Weekend Coffee Share – 8/27/2016

If you and I were having coffee, I would tell you that I can’t believe that it is the last weekend in August. I would invite you in and sit down on the couch and invite you to curl up your feet while I get us two big glasses of iced coffee. It’s so hot here in DC that all you need is a cool glass of something going down your throat.

If you and I were having coffee, I would tell you that I survived the first week of back to school. Munch’s bus picked him up on the second day and has arrived each day thereafter. Albeit late, but at least he arrives to school safely. I would tell you that he’s disturbed that no one has asked to be his friend yet. He’s having a hard time adjusting to the fact that he doesn’t have a best friend after a couple of days.

If you and I were having coffee, I would tell you that I’m tired and looking forward to a relaxing weekend of doing nothing. I would tell you that while I’m optimistic that this won’t occur, I kinda hope to be able to just wash my clothes, my car and clean my house. Oh and to drink wine and sleep off and on while watching A Different World on Netflix. It probably won’t happen, but a girl can hope right?

If you and I were having coffee, I would tell you how last weekend I took my niece to college. I said good-bye to my first born non-biological child. I didn’t cry. I haven’t talked to her and I’m happy she is adjusting to college life. I will send her a text and remember how I was at that age. I will laugh at the pictures she posts on Instagram and not comment because I don’t want to embarrass her. I will smile thinking about how I can’t wait to see her soon. Maybe I’ll take a trip to the mountains and take her to dinner.

If you and I were having coffee, I would tell you that I really enjoy the Daily Posts that I’ve been participating in. I just discovered my love of fiction and I’m hoping you are enjoying the posts as well. Mr. C says “Oh, that was another dark and gloomy post.” I laugh. He only likes uplifting or realistic pieces. It’s cute though. However, life isn’t all happy go lucky and I like exploring the topic through a different lens. I hope that you will comment and let me know what you think one way or the other.

If you and I were having coffee, I would tell you that I have grown my followers by 50 in the last two weeks and I’m so excited. I would say welcome to my new followers and invite you into this blogging journey with me. I write everything about my life from parenting, dating, relationships, faith, poetry and short stories. I love people, life and I believe in humanity. One day we’ll get it right.

If you and I were having coffee, I would cut the visit short because I have to pack for my upcoming drive to Tennessee this Thursday morning. Can you believe it? I’m driving home with my mom and my Munch. Munch said it will take a 1,000 days but I’m sure it won’t. I promise to keep you posted on my road trip drama with my mama.  See you next time love!

 

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This post is part of the #WeekendCoffeeShare with Part-time Monster.

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Good Woman Down

I’m tired. I’m tired of being superwoman. I’m tired of being told that I need to be a hold it down woman for my man, family and business. Truthfully? It’s exhausting. I don’t want to wear my cape all the time. I get tired of trying to save the world. Whose gonna save me?

How many times do we have to convince ourselves that a good woman stands by her man? You are told that you have to be his ride and die and you have to have his back no matter what or you’re not a real woman. You’re not down. You’re not good enough. But, I have a question…should this apply to all men? Shouldn’t we be selective in our search of finding men who will love and want us without jacking us up emotionally, spiritually or physically?

Black women experience intimate partner violence at rates over 30% higher than white women. Yet, we continue to stay. We continue to say that “he didn’t mean it” or “I made him angry”. We make excuses for fear of being ridiculed in our own community because we left him. We convince ourselves that it’s okay because we’ve been told that “he’s a good man, he just has a temper”. But, it’s not true. Fact: He is a bully. He is our abuser. No good man will hit you.

I wanted to remind you that domestic violence affects everyone. It’s not an issue that we only need to focus on when a public figure is accused of a crime. It’s an everyday fight whereby we need to remember the numbers, educate our children and create policies that don’t allow for violence against women. Even in the private sector. I would love it if my employer could create a policy denouncing domestic violence and suspending employees who are accused of crimes. Wouldn’t that be revolutionary? Wouldn’t it show that we’re serious about the health of our employees and their families?

I read this great article last week on the Huffington Post entitled “30 Shocking Domestic Violence Statistics That Remind Us that It’s an Epidemic” by Alanna Vagianos and cried. Why? Because the numbers were painful.

Did you know my favorite number is 3? Probably not. Many people don’t know that about me. I am one of 3 children. I was a family of 3 and my birthday is on the third. Three is my favorite number. Three is also the number “of women murdered every day by a current or former male partner in the U.S.” Sad huh? Three.

Read the article. Read the statistics. Understand that it is an epidemic. Long before the article, I heard “Good Woman Down” by Mary J. Blige and knew that I would never forget the lyrics to this song. Why? Because her words were truthful and illustrative. They were haunting. Mary sings…

“When I used to see
My daddy beat
My mother down
Down to her feet
I used to say
That ain’t gon’
Never be me
(Never be me)
Now look at you
Bruised up
From him
Girl recognize
You’re better then
Him tellin’ you
That he’ll never hit
You again
Girl don’t cry”

Powerful isn’t it? Mary is taking me back to my own childhood. Violence. 

Now that we are wrapping up Domestic Violence Awareness month, I don’t want us to forget. I want us to remember. I want us to do something. Like the NFL did. They created this video denouncing domestic violence and sexual assaults against women. I love to see strong men standing up for women and women’s rights. No more blaming the victims and making excuses for the aggressors. Hopefully, we can reduce some of these staggering statistics next year, because I believe that together we can make a difference.

 

Check out Mary’s video from the Essence Festival. Start at 4:35 to see her perform “Good Woman Down”