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Dating in the DM – The Potential of the Facebook Direct Messenger

In Lieu of Valentines day, and for those of us who are still single—it’s time to get un-single or at least find a date (in less than 24 hours).

Let’s talk about the Direct messenger. Also known as, “the DM,” or, “getting in-boxed.” The most notable Direct Messenger is the stand alone Facebook app. There are others that exist such as, WhatsApp, WeChat, Snapchat, Kik, QQ, Skype, Viber and LINE. I choose to speak about Facebook Messenger because it’s directly connected to your Facebook app. Which is, needless to say, the most powerful social network in the world. The others are popular, but do not compare to Facebook Messenger.

Yes, Facebook is the devil. (I’m kidding).

Direct messenger is the devil - or is it
Photo Credit: Chris Newnham

The Bad

Messenger is notorious for spammers, scammers, married people seeking side relationships (side piece) outside their spouse, people in relationships seeking a threesome, people in relationships seeking someone outside their partner (without their partners knowledge of course). And finally, people seeking relationships with a complete stranger or someone on their friends list. Which is, completely harmless.

That being said, I don’t want to talk about the negative aspect of the direct messenger. Let’s talk about all the features, positive experiences and stories that have come from a simple acknowledgement of a Direct Message.

 

It Goes Down In The DM

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Photo Credit: i-m priscilla

What does that mean? It means, “embrace the direct messenger.” Be open to the possibilities that a simple direct message can bring you. I get it, you don’t know this person in-boxing you. They are not on your friends list, you have no mutual friends. So who are they? Is their page fake? “Let’s go look.” “he has 1000 friends and a few recent posts people have responded too.”

Instead of engaging him, you ignore him. Why? His message was respectful. He introduced himself, told you upfront that you didn’t know each other and had no affiliation, but he saw you on a public Facebook post and wanted to ask about you. Sounds like a decent introduction to me. And what’s the worse that can happen? It’s not like he’s a TV repairman turned death row criminal that will come through your internet modem and kill you. It’s an online experience. If you don’t like what has to say, it’s as easy as, “close and block.” Stop ignoring those DM pings. You know you see that message notification. If you are curious to see if someone has messaged you that is not on your friends list, go to your filtered message (message requests) inbox.  You will probably find a few people who tried to reach out to you.

By The Numbers

It’s important for you to understand just how many users on Facebook designate as single. Now compare that against the users in a relationship or involved (it’s complicated).

The below data states there were 669,600,000 active Facebook users designated as single as of, September 7th of 2016.

Single 37 %
Married 31 %
In a Relationship 24 %
Engaged 3 %
It’s Complicated 3 %
source: Statistic Brain, September 7th, 2016.

That’s a lot of single people on one website.  Of course there’s a percentage of those users that are not single, but are designated as single. But let’s just say that percentage is 20%. That still leaves 535,680,000 single people on Facebook, and you only need to meet 1.  Also, there’s a high possibility that of those 535,680,000 users that at least 10 of them will reach out to you at some point during your time on Facebook. 1 of those 10 might be your future mate. So the odds are definitely in your favor.  But not if you don’t embrace your DM.

Oh yeah… As of April 2016 The Facebook Messenger had 900 million active users.  By July 2016 the number was 1 billion.

Consequently, you have a better chance meeting someone on Facebook for free, by simply letting it, “go down.”

What do you have to lose?

A Different Perspective On the Direct Messenger

Right now you’re giving this article the side-eye. Like…”I can’t.” Really? Think about it. If you’re single, there’s high chance that you have been on a dating site. Or at least visited one before because you were curious. Dating sites are about as random as they come. At least with Facebook, some of the random people who reach out to you with romantic interests have mutual friends or connections. On dating sites, the meetings are completely random no matter how much they say they’re, “matching,” you. That being said, if you can go to a dating site and spend time setting up a profile, sourcing through profiles and responding direct messages and emails (while paying). Why wouldn’t you try it on Facebook which is free as the air we breathe?

Free vs Paid… no-brainer right?

Direct Messenger Success

It doesn’t take much. A posted pic or comment and someone will be inspired to send a message that will potentially lead to a relationship. Success favors the bold. So….be bold!

Success happens a lot more often than you think. People will talk about all the DM horror stories and frighten off those of us who might be open a random message request, had we not listened to them in the first place. Block out all that interference and go for it!

But hey… you don’t have to listen to me… according to TheKnot.com, below is a real life example of how going outside your box and opening yourself up to something unconventional, can lead to happiness.

