You Will Not Believe This

I told you all about how my ex and I are going back to court for custody and that when we arrived to have our custody hearing we were told that we were still married. No? You can read about it in Failure of the Court and in Divorced Again. Long story short…we were both shocked as hell.

We went to a Pendente Lite (temporary custody) hearing on May 4th only to be told that nothing can be done because the second divorce hadn’t been signed off. Yep, another day off work. Another day of time wasted. Another day of stress. The magistrate then said that we have a custody hearing in August so it would wait. What the hell? More delays. More stress. More time off work.

I was beyond frustrated and barely holding on with all this back and forth. I felt like the courts had failed me. Could no one do their job? Would I have to continue in this state of unknown until August? Yep. Apparently.

I was a wreck a few days after the hearing as you can imagine because I was mentally and physically tired. I allowed myself a couple of days to focus on other things and to get my mind right. There were still things that I had to do and Munch still needed to be taken care of. After a few days of moping around, I got up and moved on with my life.

Well, last Monday when I went to get the mail I had three notices from the courts. Not thinking it was anything other than the second divorce paper and update on the August trial, I was shocked to read:

The Scheduling Order dated April 20, 2017 and the Magistrate recommendations of April 11, 2017 and May 4, 2017 are stricken. The Judgment of Absolute Divorce dated March 17, 2016 remains in full force and effect. The parties’ respective Motions for Modification shall be scheduled for three hours on the earliest available date. Notice to be sent to the parties.

What? Was I reading this correctly? That meant that a judge had reviewed our complicated file and decided that all that extra BS we were going through was not necessary and that the original divorce stood as is. Custody remained as is. We were legally divorced back to the original date granted.

I ripped open the other two envelopes and one said to schedule the Motions for Modification hearing on June 21st and to remove the merits hearing scheduled for August. The final was the hearing confirmation from the court house calendar management division. It was real. It was happening. Sooner rather than later and I didn’t have to wait until August.

What’s the big deal? Nothing really. Time. I am tired of all the back and forth and the courts are stressing me the hell out. First we’re divorced, then we’re not divorced, then we can’t have a hearing on custody because the second divorce hadn’t been signed off and then we’re really divorced (my bad) let’s go to court next month.  It is exhausting. Heck, I’m exhausted telling you about it.

But, thankfully a judge reviewed the file in it’s entirety and upheld the original divorce and decided that we didn’t have to start all over. Again. I appreciated that. I don’t know what will happen in court next month, but I’m convinced that God’s will will be done. So, I ask that you keep us all (Munch, my ex and I) in your prayers because truthfully we need it.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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Motivational Monday Moment – 5/22/2017

My Motivational Monday Moment is late. I know. I apologize. I wasn’t sure what to write about. I had been thinking of what I wanted to share all week and nothing was coming to me. I wrote this during lunch. I needed inspiration/clarification.

I attended a seminar today at work and I had an Aha Moment! The seminar was pretty cool. However, the seminar reminded me of all the things that I had learned before, but it was if God was reminding me of them again today. I learned that I along with many of you have biases. It’s human nature.

I know you’re probably thinking “T, I know this or I’m not bias – I love everyone”, but I would beg to differ.  Bias as a noun is…

bias (noun)

a particular tendency, trend, inclination, feeling, or opinion, especially one that is preconceived or unreasoned

Let me tell you how my bias reared it’s ugly head this weekend. I attended the Liver Walk this weekend and learned so much about people who had liver problems. In my naivete, I’ve always thought that the only people that had liver issues were those that suffered from Hepatitis C problems or those that drank (alcoholics) their liver to death. That’s it.

Never did I imagine how many people suffer different kinds of problems with their livers and they can happen out of nowhere. One gentleman came up to me and told me his story. He was older, maybe in his early mid-60’s and was very muscular. He explained that he was an athlete and he went to the doctor’s one day for his annual check-up and his doctor said his heart was too big. He told me that he knew that because he was an athlete and all athletes have bigger hearts. The doctor told him no, it’s too big. Tests were ordered and a diagnosis was given.  His heart and liver were failing. He was a double transplant recipient of both a heart and a liver. I was in awe of this man. He was telling me why he walks and raises awareness for both issues.

