Dating in the DM – The Potential of the Facebook Direct Messenger

In Lieu of Valentines day, and for those of us who are still single—it’s time to get un-single or at least find a date (in less than 24 hours).

Let’s talk about the Direct messenger. Also known as, “the DM,” or, “getting in-boxed.” The most notable Direct Messenger is the stand alone Facebook app. There are others that exist such as, WhatsApp, WeChat, Snapchat, Kik, QQ, Skype, Viber and LINE. I choose to speak about Facebook Messenger because it’s directly connected to your Facebook app. Which is, needless to say, the most powerful social network in the world. The others are popular, but do not compare to Facebook Messenger.

Yes, Facebook is the devil. (I’m kidding).

Direct messenger is the devil - or is it
Photo Credit: Chris Newnham

The Bad

Messenger is notorious for spammers, scammers, married people seeking side relationships (side piece) outside their spouse, people in relationships seeking a threesome, people in relationships seeking someone outside their partner (without their partners knowledge of course). And finally, people seeking relationships with a complete stranger or someone on their friends list. Which is, completely harmless.

That being said, I don’t want to talk about the negative aspect of the direct messenger. Let’s talk about all the features, positive experiences and stories that have come from a simple acknowledgement of a Direct Message.

 

It Goes Down In The DM

Woman-holding-home-accessing-direct messenger
Photo Credit: i-m priscilla

What does that mean? It means, “embrace the direct messenger.” Be open to the possibilities that a simple direct message can bring you. I get it, you don’t know this person in-boxing you. They are not on your friends list, you have no mutual friends. So who are they? Is their page fake? “Let’s go look.” “he has 1000 friends and a few recent posts people have responded too.”

Instead of engaging him, you ignore him. Why? His message was respectful. He introduced himself, told you upfront that you didn’t know each other and had no affiliation, but he saw you on a public Facebook post and wanted to ask about you. Sounds like a decent introduction to me. And what’s the worse that can happen? It’s not like he’s a TV repairman turned death row criminal that will come through your internet modem and kill you. It’s an online experience. If you don’t like what has to say, it’s as easy as, “close and block.” Stop ignoring those DM pings. You know you see that message notification. If you are curious to see if someone has messaged you that is not on your friends list, go to your filtered message (message requests) inbox.  You will probably find a few people who tried to reach out to you.

By The Numbers

It’s important for you to understand just how many users on Facebook designate as single. Now compare that against the users in a relationship or involved (it’s complicated).

The below data states there were 669,600,000 active Facebook users designated as single as of, September 7th of 2016.

Single 37 %
Married 31 %
In a Relationship 24 %
Engaged 3 %
It’s Complicated 3 %
source: Statistic Brain, September 7th, 2016.

That’s a lot of single people on one website.  Of course there’s a percentage of those users that are not single, but are designated as single. But let’s just say that percentage is 20%. That still leaves 535,680,000 single people on Facebook, and you only need to meet 1.  Also, there’s a high possibility that of those 535,680,000 users that at least 10 of them will reach out to you at some point during your time on Facebook. 1 of those 10 might be your future mate. So the odds are definitely in your favor.  But not if you don’t embrace your DM.

Oh yeah… As of April 2016 The Facebook Messenger had 900 million active users.  By July 2016 the number was 1 billion.

Consequently, you have a better chance meeting someone on Facebook for free, by simply letting it, “go down.”

What do you have to lose?

A Different Perspective On the Direct Messenger

Right now you’re giving this article the side-eye. Like…”I can’t.” Really? Think about it. If you’re single, there’s high chance that you have been on a dating site. Or at least visited one before because you were curious. Dating sites are about as random as they come. At least with Facebook, some of the random people who reach out to you with romantic interests have mutual friends or connections. On dating sites, the meetings are completely random no matter how much they say they’re, “matching,” you. That being said, if you can go to a dating site and spend time setting up a profile, sourcing through profiles and responding direct messages and emails (while paying). Why wouldn’t you try it on Facebook which is free as the air we breathe?

Free vs Paid… no-brainer right?

Direct Messenger Success

It doesn’t take much. A posted pic or comment and someone will be inspired to send a message that will potentially lead to a relationship. Success favors the bold. So….be bold!

