2019 children coparenting divorce family parenting relationships

Stay in My Lane – Part 2

I’m continuing this from last week’s post entitled: Staying In My Lane

Women, I need you to stop letting the drama of your husband and his ex affect you. You are the wife.  It’s not a competition between you and the birth mom. You’re both hoping that the child’s life is a wonderful one that you both are able to grow old and appreciate. However, a man plays a crucial role in that relationship. Does he bad mouth the child’s mother? Does he try to pit you against the ex? Does he give you free reign to parent his child without his input with their mother?

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If you answered yes to any of the above questions…I got news for you sis he’s setting you up to be a part of his chaos. Take a step back and evaluate the situation for what it is. Staying in your lane doesn’t mean that you don’t get to be respected. It means that you recognize that there are situations that happened before you and you want the parents to handle it. Trust me if you pushed back and did no jump all the way in your spouse will continue to parent without you.

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I’ve dated quite a few men with children near or around Munch’s age. One of the things that we’ve discussed is this step parenting thing and roles/expectations of each other. You see, I think many people don’t take the time to discuss this when dating and then they get married and the new wife jumps all in to trying to parent with the mother of the child. Let’s take a minute to discuss why this is wrong. Matter of fact, let me give you three reasons why it’s wrong:

  1. You and the birth mother didn’t lay down and make the child/children. This is the most important thing to remember.
  2. If the mother is active, how does you trying to tell her what to do with little Timmy or Sally make her feel?
  3. It starts to mess with the dynamics that the parents had in play before you walked into the situation.

Listen, I get it . You’re probably the best thing since sliced bread to that man that you married, but relationships take time.  The same time it took for you to meet, date and eventually marry the child’s father. It will take time to bridge a relationship with the child’s birth mother. Should YOU choose to. The thing is that a new woman coming into a family situation already created and dealing with each other needs to tread lightly. You don’t need a battlefield.

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You don’t need their drama to affect your home. By staying in your lane and making them accountable to their child causes you less stress and will allow the situation to follow the natural course. We are not clean-up women. We don’t need to clean up the mess of those that created it. We need to step back and watch these parents create a business arrangement that benefits their child. st

Just love on the children. Support them. Support your husband and stay keeping your house a safe zone. Children need peace if their parents don’t get along and you being an unbiased third party can provide that.

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It’s not easy. I get it. But, I’m a birth mom and trust me when I tell you that I would never try to coparent with someone I didn’t sleep with. I’m going to love and support my husband and his children . I’m not actively dressing and fighting in a war that has nothing to do with me.

Think about it.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page @mskeeinmd.

 

 

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