Instinct

My instinct told me that he wasn’t the one for me.

I ignored it.

I was in that place of blissful ignorance and called it love.

Why was I ignoring my instinct?

My instinct told me that he was a liar and an abuser.

I ignored it.

Even after that first punch, my heart protected him.

My instinct told me to run.

The continued physical and emotional abuse had left me broken.

An empty shell.

I was dying inside.

My instinct kept telling me that one day he would kill me.

I ignored it.

Death was better than this.

I loved him.

I just had to be better.

I had to be more of what he wanted.

I had to change.

I woke up this morning and my instinct told me that today was the last day I would be alive.

I ignored it.

I laid next to him.

Watching him sleep silently.

He was beautiful.

I reached under my pillow and grabbed the blade.

I stabbed the hell out of him.

He lay choking in his own blood.

My instinct was wrong.

Today was the day he took his last breath.

 

Today’s post is inspired by the Daily Post. The word was instinct.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Motivational Monday Moment – 3/13/2017

My Motivational Monday Moment is inspired by a conversation that I had with a male friend who said that he seems to meet a lot of women with no self-esteem. I asked him to explain. He said that so many women that he meets have been dealing with whack dudes that they have no idea of what should and shouldn’t be accepted. My heart broke a little.

Why?

Because these are my sisters. They need to stop accepting anything less than they are worth from men. They need to learn the value in self-worth.

self-worth (n)
the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect.

Self-worth is the Motivational Monday Moment that I want to examine. Self-worth is the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect. Dang. That’s pretty deep, right?

Self-worth is how we feel about ourselves. How we feel about ourselves translates into what we are willing to accept, how we dress and how we think. It is the very essence of who we are as women. If we feel that we are trash then it is reflected in our appearance, in our behavior and in our relationships.

We put up with stuff. Not good stuff. Bad stuff.

We run away good men dealing with our own issues and then we keep falling for the same men because we don’t believe that we deserve better. We are so desperate for anything that we accept less than we’re worth thinking that it is better than nothing. Umm, that’s a lie.

Peace of mind is the most invaluable commodity you could have. My momma told me a long time ago “You can’t put a price tag on peace of mind.” I understood that when I became an adult and got married. Your mind is a powerful tool and if you don’t have self-worth, you convince yourself that you are unworthy.

There are those that want to hide and act like they are in control and convince us that it is all good. They have have a man. They are okay with only night visits, STD’s, lies and violence. They try to sell us on the brand of crack that they’ve been smoking so long (its name is delusion) to tell us that they are okay. They love themselves.

No, you don’t.

It’s time to stop lying to us because truthfully, we don’t matter. You matter. Stop lying to yourself. Stop defining yourself by someone’s opinion of who you are.

Let me tell you something…

Come closer to the screen…

You are a beautiful child of God.

You are loved.

You are wanted.

You are valuable.

You need to know that man can never make you happy unless you are happy with yourself. You need to take a time out sis. You need to heal.

You need to love yourself.

You need to invest in a healthy mindset.

You need to invest in you.

No one deserves to be disrespected. No one deserves to be abused. No one deserves to get cussed out. No one deserves STD’s. No one.

Not even you.

Whatever is in your mind that has you thinking you deserve this treatment I need you to get rid of it. Stop that negative thinking. Get help. Get professional help.

Not just your girlfriends.

Talk to a professional to find out what it is that allows you to be able to take disrespect from men. Get to the root cause of your issue. Strengthen your self-esteem. Know what you’re worth.

Believe it.

Two truths that I want to leave you with…

  1. A man will treat you how you allow him to treat you.
  2. Real men don’t want weak women. Weak women don’t know their self-worth.

It’s the truth love. You deserve to know it. You need to understand it. You need to evaluate your situation and know that only you can change the outcome of your life. You control your destiny. You are more valuable than you know.

I believe it.

I just need you to believe it.

motivational-monday-moment

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

When the D*ck Has You Delirious

Most women can remember a time when they had some good sex. A time when all you wanted was a good piece of meat to take the edge off. That man was a champion lover. He knew all the right moves. He was beyond addictive with his bed skills. But, you couldn’t make it work.

Why not?

Probably because he was a male whore. He knew his skills were beyond compare and he felt it his need to share it with every Jane, Sue and Leslie in town. He was a hot commodity. He never really wanted for a traditional relationship. They bothered him. He didn’t have time for one woman. He wanted many.

