My friends/family all sent me a text earlier this week saying that my ex-husband updated his relationship status to “In a Relationship”. I think they wondered had I heard. I asked the question “Did you congratulate him?” No was the consistent response. They were just sharing information.
I understood. It was over three years ago that I was telling everyone that my marriage was over. That love no longer lived with us or as my ex-husband said “We are Irreparably Broken”. It was a horrific time. One that broke me. The back and forth fighting and arguing left me broken and in tears. My life was in shambles.
Friends still remember. Many held me as I cried and offered wine and words of comfort. Even if it was to say “I’m here for you.” My friends were pretty great. I told them to not take sides. No matter what he was still my son’s father and I needed them to stay out of it. They agreed. They didn’t unfriend him or curse him out. They didn’t go off on him when it seemed like he was blasting me on social media.
They were friends and for that I’m truly thankful.
When my ex-husband and I were married I never said that I was married to him on Facebook. He sent many requests asking to confirm our relationship so that it could show on our timelines that we were married to each other. I always declined. I had to tell him why.
I explained that I didn’t want that. I told him that the people who mattered knew we were married. I wanted to keep our relationship private. Off social media so to speak. Now, before you get it all twisted and think I was being dismissive of him, I wasn’t. I just wanted our relationship to not be played out on social media. Why? Because everybody on Facebook isn’t praying for the success of your relationship.
I changed my marital status to married though. I made it clear that I was off the market and unavailable for potential suitors. That’s it. There were a few pictures where friends tagged us in it or if he made a special tribute for our anniversary and tagged me in it. For the most part, I kept our relationship private.
When we separated he unfriended me. He didn’t want me to have any access to his page. I respected his decision. I was the one who wanted out. Why would he share his personal page with me anymore. But, he kept all my friends and family on his page.
I in turn hid my relationship status from that point on. I didn’t want my life played out on social media so if men hit on me, I politely declined and kept it moving. That’s how it has been for over 3 years. My relationship status isn’t shown.
Mr. C and I talked about this the other night. I asked him if we ever got married would he tag me on Facebook. He said “No”. He believes that social media ruins relationships. He doesn’t want to engage in that back and forth or create issues in relationships. He explained that it wasn’t like he was ashamed of me but he didn’t like people in his business.
I respected that. I mean I had already told him that if I ever got married again I would just post a picture of my wedding rings with a tag that says “So, this happened”. That’s it and that’s all. No pictures of my husband or the details. I felt that the people who are supposed to know would know and be a part of it. But, part of me felt some kind of way.
I thought about how he could say something cute like “My life – My Wife” and show a silhouette of me in a dress next to him. No facial shots. No tags. Just us. Sort of black and white with an air of mystery. I mean what’s the big deal. I went to sleep thinking about it and actually feeling some kind of way.
The next day I was talking to my aunt and she mentioned how she heard that my ex-husband had changed his relationship status. I said “I heard.” She asked me did I have someone. I said “Yeah, I’m in love with someone.” She said, “Really? Good”. That was it. I realized at that moment that I didn’t need a relationship status to define what I felt and I knew that I didn’t want my relationship to play out on social media. I wanted some level of privacy.
I know you’re probably thinking…you private? Yes, me. Mr. C knows that I blog about him. He’s cool with it. I share the good, bad and everything in between. My writing is how he figures out how I truly feel about a situation. He doesn’t mind. But, I will never share his photo on social media (unless I’m doing a photo shoot for a major publication, LOL). It’s not a big deal to me and I respect his opinion.
My relationship status is hidden as it’s been for more than 3 years. I’m happy. I’m in love and I’m in a good place. I’ve told you dear readers my joy, so in essence I guess the important people already know what’s going on.
Questions…is it important to you to update your relationship status on Facebook? Can you please tell me why?