Success happens a lot more often than you think. People will talk about all the DM horror stories and frighten off those of us who might be open a random message request, had we not listened to them in the first place. Block out all that interference and go for it!

But hey… you don’t have to listen to me… according to TheKnot.com, below is a real life example of how going outside your box and opening yourself up to something unconventional, can lead to happiness.

They Met On Facebook

THE COUPLE: Kendra Cowser, 30, and Sean O’Brien, 32
WHEN THEY MET: January 2010
WEDDING DATE: September 14, 2013

Direct Messenger-Woman-Man-Laying down-next-each-other
Photo Credit: Two Rivers Photography

THEIR STORY: Kendra rarely friended anyone on Facebook other than people she knew, but in 2009 fate stepped in when Sean sent her a friend request. Although Kendra didn’t know him, he lived near her hometown of Galva, Illinois, and thought they might have mutual friends in common, so she accepted. None of his friends looked familiar though so she just let it go, until six months later when Sean started “liking” some of her photos. One night as she was packing up her apartment in Chicago getting ready to coincidentally head back to Galva, Kendra finally decided to satisfy her curiosity and message him. Sean responded immediately and they ended up writing back and forth all night. And then every day forward. It turns out Sean didn’t know her but she popped up in his list of people he might know. “I saw a cute girl and I wanted to add her,” he recalls. Both admitted that neither of them was planning on starting a relationship at the time, but it sure turned into one. Two days after Kendra was back in Galva, Sean was at her doorstep with a bottle of wine to celebrate meeting in person. In July 2012, Sean messaged her on Facebook (of course!) to ask her to go ring shopping—his way of proposing—and last September they threw a huge bash that their guests described as “the best wedding they’ve ever been to!”

a few more success stories

 

#EMBRACETHEDM

It’s not hard, just proactively send a message or respond to one that comes into your inbox. I’d quickly vet them out. Check their page, make sure they have an acceptable amount of friends (No new pages). Check for mutual friends. Also, see if they have some public posts you can view. Click on a few pics, and go from there.

You’ve got 1 more day!

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8 Replies to “Dating in the DM – The Potential of the Facebook Direct Messenger”

  1. The first thought that came to mind when seeing the title is this rap song “it goes down in the DM” lol, and half the time I don’t want anything to go down in there, lol I get tons of Instagram DM’s — usually not the appropriate kind of messages, but I am sure someone out there would be inclined to beg the differ depending on their interest, I don’t normally message people unless I need to or unless they happen to message me and I feel the need or want to respond. Facebook messenger can go either way, I have friends I talk to on it, also I have joined some groups on FB so sometimes their members might send me a message. This was an interesting post,

    Shay-lon

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know that’s where I got the inspiration for the title.

      The post was mostly for those that feed into the negative comments about the the inbox. Yes there are unsavory people in there, but there are also legit men/women reaching out to you. You never know who could be in your inbox.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This is very true! I have started talking to people who have a great head on their shoulders who are very supportive. Thankfully have only ran into one negative entity in the DM but the majority if not almost all have been great experiences.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I believe positive experiences (and negative ones) can be found everywhere. In person, on social media, on a dating site. It’s all what you make of it. I always say, everyone you meet isn’t supposed to be your spouse. Some people are meant to teach you a lesson, some are meant to help you get to the next level, some are meant to show you what you don’t want (or need) in your life. Some are meant to help you in your career, and others are meant to be friends. It really is all how you view things.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. It’s a great way of looking at each relationship you build. You can take a lesson from each and apply it to you life. The “negative” and positive ones. Negative can be used to teach us lessons about what we don’t want or need.

        I know, the biggest lessons I’ve learned are from women who I had the worse relationships with. I learned more about myself, and what I can (and can’t) tolerate.

        I’ve sat and talked to homeless people, and you’d be surprised at the stories and lessons they have.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for commenting Victor. I totally agree about being careful. That being said, you have to be careful no matter where you meet someone. The safety of the DM is you can always utilize that block button. You don’t have to give them your number, and you can disconnect the conversation at any time. Just like on a dating site. It’s good to be open to letting the universe dictate how you meet someone. We are always trying to control how we meet someone… just let it happen. It’s more fun that way.

      Like

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