Holding Crazy Accountable

I’m in a lot of Facebook groups and one thing that I come across a lot is that “women are crazy” comment. Whether it be in a dating situation that’s gone bad or in co-parenting situations – women are the root cause of the problem. LOL. Are we always the problem or do people not hold themselves accountable for their choices?

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I’ve always believed that there are three sides to every story. His, hers and the truth. The truth lies somewhere in the middle. But, many people don’t accept accountability for their actions and like to blame everyone else for their shortcomings instead of looking back at the man or woman in the mirror. Are you that type of person?

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I hate when men say that women are crazy. Heck, men are crazy. People are crazy and in reality anyone can have a crazy moment and just lose their minds on you. These are called traumatic events, love.

No, for real, we all have the ability and power to lose our minds occasionally. Haven’t you done or said something you’re not proud of out of anger? Does that make you crazy or just annoyed and out of bounds? I think there is a difference.

When dating men that say that their ex is crazy, I ask a lot of questions. You should too. I ask some of the following questions:

  • What types of things did she do that were “crazy”?
  • What did you do preceding these “crazy outbursts”?
  • Did you break-up after she showed you her “crazy” side? Why or why not?
  • Do you believe that you are an enabler?
  • Did you seek therapy after the break-up?
  • Did she experience trauma that changed her mental health? Was there a death of a parent, child or close friend/relative?

You can learn a lot about a person just by asking questions. You can learn whether or not they take responsibility or accountability for their actions? How many of us do that in dating and/or in our relationships? Go deeper when getting to know someone. Men can be vague, but you have to know who you are dealing with so you can get beyond the surface.

You know how I feel about accountability. I know that many people will tell you to not ask about prior relationships, but I want to know. How a man talks and treats women in his life: his mother, his ex wife, ex girlfriend or child’s mother gives me an indication of how he views women. Does he talk about her always in a negative light? Why? Is he taking accountability for his part?

I’ve always said that it takes two people to get married and two people to get divorced. Two people make a conscious choice to have a relationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t but rarely is one person truly blameless. If you are is it that you ignored the cracks in your relationship hoping and praying that ignorance is truly bliss? Then when the relationship disintegrated around you did you lose it?

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Playing the blame game doesn’t get you far. Accountability is important not just in life but in our relationships as well. How can you strengthen your relationship if you are not holding yourself and each other accountable for the success and/or failure of it? You can’t and maybe just maybe you are the crazy one.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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Do I Miss Teen Dating? Damn Right I do!

I once read a post about teen dating that made me reminisce about [my] past teen dating days… (which weren’t that long ago) by the way.  I instantly started to compare how innocent dating was back then, to how ridiculously superficial and confusing it is now.

  1. Social Media pressure
  2. Reality TV pressure
  3. Entertainment (rappers and vocalist) pressure
  4. Subliminally sexual images and messages everywhere
  5. The pressure our young teenage girls have to look a certain way

And the list goes on.

So What Do I Miss Most About Teen Dating?

What do I miss most about my teen dating days? Did we even date? Or did we just venture out into a concrete habitat and pursue convivial activities completely bereft of thoughts of our affinity for one another?
However, once the seed was planted (like the serpent telling Adam and Eve they were exposed) we started to feel the pressures of teen dating (“oooohhh ya’ll go together!!!”). It took away from the sweet and blissful innocence you felt when you would stroll around town together, venturing to the corner store. Me combining pennies and nickels to purchase a pack of Lemonheads I would gladly share with her.
Innocent laughter about random yet imaginative thoughts of days past and fictitious accounts of days to come. It was all there. I miss that. After hours of conversation, with some hesitation, finally conceding to the overwhelming narcolepsy weighing my eyelids south and shading my brown iris like a lunar eclipse. We agree to end this night, but neither of us wants that to be, so we, decide to play a game of, “count to three.”
“No you hang up,”
“No, you hang up,”
“On 3 hang up.”
I miss shared yet recalcitrant thoughts on paper of potentialities and possibilities of a future with her. Sweet looks from afar that garner a smile with a quick turn of her head, hiding as is if she was in a haze. Nervous tension and apprehension, hoping you didn’t notice her gaze. Indeed, I miss those ways… I reminisce over those days.
College-ruled sheets of virginal text, and solicitations of  where we’d meet.
Do you like me?
Check, yes or no
Intertwined hands, smiles you could see from a distant land…
You damn right I’m your man. I want the whole school to understand…(and see) you’re with me.
This wasn’t fantasy, it was my reality… today it’s fallacy.  Destroying the possibilities, of what-could-be, so organically, flowing end-lessly.
So I re-peat… “Do I Miss Teen Dating? Damn Right I do!”
Cause’
That’s when it felt free.
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Jay Thomas is an incredible blogger that commented on one of my posts last year and we’ve been following each other every since. He’s an incredible writer and lover of love. Isn’t that amazing? I love love too so it was awesome to realize that we have a lot in common. He will be a featured contributor to my blog in 2018 and I wanted to give you an idea of this man’s perspective on love. He’s real. He’s true. He’s open. To read more about Jay and to follow his blog please click here: Relationships Etcetera

Day 19: Seasons

Have you heard the phrase that you must date someone for a full year before you truly know them? The phrase supposedly means that you go through four seasons to really get to know someone. I’m not sure how true it is but I believe that people go through changes just like the seasons.

