This has been an interesting holiday season. I spent Thanksgiving at my grandma’s house which is something that I hadn’t done since college. It felt good to be in grandma’s house and in her presence. I love spending time with my grandma and this year I got to spend time with my dad.
As many of you know from my prior posts that my dad was an absentee father for many years. He wasn’t around. He chose not to have a relationship with me. It’s weird because going home to be with him was both scary and wonderful at the same time. I was getting to know the man who was standing before me.
I wanted to make memories. Good ones. I wanted to capture the essence of his spirit and remember his face because I’ve spent so many years missing him. Missing the man who used to tuck me into bed, kiss my forehead and tell me I’m beautiful. Missing that man.
But, I tell you that there is something to be said for getting to know him as an adult. We got to talk about some of the things we’ve missed: men, dating, relationships, sex and family. LOL! It was an interesting conversation whereby I learned a lot about him and he learned a lot about me.
I got to have quality time with my dad. He was remorseful of the things that he’s done in the past. He said, “Daughter, I’m just so sorry that I wasn’t there for you.” I replied, “Dad, it’s okay. God has protected me and allowed me to forgive you. It is through HIS grace and mercy that I’m able to sit here and just love you for you.”
Wasn’t that awesome? It was wonderful to be with my dad and just exist in a space that I’ve yearned to have for so many years. To just look into his eyes and see my reflection. To know that he is still very much the man who gave me the greatest daddy/daughter moments for the first 9 years of my life. To see his smile reflected in my accomplishments.
I’ve spent so many years wanting this moment that it feels awesome to know that I have it. That I am my father’s daughter, his first-born girl and a woman that he is extremely proud to know. This road to healing is a long and winding road, but I promise him something that I’ve never had…patience.