They Met On Facebook

THE COUPLE: Kendra Cowser, 30, and Sean O’Brien, 32
WHEN THEY MET: January 2010
WEDDING DATE: September 14, 2013

Direct Messenger-Woman-Man-Laying down-next-each-other
Photo Credit: Two Rivers Photography

THEIR STORY: Kendra rarely friended anyone on Facebook other than people she knew, but in 2009 fate stepped in when Sean sent her a friend request. Although Kendra didn’t know him, he lived near her hometown of Galva, Illinois, and thought they might have mutual friends in common, so she accepted. None of his friends looked familiar though so she just let it go, until six months later when Sean started “liking” some of her photos. One night as she was packing up her apartment in Chicago getting ready to coincidentally head back to Galva, Kendra finally decided to satisfy her curiosity and message him. Sean responded immediately and they ended up writing back and forth all night. And then every day forward. It turns out Sean didn’t know her but she popped up in his list of people he might know. “I saw a cute girl and I wanted to add her,” he recalls. Both admitted that neither of them was planning on starting a relationship at the time, but it sure turned into one. Two days after Kendra was back in Galva, Sean was at her doorstep with a bottle of wine to celebrate meeting in person. In July 2012, Sean messaged her on Facebook (of course!) to ask her to go ring shopping—his way of proposing—and last September they threw a huge bash that their guests described as “the best wedding they’ve ever been to!”

a few more success stories

 

#EMBRACETHEDM

It’s not hard, just proactively send a message or respond to one that comes into your inbox. I’d quickly vet them out. Check their page, make sure they have an acceptable amount of friends (No new pages). Check for mutual friends. Also, see if they have some public posts you can view. Click on a few pics, and go from there.

You’ve got 1 more day!

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#Thursday Thoughts – 7.6.17

Sending cool thoughts on a humid Thursday.

How are you? How was your weekend? Can you believe that it is almost Friday? Ugh! Summer months seem to fly by.

I hope you’ve noticed and enjoyed over the last three weeks that I’ve been sharing snippets of my fertility journey. My life. My past. My process to getting to baby. My hope is that my story will help you understand that the road to giving birth to Munch wasn’t easy, but neither was I. Life has a way of letting you choose how to live it. In fear or in faith. You’ll be able to see how I swayed back and forth in both.

Munch returns to me tomorrow and I’m super excited. I have missed my son something crazy. We have a busy weekend with a picnic on Saturday and a pool play date on Sunday afternoon. We are also going to the circus next Thursday.

I enjoyed a couple of days of rest and relaxation on Monday only to return to work yesterday and hear all about the drama of Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna. If you hadn’t heard…chile Google search the drama. He spilled all the dang tea on her and their relationship. I decided to write a post with some lessons learned. Check for it tomorrow.

There seems to be a lot of work to do and so little time to do it. I’m muddling along. Life is good. I am good. Munch is good. I pray that you are good as well.

I leave you with these #ThursdayThoughts

Leave-your-past-in-the-past

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

 

Yelp Is Not Facebook

I have a gripe. A rant really. When the heck did Yelp become like Facebook and wanting you to have Friends? I love Yelp. Yelp is a website that helps people find great local businesses like dentists, restaurants, hair stylists and mechanics. Pretty much everything.

I use Yelp a lot when I want to go and check out a new restaurant. I want to read the reviews and look at the pictures of the food that people received. A review and a photo always helps me to determine if it is worth my dime or my time.

Mr. C and I used Yelp when we went to Miami last year. We ate at restaurants that had been reviewed on Yelp and had the best food and service. It was heaven.

We had walked into a Cuban spot for breakfast and the waitress asked how we found the restaurant and I told her that they had great reviews on Yelp. She was excited and told the owner. I told her that is how I eat when I’m trying something new. Yelp never lies.

So, I was surprised when I realized that I had friend requests from people on Yelp. What? Why? Did I know you personally? Why do we need to be friends on Yelp? We’re not friends in real life. Isn’t this just weird?

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Needless to say, it is weird as hell to me. Yelp is not Facebook and I don’t need to be friends with strangers. Social media has gotten out of control.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Some Blog Changes

You may have noticed some changes to my blog lately. I’m trying to spruce some things up on my social media accounts. To post more, to share more on my other accounts. How do you like my new theme on WordPress?

I got a custom banner created for my Facebook, Google + and Twitter pages by a designer on Fiverr. I’m excited. Now, there is some uniformity in my branding. If you haven’t had the chance, please like and follow me on social media.

You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Picture This

Mr. C and I attended my sorority’s winter event a couple of weeks ago. We had so much fun. He had to work that night so him coming by for a couple of hours was amazing. My sorority sister took a picture of us at the event and posted it on social media. Specifically, Facebook. I have a timeline review on my social media page because I got tired of people posting junk on my page and tagging me in it, so I review everything.

I saw the picture of Mr. C and I among the photos she uploaded. I immediately asked her to please delete it. I explained that I don’t post photos of Mr. C and I on my timeline because not everyone is praying for our happiness. I am a firm believer in sharing what I choose to share and with whom. She quickly took the photo down and apologized.

I talked to Mr. C about it and asked him was he okay with my decision and he said yes. I told him that when we are ready to share photos of each other on social media that I would like it to be our decision and it probably won’t be until we’re married. He laughed. I guess at the end of the day what I’m saying is that I’m trying to protect the best thing that has ever happened to me.

My life is in such a great place that I want to protect this relationship and our love. Now, that doesn’t mean that people can’t meet him. He’ll be at family events. He’ll be at friend events. He’ll be at my galas and my sorority parties, but we are very happy in our private bubble and will share photos in our own time.

