dating love relationships Uncategorized

Don’t Microwave It. Put Your Dating Experience In the Slow Cooker

When it comes to dating, we often treat it like, drive-thru at a fast-food restaurant. We put the process on Microwave speed instead of slow-cooking it.

Microwave Love Isn’t For Me

No wonder relationships don’t last, and dates are so short-lived. A lot of us want that microwave love. It’s all pre-packaged and ready to go within 30 seconds. In our fast-paced lives, we don’t want to slow down, mute the distractions, and cultivate our relationships. We don’t want to invest the time and effort needed to really learn and understand someone. As a result, once you open the package, the picture on the box is hardly the way it really looks inside. Yet we’re shocked. It was a 30 second meal! What did you expect? We want slow-cooked taste, in 30 seconds or less. We want a 5-star restaurant feel, in drive-thru efficiency. And, we will keep getting the same bad tasting, falsely advertised, negative results… until we learn that nothing worth having comes pre-processed.

Slow Cook Your Dating Experience

When it comes to dating, most of us want the result to end in companionship (or marriage).  So why in the world do we expect symmetry to occur without doing the, “work” involved?

You know what? Let’s not use the word, “work.” Let’s say, “process.” Because, while dating, you are going through a process.  A process that cannot be on microwave speeds.  This process is slow-cooked.

Remember, you are getting to know an entirely new being that comes with new experiences, personality traits, pet peeves, habits (good and bad), etc.  So, that process takes time.  The amount of time is relative, but no matter who it is, they will need, “time” to get to know, and understand.  A rapport needs to be built.  Channels of communication need to be established.  You simply cannot get to know someone on microwave speeds.  Slow-cooking is the only way.

Step 1: Let It Marinate

Like Martin Lawrence says…”let it marinate.” Let your dating experience, “soak.” Let all the seasoning absorb.  This way you will have time to process what you’re doing, and what you’ve learned. As a result, you will make better decisions about moving forward.

Also, this will give you the necessary time to appreciate the process of getting to know a new person. So many people say…”I can’t stand starting over.” Trust me, I totally get that. However, if you make dating fun, it can be a worthwhile experience.  Enjoy the conversations before the date. Get as much information as you can to learn about the other person (make sure you ask the necessary questions listed here )… then, “let it marinate.”

Step 2: Pre-Heat Your Oven

Photo Credit: Taylor Kiser

Now is the time where you will prepare for the first date.  If you did your homework, asked questions, provided information, shared and opened up freely, you should have a good idea of who it is you are about to go on a date with.

If you spent enough time in marinate-mode, you should feel a bit more at ease about spending time with this person.  Anxiety will always be there, don’t worry, it’s normal.  However, the amount of time wasted on dating will be limited since you are on slow-cooker speed, vs microwave.

As daters, we tend to have a few conversations and jump straight into romantic situations (microwave speed), when, we need to cultivate first, to see if this person is even a good complement for us.  They could be a good person, but this doesn’t mean they are a solid match for us.

Step 3: Slow Cook The Process

When I say, “slow,” I don’t necessarily mean, “go-slow.” I mean, take your time.  So, the time that it takes is totally up to you.  Just don’t microwave through the process and expect the results to be same as slow-cooking.

When you slow-cook food, the seasoning is allowed to penetrate.  The meat becomes tender and more flavorful.  We all know, there’s nothing like a slow-cooked meal.

That being said, make sure you don’t let the, warm-and-fuzzy feelings get the best of you.  Stay focused on the goal, and always keep things in perspective.  Discuss your goals and aspirations, pet peeves, your family, and most of all, talk about how a relationship looks to you.  Give the other person a detailed account of what you need (and some of what you want).  You probably shouldn’t do all of this on the first date, and hopefully you’ve discussed a lot of these things before going out.  However, if you didn’t, make sure you ask some of the most important questions, and generate conversation around them.  Don’t get, too serious.  Do what feels right in the flow of the dialogue between you two.

Lastly, laugh, and laugh some more!

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    1. I bet! If you’re anything like me, the featured photo alone gives you reasons to run to the kitchen. But back to the post itself. Yes, I like to use metaphoric writing. It helps readers understand even more so, and it provides a bit of entertainment away from the typical. Thank you for the comment and compliment!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. “hot pockets” and “hungry man meals.” I like that analogy. A lot of men and women like that type of person. Men who make fast money, and women who are “fast.” However, the man that is truly looking for his wife, will not want a woman like that. That’s the major difference.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Steph… I believe if more people took their time getting to know each other instead of jumping into romantic settings, they’d be better off. A walk in the park can be romantic, but it’s a solid place to sit and talk as well.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Steph, I believe that there is no such thing as common sense when it comes to relationships and dating. Think about it. Common sense would say, leave relationships and dating alone, because eventually you will get your feelings hurt. Yet, we lose, get hurt, get cheated-on, and we start all over again, hoping “this time” we meet the one. That’s actually very illogical and not much common sense is being used. Most of our instinct and the decisions we make when it comes to dating and relationships are emotional. Emotion is not logical. The problem occurs when people don’t know how to control their emotions enough for their brain to rationalize the decisions they’re making. Because, like you said…. they’re moving too fast. The minute they try to stop and rationalize (use their brain) they’re back into another emotional situation with the person (which overrides logic and rational thought). An example would be sex. Right before sex you always use common sense and rationale. But the emotional side of you takes over and common sense is out the window.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, unfortunately we are emotional creatures and our hearts many times overrule our brains. What’s that saying “the heart wants what it wants?” It seems like a neverending battle and one I’ve fought way too many times. Ultimately in my situation, it boiled down to becoming brutally honest and realizing I don’t want to give my heart away and there’s nothing wrong with this because it’s personal to me. I’d be lying if I said I miss the heady feeling that comes with being in a relationship but I also have goals I cannot achieve if I allow myself to become entangled with another person. Quite honestly these past few years have been the best of my life as a single person as I no longer feel burdened.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I totally understand Steph. I’ve been there. I’ll say this. The right partner compliments what you’re trying to accomplish in life. They don’t hinder your progress or stagnate your growth. They embrace it and even push you harder and support you. They hold you accountable and comfort you when you’re feeling down. You’re not dragging them along for the ride… because they have their own ride, and goals they’re pursuing.

        Sometimes we just choose the wrong person. There’s nothing wrong with being single. Enjoy that time. The one you’d need will become before you know it. They’ve already been created.

        Liked by 1 person

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