His story was so powerful. But, I know you’re wondering about what this has to do with my bias. Well, I’ll tell you…a man approached the stage to say why he was there and I was overwhelmed by his outward beauty. He was so hot!!! Very handsome man, but when he talked I paused. He was slow in his speech and I was thinking “Oh, he must be an athlete.” Well, he was an athlete, but when he told his story, I got smacked with the truth that I was being biased.

This beautiful man told us how he was playing football one day and suffered from heat exhaustion and when he woke up he was in the hospital. He suffered both kidney and liver failure. His kidneys recovered and his liver didn’t. He had to have a liver transplant. He had to learn to walk and talk again.

You see? I thought he was a “dumb jock” because of how he was speaking and this beautiful man was thanking us for walking because he was the recipient of a liver. You see how I was being biased right? I had to check myself. I was embarrassed. This beautiful soul could have lost his life and I was judging him not knowing he has a story.

My Motivational Monday Moment is about remembering that we all have a story. I judged this man on the way he spoke and had assumed that he was another dumb jock. Far from it. I was actually embarrassed by my thoughts. But, I wanted to share with you what I was reminded of today. We all have biases, but we can’t let them give us an unfavorable opinion of someone without having knowledge. I did.

No, I don’t like it when someone does it to me and here I was doing it myself. We all have biases and sometimes we need to remember when our biases are allowing us to craft a narrative of someone we don’t even know. I had to check myself. I was wrong. I know better. Sometimes you need a reminder that you’re better than your thoughts. I know I did.

Be encouraged. Be open. Be honest. Be loving.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Dating Chronicles: Take Two

I told you in yesterday’s post how I met and fell in love with a man after my ex that really was a filler. This was difficult because I didn’t believe in love, but after trying on-line dating and meeting this man that wooed me, I believed I could meet someone. He wasn’t the one.

So, I ended things and took a brief break. Until one day I reactivated my profile and met another man. He was different than most. Funny and short with a body made of pure muscle he had some endearing qualities. He was older than the last man and definitely one of the oldest men that I had dated. He as 8 years older than me. I didn’t even agree to meet him for an official date until 3 months of back and forth consistent communication.

He understood. Never pressured me. I believed that the age gap had made us somewhat able to relate. How wrong I had been. I wrote about him and our experiences in getting to know each other when I asked him Why Are You Single? He was showing me a different side. Not romance, but chivalry. We both led busy lives. His son was home from college and had no driver’s license. He lived in Baltimore County and that was a long way from me living in the southern part of Prince George’s County.

We made it work when we could. I was a soccer mom with a pretty predictable schedule. I wanted to take my time and make sure that he was genuine so I was dating a couple of other men during that time. Nothing serious. All were fillers. My heart wasn’t in it. It was with the last one. I was getting over him.

But, Mr. K had problems. Commitment problems. Time was his biggest issue. We could never connect. I believed him when he made excuses. I was being naive. Too trustworthy for someone who didn’t even know the meaning of the word. He cancelled more dates due to him being sick than anyone I have ever met in my life. One of the hardest ones was to the Beer, Bourbon and BBQ festival.

We were supposed to smoke cigars and drink. I only lived 3 miles away and I was hoping to get hammered. He cancelled. I went with my best friend and had a great time, but it wasn’t the same. It ended shortly thereafter because I don’t like liars. I have a smart mouth and I don’t have time for the fake ones. I wrote it about here:  And It’s Done.

I became frustrated about the lack of honesty and transparency when dating. I still had contact with Mr. K. Not sure why. Maybe I was believing that we could just be friends, but did I really need another friend? Probably not, but I was hard headed and I started to let my guard down with him.

Giving him more chances than I would with anyone else because I believed that somewhere there was a nice guy there. Why? Because he would say the nicest things to me. Why was this so hard? I wasn’t looking to rush down the altar (been there and done that) nor was I looking for a father to my son (he has one) so what was the issue? I know that I intimidate a lot of men for various reasons (a lot of it is my intellect) but I really wanted to find someone that could appreciate all the awesomeness of me.

But, I was sliding into old behaviors and sliding into the bed with the one that I loved and left. I missed him. I missed us. Old feelings started to resurface. I was getting caught up again. He was a bad habit that I couldn’t break. I was hurting from the one that I thought was awesome with all the great qualities and feeling lonely because the man I loved didn’t love me back.

I needed to get off this dang roller coaster of emotions and stop myself. Eventually, Mr. K slow faded me. It was cool. I figured it should have happened months before. I deserved better. I needed and wanted someone to love and take care of me. Not financially, but emotionally. I needed my own love. I craved it. I made a decision.

Quotes About Bad Relationships 1000+ Bad Relationship Quotes On Pinterest | Bad Relationship

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Tired

I’m tired.

Weary.

My heart aches.

My mind is racing.

My patience is low.

I don’t want to fight no more.

Fighting is exhausting.

Fighting is distracting.

I can’t be distracted.

No time.

No time for games.

No time for distractions.

No time for the fake ones.

Time matters.

This hell I find myself in is one I chose.

The moment I said yes.

I chose it.

I have to remember it.

But, I have to remember that I can change my mind.

To recognize my choices and accept my fate.

To move beyond the bullshit and give my all

To the people that matter.

To the situations that require my attention.

To the friends that love without judgement.

To the family that supports without knowledge.

To the man who promises me a healthy love.

To the job that pays my salary.

To the readers who support my talent.

To the charitable organizations that benefit from my service.

To those that inspire.

To those that encourage.

To those that believe.

Believe in me.

Even when I don’t believe in myself.

I will close my eyes tonight.

No more tears.

With praise on my tongue

I will cry out…

Can you hear me Lord?

Can you hear the pain in my heart?

Can you see the destruction of those that seek to hurt me?

Can you see that I am your faithful servant Lord?

And I will give it to Him.

I will leave it on the altar.

I will say…

I trust you Lord.

I know that you’re watching.

Intercede Lord.

Intercede.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Instinct

My instinct told me that he wasn’t the one for me.

I ignored it.

I was in that place of blissful ignorance and called it love.

Why was I ignoring my instinct?

My instinct told me that he was a liar and an abuser.

I ignored it.

Even after that first punch, my heart protected him.

My instinct told me to run.

The continued physical and emotional abuse had left me broken.

An empty shell.

I was dying inside.

My instinct kept telling me that one day he would kill me.

I ignored it.

Death was better than this.

I loved him.

I just had to be better.

I had to be more of what he wanted.

I had to change.

I woke up this morning and my instinct told me that today was the last day I would be alive.

I ignored it.

I laid next to him.

Watching him sleep silently.

He was beautiful.

I reached under my pillow and grabbed the blade.

I stabbed the hell out of him.

He lay choking in his own blood.

My instinct was wrong.

Today was the day he took his last breath.

 

Today’s post is inspired by the Daily Post. The word was instinct.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Motivational Monday Moment – 3/13/2017

My Motivational Monday Moment is inspired by a conversation that I had with a male friend who said that he seems to meet a lot of women with no self-esteem. I asked him to explain. He said that so many women that he meets have been dealing with whack dudes that they have no idea of what should and shouldn’t be accepted. My heart broke a little.

Why?

Because these are my sisters. They need to stop accepting anything less than they are worth from men. They need to learn the value in self-worth.

self-worth (n)
the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect.

Self-worth is the Motivational Monday Moment that I want to examine. Self-worth is the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect. Dang. That’s pretty deep, right?

Self-worth is how we feel about ourselves. How we feel about ourselves translates into what we are willing to accept, how we dress and how we think. It is the very essence of who we are as women. If we feel that we are trash then it is reflected in our appearance, in our behavior and in our relationships.

We put up with stuff. Not good stuff. Bad stuff.

We run away good men dealing with our own issues and then we keep falling for the same men because we don’t believe that we deserve better. We are so desperate for anything that we accept less than we’re worth thinking that it is better than nothing. Umm, that’s a lie.

Peace of mind is the most invaluable commodity you could have. My momma told me a long time ago “You can’t put a price tag on peace of mind.” I understood that when I became an adult and got married. Your mind is a powerful tool and if you don’t have self-worth, you convince yourself that you are unworthy.