 

What are your thoughts? Do you share your photos of your significant other on your social media page? Would you be offended if I asked you to remove a photo of me and Mr. C?

How I See Myself

The other day I woke up at 2:30 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I started perusing FaceBook. I decided to look for a particular person (the aunt of my ex-husband) who I knew I hadn’t seen on my timeline in a while, but she was expecting her first grand baby and I wanted to see if her joy had made it’s debut.

Low and behold I discovered that she had “unfriended” me on FaceBook. It was a shock. Why? Because she had sent me a friend request years ago and then decided she wanted to unfriend me without saying anything. I was kind of hurt. Wow! I rolled over and tried to get back into a fitful sleep.

I woke up later and talked to Mr. C about the situation and he said “Don’t worry about it babe.” I explained to him that I’m not really worried about it, I just was shocked. I couldn’t understand the motive behind it. It was disturbing.

I told Mr. C that many of my exes friends and now family had unfriended me on Facebook, but none of the 30 plus of my friends and family had done that to him. I said “I guess it speaks to the caliber of friends and family that God has allowed in my life. My people didn’t take sides and just existed and loved us both.” He said, “Yeah, but you don’t need to let that bother you.”

We followed our normal morning process by reading the devotional and having prayer. But, when I tell you that God was speaking to me through that devotional I started to have a holy ghost fit. His word was:

Beware of seeing yourself through other people’s eyes. There are several dangers with this practice. First of all, it is nearly impossible to discern what other’s actually think of you. Moreover, their views of you are variable subject to each viewer’s spiritual, emotional and physical condition. The major problem of letting others define you is that it borders idolatry. Your concern to please others dampens your desire to please your Creator. 

It is much more real to see yourself through God’s eyes. God’s gaze upon you is steady and sure, untainted by sin. Through God’s eyes you can see yourself as one who is deeply and eternally loved. Rest in God’s loving gaze and you will receive deep peace. Respond to God’s loving presence by worshiping in spirit and in truth.

-Sarah Young “Jesus Calling”

I had my Aha moment! You see that right? God was telling me to stop worrying about how other’s see me and to focus on Him. He was blessing me where I stood and I was worried about someone that I shouldn’t be. But, God.

God, has a way of smacking me in my face with His word when he realizes that I’m concentrating on the wrong things. I was getting smacked ya’ll. He was telling me why are you worrying about man when your eyes should be on me? Your heart, your mind and your spirit should be focused on what I’m doing for you so that you can feel the peace of me.

Good God!

I said “I got it God” and got off the phone. I got showered and dressed and headed to work. I turned my radio to the local gospel station Praise 104.1 and was listening to Erica Campbell say how she saw this great post on her friend’s Instagram page and she wanted to share it. You know what it was that she read?

The same exact piece.

I just said “Thank you God. I get it!” He is blessing me in so many ways that I can’t even begin to explain. He’s increasing my territory and removing people and things out of my life that are not of Him. He is working on me and through me. I just need to get out of my own way.

I was being vain worrying about someone else’s motives behind what they did to me. People have the right to follow, unfollow and unfriend who they want. I need to stop worrying or caring about those trivial things and focus on what His will is for me. Man is fickle, but ya’ll God is forever and unmoved by the shadiness of folks.

Why Are You Not on Twitter?

I have a Rant…

I subscribe to A LOT of blogs! I read between 150 to 200 posts daily. They come through my email daily and if I miss a day, you can imagine the overload. You may find me liking 3 of your posts on one day because I was unplugged. LOL. But, I love to read your work.

I’m inspired by my fellow bloggers. Most of the time I will like a post even if I don’t comment. For posts that truly touched me at that moment, I will share a tweet about it. However, you would be surprised by the number of blogs that I read that don’t have their own Twitter account but have the Twitter icon at the bottom. Are you serious?

Why are you not on Twitter? You can increase your readership and followers by linking your posts to Twitter and being notified when people tweet your posts. Why would you have the Twitter icon and then not have a Twitter account that shows you that I tweeted your post? You would attract a larger audience.

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Trust me. I’ve increased my Twitter followers by 300% in the last year alone. How? By tweeting your posts. Sharing articles of interests. Participating in live tweet events. I’m amazed that some of you don’t know this missing group of untapped social connections you should have connected to your blog.

We all write for different reasons, but truthfully we want someone to read our stuff. To like it. To share it. We hope that we can grow a following where people will find value in our words. That’s the real deal, but you can’t even have a Twitter account? It’s FREE folks!

Even before I started truly blogging consistently I had a Twitter account. I never really tweeted, but now I share so many posts daily that I see the value in my Twitter account. If you are one of these people that don’t have a Twitter account, I am asking that you reconsider and get it and link your blog to the Twitter account. You will see an increase in your followers to your blog and to your Twitter account. Sign up here if you don’t have one: Twitter

Rant over!

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Disclaimer: I have no rights to these images. I did a Google search and found them.