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Maybe It’s You

Here’s a letter that I wrote to a friend…

Men and women love different. People love different. I don’t lump people in the same category because realistically speaking some people don’t know how to love. Not everyone’s plan is to make more and do more. But, on that note what is wrong with women who want a man to have a plan for their future. Not a bigger house, but a bigger retirement account so that they don’t have to retire at 70. Is that wrong? Everything is a business. Marriage yes. Love no. So, I disagree that both are a business. Marriage is a business because is in the truest form it is a partnership whereby two people are supposed to respect each other and work together for the betterment of the family. Shared goals, shared vision and shared purpose. I mean if you look at the most successful businesses it is because everyone knows what their purpose is in the company. Whether or not they want to work at their full potential is something else, but you know what position you are supposed to play. The problem is that people don’t discuss these things prior to engaging in a relationship. You fall for someone cause she has a nice ass and a decent personality and then you try to make a relationship work. You never focus or take time out to find out what that person values. If you do and you can’t live with it you walk away. Believing that you can change them is ridiculous. You can’t but you can’t fault the entire (or 51%) gender because you keep picking the same kind of women. Maybe it’s you. I’m not saying that to be mean or disrespectful either. I had to accept that about me. I seem to engage and like spending time with men that have never really been in love or I question do they like women. I know it is something wrong with me. Why do I keep attracting the same kind of men? What kind of energy am I putting out?

Plan as a noun: a specific project or definite purpose:  plans   for   the   future.

That’s what I mean by saying a plan. If your plan when you we are dating is to retire in 10 years and you get a retirement check but then you want to work somewhere else because you’re too young to stop working, then you have a plan. If your plan is I want to retire at 60 and travel the world and I’ve devised a strict budget to allow that to happen, you have a plan. Your plan doesn’t have to be tied to a bigger house or a bigger car, it’s your plan.

Grand dreams are subjective and you should weed those out early. Don’t waste your time with people that aren’t on your level, but be clear and steadfast on those things that matter most to you. No one person is responsible for the relationship and if you are only meeting selfish women then dang, change your surroundings. Those women can impede your progress and have you stay stagnant in the belief that that the majority of the women are like that.

When you find someone you want to marry then your plan should be to provide for your family and that should be hers as well. Your combined family. Her money counts too. Not just yours. It’s about making sure she is your partner and not another dependent that you can’t write off on your taxes. So, you’ve been in love but one and a half times? Really? How old are you again. You should want a woman with a plan. If her plan is to stay at her job making $40,000 a year and never trying to grow her bank account or skills and you make twice as much as that then it will be hard as hell to date her non having plan ass and take her seriously. How can she really determine when you two can retire comfortably or recommend the best retirement locations because she has no plans for her own immediate life? She is just existing.

If a man has a plan that is not in line with mine that doesn’t make him a good or bad man, just not the man for me. For example if he wants to be a rapper after being a wall street broker, okay that’s cool. That’s not what I want and I wish you luck. If I stay I wouldn’t be helping anyone. Much less myself. But, I am an eternal optimist. I believe in love and I still believe that there is good in humanity. All the violence and disrespect and I still find the mind of a black man just as important as his heart and I would do my damnedest to protect them both.



  1. Very true having a plan is important. We need to know where we are going in life and know exactly how to get there. Without a plan we are like a slow boat going nowhere.


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