He wined, dined and probably 69ed you and you started to catch feelings. You imagined a future with him. He was amazing. He was smart, funny and so sweet to you. You my friend were delirious. He was a piece of d*ck that you enjoyed. You and many others.

He didn’t make it a secret that he couldn’t be a one woman man. There was no reason to pretend. You just got your feelings hurt girl! You started to believe that he could be more than just a booty call. That you could love a man that didn’t love you. You fell for it.

You would pull yourself away from the man who you knew could never love you and go running back each time you felt an ache between your thighs. For what? The same old same old. See, this man is a player. Nothing wrong with it. You just have to know that you’re nothing more than a chess piece and get the hell up from the board.

You need to understand your worth. You need to value yourself more than you do the piece of meat between his legs. You need to stop wasting your time. You see what I’m saying? It’s not him love, it’s you. You are allowing this man whose time has expired to occupy space in your life and in your bed and then trying to convince the rest of us that you are just f*ck buddies.

Naw, boo. You’re playing yourself. Buddies implies that he has respect for you. He doesn’t. He calls you out your name. He makes you feel inferior and puts you in situations that you claim you didn’t enjoy. You begin to change and adapt to his whim knowing deep down inside he doesn’t give a damn about you.

But, you insist on trying to make the world believe that you are in control of the situation. You’re not. You’re in denial. You see the disrespect. You see the writing on the wall and yet you continue to engage. The d*ck is bomb is what you say.

Whatever sis! While you’re dipping and riding all over his joy stick you’re killing yourself slowly. Both physically and mentally with a man that could give a rat’s a*s what you think. He doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t value you. He doesn’t comfort you.

Why should he? You’ve made it too easy for him not to care. It’s not his fault. You allow the continued disrespect. You like it. You see no value in you only what you think you can offer him.

No amount of sex will keep a man. You could be an Olympic gold medalist in the bedroom, but if a man doesn’t respect you, he won’t be kept. So, stop letting the d*ck confuse and abuse you and look in the mirror and love yourself.

Love yourself more than you’ve ever loved yourself and untangle your soul from the foolishness of this pseudo relationship. You will find yourself happier and healthier. Be honest with what you want and who you want and know that you deserve more.

 

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Remembering I’m Enough

I am enough. That was one of the hardest things that I had to tell myself. As someone who is extremely self-confident, I seemed to lose it when I got married. He became bigger than me. Not because he wanted too or even asked me to. It was me. My choice. I thought that’s what you do when you get married. You sacrifice yourself for the greater good of the marriage.

But, I was wrong. Marriage is much more than that. How can one be expected to have a healthy and functioning relationship when you’re jacked up mentally? If you lose a piece of yourself in the process of attaching yourself to someone else, how can you be expected to know that you’re enough?  Truth is…you can’t.

I couldn’t. I didn’t. Because I was broken. Broken people can’t seem to realize that their enough. Life and storms knock you out and you feel as though you are drowning. You can’t swim. Why did this have to happen to you? Why not? This was the question that I truly had to answer. Was I above trials and tribulations? I knew from church and prayer that the road wouldn’t be easy, but dang. I couldn’t drive over those spikes without getting a flat.

Until I realized that at least I have the ability and tools in my car to fix and repair that flat. I didn’t have to drive on that flat tire, damaging the rim. I could pull over and keep repairing the tire or use the spare. You see it right? The Aha Moment…I could do it. My attitude towards my situation and life’s circumstances had to change just like that tire or my soul would be damaged.

I realized that I deserve to be forgiven and I deserve to forgive because I’m enough. Knowing and believing that you are enough in the midst of difficult situations can impact your self-esteem in a major way. You doubt the little things. You act out because you feel like you’re not enough.  But, balance is what I’ve learned. Faith renewed. Spiritual growth. They happen when you stop acting out and expecting everyone to fix or understand the messed up you.

Once you start to grow and walk with the confidence you truly have, it shows. People can see the light in your eyes when you genuinely laugh. They notice your change in hair color or clothes. They notice that effervescent smile plastered all over your face. They want to know what it is it about you. You were broken and messed up last time they saw you. What changed? You know what you tell them?

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

No Strings Attached

Love this new blogger’s point of view. They followed me over the weekend and I went to check out their site. Love it.

