So, I read this great article by Andrea Wesley on The Bolde entitled “The Dating Struggles of an Alpha Female” and sighed. This is so me. I am an alpha female. I have a tribe. A tribe of other women who are alpha females. I am not alone.
What was interesting was that I could relate to almost all 8 points of being an alpha female. Here were the 8 points:
- WE HAVE SMART MOUTHS.
- WE’RE NOT AFRAID TO SPEAK OUR MINDS.
- WE TAKE THE LEAD, AND THAT MAKES MOST MEN RUN.
- WE’RE UNFAZED BY CLICHÉ ROMANCE.
- WE’RE CHALLENGING.
- WE’RE BRUTALLY HONEST.
- WE HAVE VERY FEW DAMSEL IN DISTRESS MOMENTS.
- WE’RE GENUINELY BUSY, AND IT FRUSTRATES OUR SUITORS.
Does this sound like any of you? It’s me. I’ve been told numerous times that I have a smart mouth. I think it goes with number 2 ( not being afraid to speak our minds) and number 6 (brutally honest). I have a smart mouth and I’m brutally honest and will always speak my mind. But, I’ve learned to slow down.
I realized in my time of transition from marriage to divorce that I need to learn decorum. Phrase things in a different way to try and illicit the response that I wanted. I was wicked with my tongue. I own it. I was vile with the insults if I felt hurt or attacked. My words could hurt. Just because I could say it doesn’t mean that I should say it.
Now, before you start thinking that I am not being honest, that’s not true. I told you that I’m about living your truth, whatever it is. It frees you. It keeps you sane when you know who you are and what you want. Even if what you want doesn’t make sense to others. If it makes sense to you then follow your dreams love!
My ex-husband didn’t know I was an alpha female. Heck, I just learned. I thought I was just too damn independent for men. An inherited flaw from my mother who was a single parent. How do you play the damsel in distress when married? Ugh! I was clueless. But, my ex said something to me right after we separated that stayed with me. He said, “You never made me feel needed”. That hurt him.
Well, alpha females don’t need a man. We want a man. I guess for me wanting a man matters more than needing you because to need you would indicate that there is a piece of me that is unfilled. That I am lacking in some way. Believe me, that is not the case. But, I didn’t know how to tell him this. I just said, “I tried. I tried to be a good wife. To love you. To support you.”
I did try. But, what I realize now about myself is that it is not in my make-up to make you feel needed. If I’m with you it is because I want you. I love you. I want you in my space and in my life. I just didn’t know how to express it.
Fast forward to dating now and I had a hard time trying to appear less independent. I couldn’t stop my smart mouth, which for the record is used to tell potential suitors that I find their particular brand of B.S. interesting and unappealing. Men didn’t know how to handle a woman who spoke her mind and appeared “too independent”. It was hard.
I was planning my world takeover and raising my son and I didn’t have time for B.S. and games. I needed someone who knew what they wanted and could let me know. Someone who could see me as I am and just try to get to know me. Not be intimidated by my strength, but encourage it. I needed an alpha male who viewed me as his equal and not his adversary. Who was comfortable in who he was and wasn’t.
I don’t need saving. I need a partner. I’m building my empire and watching my dreams manifest into reality. I need someone who sees my vision. Believes in it. Supports it and loves me just the same. I don’t need flowers and I won’t play the damsel in distress. I will be your equal. Loving and supporting the man that sees me as a challenge and knows that I’m worth it.