There are those that want to hide and act like they are in control and convince us that it is all good. They have have a man. They are okay with only night visits, STD’s, lies and violence. They try to sell us on the brand of crack that they’ve been smoking so long (its name is delusion) to tell us that they are okay. They love themselves.

No, you don’t.

It’s time to stop lying to us because truthfully, we don’t matter. You matter. Stop lying to yourself. Stop defining yourself by someone’s opinion of who you are.

Let me tell you something…

Come closer to the screen…

You are a beautiful child of God.

You are loved.

You are wanted.

You are valuable.

You need to know that man can never make you happy unless you are happy with yourself. You need to take a time out sis. You need to heal.

You need to love yourself.

You need to invest in a healthy mindset.

You need to invest in you.

No one deserves to be disrespected. No one deserves to be abused. No one deserves to get cussed out. No one deserves STD’s. No one.

Not even you.

Whatever is in your mind that has you thinking you deserve this treatment I need you to get rid of it. Stop that negative thinking. Get help. Get professional help.

Not just your girlfriends.

Talk to a professional to find out what it is that allows you to be able to take disrespect from men. Get to the root cause of your issue. Strengthen your self-esteem. Know what you’re worth.

Believe it.

Two truths that I want to leave you with…

  1. A man will treat you how you allow him to treat you.
  2. Real men don’t want weak women. Weak women don’t know their self-worth.

It’s the truth love. You deserve to know it. You need to understand it. You need to evaluate your situation and know that only you can change the outcome of your life. You control your destiny. You are more valuable than you know.

I believe it.

I just need you to believe it.

motivational-monday-moment

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

When the D*ck Has You Delirious

Most women can remember a time when they had some good sex. A time when all you wanted was a good piece of meat to take the edge off. That man was a champion lover. He knew all the right moves. He was beyond addictive with his bed skills. But, you couldn’t make it work.

Why not?

Probably because he was a male whore. He knew his skills were beyond compare and he felt it his need to share it with every Jane, Sue and Leslie in town. He was a hot commodity. He never really wanted for a traditional relationship. They bothered him. He didn’t have time for one woman. He wanted many.

He wined, dined and probably 69ed you and you started to catch feelings. You imagined a future with him. He was amazing. He was smart, funny and so sweet to you. You my friend were delirious. He was a piece of d*ck that you enjoyed. You and many others.

He didn’t make it a secret that he couldn’t be a one woman man. There was no reason to pretend. You just got your feelings hurt girl! You started to believe that he could be more than just a booty call. That you could love a man that didn’t love you. You fell for it.

You would pull yourself away from the man who you knew could never love you and go running back each time you felt an ache between your thighs. For what? The same old same old. See, this man is a player. Nothing wrong with it. You just have to know that you’re nothing more than a chess piece and get the hell up from the board.

You need to understand your worth. You need to value yourself more than you do the piece of meat between his legs. You need to stop wasting your time. You see what I’m saying? It’s not him love, it’s you. You are allowing this man whose time has expired to occupy space in your life and in your bed and then trying to convince the rest of us that you are just f*ck buddies.

Naw, boo. You’re playing yourself. Buddies implies that he has respect for you. He doesn’t. He calls you out your name. He makes you feel inferior and puts you in situations that you claim you didn’t enjoy. You begin to change and adapt to his whim knowing deep down inside he doesn’t give a damn about you.

But, you insist on trying to make the world believe that you are in control of the situation. You’re not. You’re in denial. You see the disrespect. You see the writing on the wall and yet you continue to engage. The d*ck is bomb is what you say.

Whatever sis! While you’re dipping and riding all over his joy stick you’re killing yourself slowly. Both physically and mentally with a man that could give a rat’s a*s what you think. He doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t value you. He doesn’t comfort you.

Why should he? You’ve made it too easy for him not to care. It’s not his fault. You allow the continued disrespect. You like it. You see no value in you only what you think you can offer him.

No amount of sex will keep a man. You could be an Olympic gold medalist in the bedroom, but if a man doesn’t respect you, he won’t be kept. So, stop letting the d*ck confuse and abuse you and look in the mirror and love yourself.

Love yourself more than you’ve ever loved yourself and untangle your soul from the foolishness of this pseudo relationship. You will find yourself happier and healthier. Be honest with what you want and who you want and know that you deserve more.

 

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.