Hi all, on this cozy Wednesday night… I had a conversation with one of my texters, who I describe as a person I normally text daily… but haven’t seen in years. The topic of course was relationship …

Source: No Strings Attached

The Third Love

Let me tell you about the types of men I’ve loved. Some good. Some bad. Was it all there fault? Nope. In many cases, I didn’t know who I was so they could never love me the way that I needed to be loved.

I didn’t know me.

I didn’t love me.

I couldn’t love them the way that they deserved to be loved.

Love was a concept to big to put in words and yet I desired it so much. I believed in it. I craved it. I wanted love and I needed to be loved.

Don’t most people?

What happens when you wake up and realize that you keep falling in love with the wrong type of people? What happens if that love abuses you or leaves you so messed up that you can’t fathom the pain of ever giving of yourself so completely? You sigh. You withdraw. You start to believe that you will never know love. True love.

That’s how I felt. I kept falling in love with the same kind of men. Until Mr. C. He was different. I couldn’t explain it. For the first time. I felt safe. I felt wanted. I felt loved. It was easy. It felt natural. It was healthy.

I was in shock. I was surprised. I was scared. I didn’t believe that a love without cursing or yelling, cheating or hitting was possible. We women are taught that no one is perfect and that we must fight for love. That love was hard.

However, that’s not true. I read this great article called  We Only Fall in Love with Three People in Our Lifetime – Each One for a Specific Reason by Kate Rose while perusing Facebook about a month ago. Man, this article was the truth.

This article had a profound effect because it basically summarized my  life story. I wasn’t alone. It basically said that we fall in love with three people in our lifetime:

  • Idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairy tales we read as children.
  • Hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved.
  • Third love  – the one we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be.

I’ve had 5 idealistic loves. I’m not sure if they knew it. We just existed in this space between fantasy and reality and planned lives we would never have and futures that wouldn’t be. We believed in fairy tales. These loves occurred between high school and college.

I’ve had 2 hard loves. These loves were painful. They were loves that I tried to fit. Loves that I wanted to mold and manipulate into the greatest love ever to be. But, they couldn’t. They weren’t designed to be my forever love. They were designed to teach me about myself. I was hurt. I was broken. They shaped my belief that this can’t be real. This can’t be the love that God has for me.

And then there was three. The third love from the third type of person. The love that just works. That’s the best type of love. I know because I have it. For the first time in my life.

You can too. We just have to get out of our own way and love ourselves enough to heal from love #2 to get to the third love.  We can’t let number #2 have all the power over how our lives turn out. We have to move past the pain,the anger, the resentment, the failure – all of it. Once we do, we allow ourselves to know and appreciate a safe and easy love.

Your Man is Only a Friend

In today’s age of social media, I’m finding that a lot of men that I may have met socially or have known from high school have girlfriends or wives that also want to be my friend. I’m talking about on Facebook. Have you ever experienced that? It drives me nuts.

Why? Because I think that they are befriending me out of a sense of insecurity about their relationships with their man. Let me be clear. I don’t want your man. I am all about sisterhood and positivity and I would never take another woman’s man. Plus, I have a man.

Many women who befriend me on Facebook now are doing so because I like their man’s posts. I’m not commenting on their post like “Ooh wee you’re so sexy” or “Hot stuff” or “I remember that time when we…”. Nope, none of that. Only time I comment if it is in reference to something that I deem of value (children, animals, social issues, family, etc). But, it doesn’t seem to matter because no doubt their woman will send me a friend request.

I typically won’t approve friend requests of people I’ve never met without an inbox introduction. If we know each other from the blogging community and you send me a request and let me know who you are I will most likely approve. This applies to you bloggers using aliases. I need to know who you are before I accept a request.

However, I tend to be more lax with the friend requests of women if we have mutual friends. I don’t put you through the pedophile reject list automatically. I will go to your page and see what you’re talking about or what you post about. If I feel like you could add value to my timeline then I will accept the request. Otherwise, I will pass on it. I don’t need anymore foolishness on my timeline.

I’m saying all this to say that I value and respect relationships. I’ve been cheated on. I didn’t like it, so trust that I would never disrespect your relationship. I’m also not friends with men who would cheat on their wives or girlfriends. If I am friends with your man it is because he is a good guy. He’s never been inappropriate towards me.

We need more trust in our lives. We need to value the relationships we create. We need to stop letting our insecurities make us fall victim to Facebook friending strangers.

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