This is a continuation from my post Dating Parents – Part I.
After calming down, I said to Munch “Honey, we’re going out tonight with Mr. C and his son and you will be on your best behavior, okay?” That was the end. I wasn’t going to let this little boy run my life. I was the adult. He has to get over it right?
Well, he didn’t. He acted like the biggest baby. He was whiny and wanted to sit in my face and have me hold him (he’s 85 pounds) and kiss him all through dinner. It was excruciating. He then made a comment about Mr. C was lucky that he allowed him to sit next to me. He always sits next to his mommy.
Side bar…he does always sit next to me. It is hilarious. We will go out to dinner and instead of sitting across from me, he wants to sit right next to me. I will always ask “Don’t you want to sit across from me?” He’ll respond “No, I want to sit next to you.”
I had to laugh. I responded “Munch, I told you to sit across from me because I wanted to sit next to Mr. C. He’s not lucky.
We ended dinner and said good-bye. Over the next couple of days Munch started acting like Mr. C was the biggest threat to his world. Anytime I was on the phone with him he had to interrupt. He needed to be heard.
Ugh. It was frustrating as heck.
My mom then kept him during the winter break and when they were out one day he told her how I always shut the door in his face when I’m talking to Mr. C. She then proceeds to tell me how I can’t do that. I told her that he’s not being honest and that I have my bedroom door shut and that when he comes into my room, I make him exit and knock on the door before entering.
I told her that the reason that I do that is because when he spent the night over her other daughter’s house that he didn’t knock on their bedroom door and just opened it. They weren’t presentable and she was mortified. She then asked me why I don’t teach him to knock before entering. I then realized that I needed to do it. So, it’s not because I’m on the phone with Mr. C but I’m trying to teach him manners.
I was exhausted by the gall of my little brown eyed boy. He then told his Nana how his mommy was going to marry Mr. C and then we would have other children and he will be forgotten. My mom said, “Yeah, I told him that wasn’t true. I explained that there is an age limit on having children and I thought you were too old.” I laughed.
I needed to talk to that little boy. I needed to hear what’s going on in his mind. My brother offered to talk to him. To see if he felt like this only because it’s me or does he treat his dad like this.
I couldn’t wait on my brother. He was my son and I wanted to talk to him. I did talk to him. I had him lay on my bed and hugged and kissed him. We just lay there. I was hugging and snuggling my little boy. I then talked to him about Mr. C. I explained that I loved Mr. C. That Mr. C makes mommy happy. That he’s a great man and that he wants to get to know him.
I asked him what’s his concern? He asked “Do you love him more than me mommy?” I looked him in the face and said “No, baby. I could never love anyone more than you. The first sound you ever heard was my heartbeat and we are more connected than anyone.” I began to explain that me loving a man is separate and different than loving a child and that my heart was big enough to love them both.
I asked him “Don’t you want me to be happy like your dad?” He said, “Yeah, but don’t I make you happy?” I told him that of course he does but that doesn’t mean that I should be alone does it. He said “No”.
We hugged and kissed and kept telling him how special he was and that Mr. C would want to spend time alone with him and getting to know him and I would really appreciate it if he allowed him too. I told him that there is no rush, but to know that we are building something special and I needed him to give me the same kind of acceptance that he gives his dad.
I don’t know if it was right or wrong. People tell me that it is because he’s a boy and boy’s are so protective of their mamas. I don’t know if it’s true. Munch and I have always been extremely close and I just want him to get to know and love the man that I love because he is a great man.
What are your thoughts?
A Thomas Point of View 
i think your conversation with munch was the perfect remedy. it WILL take time. my step kids and i were GREAT together before my husband and i married. then, the second i was his wife, the youngest one put up a huge wall. like i was imposing on his dad, on his world. he didn’t know how to handle having me there all the time (even though we only have him… one day/week and every other weekend). 8 fought me to sit by my husband on the couch, he fought to be the first one to be greeted by my husband, he fought to make me know that he lived in the house before i did. he didn’t know how to handle it. but slowly… slowly he is coming around. he sits by me on the couch. he grabs my hands and plays games with me. he still does some of the other stuff, but with less mean intent now. time.
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Thank you. It is definitely new and weird to me because I know that he loves his dad’s girlfriend and I’m cool with that, I just want him to be cool with Mr. C. We’re definitely not rushing anything, but I don’t understand the resistance in getting to know him better.
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it will work out, kids have a hard time understanding how things work when their parents arent together, you know? he’ll learn to love him 🙂
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Also, I just thought of this. Munch is the man of the house. I bet he sees himself as your protector. Regardless of his age, I’m sure he was raised to love, respect, and protect his mother.
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True, I didn’t think of that. I keep telling him that he’s my baby and not a man. He’ll grow but that this is a Queendom and I am in charge. LOL
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I can’t imagine daring again if something were to happen to my wife and me. With 3 boys, I think I’d be nearly in-datable. And, for that matter, I’m not sure I’d want to. It’s gotta be difficult. I’m a child of divorce myself, and I promise you, it’s hard on him too. Keep in mind, he sees his dad with a new woman, and seems to accept it. But he lives with you, not dad. Bringing a man into that dynamic is tough to take. At least, it was for me.
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Thank you. He’s a great kid and I just want him to keep an open mind. Of course you would marry again. No woman would allow you to stay single with your boys.
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Wouldn’t be entirely up to whomever I’d be dating, of course. It’d be an awful lot to ask someone to take though. And, I’m not sure it’d be fair to any woman, to take on my 3, and I’d always compare them to my wife. I believe I’d be better off single. 😃
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What he is going through is very normal and very typical. Sometimes they get over it sometimes they do not but you are handling it well and this will not scar him for life.
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Now that I’ve read both of these, it sounds as if you’re upset that Munch doesn’t accept your relationship the same way that he accepts his father’s. I imagine, as others have said, that’s natural, especially because he’s your son. I can’t see a daughter acting this way about her mother, but a daughter with her father, probably. My advice is to be sure to take a breath before reacting. You wouldn’t want Munch to feel as if his emotions aren’t valid.
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Thanks sis. Yes, I was upset that he accepts his dad’s relationship easier than mine. I mean he and I are super close and I thought he would be upset about another woman coming in and doing things a mother would do. But, it’s like one of the other readers said…women are nurturers so he gravitates towards that. I get it. I know he loves his dad’s girlfriend and I’m glad for that, I just want him to get to know Mr. C with the same energy because he ain’t going no where. Munch is my life, but he needs to understand and accept the choices that I make because I would never do anything to hurt him or put him in a situation where he wasn’t loved or respected.
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Your chat with Munch was great!! I’d also point out that his family and the people who love and care for him is growing. Like the grinch’s heart in the dr Seuss story. Hearts are not rigid like a cup but pliable and stretchy like a balloon or rubber band.
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Aww, thank you so much. I’ll remember that.
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Sis, at his age it’s hard for him to really articulate how he feels, so he will say things like, “But don’t you love me?”
Everything Munch said is similar to things I’ve heard my own son say.
This is all a part of being a single mother of a young son.
Unfortunately, this process will take some time to play out.
Just keep being the mother that you are!
Eventually, Munch will come around 🙂
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I think Munch do not want you to get hurt, and he wants your undivided attention, so now he feels a bit threatened.
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Yeah I’m learning that. We’re working on it.
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