When I went through a season of change from being married to divorce and then dating and being in a relationship I swear it was seasons before I found peace. I learned how men change with the seasons and I learned about cuffing season which I had never heard of. Getting to know someone and going through season changes allows you to really see who they are throughout the year.

Mr. C and I have been dating for two years and in a relationship for the last year and I noticed how he changed with the seasons. Not in a bad way just his personality tends to flow with the change of the seasons. He’s happier and more vibrant and playful during the summer. During the spring and in the fall he’s cool, calm and more laid-back. In the winter months he tends to be more exhausted and want to stay indoors because he hates the cold so no ice skating, no outside dates, not even walking around outside for long periods. He changes like the seasons but I not in a bad way. It’s in a way that I get to know him and I’m sure if you asked him the same thing he did say that my personality sort of follows the seasons as well.

On this 19th day of my #23daysofthankfulness, I’m thankful for the seasons. The seasons changing, the way we respond to it and for finding love and experience in it all year through. Be thankful for the seasons.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Day 4: My Man

Yes, Lord, you know that I couldn’t do my #23DaysofThankfulness without acknowledging the wonderful man that God has given me. He’s an awesome man that makes me laugh. He encourages my spirit and encourages my dreams.

He’s been there through my court drama and the circus that is my life, my parenting concerns, my issues with my dad, my published works and submissions and even through my current book writing process. He’s still consistent and true two years later. He’s reliable and good. He’s just a great human being who was raised right. I am thankful each day to his parents for that.

I had dinner with a friend last month and he asked me how we were doing. I said “Great! I’m so blessed to have this awesome man in my life.” He asked “What makes him so awesome?” I responded “Because he loves me where I am. He allows me to be comfortable knowing that I don’t need to change, but just wake up every day.” Do you know how amazing that is?

I have gone through hell and back this year and this man has been there every step of the way just loving and listening without judgement. Do you know how thankful that I am for that love? I never would have imagined that God would send such a man to be by my side just holding me and whispering words of prayer and peace in my ear.

We celebrated two years of dating this year. It’s been good. He and I are just loving this space we’re in and thankful for all God’s grace and mercy. There is only love and respect and I truly am excited for the future with this amazing man.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Behold Your Beauty – #Love Yourself

I had dinner a couple of nights ago with a friend of mine. It was great to catch-up. We hadn’t hung out in a few months and I needed to let him know the things that I was going through. He asked me about my relationship with Mr. C and I was gushing all over my man. We were talking about how we’ll be getting married in the fall of 2020 and he started laughing. He asked “Does he want to marry you?” I looked at him seriously “Absolutely. Why wouldn’t he? I’m pretty damn amazing. Hell, one of the main reasons that I want to wait is that I’m not ready to jump back into the wife role. Don’t you find me amazing?” He replied “Of course.”

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Well it got me to thinking about how do you define yourself? Do you love yourself? I mean I don’t lack in self-esteem. Mama didn’t raise no fool. I may not be your cup of tea, but damn it I didn’t ask you to pick up my cup and take a sip. My tea is a strong like me and not all men can handle that. Some men actually prefer weak tea “aka weaker women”. Those men have moved out of the way to allow my love to walk with me.

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See, I am not perfect. No one is. But, I’m a great woman and someday I’ll enter into being a great wife. It’s the steps that I’m taking now that are allowing me to march forward in my relationship without hesitation. You’ve got to do the same.

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I love all my curves and the baby weight that I’m still carrying 9 years later. I love me. I love the way I blush when you ask me about Mr. C. A deep red, genuine blush because I can’t believe how blessed I am to have a man that God chose for me riding with me through this life. I’ve learned to love my nose. The weird nose that looks nothing like my family. I love it.

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Beyond the physical though, I just want to tell you that I love myself. Through all the mental and physical attributes, scars and fresh cut wounds the absolute best thing about me is my strength. I’m a fighter. You don’t know? Read my post last week. Know that many men have tried to break me and none can or will.

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My man loves my strength. No matter the adversity I keep fighting. I keep pushing forward. I keep surviving and thriving. That’s nothing but favor, love. God’s got and has kept me. So, Mr. C sees favor, strength and beauty all wrapped up into one when he sees me. He sees someone who made a vow to God, whose kept it and wants to honor Him as a couple. He sees a wonderful mother and friend. Why wouldn’t he want to marry me? I love me and I love him.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Real Men Lead

Let’s be real. We all want a man. A real man. A man to lead us. To lead our family. To be the true head of the household.

Can you imagine it? Do you have that already? Isn’t it awesome?

For those of you that don’t have that now or are looking for it, this post is for you. For those of you that are fortunate to have this kind of man, you are blessed. Keep living your happy lives knowing that two become one when you are united. I love it.

Now, one of the things that I’m realizing is that many women say that they want a man to lead, but don’t know how to submit. Let me clarify this…submission is only in marriage. Not dating or living together. Don’t shack up and submit. If you can shack up then you should get married so you can submit to your husband because let’s keep it real…it will be hard to submit once you transition from living together as boyfriend and girlfriend to married folks.

Been there and done that. That’s why Mr. C and I aren’t shacking up with our children until we jump that proverbial broom. The day that we say our vows, will be the day that we stand before God and our children and pledge our lives to each other. It is the day that I will know that my prayers have been answered and God has sent me the man to lead our family.

I will completely submit to my husband’s lead. I will follow and love and protect our family something fierce. I will pray for him and our children as I do myself and encourage his dreams. I will trust in God’s will as God has trusted him to lead.

Submission is easy when you know that the man that you are with is a good leader. Real men lead sis. Let’s cut to the chase. Leading is not instinctive in many cases, neither is submission, but I’ll discuss that later. Leadership requires sacrifice, a strong work ethic and a brilliant mind. Does your man have those qualities?

A man that will lead you needs to know these 5 things:

  1. He needs to know and follow God. This is absolutely the most important thing. How can a man lead when he’s not being led by God? He can’t. He is just winging it. You will go through things in your marriage that will try to break and destroy you. Who will your man lean on? Will he pray for you? Will he pray for guidance from God? Will he pray for your marriage? A man can’t lead you if he’s floundering out in the wilderness with no compass. God is the compass sis!
  2. He needs to know his issues and is seeking to work on them through therapy or has resolved them. A broken man can’t lead. No way. No how. If he has trust issues, money problems or a problem being faithful, he is broken. He can’t lead and you can’t follow. Don’t try to fix him sis. Keep it moving.
  3. He needs to be an investor in your marriage. That means that he has to put your marriage first all the time. ALL THE TIME. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Your marriage must come first. Your marriage is an investment that he will spend time watching and working on to make sure that the investment yields a tangible profit…happiness.
  4. He needs to have a fighting spirit. Marriage is not easy. Everyone goes through things. It’s a part of the cycle. Sometimes it will get too heavy. There may be illness, infidelity or just a lazy spirit in your marriage. He needs to be fighting for your marriage even when you don’t. Divorce should not be an option.
  5. He needs to be able to delegate. A man can’t do everything. No one can do everything. But, if he can delegate his needs to you it will bring you closer. People that try to do everything by themselves either burn themselves out or fail miserably. Trust me. I speak from experience. Being able to communicate his needs and want and delegate some responsibilities to you will allow you both to develop closer as a unit and marriage. Unity is the key.

Now, that you know what it takes for a real man to lead. Are you married to a man that is leading you? Have you ever dated a man that knows how to lead?

Tomorrow’s post will discuss a woman’s role in submission to a man.

-To Be Continued-

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

This Moment In Time

Today is a very special day. It’s the day that we honor and celebrate a great man. My man. My love. My heart.

One of the things that I’m open about is that on this journey in finding love I stumbled. I took the roads that were meant for others and I settled by the side of the road with some people that I shouldn’t have. It was all part of my journey.

But, I got up. I kept moving forward. I kept believing that God had heard my plea for him to send me a man that would love my son and I as though we were flesh of his flesh. A man that would support and encourage my dreams and believe in me. A man that could support me in raising my son.

He did hear my plea.

It was 23 months ago that he sent me a wonderful man that grew on me. He stayed around and endured my inquisition. He stayed around and respected my values. He stayed around and loved me where I stood. He didn’t try to change me. He didn’t try to make me into something that I’m not. He just loved me.

Do you know how amazing that is?

He’s not perfect and neither am I.  But, we’re grown. We continually work at our relationship and on our communication. When I pour out my heart and let him know how I’m feeling, he listens. He takes it in and he works on things. He works with me.

So, I know that I’m gushing, but this man is amazing and I want to thank God for him. It was 44 years ago today that God created him to go through life’s challenges and storms because He was preparing him. God was preparing him for me. I’m thankful for that preparation and I’m thankful that God loved me enough to send him in my life.

Happy Birthday to my Mr. C! I can’t wait to celebrate and honor him for being the wonderful friend and man that he is. If I died tomorrow, I would be okay knowing that I found love. This moment in time is more than I could have ever imagined.

In this space, I am loved. Infinitely more each day than yesterday. I will honor and speak vision into the life of this great man that God has gifted me with. I pray that this year will be better for him than the last and that everything that he works for will come to fruition. I pray that God gives him guidance and strength to continue to be the awesome son, father and boyfriend that he is.

I pray that he will always know that he is loved.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.