattered.

I actually had men reach out to me who had just got out of jail and wanted to date me. Really? Not that I’m judging you for serving your time (okay maybe a little), but I have a son and that is not the message that I wanted to send my son. Get your life, build your empire and date other women. That doesn’t include me.

My standards changed. I was a mother. I was over 40. I had been married so there was no need to rush down the aisle as someone’s wife. I wasn’t having any more children so there was no biological clock ticking away waiting for me to give birth. Whew! Thank God.

But, in changing my standards I had to realize that I wasn’t the same woman in her early 20’s. I had grown up. My needs were different. My dating profile was different. I had to be okay with that.

And I was.

I was specific when it came to dating. I needed you to have stability and a healthy relationship. I wasn’t dating broke men. I wasn’t dating ex-cons. I wasn’t dating men with baby mama (or ex wife) drama. I wasn’t dating men with insecurity issues.

I made my list and dated accordingly. Looks are not at the top of my list, primarily because I determine who I’m attracted too. If you’re sexy as hell to me, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks.

My standards had changed because I had changed. I grew up and realized what I valued was someone that embodied those values. Mr. C may not be like the men of my past, but it doesn’t matter.

Why?

Because I’m living the life I want with the man that I love. We have a healthy and respectful relationship that is allowing me to grow in ways that I never could have imagined. In this space we created, my standards allowed me to find someone that makes me feel safe.

 

Have your standards changed from when you first started dating? Do you have a specific type that you date? What are your dating no-no’s.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

The Art of Being A Wife Tour

Sorry for the post that wasn’t. I’ve had a busy week and haven’t been able to catch up on a lot of your posts. Please know that I will be doing that over the next few days including this weekend. However, I wanted to tell you about this awesome session that I attended last Saturday. It was called The Art of Being a Wife Tour.

The tour was designed to get women to think of the following questions:

Do I have what it takes to be a great wife?

How do I bring sexy back to my bedroom?

How can I get “me” back after losing her in my marriage?

Am I the only one going through in my marriage?

Can I stay even when the thrill is obviously gone?

As someone who plans to be a wife to Mr. C one day, I wanted to go and check it out. Plus, I knew Tanya Barnett. She wrote the book Being A Wife Just Got Real: Things I Wish I Knew Before I Said “I Do” that I reviewed. I had read the book, but I wanted to know more.

The Women

I had never met Dominique Clarke, but I am glad I did. They were incredible leaders in helping us to really dig dip into things that affect us. Dominique is a matchmaker who has been married for 8 years and she’s only 30. What? How awesome is that?

I couldn’t imagine being married at 22, but she’s making it work. She shares her tips for dating, relationships and marriage with you. She has a book entitled She’s Valuable (But Does She Know It?) that I purchased and started to read. I’ll do a book review on this later.

Tanya Barnett is an entrepreneur, author, mom, wife, radio host and many other titles. She shares her testimony about her relationship struggles in her marriage and what she had to do to fix herself. She tells you how God told her that her marriage was her ministry.

How many of us think of marriage as our ministry? But, it really is. That was an amazing nugget to take away. Her book is amazing and a must read.

What It Wasn’t

It wasn’t a male bashing session. It was a session to help us women figure out what we can work on within ourselves. That in itself was different because we always want to turn it into a male bashing session or point the other finger to our partners when we get around other women.

We aren’t accountable for our own actions. There was none of that. It was all love and respect. It was really getting to what you desire for yourself and your partner so you can strengthen your relationships. I had a ball.

What I Wish

What did I wish they had? A workbook with some excerpts and tips from their own book that they could share. It was a lot of women and we couldn’t get through everything, but have us do the work and talk about what we expect to get out of this. Have us work on ourselves at home.

What I Want You To Know

I learned some things. I learned from the women around me at my table and I was able to share some wisdom as a divorced woman. This was an excellent opportunity for sister bonding and empowerment. Self-improvement always is and will be one of my top priorities in my life.

Highlight

The next stop is in Raleigh, North Carolina. If you are in the area, please go check out this awesome tour. There are only a few tickets remaining. I was also fortunate to give a testimonial. Check it out:

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.