I wanted to tell you how I’m selfish and I’m actually good with it. I stumbled across a blog called Forgiving Connects and their #forgivingfridays series and thought this would be a good day to share some lessons learned about being selfish and forgiving myself for thinking it was wrong. Sounds weird, right? Well, let me tell you some more…
Getting to the Selfish Place
One of the things that I hear a lot from my closest friends is that I hold grudges. When we broke down the word ‘grudge’ and truly examined the words definition they were wrong.
grudge (n) a feeling of ill will or resentment: to hold a grudge against a former opponent.
I don’t hold ill will or resentment towards others. When I’m done with a situation, I’m done. I don’t continue to dwell in the negative space and I choose to selfishly protect myself from the negative energy by praying for the person and releasing it. I keep it moving. I’m selfish when it comes to protecting my peace and I had to learn to forgive myself with thinking there’s something wrong with that.
Let me explain, I spent many years allowing people to control the peace in my mind and in my life. I spent years not knowing how to release the negative energy and basically giving up my power by chasing people and relationships that it kept me in a perpetual cycle of bulls*it. I don’t do it anymore. I’m selfish as hell with my time and protecting my peace.
The fact of the matter is that everyone comes into your life for reason or a season. As I’ve grown I truly understand this and get why some things end. I’m thankful for the journey and lessons learned and keep it moving. I will not beg someone to stay in my life or talk to me about whatever is going on and why we find ourselves in this space. This applies to both men and women. Life is too short. We’re grown. We should act accordingly.
If someone or a situation is not feeding my spirit I disengage from the drama. No matter how much it pains me, I won’t allow someone’s feelings to disrupt my life. I have an obligation to make sure that I’m good. I allow myself 72 hours to process it and then I’m done. I’m selfish as hell about my time.
Why are you so selfish?
Because I can be. Because I choose to be. Because I want to be. Because…it really doesn’t matter why. It’s my choice. But, in reality you know that I’m a mom. You know that my son depends on me as he is a minor. He needs me to be a good and functioning mother so I can provide for him. So, why wouldn’t I be selfish about my own mental health? Selfishly loving myself and putting my own mental health first allows me to stay healthy.
That doesn’t mean that things don’t affect me or I don’t get hurt by the actions of others. I do. I’m human. But, what I’ve learned is that I can’t make people do what I would do. I own my feelings. I’m accountable for my actions. I can’t make others do the same thing. I just have to pray for them and let them go. I forgive myself for thinking that I can make people do something better or more or even different. I can’t change anyone but myself.
Prayer and meditation have helped me to get to this point. I had to learn to forgive myself because I truly felt guilty about putting my needs first. Now, isn’t that crazy as hell? It’s true. I literally thought something was wrong with me because those closest to me had me thinking that maybe there was something wrong. But, a couple of months ago I was referred to an app called #selfishbabe by someone in a group that I’m in. Can I tell you that my life changed?
I literally thought something was wrong with me. When I downloaded the app and checked out the website I discovered that a Selfish Babe is a woman that selfishly and authentically loves herself. That’s me. I was home. I was right all along about choosing myself and I needed to learn that there was nothing to forgive myself for choosing me. I was making me and my mental space a priority. I was choosing to selfishly love me with no f*cks given. We all need to do it.
You have one life to live. You can live with a lot of negative thoughts and energy absorbing and stealing you away from your purpose filled life or you can choose to selfishly love yourself. Forgive yourself for ever thinking that it wasn’t possible to be as wonderful as you are. You can be like me…a basket case some days and a bad ass other days.
The choice is yours.