When it comes to dating and relationships, dysfunctionality can be defined as not operating properly or normal. Additionally, conditioning can be defined as shaping the behavior of an individual.
I believe conditioning and socialization are partners like Batman and Robin. Working together to prevent independent thought.
Provided that, Hans Eysenck, a German psychologist who is best known for his work on intelligence and personality believed in behaviorism. Behaviorism is defined as, psychology focusing on behavior. Denying any independent significance for the mind and assuming that behavior is determined by the environment.
In other words, if you condition the mind by denying (or through an absence of) functionality, dysfunctionality will become a believed norm.
Dysfunctionality in Relationships & Dating
Randy Gunther Ph.D. of Psychology Today states that there are 10 common characteristics or behaviors of a dysfunctional relationship.
- Assignment of Blame
- Threats of exile or abandonment
- Dominance/Submission
- Grudges
- Ownership
- Disloyalty
- Winner or Loser Arguments
- Snapshots versus moving pictures
- Boundary Violations
- Fear of Loss
All things considered, I believe we all have experienced one of the above at some point. I’ve personally been through 10, 2, 5, 4 and 6. As a result, the arguments and disagreements ensued. The prevailing theme was despair and frustration.
Read – Forgiveness or Nah, The Choice is Yours
Finding Dysfunctionality in a Functional Human Being
Let’s go back to conditioning.
If you consistently ran into or chose the same partner each time you dated or entered a relationship, it would feel like a form of conditioning. Especially, if your environment didn’t produce viable options. Consequently, you will continue this behavior because it is what your mind believes is the norm.
This idea has so many applications.
Furthermore, when it comes to dating and relationships, I’ve seen numerous daters and people in relationships repeat the same process. Choosing the same type of individual each time. Under those circumstances, a fully functional human being will appear to be dysfunctional. They don’t know what a functional or truly transparent, emotionally available, relationship-ready individual looks like. Acting on counterproductive impulses based on historical references of past relationships or experiences.
When you are stuck in this mindset, every person you date or enter a relationship with will have to deal with your lack of internal work and healing.
Personal Accounts
In a recent Facebook post, I asked my followers a question:
How many times have you dated someone and tried to find something wrong with them? Or you said…”too good to be true.” What about holding onto baggage from your past and using it gauge the next persons actions?
Have you ever been with a functional person you thought was dysfunctional or too good to be true?
Comment below.
A Thomas Point of View 
I’ve yet to meet a human being who doesn’t have baggage. Sometimes it’s just a cute little carry-on and everything inside is neatly packed but it’s still a bag. 😉
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Thanks commenting. I definitely agree, we all have baggage. However, some baggage needs to be dealt with prior to inviting someone into your life romantically.
It’s not fair to them if they have to deal with our unresolved issues.
Granted, you will always have something going on… We should try to minimize the weight and type of baggage.
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We all may have baggage but I think it’s how all that baggage is handled. I keep telling people what you ignore you accept. It says it’s ok what you’re doing. Also when entering a relationship set your ground rules if it’s something you’re not ok with discus early on.
Same goes for family. I’ve had to discuss bahviour of certain family members when they came to my house. Don’t bring your dyfuntuality in my space.
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Thanks for commenting. I love this part…
“don’t bring your dysfunctionality in my space.” I like this based on your earlier comment about managing baggage. It’s all in how you handle it. However, some people just keep adding bags to the plane until it’s too heavy for takeoff. Those are the people that truly need the most help with management.
The others do a great job of getting rid of what they can control and protect how much weight they allow into their life.
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So true! It’s the constant overweight that’s the problem! Trust me when I say this, I come from a dysfunctional family and my ex’s family was HIGHLY dysfunctional.
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What up, Jay?
Here’s the deal, if you don’t have a loving relationship with yourself, all other relationships will suffer.
People pick the same person just with a different face because of their insecurities, low self-esteem, and fears.
I know because I used to be that guy.
But it took a lot of work to get down to the core of who I was.
And that’s a scared little boy in a grown man’s body.
Thanks
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