2016 advice dating dating chronicles dysfunction relationships

Alpha Female

So, I read this great article by Andrea Wesley on The Bolde entitled “The Dating Struggles of an Alpha Female” and sighed. This is so me. I am an alpha female. I have a tribe. A tribe of other women who are alpha females. I am not alone.

What was interesting was that I could relate to almost all 8 points of being an alpha female. Here were the 8 points:


Does this sound like any of you? It’s me. I’ve been told numerous times that I have a smart mouth. I think it goes with number 2 ( not being afraid to speak our minds) and number 6 (brutally honest). I have  a smart mouth and I’m brutally honest and will always speak my mind. But, I’ve learned to slow down.

I realized in my time of transition from marriage to divorce that I need to learn decorum. Phrase things in a different way to try and illicit the response that I wanted. I was wicked with my tongue. I own it. I was vile with the insults if I felt hurt or attacked. My words could hurt. Just because I could say it doesn’t mean that I should say it.

Now, before you start thinking that I am not being honest, that’s not true. I told you that I’m about living your truth, whatever it is. It frees you. It keeps you sane when you know who you are and what you want. Even if what you want doesn’t make sense to others. If it makes sense to you then follow your dreams love!

My ex-husband didn’t know I was an alpha female. Heck, I just learned. I thought I was just too damn independent for men. An inherited flaw from my mother who was a single parent. How do you play the damsel in distress when married? Ugh! I was clueless. But, my ex said something to me right after we separated that stayed with me. He said, “You never made me feel needed”. That hurt him.

Well, alpha females don’t need a man. We want a man. I guess for me wanting a man matters more than needing you because to need you would indicate that there is a piece of me that is unfilled. That I am lacking in some way. Believe me, that is not the case. But, I didn’t know how to tell him this. I just said, “I tried. I tried to be a good wife. To love you. To support you.”

I did try. But, what I realize now about myself is that it is not in my make-up to make you feel needed. If I’m with you it is because I want you. I love you. I want you in my space and in my life. I just didn’t know how to express it.

Fast forward to dating now and I had a hard time trying to appear less independent. I couldn’t stop my smart mouth, which for the record is used to tell potential suitors that I find their particular brand of B.S. interesting and unappealing. Men didn’t know how to handle a woman who spoke her mind and appeared “too independent”. It was hard.

I was planning my world takeover and raising my son and I didn’t have time for B.S. and games. I needed someone who knew what they wanted and could let me know. Someone who could see me as I am and just try to get to know me. Not be intimidated by my strength, but encourage it. I needed an alpha male who viewed me as his equal and not his adversary. Who was comfortable in who he was and wasn’t.

I don’t need saving. I need a partner. I’m building my empire and watching my dreams manifest into reality. I need someone who sees my vision. Believes in it. Supports it and loves me just the same. I don’t need flowers and I won’t play the damsel in distress. I will be your equal. Loving and supporting the man that sees me as a challenge and knows that I’m worth it.


  1. I LOVE this post. Can I share it, please? I too am an alpha female. I believe that was much of the demise of my first marriage. When my ex and I broke up he summed it up best by saying “you are just too strong.” In my current marriage, I was forthright about it and I have learned to “need” him just a bit more!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It does just make us “incompatible”. You are such a Rockstar!! I don’t know how I was so lucky that you came into my blogging life, but I am so grateful. And…you recommended Jess turn her blog into the HuffPost, it got accepted and they in turn asked me to write one as well! Thank you for your kindness in the blogosphere. You are the one who taught me how important it is to “spread the love.”

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I’m so happy to hear that. You and Jess are an inspiration to everyone. The fact that you easily share your own story and your issues with trying to coparent helps other people see that they could be doing the same thing. You accepted your part and tried to put your children first thereby allowing you and Jess to truly have a relationship. I love that. I just pray the more parents can get to that point by sharing your story. So you guys are my inspiration.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Hahaha I hate cliché romance. I am a little undecided but think I might be an alpha female…been independent for too long don’t know how not to be 🙂 cool post I love it

    Liked by 1 person

  3. As usual, you got us all thinking about that thing girl!

    I know that I am a alpha female; ironically, I learn it from my Dad. Growing up, we took care of dogs so I was taught to be the ‘alpha dog’ –for lack of a better word.
    Sadly, I played in down at times when I shouldn’t have but as I get older, I have learned how to manage it better 🙂

    Thanks for sharing another great post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, thanks sis! When I read the article I was like “That’s me” and I was encouraged to know that there were A LOT of women like me and you know what? It’s cool. We just need men who know that and can handle it.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love this post. I would never have considered myself an alpha female. Most of the points you mention also apply to me. I am careful when it comes to the first two points. I’m very mindful of my words. I get that from my father. A truly awesome post!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I think I was meant to be an alpha female. I never asked for help doing “mans’ work.” That bothered Loser in the beginning but he came to rely on it so much that it became a non-issue. As far as having the strength to “push back”….I was severely lacking with him….which is why I suffered so much with him.
    Lesson learned….the alpha female is back…..probably spend the rest of my life alone….but that’s better than being abused by some narcissistic pig. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ha! This is my wife! This is her to a T. To the point that sometimes we get in arguments about it (usually, it’s me that’s butt hurt). The honest truth is that I often tell her to tell me what she needs–or reminding her that she doesn’t have to do every damn thing by herself–even if she is capable of doing it all, she doesn’t and shouldn’t have to.

    But damn…bring on the strong women. Alpha Woman Upward!!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. LOL. I love it. It takes a special kinda man to be with an alpha woman and I applaud you for meeting your wife at the intersection of her needs and reminding her that she has you. You didn’t run away from her and say “Whew, she’s too damn independent for her own good.” That right there is magic and not many men can do that. Ya’ll are my inspiration.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I was just telling him I didn’t need his Swiss Army Knife for a difficult package. He laughed and said that was exactly why he left the comment he did on your blog. (I didn’t know!) Now he continues his drive as I chuckle over this exchange.

        It does take a special kind of guy. I still can’t believe he proposed a second time, but I am so glad he did.

        I hope more and more guys do as he does instead of feeling like … there is a particular kind of conquest that must be made. Naw. There are so many ways for a man to express strength!

        (“Why would I run screaming? I like strong women!” he said as I finished typing this after we parked.)

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Please do. I got into a discussion with a gentleman last night and he said that they are the same for him. I told him not for me. My needs are basic: food, water, shelter, clothing and money. Everything is is a want.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: